Phillip and I didn’t talk about when exactly he’d make the big announcement today. It’s been so hard for me to keep my mouth shut.
After my meeting with the pastor, I’d really like to give Mrs. Mac a piece of my mind and my middle finger and then say something like, There’s no way Pastor John is marrying us, so there. I’d even stick out my tongue for good measure.
But then I remember that I’m an adult.
Darn.
Finally, during dessert, Phillip turns to his dad and says, “Dad, I have some good news.”
His dad says, “Does that mean you finally asked her?”
Mrs. Mac says, “Asked her what?”
Phillip turns to his mom. “I know Dad told you all about us building in Kansas City.”
She nods.
Phillip continues, “The good news is, we offered Jadyn the opportunity to design it, and she’s accepted.”
Mrs. Mac smiles and starts to say something, but Phillip keeps talking, “And there’s more.”
“More?” Mr. Mac says with a confused look.
“A lot more. We’ve decided to start looking for a house in Kansas City. We’ve also decided to get married right away.”
“Why?” Mrs. Mac says. Then, she turns to me with an accusatory look. “Are you pregnant?”
This is the same woman who told me just a few weeks ago that I should get pregnant and make Phillip marry me. Now, she’s pissed.
Phillip says, “She’s not pregnant.” He covers my hand with his. “Although that would be amazing.”
I melt. Phillip just makes me melt. Always.
I went from feeling like a cat with her back all hunched up and readying her claws to a little puddle of mush.
“How soon are we talking? You know, most weddings take fifteen months to plan.”
“I do know that,” I say. Ha! I’ve been secretly planning for a week. I know lots of stuff you don’t. So there. “We’re still working it all out, but we’re shooting for December or January.”
“December or January! That’s only a few months! I have no idea how we’re going to plan a wedding that fast.”
She seems really stressed by this thought, which I think is a bit odd, as she managed to help her son plan a surprise engagement party in less than a week. So, I say, “You don’t have to worry about it. Phillip and I will do all the planning.”
She looks at me, obviously reading my mind and knowing I don’t have a clue. “So, have you set a date? That’s the first thing you need to do.”
“We disagree. We decided to set a time frame. A lot of the places I’ve called are already booked, so we’re not setting a date until we find a place.”
Phillip says, “That sounds reasonable, don’t you think, Mom?”
His mom huffs, “Are you sure you want to rush this? You just got engaged, and you’re wrong. The first place you need to reserve is the church.”
I wanna tell her I’m never wrong, but this will be more satisfying.
What the heck?
Call the president. Give him the launch codes.
It’s time to drop the bomb.
“We’re not getting married at the church,” I say.
“You’re what? Why not? You have to get married in the church.”
Here we go. Here’s where I’m gonna have to spill it. I haven’t told Phillip yet. I’ve sorta been afraid to.
Phillip comes to my rescue. “We thought that, since it will be winter and there will probably be lots of snow, we would have everything in one place. It makes sense, and it’s what we want.”
“Phillip, you have to get married in the church.”
“No, we don’t,” he tells her. “It’s our wedding. We can do whatever we want.”
“Well, we still need to call Pastor John and see when he’s available.”
I grab Phillip’s hand and hold it tightly for strength. “I met with Pastor John. I don’t want him to marry us. We’ll be having someone else do it.”
Phillip turns to me. “You said something about that after you met with him. What’s going on?”
I look at Phillip and then lower my head and look at the kitchen table. I take a deep breath and say, “Pastor John told me that your mom’s concerned about you marrying me, Phillip.”
Phillip’s eyes get big. He angrily faces his mom. “Is that true? You were so excited about us getting engaged. You’ve been pushing us to plan the wedding.”
She sighs. “I was, yes.”
“And, now, you’re not?”
“I’m just concerned, Phillip. We heard about Cancun. How she pushed you away. How she’s never had a serious relationship.”
“I haven’t had a serious relationship either. And you know why that is,” Phillip says sternly.
Phillip is pissed. I like it.
He’s standing up to his mom for me. It makes me love him more, which I didn’t think was possible.
“She went through a lot with her parents’ deaths. I don’t think she’s ever dealt with it. I love you both. I want your marriage to work. That’s why I talked to him.”
“She is me,” I say. “Don’t talk like I’m not here. I did deal with my parents’ deaths, and if anyone knows that, it’s Phillip. He’s always been there for me. And, just for the record, I don’t feel like my parents abandoned me.”
Phillip quickly stands up and glares at his mom and dad. “Did you say that? That her parents abandoned her?”
Phillip’s dad says, “We would never say that.”
“Pastor John suggested it. Suggested that I have abandonment issues. Maybe your mom is right, Phillip. Maybe I’m screwed up, and you shouldn’t marry me, which is fine. Then, I won’t have to deal with all this bullshit.”
I get up.
I want to run. Run away. Run home. Hide under my blanket.
Phillip pulls me into his arms and looks straight into my eyes. “We’re getting married, Princess. Whenever we want, however we want. I don’t care what anyone thinks. If my parents don’t want to be supportive, then we’ll go to Vegas or some beach and get married by ourselves.” He turns to his parents. “Do you want to be part of our wedding?”
“Yes,” his mom says.
“Then, remember that it’s our wedding, our life. We make the decisions. I’m not putting up with this.”
His dad says, “Phillip, calm down. We get it.”
Phillip sits down, pulls me onto his lap, and wipes a few stray tears from my face. I tried to hold them in, but I lost the fight. A few managed to sneak out.
“You still okay with moving up the wedding?”
I kiss his cheek. “Yes.”
I can’t wait to be Phillip’s wife.
I really can’t wait.
His dad says, “So, December or January it is. Your parents got married in January, JJ. That’s kinda cool, huh?”
“I kind of forgot that. You’re right though. It is cool.”
Mr. Mac gets down a picture of my parents’ wedding day from the family room shelf and hands it to me. Mr. Mac is the best man. My dad looks so young and handsome. My mom was a beautiful, beaming bride.
We don’t stay long after dinner. Phillip always tries to protect me, even from his own family. I’m sitting on the couch, leaning on his shoulder, and watching Sunday Night Football. My mind flits back to the picture of my parents’ wedding. I quickly get up, run into the guest bedroom, flip open Mom’s hope chest, and dig out their wedding album.
If I’m going to get married near their anniversary, maybe I could find something—I’m not even sure what—some little detail from their wedding that I could incorporate into mine. A way to honor them and a way to inspire me.
I take the album with me and plop down next to Phillip. We flip through the pages together.
The first time I flip through, all I really notice are their faces. How young and happy and in love they look.
Those faces that I miss so much.
I lose the fight to more tears. They trickle gently down my face. I quickly wipe them away, so Phillip doesn’t notice.
When I flip through the second time, I start to see details. The way mom’s dress fit her perfectly. Her pale pastel flowers.
I turn another page and see the bridesmaids all lined up. Their dresses had fitted black velvet tops with full purple taffeta skirts.
“Phillip, purple was my mom’s favorite color.”
“It’s one of your favorite colors, too,” he says.
My mind is racing. I’m picturing the menu card we saved. The black-and-white damask, the black scroll lettering, the deep purple accents.
I get up, run to the huge stack of bridal magazines stacked in the corner of the dining room, and flip through page after page of pictures until I find it.
I run the picture over to Phillip. “Look at this dress. I thought it would be such a cute bridesmaid dress.” I point to an adorable strapless dress. The ruche across the bustline meets in the center to form a fabric flower, and then it falls into soft pleats from a baby-doll waistline. “It would be perfect to hide Lori’s little bump, and look at the gorgeous, pale ice purple. What do you think?”
“I think the dress is cute. So, are we going with purple?”
“Yes, black, white, and purple. I think Katie was right. Pick a color, pick a few details, and everything will start falling into place.”
When I put the wedding album away, I see our holiday photo album. It’s full of holiday photos from each year, starting when I was a baby.
I look through the photos, and my eyes tear up again. What has being engaged done to me? Why can’t I control my tears anymore?
I see photos of me as a baby. Of Phillip and me visiting Santa. Me bawling. I never liked to visit Santa. He still kinda scares me.
And then I see it. A photo of Phillip and me when we were seven, in front of a fountain in Kansas City. The Country Club Plaza Lights are shining all around us.
My family, Phillip’s family, and sometimes the Diamonds would kick off the holiday season with a trip to shop and see the Plaza Lights.
Phillip and I never liked to shop much. We would spend most of our weekend running back and forth between the pool and our hotel room. We’d swim, order pizza, and watch pay-per-view movies.
I see another photo of Phillip and me in front of the same big fountain. We’re older in this one, about fourteen. I know because that was the last Christmas I was taller than him. He has a big grin on his face and is making bunny ears behind my head. I look irritated. I remember threatening to knock him into the fountain if he didn’t stop poking me and putting ears behind my head.
There are more pictures of all the gorgeous Christmas lights. I always loved seeing the lights. Walking from the hotel to dinner was so pretty. When I was little, I used to think the Plaza Lights were practically magical.
Heck, who am I kidding? I still do.
I run back to the couch and shove the photo album onto Phillip’s lap. “Phillip, look at all of this! Remember this? All those yearly trips?”
“Yeah,” he says. “We didn’t go much in college. We should go this year.”
A crazy idea has been forming in my head. Actually, it’s not crazy; it’s perfect. “Phillip, what would you think about getting married in Kansas City, maybe in early January, while the lights are still up?”
I can tell by Phillip’s face that he likes the idea, but his brain is trying to work out the logistics of it all.
He finally says, “Princess, I think it would be perfect. Just like you.”
I forget exactly what he did then. Ran his hand through my hair and started rubbing my back, I think. But next thing I know, I’m in bed with very little on my body and only one thing on my mind.
