Phillip must have told everyone to stop with the STD jokes because I have yet to get one today. But Danny, bless his heart, is still providing comic relief with his XXX wedding ideas.
Danny: Wearing a ball cap low, hoping not to be recognized while doing recon for you at the XXX store. But it’s hard to be inconspicuous when you stupidly brought a 6’5”, 345 lb. lineman with you.
Me: LOL! I can so picture you two.
Danny: Marcus says he applauds your efforts and hopes he’s invited to the wedding.
Me: Tell him the STD is in the mail!
Danny: He says he wants to go to your wedding but not if he’s gonna get an STD.
Me: I told you the STD story, Danny. Don’t give me any shit.
Danny: I think I’m the ONLY one who hasn’t been giving you shit. I totally would’ve thought the same thing.
Me: That’s why I love you.
Danny: Yes, I know.
Me: Tell Marcus I wanna come shopping with you guys next time.
Danny: Oh my. Will get back to you with some gooood ideas!
Phillip walks into our office and says, “Hey, I have some free time. Let’s talk about the wedding. I just finished my interview with Amy. She asked so many great questions!”
But the texts keep coming.
Marcus: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? So, she wouldn’t get hearing aids.
I can’t help it. I send one back. I know so many blonde jokes.
Me: What’s a blonde’s idea of safe sex? Locking the car door.
Marcus: What’s the mating call of a blonde? I’m so drunk …
Me: What do you say to a blonde who won’t give in? Have another beer.
Marcus: Does that work?
Me: It works on Danny.
Phillip grabs my phone from me and puts it in his desk drawer. “You are so easily distracted.”
“Oh, yeah, the wedding. Well, what do you want? What’s important to you?”
He pulls me onto his lap. “Obviously, the most important part is that, when it’s over, you’ll be my wife.”
He kisses me for a bit.
Who’s distracted now?
I go, “Um …”
He stops kissing me and says, “Wedding, right. I told her I want good food. Good music. Good cake. A fun after-party. A hot bride.”
He starts kissing me again.
Seriously, this is why we never get anything accomplished.
His secretary buzzes him over the intercom at some point and says, “Your appointment is here.”
He stops kissing me. “Dang, I have to go.”
I get my phone out of his drawer and see another text.
Danny: I have two words for you: edible underwear.
