I’m starting to hate these blue-and-white-checkerboard chairs. They’re like mini torture devices. I look down at them and study them a little closer, half-expecting shackles to be hidden under the rolled arms and on the wooden legs.
As if it’s not bad enough that I’m sitting here, Phillip told me on the way in that, if I wasn’t good, I wouldn’t get margaritas after.
Does he think he’s my dad?
I don’t need his permission to get margaritas!
Maybe, today, we need to talk to him about the whole smothering thing. I’m pretty sure margarita-blocking equals smothering.
Can you actually die from lack of alcohol?
Pastor John says, “So, today, we want to talk about the past.”
Phillip butts in, “We’re not going to discuss JJ’s parents.”
I smile at Phillip. My hero.
Maybe he’s not so bad after all.
The pastor replies, “Well, Phillip, you can pretend all you want that it doesn’t affect you, but JJ went through something traumatic. You both did. But that’s not all we need to discuss. Everyone comes to a relationship with a past. Past loves, secrets, sometimes children. They’ve had relationships that were successful and relationships that were failures. We want to make sure you’re both on the same page. How much do you know about each other’s pasts?”
“We know everything! I’ve known him my whole life!” I say.
Phillip smirks at me. “Not everything. I learned a few things I hadn’t known about your past the other weekend.”
Oh, please. He’s not going to bring up that I slept with the bartender, is he? He hasn’t said one single word to me about it, and he’s gonna choose now to talk about it?
Pastor John says, “What did you learn, Phillip?”
I give Phillip my evilest glare, but he doesn’t look at me.
He continues, “I just learned that I hadn’t known everything about her, like I’d thought I did.”
Duh. Like I was gonna tell Phillip about every boy I’d slept with.
Sleeping around was fine for Danny, but I wasn’t really allowed. Like, Phillip and Danny would’ve gotten mad at me. Part of the reason I never brought a guy home with me is, Danny and Phillip would’ve crucified him.
“I don’t know everything about your past either,” I tell Phillip. “We were close, but, like the dreams we talked about, we didn’t share everything with each other. I’m learning new things about you, too.”
“True,” he says.
His eyes get sparkly, and I can tell he’s moved from thinking about my past to thinking about Naughty Dream Week and probably about last night. Phillip doesn’t mind being treated like a dessert. He says I can lick whipped cream off anything I want, anytime I want, which I wanna do again very soon. Like, maybe tonight.
When that’s what you have to look forward to in your future, why would you care about the past?
Phillip turns to Pastor John and says, “I don’t think we should be dwelling on the past. I think we should be focusing on our future.”
And this is why I love that boy.
And I love him even more when we get to his car. He kisses me quickly and deeply, and then he picks me up and sets me on the hood. He’s standing between my legs and leaning his torso tightly into mine. He grabs my legs, wraps them around his waist, and pulls me in closer. A couple of things cross my mind before I unzip his pants. It’s really a good thing the parking lot is dark and deserted, and I’m really glad I wore a dress.
