I feel like I’m out in the wilderness, hunting for my dinner without a gun.
And it’s hopeless that I’ll ever find myself a meal because Phillip won’t let me have a gun. He says women shouldn’t carry guns. And, when I ask if I could have a knife or a sword or a grenade or even a bow and arrow, he just keeps saying no, no, no.
And no is not a word I like to hear.
I adore Phillip, but he really needs to set foot in this century.
Why do I feel this way?
Because we’re looking at houses, and we can’t seem to agree on what to spend. Phillip is conservative and has a strict budget in mind, and nothing I say can change that stubborn mind.
I’ve offered to get money out of my trust, so we can afford something a little nicer. Preferably something in Danny and Lori’s neighborhood. Phillip says no. He doesn’t want me to spend any of my money on the house. I’ve even tried to be creative. I’ve offered a lot of money. I’ve offered little amounts of money. I’ve offered monthly money.
But still, no.
He has his mind made up that we can afford X amount, and there is no discussion about it.
Which, I’m sorry, is bullshit. We’re going to be married. Shouldn’t we be able to discuss this?
Does Phillip really believe that he wears the pants in the family? I thought we were gonna have a pants-free relationship!
This is why couples counseling is bullshit.
Phillip is picking up bad habits there!
Where’s the calm, reasonable Phillip that I know and love?
Where’s the guy who can’t stand to see me pout?
Not in the car with me today apparently because I just tried to bring up the budget subject again, and he shut me down. I even gave him my adorable, irresistible pout, and he ignored it!
I’m lazily rubbing Phillip’s back. He loves when I rub his back after sex. He’s also usually in a pretty damn good mood. Lori says she could ask Danny for anything she wanted after sex, and he’d probably agree to it. She also says that she lets Danny think he wears the pants in the family.
I’m wondering if she might be on to something. My usual tactics aren’t working at all, so maybe I do need a subtler approach.
“Phillip, I was thinking that maybe part of the reason we’re having a hard time finding a house is because we haven’t given the realtor much to go on. All you’ve given her is a price range. Maybe we should talk about what we really want.”
He considers the question, probably trying to gauge its threat level. He must decide we’re still at DEFCON 1 because he says, “You might be right. We haven’t been very helpful. What do I want? I wanna be able to afford it.”
“Yes, that one we already know.” I sigh. Maybe this isn’t going to work.
But he goes on, “I’d also like a modern kitchen with granite countertops. I’d like a room where we can entertain, maybe play pool, watch TV.”
Wow. We might be making progress. I want those things, too!
“I agree with you, Phillip. What else?”
“Having a three-car garage would be nice—you know, in case we decide to get another car.”
“You don’t want to spend any money on a house, and now, you want another car?”
“Not now, but eventually, yes.”
I decide not to start a fight.
I’m so amiable tonight. I don’t know what’s gotten into me.
“Okay, what else?”
“A big backyard and a hot tub for sure. I miss how we used to sit in the hot tub and talk for hours.”
I smile at him, remembering all those talks in college. How we would dream about our futures. “I miss the hot tub, too, and you know how I like the water. I’d love it if we had a big bathtub.” Things are going well, so I decide to push it just a bit. “I’d also love to have some kind of view.”
“We cannot afford to live by Danny. I’m not a professional quarterback, okay?”
“That’s not what I meant, Phillip. I just don’t want a backyard where my view is nothing but a tall wooden fence. That would drive me nuts! I get that you don’t want to spend any money and have any fun.”
“Do you have any idea what they spent on their house? Even with the raise I’m getting, I can’t afford that.”
“Yeah, I do. And the remodel, too. I don’t know why you’re being so stubborn about this. Let’s take what you’re comfortable spending and pay the rest from my trust.”
“I can’t do that. That’s your money, and if something happened to us …”
“Phillip? What are you saying? Are you saying you don’t think we’re gonna work out?”
“Well, if you don’t stop bugging me about this, we might not work out. I have a good job. I don’t need your handouts to buy my wife a house.”
My mouth flops open. I quickly clamp it shut because I think we just got to the root of the problem.
I need to think more about the best way to approach this. I’m pretty sure some sex and a back rub aren’t gonna work in this situation. Besides, I’ve been looking at the listings every day, and there’s nothing for sale worth fighting over.
Might as well let him wear the pants for a little while longer.
Speaking of pants …
He’s not wearing any, so I slide my hand between his legs, kiss his neck, say, “We’ll work out just fine,” and let him take control.
