AERIS
“Did he just—”
“Yeah,” Lila says.
“In front of—”
“Yeah.”
Should I be happy? Mad? Hayes Hollings just told the whole world the truth live on the internet.
Lila tuts. “He really just did that. I didn’t think he had the balls,” she exclaims, impressed.
I swallow to wet my throat, unable to stop staring at the TV screen. Bristol had texted Lila to turn on YouTube and go to the Knights of the Sound Booth’s homepage. Initially, when she sat me down for some casual watching, I was expecting some cat videos at best, but nothing like this.
My stomach recoils as full-blown terror runs up the length of my spine.
“Li, am I dreaming? Slap me.”
Lila shakes her perfectly preened mane. “Aeris, I’m not going to slap you.”
Okay, maybe it’s a good thing she didn’t actually slap me, because that girl has a killer arm on her. I settle for an indoor-appropriate scream and a faceplant into my couch’s throw pillow.
“What do I do?” I mumble against the cushion.
“Do you forgive him?” Lila asks, rubbing my back with a supportive hand.
Do I forgive him? That’s a loaded question. I…think I do. I didn’t ask him to take responsibility for his mistakes, or to embarrass himself in front of the entire world. But he did. He did, and it’s shown me how serious he feels about me. And watching that interview has only reinforced what I’ve known to be true all along—that I’m undeniably in love with Hayes Hollings.
I lift my head up, days’ worth of anger wilting inside of me. “Do you think I’m stupid if I say I do?”
I feel like I’m about to get a smack to the head to knock some sense into me, but a smile only broadens across Lila’s face.
“You’re not. If this is what you want, I fully support you, okay?”
It is what I want. In fact, I’ve never wanted anything more in my entire life.
I’M ALMOST HEADED out the door to Hayes’ place when I find Lila peeking out the blinds.
“Uh, Aeris, I think someone is here to see you,” she mumbles from her stakeout spot next to the window.
Anxiety fills my body up like lighter fluid. “What?”
I go over to join her, mirroring her eyeline, and that’s when Hayes’ six-foot-three body comes into view. He has a five o’clock shadow, which is new, but I don’t hate it. His hair isn’t as messy as the last time I saw him, and the purple circles under his eyes have lightened.
Even after all this time, he still looks as handsome as ever. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that shit, I guess.
“Oh my God!” I scream, ducking down from sight. “What do I do?”
I haven’t seen Hayes in a while, and all those B.H.—Before Hayes—nerves are coming up and are halfway to clawing themselves free.
“Maybe you should talk to him?”
You’re good at talking to people, Aeris. Kind of. Sometimes. Not under pressure, which you are. This is going to be like that time I accidentally called my Chili’s waitress Mommy. Granted, I was thinking about my mom, but the girl was really freaked out and had someone change sections with her.
What would I even say to him? I mean, I know I was going to go over and talk to him, but I thought I’d at least have some more time to prepare.
Hey, Hayes.
No, that’s too casual.
Hello, Mr. Hayes.
Okay, maybe don’t say hi at all.
I watched that interview you did for the whole internet to see and I’m freaking out because that’s the nicest and dumbest thing anyone’s ever done for me and I also really miss you but I’m mad at you but—
THAT’S TOO MUCH.
I should just let him do all the talking. Yeah. That’s a solid plan.
Lila gives me the room, and I wait a few seconds to open the door. When I do, the afternoon breeze laces through my hair and pesters my exposed arms. It’s colder than usual today, and I’m not sure if that’s a bad omen.
We both stare at each other like we’re two strangers who have the wrong house. There is no jumping into arms or a life-changing kiss. There’s just awkward silence, and I wish we could skip to the part where we’re okay again—where all of this is so far back in our rearview that it was like it never happened. But that’s not reality. Reality is messy, and it makes exceptions for no one.
I don’t want to play hard to get. I don’t want to pretend like these days apart haven’t been the worst days of my life. It’s taking every morsel of self-control not to wrap my arms around him—not to give myself over to him, not to inhale that sandalwood scent of his into my bloodstream, not to commit the minty taste of his tongue to memory.
I’ve always felt so safe in his arms, like nothing can hurt me. I want to feel that way again. I want to feel the feather’s edge of love in the way he strokes the back of my head or presses his lips to my forehead.
Those radiant, blue eyes of his send a direct line of heart-stopping fear to my chest.
He tips his weight onto one foot. “Aeris, I’m here to grovel for your forgiveness.”
That’s…straightforward.
“I—”
“No, I’m serious,” he says. “I don’t expect you to forgive me. I’m not here to clear my conscience. I’m here to tell you that I haven’t stopped thinking about you. I don’t know if you saw…well, if you saw the interview. I really, really fucked up. I never wanted to hurt you. But I did, and I’ll be paying for that mistake for the rest of my life. I should’ve fought for you. You deserve the entire world, and I want to be the one to give it to you.”
“Hayes—”
“I’ll get on my knees right now. I’ll stand outside of your house with a boombox every night if I have to. I’ll send you flowers and chocolate and love letters and—’
Emotion garbles my words. “I forgive you.”
And just like that, the war is over.
Hayes stares at me with a fraction of shock wedged in his eyes. “You do?”
“I do.”
I sniffle, the love inside of me amping up to a threshold I didn’t even know was possible. Then sobs ensue, and some timely wailing, and I’m immediately met by Hayes’ arms, which wrap so tightly around me that I think he’s never planning on letting go.
The rubbing on my back intensifies, and I can hear his heart bash as quickly and profusely as mine. “Shh, Aeris. You’re okay.”
By the time I look up at him, I’ve left a sizable puddle on his shirt. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about what my dad said.”
He wipes his thumb over the small smattering of tears on my cheek. “It’s okay. I should’ve never kept this ‘fake relationship’ bullshit from you. You deserved to know. It wasn’t fair to you, and I hate that I hurt you. I’m so, so sorry. I hope you know there’ll never be a part of me that forgives myself for what I put you through.”
I can see in his eyes that he means every word of it. Hell, he’s squeezing my hand so hard that my bones feel like they’re made of glass.
“If I can forgive you, I hope you forgive yourself one day too.”
Hayes whispers into the curve of my neck, his lips a treasure I plan on hoarding. “I’ve never done anything in my twenty-four years of life that made me deserving of a blessing. But you, Aeris Relera, were a blessing in disguise. You make me a better person. You make days worth living again. Living, okay? Before you, I was merely surviving. You saved me.”
“No, Hayes. You’re the one who saved me. You took that broken girl from the bar and slowly put her back together. You taught me what it feels like to be loved—and that’s a lesson I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life.”
“Loving you was the easiest thing I’ve ever done,” he says.
The easiest thing.
I’ve always seen myself as impossible to love. I always believed no one would want to be with a girl who’s too loud or too emotional or too damaged. But Hayes didn’t care about any of my flaws—he didn’t even see them.
“How did you know we were even going to make it?” I murmur.
There’s a lightness to his tone, but it doesn’t give leeway for laughter. “Because I saw you. That night at the bar. I saw the real you—someone who’s understanding, compassionate, loyal. Someone who loves so fiercely that it makes me forget about all the love I lost in the past.”
“Oh, Hayes.”
I stand on my tiptoes and dip my tongue into his mouth. This kiss…it feels different than the ones we’ve shared in the past. There’s a certainty that was never there before, and it’s sweeter than both the tequila and the chocolate that have glazed Hayes’ lips. His arms squeeze around me, and I allow myself to enjoy every second in his embrace, for once not thinking about the next thing. I’m not running anymore—not from Wilder, not from Roden, not from my dad.
When we eventually pull away for air, his pupils are blown wide, and the smile that he hit me with the first time we met glimmers in my love-drunk haze.
“Aeris, will you—”
“If you get down on one knee right now, I’ll knee you in the balls,” I bumble, a shot of panic entering my voice.
I can’t be a wife. I’ve just gotten used to being a girlfriend. Marrying someone is a huge decision—like, fifty percent of first marriages end in divorce. And what if a surprise child comes along before then? That child will have to balance a life between two households, probably develop a ton of mental health issues, and then grow up to become maladjusted and have a deep hatred for their parents.
Hayes chuckles. “I’m not proposing to you.”
I blink about twenty times in the span of three seconds. “You’re not?”
“No, Stacks. I was just asking if you’d let me stay,” he finishes, his tone lifting with amusement, that dimple of his popping out.
Stay. A single word has never sounded so good before.
“Of course you can stay,” I answer. I have no idea for how long, but maybe there’s a reason he didn’t add a time commitment.
The way he holds me, the way we talk, the way we kiss—it all feels so natural. I can’t believe I was depriving myself of this for so long. I guess I do believe in soulmates and love at first sight. Two things that were about as imaginary as a unicorn at one point.
He hugs me to his side, and his lips press the top of my head. His voice is soft, nearly a whisper, but I still hear what he says.
“When I propose to you, I hope you’ll say yes.”
