The water was steadily rolling along, lapping gently at the bank where a rowboat was tied to a hook nailed into a tree stump. It looked pleasant enough. Like a photo that you might find on a postcard at any gas station. But it felt anything but pleasant. Tree limbs were stretching out over the sand like hands desperately reaching for water while jagged boulders peeked their faces out of the water. The water may have been lapping quietly, but under it I heard a hunger.
Levi untied the boat and set his cooler inside. He pulled out two oars and started to row us upstream, trailing cigarette smoke behind us. Water slowly licked at the sides of the boat, a few waves splashing my arms.
“Where does this stream go?”
He paused his rowing. “See those mountains in the distance?” I turned to look at where his hand was pointing behind me. Tall snowcapped mountains were in the far distance, although it was normally hard to see them with all the rain and cloud cover. Today, we got a rare view, although the clouds behind Levi threatened to steal that from us.
“Yeah,” I answered with a nod.
“The water from this stream comes from what flows off those mountains. There’s another river that runs up there too—between it and the mountains we always have a steady current.”
“Where does it go? This stream?”
Levi took a long drag. Cigarette smoke swirled behind him as if it was trying to match the current of the waves. “It goes to the ocean. This stream eventually will connect to a river farther south that will dump into a small bay.” I looked back at the mountains—ragged steeples jutting into the sky that made me wonder if anyone had ever dared to try to reach the top. I am sure someone had—I’d seen enough of those crazy wilderness shows. But these mountains felt wild, like they still held dominance out here. Not mankind.
“The stream is usually filled up in the summer when the snow starts to melt and runs off those mountains,” he added.
“But we get overflow from the river north and any flow of water from a storm on the mountains—right now it’s getting fed by all the rain running off the slopes from the storms we’ve been having.”
“Anyone ever go up there?”
“Wolves do.”
My brows rose. I turned back to look at Levi. His eyes grew hard. He took another drag before his silver eyes sliced past me to the mountain range. “They keep to themselves.
Not a bunch of characters that you’d want to run into.”
“Why not?”
“Because they’d make me look like a puppy,” he half snarled before picking the paddles back up, ending my line of questioning as he rowed us upstream where the current started to grow more violent, almost as if it was angry at our intrusion.
Waves crashed bitterly into the boat, jolting us from one side to the next. I ended up trapping the cooler between my legs so it wouldn’t fall out. Levi didn’t falter. He kept on rowing, oars cutting into the water like it was butter. Levi eventually slowed his rowing and opened the cooler. He pulled out a bottle of beer.
“You swim, Charlie girl?” he asked as he popped open the bottle with the fish-tail opener screwed to the side of the boat.
I looked at the water then back at him. “Yes.”
Levi nodded, almost in relief at the answer. An answer I knew was a mistake. His hands were around my waist and tossing me into the water before I knew what was happening.
Hundreds of cold fingers crawled over my body as the cold undercurrents sucker punched the breath out of me.
Immediately, I scrambled for the surface. My hands fought through the cold until I bolted through the surface with a painful gasp. I clasped the side of the boat wearing a new coat of painful goose bumps.
“Are you insane?!”
His boot pushed me off the edge. A thick twisted brown rope was thrown at me. “Start pulling.”
“I thought you weren’t supposed to kill me!” I called while I frantically grabbed for the rope. “I thought—you’re supposed to be helping!”
“I am.” He took a sip of his beer and leaned back in his seat like he was living in Margaritaville. “The faster you move, the faster we get where we’re going.”
I blinked hard as my legs struggled to tread water.
“Seriously?”
“Yep.”
“Did you do this before? With the others that shifted?”
“Did it before, did it myself. Just start swimming, Charlie.”
He didn’t even open his eyes. He just took another sip of his beer while the sun rolled over his skin.
The shore was close enough that I could make it, and a strange masochistic part of me wanted to take on the challenge. Prove that I wasn’t useless. That I had a fighting chance.
I had grown stronger. Running and chopping wood every morning with Levi had started to tone my body. It was strange. The last time I looked like this, Nate had pinched my hip with a disapproving gaze. Derek just looked at me with approval. It was a strange limbo but I couldn’t deny the feeling of being strong again, being able to run again, and run farther than I thought I could each day.
But even as my strong arms and stronger legs propelled me forward with the rope tied around me, the current that I swam against continued to fight against me. Cold water shattered over my face, knocking the breath out of me, while the twisting waves made kicking a nearly impossible task.
And it was cold. It was as cold as the inner circle of hell.
No matter how much I moved, the freezing water made every muscle and limb in my body feel stiff—like concrete.
A wave rolled me under the surface. I opened my eyes in the dark water, but it was just a soulless gaze looking back at me. In my mind I could hear Nate laughing at me. He was looking at me from the edge of his father’s fancy sailboat, with his not-so-boat shoes on and a bright-teal shirt that made his skin glow. “The water’s so nice, baby, isn’t it?” his voice whispered in the depths of my brain.
Something snapped at the memory, clawed at it even as I tried to claw my way to the surface. My hands found the edge of the boat. I coughed out some water, trying to regain my breath, when something shoved me back into the current.
“You can rest when we get where we’re going.” Levi’s voice was harsh like the stream. He sat back in his seat, finishing off his beer with a long sip. He dug out another one, popping it open with a smirk.
“Which is?!” I called as I swam forward.
“To never-never land, Charlie girl!” he answered, tossing a half-eaten apple at me.
Something in me pushed forward. It felt like maybe it could be the beast, but it could also be this new vein of anger that had continued to dwell in me since the first day at the woodpile. I started to swim again into the current of fists beating me over and over, praying that we would reach a shallow area where I could walk.
Lucky for me, my feet soon found the bottom of the stream. I rejoiced inwardly, mistakenly thinking that walking in shoulder-deep water would be easier. The skin on my waist was chafing raw from the rope rubbing it. I took the rope off, thinking it would be easier to pull the boat with my hands, but the bottom floor was treacherous.
This stream wasn’t just made of water. Rocks, branches, and other objects hit my legs. My feet ached from stepping on sharp stones that I had no real way of seeing. Eventually, I gave up walking and retied the rope around my waist so I could swim again. It was deep enough and my feet couldn’t handle another second walking over the jagged rocks.
However, the minute I started to paddle, a wave knocked into me and forced me under. I was tossed and turned in the cold arms of an angry lover, something too familiar and too terrifying. Something hard and jagged hit my arm.
Something else was pawing at my mind, wanting to come closer, and that was more dangerous than this current.
The coldness around me was starting to freeze my brain; coherent thoughts were suspended in the airless frozen domain of darkness where I tumbled. My hands frantically searched for the surface while my legs kicked with all their might to free me.
When I grabbed hold of the boat, I spat up so much water that I could have filled up four of Levi’s empty beer bottles. My lungs were burning. My eyes blinked the water out of them. My legs were floating behind me. My mind, tired of the fight.
“Either you’re going to let this stream take you, or not.
It’s your choice.”
I coughed more water. “You’re not supposed to kill me.”
Anger was brewing in me. How stupid was I? How idiotic was he? The anger coiled in me, licking its lips while I looked back at the water.
Dark and turning like it was curling its finger at me to come forward. Beckoning me to try again so it could chew me up in the current that made up its jaws. I wasn’t sure if that or the beast starting to anger in my mind was more terrifying at the moment. It was hard to think straight when I was sure that I couldn’t feel my toes anymore.
“If you keep looking at it like that, then it’s going to eat you up and spit you out two miles downstream.”
“What?” I coughed out. My lungs were still burning, still desperate to fill with air.
He was right in front when I looked up. Silver eyes looking at me, the pupils in them growing slightly wider, as if the animal in him wanted to take a closer look. “Either you’re going to swim or not.”
“I’ve been swimming.”
“No, you haven’t.”
I opened my mouth then closed it. His words sank deep within me. Words that opened the door for something that had been clawing at me. “If you can’t trust yourself or her, then you might as well let it take you.”
“She—” I paused and took another deep breath. “Will rip my skin off.”
“Only because she wants to come out. She’s going to be half of you, you want to be afraid of half of yourself all the time?” I didn’t answer because I already knew the answer.
Levi leaned back. His calloused hands pushed me back into the water. “Get going.”
“You’re an asshole.”
“I know.” He got back in his seat and picked up the cigarette he had laid in an ashtray, then eyed me expectantly.
I looked back at the rushing water. All I could hear was the rushing sound of Nate’s whispers slicing at me. I closed my eyes, forcing those away while something else stepped out.
My arms went to work as this thing, this beast in me, crawled carefully forward. It was like she knew how I felt about her—how she terrified me—so she was cautious, yet steadily with me. She wanted to come out, but for now, it felt like this would satisfy her. Helping me—helping us—would be enough.
She was humming through me now. This feeling, this fire in me was distracting me from the cold and putting me in a zone where it was just the sound of my hands cutting through water over and over and over again. A few times a wave would get me and knock me under, but each time I would fight my way back to the surface. I was so tired of drowning. Of letting the current take me without a fight. Of saying yes, all the time, or nodding when I wanted to tear all my hair out.
Another splash hit my face. The hum was buzzing through me; fire was slowly burning through my toes to my fingertips while I found my own current against the raging one charging toward me. I didn’t even feel Levi yanking the rope until he finally yanked me back to the boat.
He pulled me back in, then put his oars back in the water. “The rocks are slick here.”
“Here?”
He nudged his chin toward a shore where green grass was littered with fall leaves. I leaned my head back while the sun raked over my skin.
“Come on.”
I jumped out and helped him pull the boat onto the sandy shore where smooth boulders covered by soft moss made the water look less dangerous than it was. Levi grabbed the cooler while I grabbed a blanket from the bottom of the boat, grateful to Derek, who probably put it there.
“What’s this place?” I asked as we walked toward a big oak tree with what had to be hundreds of initials carved into the trunk. I pulled the blanket around me and reached out to trace the deep grooves carved into it.
“Are you going to come over here and eat?”
Levi set the cooler down in a grassy area.
“This tree?” I walked toward him, the beast in me wanting me to turn back to the tree, but my stomach was more in control of my movements now.
“It’s important to the pack here.”
“How?”
“When there’s a new leader, they swear to the moon to protect the pack. Seal it in blood on that tree. It’s a blood oath,” he answered casually, while opening the cooler that thankfully had more than beer in it. He pulled out tubs of food, some bags of chips, and bottled waters that made my mouth water upon sight.
“A blood oath.” I paused. “What’s that mean?”
“It means you don’t ever—ever—want to break it.
Breaking a blood oath breaks off a piece of your soul.”
Note to self. I looked back at the tree one more time.
A chill ran down my spine at the sight of all the bloody handprints.
Shaking my head, I took a turkey sandwich and tore into it, almost tearing into my hand with each bite. Levi took another sip of his beer then opened up a small container of chicken salad.
“How does this work? The pack?” I asked through a mouthful of chips.
“First off, don’t talk with your mouth full. We may be wolves, but we do have manners.” He took a bite of his chicken salad, careful to swallow before talking again. “We’ve worked hard to stay secret. Over the years, it’s been harder, but we’re very self-sufficient.” He watched me carefully for a moment.
“If I survive, I’ll get to meet more of them?”
Levi shrugged. “Do you want to?”
I looked up at him, finding a small smile tugging on his lips. I bit back a laugh and leaned back. “It’s not that I hate people, unlike some of us,” I teased, narrowing my gaze at him.
He snorted a laugh and took another drag of his cigarette. “Just worry about what’s in front of you.”
I nodded although it was hard to keep my mind from sprinting a mile ahead of where I was.
“I never thought I would make it this long,” I admitted.
“What do you mean?”
I shrugged. “I never thought I could be away from him.
I never really could get a plan together. I always got scared.
Even when it was bad, even when he—” I paused and let my fingers pull the collar of my shirt over to show the little silver scars in the shapes of dots over my collarbone. “Cigarette—it was an accident, like everything else.”
I felt her move inside me, almost quieting. Giving me space while making herself, her support, known.
“What changed?”
“He almost killed me,” I answered quietly. Hot tears burned in the corners of my eyes. “I want to hate him. I want to be normal. I want to meet other people and not worry they’re going to see my scars and ask questions. I hate the fucking questions.”
He pulled out another cigarette. “People praise scars in our world. It’s a sign that you’ve protected something, someone, or yourself. Usually, the wolves with more scars are the ones that are more respected.” He paused, lighting up the cigarette before taking a long puff. “You don’t want to answer someone’s question, then don’t. Your business and not theirs.”
“That easy?” I laughed as a tear slid down my cheek.
He shrugged. “No, but it works.”
I wiped my eyes and pointed back at the tree. “How do you all live out here? How has the government not caught on?”
I took another bite of my sandwich while Levi took a drink from his beer.
“Weres are all over the world. As are vampires and witches—”
“Witches?”
He rolled his eyes. “For the most part, in North America, our kind is usually in the north. We don’t do well in the heat, but there are wolves in South America, Australia, and Africa that have adapted.
“Everyone survives a little differently. Up here, at least in our region, we are pretty self-sustaining. Most packs have their own doctors, farms, livestock, infrastructure—our region gets along well, so we can easily trade with each other. We live off the grid, though some packs live closer to cities or have cities in their borders. But most of the time the concrete jungle and our kind don’t mix well.
“However, we do need things like money and vehicles to function. Other modern things. The pack, or at least this one, owns a few businesses. The revenue enables us to provide for pack members. Lots of wolves work too—usually it’s jobs where it’s easy to hide who they are.”
“But if you own a business, then arguably you’re not totally off the grid?”
“It gets convoluted,” he admitted. “The less humans know, the better.”
“Have they ever stumbled on the pack before?”
“Mhmm.” He took another drag of his cigarette. “It’s one reason that peace between vampires and wolves is important. If a human stumbles onto a pack, it’s usually pretty easy to get a vampire to come up and wipe their memory of us.”
I leaned back and tugged at my wet hair, a million questions racing through my mind. “How—how did you even get here?”
“That tree.” He nudged his chin at the tree with all the initials carved into it. “Legend says the moon called the first of this pack to this land. It says that they walked to this tree where they could feel her calling them. And according to the legend, it was on this tree that they swore to her an oath to protect the land and the ones who lived on it.”
“The moon?”
“We’re called to her, all of us,” he said, his voice dropping lower, almost bitter. I arched a brow at him. “Moon Goddess is kind of a big deal among our people.”
“And you?” His eyes looked like they’d turned a lighter shade of silver, while the pupils of his eyes went a hair wider.
He snapped out of his trance before taking an agitated puff of his cigarette.
“You felt her that night, you tell me.”
There was something scratching at me to push more, but he was evasive, and I had a feeling that he would only be more evasive within this conversation. I made a mental note to prod Derek for more answers.
While this Moon Goddess sounded like some kind of crazy cooked-up nonsense the naturopath at the overpriced health food store was always going on about, I couldn’t deny what had happened to me. I couldn’t deny how I felt that first full moon. A shiver ran down my spine at the thought.
“I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this,” Levi said, snapping me out of my thoughts. “Chances are you’re going to die anyhow.”
“Do you really believe that?”
He scratched his jaw and shrugged. “Wouldn’t be the first time I saw it happen, doubt it will be the last.” He looked back at me, quiet for a moment before he looked back at the stream. “I guess we’ll see.”
