Nate was holding my head in his lap. He took a drag of his cigarette, letting bits of simmering ash sprinkle onto my skin. I hissed through my teeth, little fires biting me in the shape of gray wolves. “Wake up, baby,” he said, taking another drag.
The beast in me lashed out at him. Claws scratched at his face and drew blood as they peeled back flesh, but Nate only laughed harder.
“I always liked it when you used your nails,” he said in a lower voice with a subtle sweetness that was enough to lure anyone into the mouth of his Venus flytrap.
“Charlotte?”
Sweat was beading on my brow when I woke up. I looked around the room. There was something different about it. Something about the details that stood out. In fact, I was absolutely sure that I could see all the tiny grains in the wood lining the ceiling above me.
The knock on the door made me wince. The sound was too loud, like a drum set right next to the bed.
“Charlotte?”
“Yeah?!” I cringed away from my own voice, which sounded shrill, my head pounding from the visual overstimulation.
A rush of air flew into the room. A melody of scents poured in and serenaded my nose. “Are you all right?”
All the layers of scents were shoving their way down my throat. I leaned my head against the cold window but it wasn’t settling my racing heart down. “I don’t know.”
Derek walked over to me. He smelled like a strange coppery iron mix—like blood. “Are you hungry?” he asked.
“How long was I out?” I wasn’t sure if I could stomach anything right now.
“Two days.” I doubted that. It felt like I had barely slept.
The sensory overload was making it hard to hear my own thoughts. There were too many smells in the air. Too much sound. Too many details for my eyes to take in. Everything was too fucking much.
“Come on, you’ll feel better once you walk around.” I also doubted that. I wanted to curl into a ball in my bed, close my eyes, and pray that the pounding in my head would cease.
Derek was rambling off something when we walked into the kitchen. A man with bright-red hair and a face full of freckles across his cheeks set his coffee mug down and smiled at me. “You must be Charlotte?”
I put my hand over my mouth. The coppery smell pouring off him was a sucker punch to the gut. “I—I—”
Somehow, I stumbled outside. At first the cold air felt like it was calming my body down, but when the scent of the rosebushes hit me, it was all over. Whatever had been in my stomach was quickly disposed of on the pungent flowers.
A hand was on my back, then another was easily pulling me backward. “Here.” Derek held out some kind of weed.
It smelled like peppermint. “It will help your stomach, just chew on it. There’s plenty more. It’s just going to take some getting used to.”
I shoved the mint into my mouth. “My head won’t stop spinning,” I told him weakly.
He pushed some of my hair back and looked me over again with a sigh. “You can lie down again, but I really think moving around will be best.”
The mint calmed my stomach, but the beast was running in circles in my mind. So vivid, so close—too damn close—as she took in the earthy scent that I never realized he carried. Pure with a power of its own that wielded authority and demanded attention. I stumbled back and tried to steady myself against the support beam.
She was strong. A strength that scared the shit out of me. Because I wasn’t sure if I had the strength to hold my own if she wanted to lose it. If she wanted to turn us into the monster that had started this whole thing.
Levi stopped at the end of the steps and looked at me.
“How do you feel?”
“Is this normal?” I heaved.
He rolled his eyes with a nod. “Welcome to the world of becoming a werewolf. You should eat something. You’ll feel better.”
“He’s right. He threw up on his father’s shoes the morning scent came to him,” Derek added. Levi narrowed his eyes with a low growl. “Perhaps some toast? Something easy on your stomach?”
“I don’t know if I’ll keep it down.”
“Let’s try?”
I let him help me back inside the house. My body ached worse than it had the last time, and this time I had her running around in my brain like she was on a hamster wheel.
Derek helped me sit then zipped into the kitchen. A hot cup of coffee was set in front of me. The redhead took his seat next to me. “Derek said you like cream and sugar. I’m Elliot,” he said with a soft smile.
“Right . . .” Something in me made me shift away from the new man. Something she snapped at, and when she did, it felt like she was snapping a nerve in my brain. I felt something pulse over me as my chest vibrated; vomit started to crawl back up my throat.
“It will calm,” Levi said, sitting down in his normal seat with a cup of black coffee in hand.
She was watching Elliot. She crept so close that I thought she would walk out of my eyeballs. She wasn’t sure of this new male. I wasn’t sure of anything other than that the coffee smelled like the coffee beans were crying from being roasted for too long. My fingers dug into the table; I needed to hold on to something. I felt like my brain was a small boat in the middle of a storm that was having too much fun tossing the dinky ship around.
“Charlie girl.”
His nickname for me made her still. Made my mind still. I found myself looking into his silver eyes. The animal behind them was more evident than it had been before. He cocked his head and watched me while I watched this thing behind his eyes. I felt something in me sizzle—a current that rolled outward from my chest until it danced right through my fingers.
Levi sighed, as if he was looking at a giant pile of wood that he had to chop alone.
Elliot wiped his mouth with his napkin, then stood up from his chair. “I think I’ll go hunting,” he announced.
Derek set a plate of eggs and some toast in front of me.
“You sure?”
“Yeah, I can run into The Hole later as well, pick up some supplies.”
I eyed the plate. “No bacon?”
Elliot bit back a laugh and pecked Derek on the cheek then zipped out of the house. Levi just laughed under his breath. “Little shit.”
“So, this is normal?” I asked. I slowly cut into the eggs, the smell of them surprisingly stirring my appetite.
“Yap.”
“Is it always this way?”
“Forever and ever,” he replied, eyes going to his crossword puzzle.
Derek’s tongs set some bacon on my plate. He zipped to the kitchen then zipped back to take a seat next to me. “I hope you won’t mind Elliot. He came in last night. Surprised me—”
“It’s fine.” It would be fine. He was Derek’s mate; I had no reason to dislike him. He wasn’t Nate. I just needed to meet him again when I wasn’t puking my brains out.
“Well, you made it.”
The realization still hadn’t hit me. Part of me, a good part, thought I’d drowned with my mother in her car.
I think I was more afraid now of the part of me that had made it out of that water.
“I can’t believe it.”
“Only a few more weeks,” Derek replied, his smile too fucking perfect. I never realized how easy his fangs were to spot. “I think I’m putting my money on you. Eh, Levi?”
Levi looked up from his crossword. “We still have a lot of work to do.”
I swallowed my coffee. “I know.”
He nodded, a tired look in his eyes. “You did well,” he added, this strange gentleness to him that had both the beast and me cocking our heads. He got up from the table and walked to the front door, pausing to look back at us. “Just rest today. You’re useless as much as you’re puking.”
“No shit,” I grumbled.
“How does she feel?” he asked.
My eyes met his and I knew exactly what it was that he was asking. The problem was, I had no idea how to answer him. That thought in itself scared the living shit out of me.
“I don’t know.”
Levi held my gaze with a slow nod. “We have a lot of work to do then.”
• • •
For the next few days I wasn’t useful at all. It took that many days for every sound in the house to stop sounding like a clap of thunder and for the nausea to leave.
But she was still there, running around in my mind every second of the day and night. Levi said she would calm down, but I couldn’t see how. When I had called Yulanda to check in I thought she would leap out of my skull. It was like my excitement to hear from Yulanda had spread to this beast in me, becoming her excitement that was all too real.
Poor Yulanda. I had to lie to her and tell her I was hungover from a late night out. “Honestly, Charlotte, you should get out more! You know, have a good time. Let your hair down!”
“I feel like you should be advocating the opposite?”
She just laughed gently on the other side of the line.
“Absolutely not. You deserve to enjoy your life.”
“Well, I will see what I can do.”
“Have you heard from him?”
I hadn’t heard from Nate, but there was no way for me to. I didn’t have my old phone, and there was no way Nate could find this place, not in the fortress of magic and wolves.
There was something about that fact that didn’t sit well with me. The beast in me was glad, a good part of me was glad, but there also was another part of me that wanted to hear his voice just one last time.
“No. Have you?” I asked.
“No,” she replied. I bit my lip as my mind raced. “Charlotte?
Why? What’s wrong?”
“He sent someone up here for me.”
“What? Why didn’t you say something?”
“I never saw him, someone else did—they saw him at a store where he was asking questions. No one confirmed it . . . e hasn’t sent anyone after you, right?”
“He’d have to get through my husband and brother before they’d be able to touch a hair on my head,” she spat.
“Little fucker—so what are you going to do? Do you need to go somewhere else?”
I shook my head. Like I could go anywhere else. “No, I don’t. I’m safe here. They never found anything and he doesn’t know. We’re hoping that the guy he sent thinks it’s a dead end.”
“If you need to leave again—”
“Yulanda, you’re sure he didn’t know about your brother’s place?” I found myself asking, a boldness taking over me.
She sighed. “I never said a fucking thing, but you know him. He has his connections. It wouldn’t be hard to find out, if he really wanted to, that my brother has property here.
That’s public record.”
I leaned back and rubbed my temples. She was right. It was public record. We were just hoping it was such a crazy idea that he would never think it would be something I’d do.
He must be getting desperate.
“Okay.” I swallowed down my anxiety. There was no use letting that eat me up. “I’ll lay low and let you know if anything else comes up.”
“If you need to run again—”
“I’m done running.” I sucked in a breath, my fist clenching. “I’m tired of running. So damn tired.”
She let out a long sigh. “Then be careful, Charlotte.”
“I will,” I promised.
“Good,” she said, yawning.
“Well, I need to go. A nap is required before the husband decides to grace me with his presence.”
“Fighting again?”
“Hardly.” She laughed. “You’re sure you don’t need money?”
“No,” I said with a shake of my head. Money wasn’t going to do me any good out here. “No, I really am all right. Shirley is wonderful, I’ll probably start looking for a job soon.”
“Well, let me know. We can always ask around for you.
You know, people do so much work on computers now—we could see if someone could hire you remotely?”
“Yeah, actually,” I mused. If I made it, I would need a job. I couldn’t mooch off Levi and Derek. “Look, I’m not in a rush. Please don’t burden yourself.”
“I’ll ask around my friends—see if anyone has anything.
We’ll keep it low key. It would be good for you to have a little extra in case you needed to get out.”
“Thank you.” The extra money would be good, but I wasn’t getting out again. At least, not because of Nate.
“It’s nothing. Now, try to get some rest and keep misbehaving for me?”
“I’ll try.” I laughed.
“Talk soon.” She chuckled before we said our good-byes, but this time when I hung up the phone, I felt the beast in me churn. I certainly didn’t want it to be the last time; it felt like she didn’t either.
“Charlotte!”
I groaned at the sound of Levi’s voice. “Yes?”
“Get out here! There’s wood to chop!”
Levi had me chopping wood as soon as the smell of the rosebushes didn’t have me puking. Derek was right. Being outside, moving around, did make all of it better.
I was lost in my chopping for what felt like hours when something behind a few cords of unchopped logs caught my eye. I paused and looked past one of the stone columns and saw the bushes move as a familiar set of eyes peered at me through them. I arched a brow as they backed out of sight behind the thickness of the limbs.
I gripped the axe and walked around the pile. The beast in me ran forward, my body buzzing with energy as I quietly crept over the grass and to the stone column.
I looked around and only saw a quiet, lonely forest staring back at me. As I licked my lips, my fingers impatiently tapped the axe and the hair on the back of my neck stood. I looked again, until I heard a whistle.
My head snapped around to see a familiar head of white hair and silver eyes smiling at me.
“Liam!” I hissed. I dropped the axe and jogged into the forest, looking over my shoulder for any sign of Derek or Levi.
“I knew that rabbit’s foot was good luck.” He snickered.
“Fucking called it.”
“Levi is going to kill you if he sees you,” I hissed, ducking around a tree to where it felt like we were somewhat out of sight.
He waved me off. “Please, he’d have to catch me first,” he answered with a cheeky smile. “You can totally thank me for the rabbit’s foot later.”
“That was you?”
“Duh, I even got you a fresh one.”
“You’re such a good friend,” I drawled.
His smile widened. “The best. How do you feel?”
I paused as the beast in me crept forward. She cocked her head as a feeling of electricity started to sing in me; it crackled like fireworks through my veins all the way to the tips of my fingers and toes.
Liam cocked his head. “You really are moon-blood, aren’t you?” he asked, a pulse rushing off him as well.
“You are too?” I answered, the breath caught in my throat.
He shrugged. “It’s a family thing I think?”
I licked my lips and let out a long breath, trying to calm myself down. “Sorry, it’s—this time was a lot.”
He nodded. “Yeah, it’s really overwhelming at first. I was sick for days.”
“Real y?!”
“Yeah,” he said with a breathy laugh. “Literally could not keep any food down. It was awful.”
I leaned against a tree as a smile caught my lips. “I thought it was me. I thought I was losing it,” I added. His eyes quickly lost their playfulness. I opened my mouth and closed it quickly, inwardly cursing myself for saying something that would probably have the whole pack thinking that I really was about to go rogue. “I don’t know. Okay? I—it’s a lot. It’s been a lot.”
He gave me a reassuring smile. “It felt like he was everywhere at first. Like I couldn’t just think. Everything was loud. Everything—it was sensory overload. I felt like I couldn’t hear myself think for days.”
“Yeah—there’s a lot of that.” I sighed as my brain thought back to what I had done to the poor rosebushes.
Liam ran his fingers through his hair. “Look, you look pretty damn normal to me. Honestly, I told the guys that if you were going to go rogue that you would show signs after this turn.”
“And your diagnosis, doctor?”
His cheeky smile gleamed at me. “You seem pretty normal to me. Other than you smell weird.”
“What?!”
His smile widened more. “Obviously kidding.” He shrugged. “You’re starting to smell like one of us. Rogues typically smell sick. Like a dying corpse.”
“Doesn’t mean it can’t happen.”
“True,” he agreed. “Would be a huge bummer. I would still be your friend even if you were a rogue pain in my ass.”
“God, I am so lucky.”
“You really are,” he agreed with a laugh. He stepped back and walked to another bush. “By the way, because I am the best, I brought you something.”
I arched a brow. “You got me something?”
He grabbed a basket with a red-and-white checkered cloth over it. “Okay, technically my mom put it together. But I put something in here too. It was obviously my idea.”
“Obviously.” I laughed.
He handed it to me, fingers brushing mine and drawing a blush to my cheeks. I smiled politely.
I tried to push the blush back. As he diverted his gaze, I turned mine to the basket. Carefully, I peeked under the cloth to see clothing folded neatly on top.
“They’re shifters,” he told me. I put the cloth down and looked at him. “They shift with you so you’re not totally naked when you shift from your human to wolf form.”
A flush rolled over me that made me want to puke.
“Thank you. You—you didn’t have to.”
“You’re almost pack. It’s what we do.”
I looked at the clothing again. “How—I mean, I hope no one had to go out of their way?”
“My mom had extra. Dad thought you’d be the same size. If you make it, the witches can make you some more.”
“Tell your mother thank you. That—this is too nice of her.” I paused as a wry laugh escaped my mouth. “I probably won’t even need them.”
His gaze narrowed. “Bul shit.” He huffed and made an eye-roll that I swore had to be a family trait. “I’ll just get more rabbits’ feet.”
I shook my head and tried to stop the smile from tugging at my lips. “Thank you,” I said again. “I better go before Levi notices.”
“Yeah, I don’t feel like dying today,” he mused.
I stepped back and headed toward the pile of wood I had left. “Charlotte!” I heard a whisper cut through the silence of the woods.
Turning around, I paused. Liam rubbed the back of his neck, before backtracking into the woods. “I’m glad you didn’t die.”
This time, I let the smile win. “Thanks for the rabbit’s foot.”
He grinned before jogging backward, disappearing into the thick brush like he hadn’t even been there to begin with.
Sighing, I headed to the axe I had dropped and picked it up. I walked around the woodpile and immediately smelled Levi. He was walking over, pulling on a sweatshirt but barefoot in his jeans. His eyes were darker. Although they always looked darker now. Or maybe it was the beast I could see behind his eyes?
He looked straight at the basket then let out a long breath through his nose. “Where did you find that?”
“The woods,” I answered. Not totally a lie.
His eyes held mine for a moment that had me praying that Liam had made it a good distance from here. He grunted a nod and took out some cigarettes. “Take it to Derek.”
Without question, I headed to the house, wondering how many more rabbits’ feet I would need to make it through the next full moon.
