Eighteen years old
It feels wrong to be eating lunch with Kyle the following day. He takes every chance he gets to move in on me more. It’s felt like a cat and mouse game with him since school started, and with every passing day, his frustration with me grows.
We’re seated with some different friends than he usually sits with, ones that Noah isn’t going to commandeer and want to sit by. Not that it matters. I can still feel the weight of Noah’s glare for the entire lunch though.
We’ve just started lunch when I realize I have a couple of science problems I still need to do before class. I try to make an excuse to go to the library to study, but Kyle somehow guilts me into grabbing my notebook from my locker, so that I can work on it here with him at the lunch table. Not wanting to start a fight with all his friends watching over us, I just nod and accept defeat. I dash to my locker and grab what I need, and then take a much slower walk back to the cafeteria.
Everyone’s chatting about Friday night’s game when I sit down, and I halfheartedly listen as I shovel some of my salad into my mouth so I can finish eating before I start my science problems.
It takes me a couple of bites to realize something’s wrong.
Really wrong.
I start to cough, my throat closing up at rapid speed, making it hard to intake air into my lungs. I stare down at my salad in horror, moving some of the leaves around when I realize that there’s flakes of pecans all over it. Something that definitely wasn’t there when I’d left to go to my locker.
I gasp for breath, and I can feel my face going red.
It takes forever and a day for Kyle to finally realize that something’s wrong.
‘Sky?’ he asks, concerned.
I can’t answer him. My hands are wrapped around my throat and it’s almost impossible to breathe. Unable to keep my balance, I abruptly fall out of my chair to the ground.
“Skylar!’ he calls out frantically.
The world’s turning fuzzy around the edges, and all of a sudden, Noah is hovering over me. His mouth moves, but I can’t hear the words coming out. He screams at someone, and then the world completely fades to black.
There’s an annoying beeping sound in my ears when I come back to consciousness. My eyelids feel like they’ve been glued together, and it takes what feels like forever to finally get them open, revealing a white, sterile, unrecognizable room. I move my arm and feel a sharp splash of pain. Sluggishly, I stare down at the offending limb, finding an I.V. hooked up to it.
A second later, something collapses against me.
‘Sky!’ Daisy says frantically. ‘You’re awake!’
My head feels like there’s a fifty pound weight attached to it, but I finally get it turned so I can look at her. There are dark circles under her eyes, but her smile is bright and relieved.
‘Where am I?’ I ask, my voice coming out in a rasp.
‘You’re at the hospital. You scared us to fucking death.’ She shakes her head and wraps her arms around herself, looking uncharacteristically unsure for perhaps the first time in her life.
The hospital?
I try to recall how I could possibly have gotten here. I remember I was at school…I had run to get an assignment and then I was seated at the table…
My salad! The mysterious pecans!
‘I ate some pecans,’ I say slowly. Daisy nods her head in agreement.
‘Sky, I’m honestly shocked. You always do a much better job of making sure you’re okay to eat something.’
‘I swear there weren’t any before I left…’ I whisper, half to myself, trying to really remember how careful I had been.
I remember asking the lunch lady if there were any pecans in the salad, and have a very clear memory of her saying there weren’t. I also had at least a few bites of it before I left for my locker, so there was no way my allergic reaction wouldn’t have set off at the first bite. My nut allergy was so severe, it was basically instantaneous. So I obviously hadn’t been exposed to them prior to leaving.
But surely someone at the table would have noticed if someone had dropped by and sprinkled some nuts on my salad while I was gone.
The idea of them not noticing, and not saying anything to me…sounds insane.
‘What happened?’ I croak.
‘You were just eating and then…’ She closes her eyes as if in pain. And that’s when I realize how pale my sister looks, her normally perfect hair all over the place, the chaos of it matching the emotions in her eyes. ‘You passed out, and fell from your chair onto the floor… And then you started to have some sort of seizure and…” She shakes her head, her voice trailing off again.
‘Noah had to give you CPR until the medics got there.’
‘Noah gave me CPR?’ I croak out.
She nods and raises a trembling hand to her face to brush some hair out of her eyes. ‘I know you want me to be firmly on the hate train with him after everything he’s done, squirt, but I’m not sure that I can pretend to hate him after he saved my person’s life.’
I’m still reeling with the image of Noah performing mouth-to-mouth on me in front of the whole school in my head, but her words bring me right back.
‘Your person?’ I ask, staring at her a little bit…awestruck.
I’ve always known that my sister loves me. It’s been the two of us through all the crazy things that have happened with our parents, but a part of me, the part of me that always says I’m not good enough, never imagined how important I could be to anyone. Not even my own flesh and blood.
Daisy seems most of the time to be larger than life. The main character of every book you’re going to read. I guess I’d always thought of myself as a small side character in her story, certainly not…her person.
And when Daisy abruptly bursts into tears, I’m even more shocked.
Because Daisy doesn’t cry. Ever.
‘Of course you’re my person. I wouldn’t even know what to do without you,’ she sobs. ‘Don’t you ever, ever scare me like that again.’ Her hands grip onto the hospital bed, jostling it as she makes her point. ‘Promise me,’ she practically growls.
And I mean, it’s a hard thing to promise someone that you’re not going to accidentally eat something you had no knowledge of in the first place…but obviously, I’ll say whatever I have to, if only to wipe the fear off my beautiful strong sister’s face.
‘I promise,’ I murmur softly.
She reaches up to her cheeks and wipes at her tears almost angrily, like they’ve betrayed her or something. My heart hurts seeing her this way. So fragile. So uncertain. This is not the girl who acts like she couldnt give a flying fuck about anything. This is the big sister who would go to the ends of the earth to protect me. To hell itself if need be.
‘How are you feeling though?’ she asks, once she’s gathered her composure.
I try stretching my arms and I wince at how sore my insides feel for some reason, like I’ve thrown up a million times and they’re sore from the effort. I also feel exhausted, like I’ve run a marathon with no training, not that I’d do something like run a marathon though, obviously.
‘Tired,’ I finally answer.
My stomach chooses that moment to growl. ‘And apparently…hungry.’
She looks happy about that.
‘That’s a good sign. The doctor said that was a good sign.” She leaps up from her chair. “I’m going to try to find someone and get you something to eat. Just stay right there.’
Like I have a choice.
Daisy darts out of the room and I settle back against my pillows, staring around at the stark whiteness around me. I think I read somewhere that they did most hospital rooms in white because it was supposed to be a calming experience for a sick person. But I could do with a splash color at the moment.
‘You’re awake,’ says a very relieved voice from the doorway. Noah’s very relieved voice.
I glance towards the sound and find him leaning against the doorway. It’s impossible to miss how exhausted he looks, just like Daisy.
‘I’m up,’ I confirm, feeling shy. The last thing I can remember is him hovering over me, and now knowing that he saved my life….
He takes a few steps into the room, tentative ones.
‘I —’ Noah starts before trailing off and sighing as he looks down, unable to meet my eyes. ‘I thought you were going to die,’ he finally finishes.
I don’t answer him. I’m too busy just staring at him, caught in his web like I always am when he’s around. Like he’s the sun and I’m a solitary planet, caught in his orbit.
‘I thought you were going to die,’ he repeats again, and this time a tremble travels all the way through his body.
‘I’m here,’ I soothe, wishing I could just gather him into my arms. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He turns towards me, and our gazes lock. There’s so much unsaid in his blue depths. Things that I long for him to say, but of course he doesn’t.
He clears his throat and the moment is broken. ‘They’re doing an investigation at the school. There weren’t any pecans in that salad.’
‘So someone put them in there,’ I say the words he’s left unsaid. I should feel shocked, or maybe terrified…but instead, I just feel tired.
He opens his mouth to say something else, but then there’s a knock at the door, and a nervous looking Kyle is standing there.
‘What are you doing here, you piece of shit?’ Noah growls, baring his teeth and taking a step towards him with a clenched fist like he is going to knock him out.
Kyle’s eyes widen at Noah’s ferocity and he holds up both hands in front of him. ‘Whoa, Noah I’m just here to check on your sister. I don’t want to start anything.’
“Oh, we’re going to be starting something alright,’ Noah spits before he lunges forward and tackles Kyle back out into the hallway.
The familiar sound of flesh pounding flesh tells me that they’re exchanging hits. I hear someone yell in the hallway for them to stop as I scramble to sit up to see what’s happening. When I finally manage to do so, I catch a glimpse of them through the doorway, Noah relentless with each punishing punch. Kyle rears back and catches Noah in the eye…a hit I’m sure is going to leave a mark. Before Noah can retaliate, the security guards arrive, pulling the fumbling boys off of each other.
‘Noah! What the hell are you doing!’ I hear Curt bark, even though I can see him from where I’m sitting.
As if Curt’s voice is a pin, and Noah is a balloon, Noah’s body deflates at the sound of his father’s voice.
Kyle’s face is red and pinched as he stands there, his arms still held by a security guard in a beige uniform. He’s telling everyone about how Noah attacked him out of the blue.
My mother appears in the doorway. “What’s going on?” she says sharply, eyeing the scene in front of her before her gaze dips to my bed.
“Skylar! Oh, sweetheart. You’re awake!” she cries, hustling into the room, completely forgetting the scene behind her. Coffee sloshes out of her too full cup as she walks.
I smile at her, but I’m distracted, my gaze captured on Noah. I can’t hear what everyone’s saying, but finally, the security guard lets Noah go. Noah strides away without a look back, ignoring Curt calling out for him. Kyle heads in the opposite direction once he’s released, apparently no longer wanting to check up on me. Not that it bothers me. In fact, I feel relieved that he’s decided to go home instead of extending his hospital visit.
Mom is at my side, holding my hand when Curt walks into the room, his gaze widening when he sees me.
“Skylar! I’m so glad you’re awake.”
“Is everything okay?” I ask, ignoring his relieved remark. “With Noah? Is everything okay with Noah?”
“Everything’s fine,” Curt says defeated. “Noah can handle himself just fine. He doesn’t need you to worry about him. Like he likes to remind me, he doesnt need anyone,” he adds sullenly, brushing his son away like he always does.
Curt misses the magic I see in Noah. And in that moment, I feel bad for him.
I feel bad for them both.
I’m saved from further conversation by the arrival of the doctor and a still harried looking Daisy.
The doctor examines me and decides he wants to keep me in the hospital for just a few more hours for observation, and then I’ll be able to go home. All the while, I stare at the door counting down the seconds until Noah comes to see me again.
But he never returns.
It’s midnight, and I can’t sleep. Considering that’s all I’ve been doing since my pecan incident, my lack of sleeplessness feels warranted.
Daisy wanted to sleep in my room tonight, but I sent her away. I’m not even sure why.
Or maybe I do know.
Maybe it’s because I’m hoping that he’ll come to my room.
Noah.
Everyone else in the house has gone to bed, and as far as I know, he hasn’t even come home from wherever he went after the hospital.
Maybe I imagined it all. Maybe I imagined the pain in his gaze, the worry etched in his features. Maybe I’m trying to read into something that doesn’t actually exist.
But just as the somber thought begins to take root, there’s a soft knock on the door. Immediately, anticipation rushes through me.
‘Come in,’ I whisper, not bothering to ask who it is.
My body knows who it is. I think I could sense him anywhere now.
Sure enough, when the door opens, it’s Noah’s large form slipping into the room. He hovers by the door, not saying anything.
Until finally, the darkness allows me to be brave.
‘Come here,’ I murmur, and without delay, he walks over like he’s been waiting for my invitation. He stands next to the bed and I scoot over, pushing my covers aside wordlessly, an invitation for him to slip in.
He hesitates for a brief second before sliding into bed with me, his face turned towards mine. A deep breath reveals his delicious scent…but also the smell of alcohol. Evidently Noah’s been out drinking.
‘Where have you been?’ I ask.
He shrugs, as if he doesn’t know, or maybe he doesn’t think it really matters. I inhale again, part of me sniffing for the smell of perfume, of Stacy’s perfume to be exact, but there’s no hint of any of that.
‘I’m sorry about what happened,’ he tells me. ‘I didn’t mean to make a scene at the hospital, but when I think about the fact that he was seated right next to you…at the table… and he just… Either he didn’t give a fuck to pay attention or just didn’t care that someone put something in your food. So when I saw his fucking face there at the hospital, looking all fucking concerned, I just lost it. I just… couldn’t take it.’
‘We don’t know that someone put something in my food. It could have been a mistake in the kitchen,’ I say, although neither of us really believes that.
‘I—I don’t think I could survive if something happened to you, little stalker,’ he whispers, his words causing a tingling in my veins.
‘Nothing’s going to happen to me,’ I promise.
He nods, but his hand reaches between us and grabs mine, bringing it to his heart. I can feel the rapid beat of it through his chest, but his features don’t match the anxiety I’m sensing.
‘You were lying there on the ground, and you were so pale. There was even a tinge of blue around your lips.’
‘You saved me,’ I remind him, sensing that he’s caught back in that moment, and needing to get him out of it. ‘Not only that, but you also gave the school lots to talk about,’ I chuckle darkly. “By this time tomorrow, I wouldn’t be surprised if they started to build a statue in honor of your heroics.”
‘Fuck them,’ he says lazily. And I know he really couldn’t care less.
‘Can I sleep in here?’ he asks, and there’s a funny feeling behind my eyes, like I’m about to burst into tears at his question.
It seems like only seconds before he falls asleep, my hand still held tight against his chest, but it takes far longer for me to fall asleep, because like the creep I am, I’m savoring this moment with him, as usual, not sure that I’ll get another one.
And sure enough, after a couple hours of laying there, I fall asleep. And when I wake up…he’s gone.
It’s my first day back at school and I’m trying to play it cool, but I feel just as nervous as I ever do. Is anyone going to comment about what happened?
To my surprise, for the most part, people ignore my presence as I walk down the hall. Including Noah, who’s talking to a group of friends and doesn’t look over as I pass by. When I get into class, Kyle’s sitting there though, and it’s obvious he has no intention of ignoring me. He smiles awkwardly as I sit down.
It’s funny how things can change. I’ve always thought that Kyle was attractive, but right now, there is nothing I deem desirable in him.
‘I’m glad you’re okay,’ he comments lamely, and I shoot him a bland smile, nodding as I get my books and place them on my desk.
‘You’re not mad at me, right?’ he asks.
‘What would I be mad at you for?’ I ask, straightening my pencils.
‘For what happened at the hospital. I didn’t mean to start something with your brother.’
‘He’s not my brother,’ I snap, too quickly.
‘Right… I mean…your stepbrother,’ Kyle says slowly.
I’m screaming at myself for giving too much away, but luckily I’m saved from any further conversation by the teacher starting her lecture, and when class ends, I hustle out, doing my best to get away when usually I would walk with Kyle.
Needing a break, I slip into the bathroom and lock myself in one of the stalls, wondering how life has gotten so complicated since I moved here. The bathroom door opens and I hear familiar voices chatting. It’s Stacy and her friends.
“No one told me she was that allergic. My gosh, I wouldn’t try to kill her,’ she jokes, and her friends titter away.
Of course, I immediately know what she’s talking about.
It was Stacy all along.
The fucking bitch put the pecans in my salad.
Rage that I don’t usually feel courses through me, and I slam open the door, only to be met by Stacy and her friend’s surprised faces.
‘It was you! You did this to me! You could’ve killed me!’ I shout in outrage.
To her credit, Stacy quickly wipes the look of shock from her face at being caught red handed.
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ she has the audacity to say.
“Yes, you do!” I yell. “I heard you, Stacy. Don’t try and deny it.”
Even though her minions shrink behind her, Stacy holds out strong, schooling her features to show absolutely nothing.
Fury boils inside me, that even now, even when she’s been caught, she refuses to acknowledge what she’s done. Refuses to even consider the real repercussions of her action. If Noah hadn’t been there…if the paramedics hadn’t arrived in time…I would no longer be here. Because of her. And she doesn’t even care.
“I knew you were a bitch, Stacy. You’ve had it for me since I came to this school. But I had no idea that you could be this soulless.”
There’s a flash of shame in her green eyes, but all too soon does it disappear, proving to me that my suspicions of her are correct. She really doesn’t care that because of her little prank, someone’s daughter, sister, could have died. That the little joke she played didn’t only hurt me, but also the people I love.
Shaking my head in disgust, I push past her, knocking her shoulder on the way out of the bathroom. Right as I open the door, she yells behind me, ‘It’s not like you died. Drama queen much?’
But to both of our surprises, Noah is standing right outside the door and hears Stacy’s comment perfectly. An icy anger spreads across his features. Noah stalks towards the door.
‘What did you just say?’ he growls pulling Stacy out of the doorway.
She gulps.
‘Nothing, Noah. I was just saying I was glad that your sister didn’t die.’
‘Stepsister,’ he and I both correct in tandem, causing Stacy to give us a curious look.
‘That’s not what you said. You said, ‘it’s not like you died.’ Was it you? Did you put the pecans in her salad? Was this your fucking handiwork? Answer me, Stacy!”
Noah’s furious, and it’s honestly terrifying.
Stacy’s shaking in her boots.
I decide to defuse the situation by answering his question.
‘I overheard her and her friends talking about it. She is the one that did it.’
Stacy shoots me a death glare, but it disappears in an instant when Noah slams his hand against the wall.
‘We’re done, Stacy. You’re done… And I’ll be urging Skylar to report you to Sheriff Boyd as well as the school.’
Stacy’s features immediately transform to panic.
‘Wait, Noah. It was just a little prank. I thought maybe she would break into hives or something. I didn’t know she would get so sick. I promise. I didn’t know,” she cries, her hands clasped in front of her like she’s begging before an altar.
He looks down at her like she’s vermin at his feet.
“Listen closely, Stacy. Don’t ever talk to me again. Don’t look at me. Don’t even come near me. And if I catch you giving Skylar anymore shit, you’ll be sorry.”
“Noah, please,” she stammers through her now flowing tears.
‘Fuck your pleases. You’re done,’ he says coolly before placing his hand on my back and pushing me out of the bathroom right as the bell rings, signaling the next class is about to start.
We leave a sobbing Stacy behind us as we walk down the hallway.
‘You should destroy her,’ Noah tells me seriously, his lips still scrunched with anger.
‘I think you just destroyed her yourself.’
Whereas a second ago, it probably would have felt good to get Stacy into a lot of trouble, at the moment, I still feel like I’m walking on air over how he just defended me.
Noah opens his mouth, like he’s about to say something, but then he closes it and shakes his head, beginning to turn away. ‘Get to class, little stalker,’ he says before striding away.
“Did you mean it?” I call after him and he stops mid-stride.
“Mean what?” he asks without turning around.
“That you’re done with her?”
He pauses for a moment to brush the back of his knuckles on my cheek.
“I’ve been done with her for a long time, Skylar. You’re the one who hasn’t been paying attention. You’re slipping, little stalker,” he finally answers with a wink, before continuing to walk away.
I stand there watching his retreating form, fully knowing that he just took a little bit more of my heart from me, and that I’m powerless to stop him from taking it all.
And I can’t help but wonder…if it’s safe in his hands?
