Eighteen years old
“Where’s Noah?” my sister bellows, storming into the living room like a woman possessed.
“How would I know?” I retort, mimicking her malicious tone since, unintentionally, Daisy just poured salt into the open wound in my heart by shouting out the name of the boy I’ve been trying very hard to forget even exists. “I’m not my brother’s keeper,” I add with a shrug.
“Ah,” she interjects, plopping down on the couch beside me before knocking the book I was reading out of my hands, making it fly to the carpet. “But Noah isn’t our brother, is he?”
“It’s just something people say, Daisy. God, what is up with you? You’re acting extra bitchy today,” I reprimand, getting up from my seat to pick my book off the floor.
“And you’re not?” She frowns. “You’ve never called me a bitch before.”
“And I didn’t call you one now either.” I roll my eyes. “Again, it’s just something people say. And I said you were acting like one, not that you were one.” I let out a frustrated exhale when I realize my outburst might have hurt her. “But you’re right. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I guess I’m in a pretty bitchy mood too.” I sigh. “Now, are you going to tell me why you’re so upset or are we just going to bite each other’s heads off for no apparent reason? Because frankly, I’m really not in the best frame of mind for it.”
Daisy picked one hell of a bad day to get on my nerves. I’m already on edge with what happened last night with Noah. I can’t deal with her PMSing and taking whatever has her up in arms out on me. Although, I guess I’m pretty guilty of doing the same thing to her just now.
Damn it.
“Why?” she counters, pulling me out of my guilty subconscious.
“What?” I ask absentmindedly.
“Why are you in a shitty mood?”
“You first.” I arch a brow.
She stares into my eyes, trying to read something in them. Her gaze is so intense, that I have to turn my face away from her, fearing she’ll see something I’m not ready to divulge yet. Daisy shuffles onto the other side of the couch, pulling her knees up to her chin and hugging her legs to her chest while still facing my rigid form.
“Fine. I’ll tell you. Our stepbrother is a dick.”
“No arguments there,” I mumble, but then go silent in thought, wondering why she would say such a thing.
Daisy and Noah are usually on the same wavelength about…well…everything, really, and I’ve rarely heard them speak ill of each other. My curiosity is naturally piqued, and the urge to know what Noah has done to piss off my carefree sister is more than I can bear. I pretend to flick invisible lint from my knee, keeping my head lowered, waiting for her to spill her heart out and offer up the information without me having to pry it out of her.
“What did he do?” I finally ask when I realize that she needs a bit of prodding to get her going.
I try and play it cool not to let on how desperate I am to know what happened between them. I feel my sister’s scrutinizing gaze on me, the weight of it making it hard to sit still.
Shit.
She knows.
She knows!!!
My mind instantly runs rampant with a myriad of excuses to give her, when she surprises me with her next words.
“Let’s just say he poked his nose into my business, and I didn’t like it.”
My exhale of relief is immediate, giving me the fortitude to finally look at my sister head-on.
“I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry about? You didn’t do anything wrong. Did you?” she snaps.
I feel my cheeks heat up, but I shake my head in denial nonetheless.
“So you have no idea where the cocky prick is?”
Another shake.
“Hmm,” she grumbles, disappointed.
“Why? Why do you want to see him?”
“You know me,” she starts to say, taking her phone out of her back pocket. “Like our dear stepbrother, I hate not having the last word in a fight.”
I nod, even though I’m dying for her to give me more intel than that. But I can’t push Daisy to open up to me. Not where Noah is concerned. I haven’t exactly been very forthcoming with my own experiences with our stepbrother. It would be hypocritical of me to demand that Daisy share with me what happened between them when I’ve been keeping this huge secret from her.
Guilt assaults me yet again of how I’ve kept her in the dark for so long. I don’t really care if no one else knows what has been happening between Noah and me, but keeping it a secret from Daisy feels all sorts of wrong. She’s my best friend. She’s my only friend. I should be able to confide in her. But actually vocalizing my dirty little secret—that I’ve been sleeping with Noah in the dead of night—is not an easy feat to do. And now that he’s ended it, I’m not sure I’ll ever have the courage to come clean. Not to Daisy. Not to anyone. Outing my shame is not exactly something I’m looking forward to doing.
I honestly thought he had feelings for me.
That he felt, whatever this feeling is inside me, with the same intensity that I had.
But no.
He was just having fun.
Those were his words.
His exact words.
And it gutted me.
Because while I’ve been slowly falling deeper and deeper in love with him, he was just passing the time. A wound this deep will take forever and a day to heal. And it would only make things worse if my sister found out, or God forbid, our parents.
“Gotcha!” she yells out, pleased, staring at her phone.
“What? What did you find?” I ask hurriedly, sliding closer to her to catch a glimpse of whatever has grabbed her attention on her phone screen.
“The Monroes are having a Christmas party on their yacht tonight. That’s where our brother is.” She points at her phone.
“Stepbrother,” I correct, staring at the picture that popped up on her social media feed.
Instantly I cringe inwardly when I see Stacy doing a duck face to the camera, while her head is resting on Noah’s shoulder. He’s not looking at the camera, though. Or at her, for that matter. Instead, he’s staring into the horizon, a sea of blue all around them as the sun starts to set. The orange and red hues dipping into the blue abyss behind the couple makes them look that much more ethereal. It’s like a stab to the heart, and all too quickly do I look away, not able to take another second of looking at it.
“Come on. Get up,” my sister orders, patting my knee, suddenly in good spirits. “We’re going to crash that party.”
“Hell no,” I chuckle halfheartedly. “One Monroe party was enough for me, thank you very much.”
“You’re coming and that’s the end of it,” Daisy orders, with steel in her voice, while getting up to her feet.
I swallow dryly, completely unprepared for the disdain in her eyes.
“What did Noah do, Daisy?” I ask, sensing that whatever he did to her is bigger than she’s letting on.
“He just messed with the wrong girl. Let’s leave it at that.”
“But—”
“Enough, Skylar! I don’t want to talk about it. Now get your ass off the couch and follow me.”
I’ve never seen her this angry.
Yes, it’s true that like a struck match to dynamite, Daisy is easy to set off. But after she’s exploded, there has always been a sense of peace afterward. She’s never been one to hold on to grudges. That’s my field of expertise, not hers.
So what gives?
Not wanting to add gasoline to the already blazing fire, I do as she says and stand up, following her upstairs to her room. Daisy doesn’t say a word as she rushes to her closet, pulling out hangers like it’s a fire sale. I know the minute she finds what she wants, since her smile stretches a mile wide on her face.
“Perfect,” she says, eyeing a little black dress that leaves very little to the imagination.
“You’re going to freeze half to death in that thing. It is December, you know?”
“I’m not the one who will be wearing it. You are.”
“Like hell I am,” I stammer, taking a step back.
“Put it on, Sky. That’s an order,” she insists, placing the dress on her bed.
I bite my inner cheek, wanting to tell her that she can’t boss me around like that, but when she steps closer to me, and gently grabs hold of my hands, all my rage vanishes.
All because my sister’s eyes hold a vulnerability in them I’ve never seen before.
Ever.
Daisy has always been a force of nature.
Impenetrable.
To see her like this has a fist squeezing my heart into a vise grip.
“I need you to come to this party with me. I need you, Sky. Can you do this for me?”
Damn it, Noah.
What the hell did you do?
Suddenly, I’m no longer angry at him on my behalf.
He hurt me.
Hurt me deeply.
But like hell I’ll let him hurt my sister.
“Give me the dress,” I tell her, gaining a wide smile from her.
“That’s my girl!”
I’m not sure what my sister has planned, but whatever it is, I’m on board.
Fuck Noah.
He wants to have fun?
Fine.
Let’s see how he likes it when I have a bit of fun too.
Say what you will about the Monroes, but they sure know how to throw a party. Their yacht is decked out in twinkling lights that challenge the gleam of the stars hanging up in the night sky. I had my reservations about stepping on board, but when Daisy promised that the boat would remain docked all throughout the party, I relaxed.
I’ve always known that on the other side of the island lived the wealthiest of its inhabitants, but as I walk around the Monroes’ yacht, I realize that my notion of wealth doesn’t really compare to its reality. I mean, I did get a glimpse of the lavish lifestyle when I went to the Monroes’ party at the beginning of my junior year, but I was probably too nervous and anxious to really take it all in.
I’m sure taking it all in now, though.
This yacht is three times the size of our entire house. With it being three stories high, complete with a helicopter pad and pool, this luxury yacht puts most of the houses inland to shame. A person could probably get lost here and it would take hours before anyone could find them.
I stick close to Daisy as she sashays through the crowd of partygoers, all dressed to the nines with their fancy high-end couture and sparkling jewelry. Suddenly, the idea of crashing such an affluent party has me sick to my stomach. Sensing my unease, Daisy stops one of the various waiters walking about and grabs two champagne flutes for us. The guy doesn’t so much as bat an eye when she hands the glass of alcohol to me.
“Here, drink this. It will loosen you up,” she orders.
I don’t fight her on it or remind my sister that I’m underage and shouldn’t be drinking. Instead, I take the flute out of her hand and down it in one go.
“Good girl.” She smiles, grabbing another flute for me and handing the empty one back to the waiter. “Now, let’s mingle.”
I offer her a curt nod and scamper behind her. Daisy flicks her long blonde hair and struts down the deck. With her head held high, and a confidence that can only be described as enviable, she flashes her bright smile to everyone who stops what they are doing just to look at us.
I’ve always known my sister was beautiful, but tonight there is something different about her. Instead of the short skirts and crop tops she’s a fan of wearing, she’s done a complete one-eighty, looking like one of the old-time actresses you see in those black-and-white movies. She’s the epitome of elegance and grace. In a red dress that probably cost less than fifty dollars, she’s outshining all of the women here that paid a pretty penny for theirs.
“Okay. This is a good spot,” she says when we reach the main deck where most of the guests are situated.
Guests are dancing gleefully with the classic ballroom tune the pianist is playing on his baby grand piano, all of them enjoying the crystal-clear night. I try not to fidget as I scan the area and come up empty-handed at finding either Noah or Stacy. I’m pretty sure if either one of them sees us standing here, they will make a scene and send us packing. I’m really not looking forward to that shit show happening.
“So what’s the plan?” I whisper at my sister, while sipping my champagne, needing the effects of the alcohol to keep me warm.
The dress my sister picked out for me might be gorgeous but it sure isn’t warm. I’m freezing my ass off even with the outdoor heating stands placed all around the deck.
“Daisy?” I ask again when she doesn’t answer, her eyes discreetly scanning the same perimeter I had a second ago.
“The plan is simple, sis. We’re here to show them that we’re not to be trifled with. They can’t fuck with us Ames girls and get away with it.”
“Them?” I arch a brow, confused. “You mean him, right? You mean Noah?”
“I mean all of them. Every last person that made us feel less than. That made us feel like we don’t belong,” she retorts with a sad glimmer in her eyes.
My forehead continues to crease at her puzzling ramblings, but before I’m able to say anything, the bane of my existence finally shows his face. And he’s not alone.
Stacy Monroe stares daggers at me as she walks straight in our direction, an uncharacteristically sullen Noah trailing right behind her.
“Oh, hell no!” she shrieks when she reaches us, her face so red it looks like it’s about to pop at any second. “Are you kidding me? Did you really think you could crash my party and get away with it?”
“Well, hello to you too, Stacy. Nice boat you have here,” my sister retorts, sounding bored. “A little small, don’t you think?”
Stacy’s nostrils flare in contempt, eyeing my sister up and down like she wants to throw her overboard.
“Daisy,” she spits out my sister’s name like it’s a curse. “You’ve had your fun. Now it’s time you leave. Your kind doesn’t belong here.”
“My kind?” Daisy retorts with an eerie smile, taking a step toward the youngest Monroe until they are head-to-head with each other. “And just what do you mean by my kind?”
To her credit, Stacy doesn’t so much as flinch with the way my sister is glowering at her. With my sister having a good few inches on her, Stacy has to crane her neck back to maintain eye contact with Daisy.
“Trash. That’s what I mean by your kind—slutty, filthy trash.”
I clench my fist around my champagne flute, ready to pour what’s left of the bubbly liquid all over the bitch.
“Really? Is that what you meant by that?” My sister laughs sinisterly. “Careful there, Stacy, because from where I’m standing, you’re the one who reeks of filth. Spoiled rotten-to-her-very-core filth.”
Stacy’s expression turns even more thunderous.
“Leave,” she says through gritted teeth. “Leave before I get my daddy’s guards to kick you out.”
“I’d like to see them try,” Daisy deadpans.
I stand there mesmerized at how my sister looks like she is seconds away from murdering Stacy with just her eyes.
“No one is going anywhere,” we hear someone say behind us.
We all turn to the disgruntled voice. Derrick Monroe looks like a million bucks in his tuxedo, even if his face does look like he’s ready to tear the whole boat apart.
“Derrick—” Stacy starts to pout, but he raises his left hand up to stop her from saying anything else.
“Daisy and her sister are my guests. My guests, Stacy. That means you will treat them with the respect and hospitality they deserve.”
“But—”
“Enough!” he growls, his angry green eyes piercing his sister to the spot.
Stacy shifts from one foot to the other, uncomfortable with the way her brother is looking down on her.
“Daddy won’t like this,” she mumbles under her breath, her bottom lip quivering.
“Does it look like I give a fuck?” He cocks a brow.
“Fine. It’s your funeral. Just keep them away from me.”
“Then I suggest you go home. You’ve made enough of a spectacle of yourself for one night anyway.”
Her eyes widen for a split second and then stare back at my sister with such hatred, a cold shiver runs down my spine. When her loathsome glower reaches me too, I stand up straight, not wanting her to see how she affects me.
She lets out a huff and walks away, leaving Derrick and a mute Noah in front of us.
“I didn’t think you’d show,” Derrick exclaims, looking at my sister like she’s hung the moon just for him.
“You asked, so I came,” she replies with a noncommittal shrug.
“Is that all I have to do? Ask to have you coming?” Derrick asks, not hiding how his hungry gaze scrolls down my sister’s body from head to toe.
When Noah chuckles under his breath, it pulls my sister’s attention off of Derrick and onto him.
“Something funny, Noah?” she questions with the same malicious tone she used on Stacy.
But instead of Noah replying to her with equal venom to his voice, he plants a genuine smile to his face instead.
“Not at all, Daisy. You look lovely tonight. Truly.” The flicker of hate in my sister’s eyes dims somewhat. When Noah sees that her icy demeanor is starting to thaw, he adds, “I’m sorry for being such a jackass last night. I didn’t mean it.”
Daisy chews on his apology, not yet satisfied.
“Will it happen again?” she asks, and the way her eyes flicker to me for the briefest of seconds, I have a feeling she’s talking about something else than just Noah being a prick to her.
“I don’t think so. No.” He bows his head and shakes it, shoving his hands into his pants pockets.
“It better not,” she warns.
Noah lifts his head up, his eyes finally landing on me.
“Have fun tonight,” he says despondently before turning his back to us and walking away.
“Do I want to know what that was about?” Derrick asks curiously, pulling Daisy’s chin toward him.
“It’s nothing. Just a little fight between siblings. We’re all good now.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” She smiles happily at him. “Now how about you show us around? I’m dying to see what this big-ass boat looks from the inside.”
“A tour it is.” Derrick chuckles, running his knuckles along my sister’s cheek.
This whole night has been a whirlwind, but it’s the way Daisy melts into his touch that has me gobsmacked.
Holy shit!
My sister is in love!
When did that happen?
“Are you coming?” Daisy asks, looking back over her shoulder at me, her cheeks flushed.
“I think I’ll stay here for a little while longer, then maybe I’ll go home. But you two go on ahead. Have fun.” I wink with a smile that tells her she’s going to have to do some serious explaining to me when she gets home.
Derrick offers the crook of his arm, to which my sister immediately hooks her arm to, and I stand there watching them both walk away, looking like one of those couples you see on the covers of magazines.
I’m still giggling when someone taps me on my shoulder.
“Hi,” a guy I’ve never seen before greets me.
“Hi,” I reply on autopilot.
“Couldn’t help but come on over here to introduce myself. I’m Gael. One of Derrick’s friends from Harvard.”
“I’m Skylar.”
“Hi, Skylar,” he repeats my name like it’s velvet on his tongue.
I stand there not really knowing what to say or do, so instead, I just take another sip of my champagne.
“Nice night, isn’t it?”
“Hmm.” Another sip.
“Shit. I’m so bad at this,” he says, laughing at himself while running his fingers through his curly brown hair.
“Bad at what?”
“Small talk.” He laughs.
“Me too.” I smile, finding his nervousness endearing.
Gael has kind brown eyes, even if he is wearing a tux that’s probably worth more than my mom and Curt make in a month.
“How about we skip all the talking and just dance? Promise I dance better than I do chitchat.”
“You’re doing okay.” I grin.
“Yeah? Because it kind of feels like I’m coming off like a dork. Newsflash, I am one.”
I let out a giggle because he’s being funny as well as sweet.
“That’s okay. I’m one too.”
His brown eyes twinkle as they look at me.
“Not possible.”
“Oh, believe me, it’s very possible.” I laugh. “But if you’re still up for it, I wouldn’t mind a dance.”
“Yeah, I’m up for it,” he exclaims with glee, offering me his hand.
I stare at it for a bit, uncomfortable with holding another boy’s hand that isn’t Noah’s, but then I remember that he’s probably done more than just hold hands with Stacy tonight. Without giving it a second thought, I lace my fingers with Gael’s and let him lead me to the makeshift dance floor.
We start to sway to the sound of the piano playing a rendition of “Blue Moon,” his hands carefully placed on my hips, my hands on his shoulders. He tells me the reason he’s spending Christmas break with the Monroes in Thatcher’s Bay is because his parents decided that an African safari sounded more fun than spending the holidays with their only son. It saddens me that such a sweet guy could have assholes for parents, but he doesn’t seem to be too bothered by it. He asks about my family and my plans for when I graduate high school this year, and I offer the information willingly.
He’s easy to talk to.
There’s no tension or angst between us whatsoever.
It’s just nice.
Innocent almost.
Normal.
My heart squeezes in my chest at how I’ve never had easy or normal before. With Noah, everything felt heightened, like at any moment I would burn to ash. The tension between us was always so thick you could cut it with a knife. It had always been like that between us, and when we crossed that bridge where hate and love collide, the electricity between us just intensified.
There’s no electricity with Gael.
There isn’t even a spark.
Yet in less than the half hour we’ve spent together, he’s made me feel safer in his arms than I ever was with Noah.
“Hey, are you okay? You look sad all of a sudden.”
“Do I?” I mumble.
“Yes. Am I that bad a dancer?”
“No, you’re fine. I’m sorry. I guess I’m not much fun tonight.”
“I wouldn’t say that. I’m having a wonderful time.” He smiles sweetly.
I open my mouth to tell him that my heart is just not into dancing tonight, when I feel a strong pair of hands grip my waist and pull me away from Gael’s grasp.
The hell?!
“Can I help you?” Gael questions a pissed-off-looking Noah.
“Doubt it,” Noah seethes at him, turning his attention to me. “It’s time we went home.”
“I’m not ready to go home,” I snap. “I’m staying right here.”
“Oh no, you’re not.” Noah growls at me.
“If Skylar says she’s not ready to leave, then she’s not.” Gael comes to my defense, but when Noah snaps his sole focus back on Gael, I know it was the wrong thing for him to do.
“Don’t you ever say her name again. Don’t look at her. Don’t touch her. Don’t even think about her.”
The way Noah stares him down, his fists ready to break every bone in Gael’s body, is enough for me to know that if I don’t want a fight to ensue, I best do what Noah says.
“I’m sorry, Gael. My brother is right. It’s getting pretty late. Thank you for the dance, though.”
I ignore how Noah cringes when I call him my brother and take it as my own fuck-you to him. Gael’s perplexed stare bounces off me and Noah, unsure if he should let me leave with him.
Knowing it will infuriate Noah more, I lean in and peck Gael’s cheek.
“Thank you for the dance. I had a great time.”
“Can I call you maybe?” he asks, still sounding unsure.
“No.”
“Yes.” Noah and I say in unison.
Never breaking eye contact from Noah, I ask Gael for his phone and add my digits to it. Once that’s done, I thank him again for the dance and leave, Noah right at my heel. Furious that he’s acting like a total asshole, I speed up my step, almost tripping on my high heel shoes. Noah’s hand immediately grips my arm, preventing me from falling as I walk down the steep ladder to the dock.
“Get off of me!” I shout at him, wiggling my arm.
“There isn’t a chance in hell that’s going to happen. Move,” he growls, his grip on my forearm tightening so I don’t lose my balance and fall into the cold water beneath us.
It’s only when we are both on solid ground again that he lets me go. I speed away from him, needing to put as much distance as I can from the boy who broke my heart.
“Sky?”
“Sky?”
“Sky!” he shouts out, halting my next step.
“What? What? What?!” I shout back furiously, tuning to face him.
“What do you want from me?! What, Sky? Just fucking tell me!” he yells, raising his arms to the heavens before dropping them to his sides again. I maul my lower lip, shifting my weight from one foot to another. “You’re driving me insane, you know that, right?”
“Well, that makes two of us,” I snap back.
He scoffs, but there is no heat behind it.
“What do you want, Sky?” he says, defeated. “Just tell me. ’Cause guessing is too fucking hard.”
“I want the truth.”
“The truth?” he mimics, looking absolutely lost.
“Yes. You once told me that the truth was the only friend I had. Well, that’s what I want. The truth.”
“And what truth is that?” he questions despondently.
“Why did you pull me away from the party?”
His blue eyes darken at the question.
“You know damn well why.”
“No, I don’t. Explain it to me,” I demand.
“Because I couldn’t stand watching every motherfucker there undressing you with their eyes. Is that what you want to hear?”
“It’s a start,” I quip, my heart jackhammering in my chest when he takes a step closer to me.
“Because the minute you came on board, all I could do was look at you.”
Another step.
“Because when that asshole dared to put his hands on you, I wanted to cut them off.”
Another step.
“Because anytime you’re near, you fucking consume me. I can’t think straight. I can’t even breathe right.”
I swallow dryly as he steps right up to me, cupping my face in his hands.
“Because being in the same space as you, and not actually being with you, feels like cruel torture. And these past twenty-four hours without you have been hell. Hell, Sky. My own personal hell.”
“Why? Why does it feel that way? You’re only having fun, remember?” I choke out, licking my dry lips. “Fun shouldn’t hurt like that.”
“No. I guess not. But we both know what does.”
“We do?” I breathe out.
“Fuck, Sky. Why did you have to come into my life?” He shakes his head.
Hurt by the remark, I pull away and start to turn away from him. But Noah isn’t having it. He grabs my wrist, and turns me around, our chests slamming against each other’s.
“Don’t…don’t turn your back on me,” he pleads.
“Why not? Since it’s so easy for you to do it.”
He lets out a frustrated chuckle.
“You think that shit was easy?”
“It sure looked like that to me.”
“Last night was fucking excruciating for me. It fucking killed me to leave your room. Your bed.”
“Why?” I whisper.
“Fuck, Sky. Are you really going to make me say it?”
“Yes.”
He presses his temple to mine and breathes me in.
“You know why.”
“Say it. I want to hear you say it,” I demand, the memory of him ordering me to tell him to take my virginity coming to the forefront of my mind.
There is a small smile that tugs at his lips as if he too is being pulled back to that magical night.
“You always did love to bust my balls,” he jokes lightheartedly.
I grab hold of his shirt, gripping it in my hands.
“Say it,” I whisper, my whole body trembling in anticipation.
“You won’t let it go, will you?”
“No. So say it,” I reply eagerly.
“I love you, Sky,” he whispers with a coy smile. “I’m in love with you. And no matter how hard I try, I can’t stop. It’s a fucking problem.”
“A big problem?” I grin, wrapping my arms around his neck.
“The biggest.”
“So what are you going to do about it?”
“I guess there is only one thing I can do,” he says, running his nose up and down the length of mine.
“And what’s that?”
“Love you. I’ll love you for as long as you let me.”
“And what if I want you to love me forever?” I croak out nervously, tugging at the strands of his hair.
His blue eyes stare into mine, the love he had been so desperately trying to hide all this time right there in his gaze.
“If forever is all I have, then so be it. Forever won’t be long enough for me, though. Not nearly enough.”
“No?” I rasp, falling deeper and deeper.
“No, Sky. I’ll probably love you in this life and the next, and all the ones that will follow. I won’t be able to prevent it. Don’t you see? It’s you, Sky. It’s always been you. It will always be you.”
Happy tears sting the corners of my eyes as I lunge myself fully at him, his arms wrapping themselves tightly around my waist.
“Promise?” I sob, my heart feeling so full it might float off into the night sky.
“Forever, Sky. You’ll have all of my forevers. I promise.”
And like a lovesick fool, I believe him.
If only I hadn’t.
