“It’s about damn time.” Breeze pushes her fries away with one hand and peers up at me with her big blue eyes. “Do you know how long we’ve been sitting here, waiting for your fifteen-minute break?”
“I told you to come over when I was finished with work. You’re the one who insisted on showing up beforehand.” I scowl at my best friend.
Breeze is usually bubbly and cheerful, but today she looks like a war general on a mission. Even her makeup got the memo. Dark lipstick. Dark eyeshadow. Her nails are painted forest green and she’s wearing baggy camo pants along with a crop top and sneakers.
The outfit shouldn’t work, but Breeze has a way of making Goodwill clothes look like a million bucks.
“I’m keeping up with your school’s little gossip app.” She jabs her straw at me and soda plops to the table.
I sigh, snap my rag from the pocket of my uniform, and mop it up immediately. Later, it’ll dry and get sticky. At that point, it’ll be a headache to clean.
Breeze sees she’s making a mess. Her eyes widen in apology and she swings her straw back over the cup.
But she doesn’t stop scolding me.
“Everyone is talking about you and Dutch. When were you going to tell me—your best friend—that you’re dating the guy who literally made your life hell at Redwood?”
My eyes snap guiltily. “I’m not dating him.”
“Explain why there are several—not just one, Cadey, but several pictures of his tongue five-meters deep in your throat.”
I blush.
“According to Jinx,” Breeze continues, “he’s even following you around at school.”
“He’s not.”
“He is. And I quote—‘Cinderella’, which is you,” Breeze gestures to me, “‘has a powerful puppy on her leash’.”
“I think the term was ‘werewolf’,” Serena says, smiling tiredly.
My eyes switch to hers. Earlier, I texted Serena asking if I could stop by the hospital. She begged me to meet her somewhere else instead. ‘I’m tired of smelling Clorox and sickness all the time.’
“No, she said puppy,” Breeze argues.
“Jinx called him a werewolf. Werewolf. Dutch Cross is nothing close to a puppy.”
I groan. “Not you too, Serena.”
“What? I like Jinx.”
“She’s scary.” I plop into the seat beside Breeze and steal a fry from her plate. My best friend is fuming, but she still pushes the plate at me and even sprinkles extra salt, the way I like it.
“She’s entertaining. I don’t have anything better to do while mom is sleeping, so I read everything she posts.”
“Everything?” Breeze gasps.
Serena tugs on her leather jacket. Her fingernails are painted a dark black. As usual, her eyeliner is extra heavy and her lips a blood-red.
“It feels like I’m still at Redwood Prep when I hear the drama.”
My heart flops in my chest. Despite her makeup and her armor of thick leather jacket, a black shirt and black jeans, she looks worn out. I can tell by the slump of her shoulders that the recent events have been hard for her.
Getting expelled is one thing, but she was falsely accused. Not only will she have that stain on her record forever, but Redwood Prep is about to devastate her and her mom with a giant bill.
Everything that’s happened to Serena is unfair. And although it’s okay for me to get beaten with the short end of the stick, I hate seeing people as sweet as Serena getting kicked down too.
“How is your mom doing?” I ask quietly. “Will she get chemo?”
“She’s good. And no, we haven’t raised enough funds yet.” Serena squares her shoulders and forces a smile. “Don’t try to change the subject. We were talking about you and Dutch, remember?”
“Exactly!” Breeze shrieks.
I scrunch my nose. “Can we not?”
“Cadence, open your eyes and smell the damn coffee!”
I sniff her drink. “It smells like iced tea.”
“We talked about this!” Breeze shrieks, smacking her hand on the table and making all the cups and cutlery dance. “We don’t date jerks, remember? We don’t date people who treat us badly. That’s not chic. It’s not romantic. It’s just heartache waiting to happen.”
“I said I’m not dating him,” I mumble.
“So you just waltz around tonguing hot bad boys in dark stairwells for fun? Is that it? Because that’s not the Cadence I know.”
I nab another fry. My stomach’s starting to growl. “Are you going to spend my entire break yelling at me over gossip?”
“It’s not gossip if there are pictures.”
“Like pictures can’t be taken out of context?”
“How else can you explain a photo where Dutch Cross, the very recognizable leader of The Kings, has his hands buried under your skirt?”
I clear my throat. The red flush is spreading from my face to my chest. “Photoshop.”
Serena dunks fries into her milkshake. Laughter shakes her shoulders. “Very plausible.”
“Thank you.”
Breeze huffs. “You’re stuck, Cadey. You’re head over heels and now you’re totally blind to all the red flags.”
“I’m not blind to them, Breeze. I’m just… dealing with a lot. And Dutch is stubborn. Even if I tell him to bug off, he always shows up.”
“And harasses you?” She peers at me. “Does he still harass you?”
I keep quiet, but the truth is I don’t know how to answer that. Dutch helped me find my sister. He bought me shoes when he saw I was limping. He took care of me during lunch. Today, he could have flipped about the ring, but he didn’t. He didn’t even want the money back.
The Old Dutch—the beast who was trying to run me out of Redwood Prep, would never have been so calm and understanding.
“Why aren’t you answering?” Breeze scowls.
“Because I’ve already told you I’m not dating him. Anything I say won’t change your mind.”
Breeze narrows her eyes at me.
I narrow mine back at her.
“Ehem,” Serena raises a hand, “not that I’m Team Dutch or anything, but he wasn’t always a bully to Cadence. There were times he was almost sweet.”
“Name one.”
Serena scrunches her nose, a sign she’s in deep thought. “He upgraded her meal card. She gets the VIP treatment at lunch now. First in line. First choice. All the best food.”
“Food? He’s a nice guy because he gives her food?”
I nudge Breeze in the side. “Food is Serena’s love language.”
“Whatever.” Breeze rubs her forehead. “I’m getting a headache.” Her eyes flash on me. “Just know that if Dutch Cross ever shows up in front of me, I’ll karate chop him in the neck. I don’t care that he and his brothers are hot as hell. Or that his eyes are pretty. Or that he’s talented with a guitar. Or that he’s rich and—”
“Are you bashing Dutch or complimenting him?” I ask, my mouth full of fries.
Breeze gives me a dark look.
I check my watch. “Five minutes left. If you’re done with gossip, I have something I want to tell you both.”
“What?” Breeze leans in.
Serena does too.
I pause for a minute. The urge to tell Breeze my mom is back curls on the edge of my tongue. But that’s way too complicated to explain in five minutes.
So I turn to the second, equally pressing matter.
“Jinx offered me a deal.” I show them the text.
Breeze’s eyes double in size. “Jinx texted you? Personally?”
I nod.
“I didn’t know she did that. I thought she was only on the app.”
“Before she had an app, Jinx was trading secrets with the elite at Redwood,” Serena informs her. “She used to text people personally.”
“Did she ever text you?”
Serena freezes and then stammers, “No, I wasn’t important or rich enough for Jinx to notice me.”
I study her and she avoids my gaze.
“Anyway,” Serena juts her chin at me, “did you make the deal?”
“Not yet, but I’m thinking about it.”
“No way!” Breeze whisper-shouts. “An anonymous person that blasts the secrets of the rich is not someone you want to get involved with. I have a really bad feeling about this, Cadence.”
“She said she has something I want.”
“And?”
My eyes lock on Serena. “I want to ask her for evidence… evidence that you didn’t set the fire.”
Serena’s jaw drops. “What?”
Breeze goes quiet. Her gaze slides from me to Serena.
Blinking rapidly, Serena stammers. “N-no, Cadence. You don’t even know what Jinx wants from you yet. You can’t blindly agree to work for her because of me.”
“Can you ask her what she wants before you agree?” Breeze nervously chews on the side of her thumb. “What if she wants you to sell your virginity or something?”
I flinch. If I ever tell Breeze that I lost my virginity to Dutch Cross, she’d probably explode.
“I don’t think she’d do something like that.”
Breeze’s eyes scour my face. Slowly, she backs off and nods. “Okay. I have your back. Whatever your mission is, if I can help, I will.”
“Wait? You’re letting her consider this?” Serena balks.
“Cadence has been my best friend since grade school. I know her better than anyone. Once she’s set her mind on something, there’s no taking it back.” A frown tilts her lips. “And she’s decided to do this.”
“That’s why I wanted to see you today. To talk about what working with Jinx means,” I admit to Serena.
“You want my permission?”
“I want to make sure that you’re okay with being her target.”
Serena goes pale.
“When I ask for what I want, you’re going to be on Jinx’s radar. All your secrets. Maybe even your mother’s secrets. I don’t know how far she’ll go.”
“But it’s just for evidence, right? It’s just for that night of the fire.”
“You know how powerful Jinx is. You’re only safe if you’re not in her line of sight. If I ask for evidence, she’s going to know you. She’s going to know you’re important to me. She might not stop at just the evidence for the fire.”
Serena swallows hard. Her fingers tremble so much she sticks them under the table.
I drop my gaze to the fries and admit the real reason I’m considering this. “In a week, Redwood Prep is going to sue you for the scholarship’s value.”
“What?” Serena’s eyes rip away from her jeans and find mine. Fear swims in their depths.
The desperation in her gaze is palpable and I find myself fighting back tears of my own. “I’m sorry, Serena.”
“How could they… how could they do that? I didn’t set the fire. I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I know.”
“My mom… if she finds out, she’s going to take all the money we saved up for chemo and she’s going to pay them.” Tears spill down her face. “Cadence, if my mom doesn’t get treatment, she’s going to—”
I bite down hard on my bottom lip, my heart pounding. This is my first time seeing Serena break down.
“Go.” Breeze waves at me.
I give her a helpless look.
“Go hug her.”
Awkwardly, I scoot around to Serena’s side of the table and give her a hug. I didn’t grow up with PDA. The way I show care isn’t through touch. Serena doesn’t seem like the type to appreciate much hugging either. But, to my surprise, she turns and hugs me back as if it’s truly comforting her.
I pat her back, feeling her pain like it’s my own. “I promise you. If Jinx really does have evidence, I’ll do whatever it takes to get my hands on it.”
Serena eases back and wipes at her eyes. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to lose it like that.”
“It’s okay,” Breeze says kindly.
Serena inhales. “I don’t mind Jinx looking into me.”
I arch an eyebrow. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” Serena swallows hard. “She can destroy my entire life. If it means I get to keep my mom alive for one more day, I’ll do it.” She winces. “I’m just sorry that you’re the one who has to pay the price. Is there any way we can switch? I don’t think it’s right for you to suffer when I’m the one who’ll benefit.”
Breeze shakes her head. “Jinx doesn’t seem like the type who’d take a stand-in.”
“Breeze is right.” I hand Serena a napkin and she thanks me with a trembling smile. “And I really don’t mind. I hate feeling helpless. This way, I have a chance at making things right.”
“Thank you so much, Cadence.” Serena squeezes my hand.
“Cooper!” One of the waitresses gestures to me and then points at Frankie.
I look through the kitchen window and see my boss staring me down from behind the grill.
“Your fifteen minutes must be up,” Breeze muses.
“I’ve got to get back to work, guys.” I check my phone and confirm that I’m running five minutes over the fifteen Frankie gave me. He showed a little grace this time. Probably because he saw Serena crying.
“I have to head out too,” Serena says. “I need to check on mom.”
“I’ll take you to the hospital. My mom let me use her truck today.” Breeze swings her key around her middle finger and wiggles her eyebrows.
I wave goodbye to the girls and finish my shift at the diner.
On the bus back home, I check my phone.
I have several messages.
Serena: I don’t know what I did to deserve a friend like you. Thank you so much, Cadence. Even if it doesn’t work out, I’ll never forget what you’ve done for me.
Dutch: You start any fights yet, Brahms?
In spite of myself, I chuckle. Who does he think he is?
There’s one more text.
It’s from Vi.
Viola: Do you know where mom is?
My shoulders stiffen and I swipe through my phone.
Nothing.
Mom hasn’t contacted me and, since I don’t know if she even has a phone—much less a phone number—I can’t contact her either.
Frustration boils in my gut.
I send Vi a text.
I’ll be home soon. We can talk then.
Fifteen minutes later, I open the door to my apartment and Viola springs on me.
“You don’t think that killer guy got her, do you?” My little sister chews on her bottom lip. She’s wearing make-up again today. It looks tasteful rather than overdone. She’s really starting to find what works for her.
“No, I don’t.” Exhaustion drags me down, but I shake it off. “Have you eaten?”
Long lashes batting over her big brown eyes, Viola follows me to the kitchen. “How do you know? What if mom’s in a ditch somewhere? What if they cut her body to pieces, stuffed it in a garbage bag and threw her in a river?”
I’m stone-cold inside. A part of me thinks mom disappearing for real would make our lives easier. I’ve gotten a taste of what life would be like if she wasn’t in it. It was hard, but it wasn’t horrible.
Vi and I survived.
We will keep on surviving—with or without mom.
Vi smacks my arm. “Cadey, are you even listening to me?”
“Yes, I am,” I say wearily, pulling out the bread. At least mom didn’t finish this loaf during her ridiculous attempt at breakfast. There’s just enough for Vi to have a full sandwich. I can eat the last slice of bread along with a couple pieces of sausage.
“Do you even care?” She accuses.
“Of course I care.” Or at least, I want to. But my heart is calloused. I have to be numb. If not, I’ll break down and cry every time life punches me in the face. Which it does. Often. If I let myself feel all the time, it’ll truly be over. I won’t have the strength to go another day.
Viola’s still watching me with angry eyes.
“What?” I ask, spreading mustard on the bread.
“You’re not keeping any more secrets from me, are you?”
“No.”
“I can’t even trust you when you say that.” She scoffs. “You lied about mom being dead. You let me believe what you wanted me to believe. I was completely in the dark.”
Vi’s in a mood, but I’m too tired to keep my frustration at bay. “What did you want me to do, Vi? Did you want me to drag you into the room while mom laid out this stupid plan and convinced me it was for the best? Did you want me to bring you along while she showed me the corpse I was supposed to report to the police? Did you want to lie to the authorities with me? Did you want to burn someone else’s mother? Someone else’s sister? Someone else’s friend? Did you want to live with the guilt that brings? Did you want to let that part of yourself that still believes there’s good in the world die all together?”
Her eyelashes flutter. Her eyes fill with tears. “I wanted you to trust me! I wanted you to share your freaking burdens and stop acting like you’re the only one who can sacrifice herself!”
“I didn’t want you to worry—”
“I’m not a child!” She flings the words at me. Hot enough to scald. “And you’re not my mom.”
Usually, I’m indestructible.
But my emotional defenses are down. The words hit their target.
“I’m going to bed.” I shove the plate at her. “Eat. Don’t go to bed hungry.”
“Cadey…”
I saunter to my bedroom and shut the door.
Mom might sneak back in tonight and I want her to see me. I want to look her in the eyes and ask why she did that. I want to ask why she didn’t just abandon us in an orphanage to fend for ourselves rather than dragging us into this hellish world with her. I want to ask why she even bothered having kids in the first place.
My mattress creaks when I sink my weight into it. I curl my body forward, literally incapable of lifting my head. There’s a big weight on my chest. It’s too painful. Too much.
My eyes slide to the keyboard in the corner. It’s so worthless that mom didn’t bother trying to pawn it. Easing off the bed, I stumble to the ground, plug in my headphones and let my fingers stroke the keys.
Silence shudders and dies.
Music fills my ears.
My own creation. My own twisted beast. I form it from nothing but my own pain and torture. Dark, pulsing notes. Lashing chords. A song that’s all about bleeding and destruction. It twines with my heart and gives me energy when I had none before.
I play until my fingers start throbbing.
Then I stop.
Spent.
Limp as a dried rag.
My legs have fallen asleep, so I can’t even stand. Undeterred, I crawl into bed and pull my phone off the dresser.
It’s time.
I text Jinx.
I’m in. Tell me what you want me to do.
Jinx: Trade a secret for a secret. In the deepest caverns of Redwood Prep, the royals reveal their secrets. What is Jarod Cross hiding in the dark? Inquiring minds want to know. But watch your step, Cadence. Those who dig holes to bury their secrets won’t like those graves disturbed.
