I’m not much of a songwriter, but being with Cadey has lyrics gushing out of me like blood from a head wound.
Finn and Zane come later and catch me working out a melody with my guitar. I acknowledge my brothers with a chin dip, but I keep playing. I don’t want to lose this thread.
They understand and say nothing until the last note rings through our studio garage.
“Sounds good,” Finn says.
“A little more romantic than our usual sound though.” Zane opens the mini-fridge. I see my twin hesitate as he reaches for his usual beer and then, in a surprising show of restraint, he goes for a soda instead.
“I’m thinking of a rhythmic bass line.” I meet Finn’s eyes. “Less hardcore rock. Heavier on the funk.”
“Don’t think a funky bass line will save you. I know a love song when I hear one.” Zane takes a swig of the soda.
Finn squints at my guitar like an old man who forgot his glasses. “Did you get new strings?”
“No.”
Zane bounds over and peers closer at the strings. “C-A-D-E-Y… Dutch, is that a heart on your E string?”
“Mind your own business.” I shove him back.
Zane shakes his head. “He’s gone, Finn. Totally gone.”
I rest my guitar in my lap and balance my elbows over it. “How did your conversation with Miss Jamieson go? Did she forgive you for throwing her over your shoulder?”
As expected, Zane’s cocky laughter dies a sudden death.
Out of my two brothers, he’s the last one who should be making fun of me.
Finn turns to him, eyes inquiring. “Jinx didn’t rat you out.”
“That’s because I traded a secret with her as soon as I was done with our dear step-sister.”
My eyebrows hike. This is the first time I’ve heard Zane refer to Miss Jamieson as our step-sister without descending into a drunken stupor or pounding his heart out on the drums.
“What secret?”
“Doesn’t matter.”
I set the guitar on the stand and stretch my back. I don’t feel the strain while I’m playing but, as soon as the music ends, it’s like the world chomps at the bit to remind me I’m human.
“I know you guys have been worried about me,” Zane adds soberly. He scrapes the heel of his hand against his cheek. “I spazzed out trying to force myself to do what I thought I was supposed to.”
“And?” I ask, sensing he’s come to some sort of revelation.
“After today, I’ve decided to do things my way. Even if it’s complicated as hell.”
Finn watches him quietly.
I do too.
Zane isn’t asking for our permission and I can tell that he’s made up his mind. However, I offer my encouragement anyway.
“Screw what people think,” I assure him. “Whatever your plan is, we’ve got your back.”
Finn smirks. “As long as you don’t paint her name on your drums.”
I pretend to throw a punch.
Zane slaps me on the back. “I heard about Brahms storming Harris’s office. You sure you can handle being married to a stubborn girl like that? She won’t let you win any arguments.”
“We’ve got our own type of conflict resolution.” I smirk crookedly.
Finn says nothing, but his eyes glint with understanding.
“You’re not fooling anyone, you filthy animal,” Zane jokes.
Finn picks up his bass guitar and slings the strap over his neck. “Play that melody again and let me see if I can find the rhythm you were thinking of.”
Zane jumps behind the drums.
I oblige my brothers by grabbing my guitar, but before I play a note, I warn them, “I’m expecting a call from Cadey tonight. The minute this phone rings, practice is over.”
“Whipped!”
“Don’t bring your married vibes in here!”
I laugh at their protests, bring my phone close so I can see when it buzzes, and start working out the new song.
Thirty minutes ticks by.
And then an hour.
And then two hours.
At first, I don’t notice.
Since meeting Cadey, my relationship with music has been changing. I find myself getting lost in it more often than before.
Eventually, I start to notice how late it’s getting.
“Why the hell hasn’t she called?” I mumble, swiping my phone roughly and checking my messages.
Nothing.
“Zane, can you text me?”
Behind his drum set, my brother taps on his phone.
At once, I get a message from my twin.
It’s the middle finger emoji.
“It’s working,” I growl.
“Maybe she’s sleeping,” Finn says.
“She promised she’d call,” I growl. “She should be done talking to her brother by now.”
“Don’t be clingy, bro. It’s not a good look,” Zane warns.
“What if she’s hurt—”
“She’s probably fine,” Finn says, giving me a look.
“You’re going to be married. Do you want to smother her before you’ve even said ‘I do’? What if she decides she doesn’t want to be with someone who can’t give her a break?”
“We’re in dangerous times.”
“There will always be danger, bro. If this is how you’re acting before marriage, imagine how much worse you’ll be when you move in together?”
I glance at Finn.
My brother shrugs. “This might be a test. Maybe she wants to see if you go ballistic if she doesn’t keep her promise.”
“Ballistic? Why would I go ballistic?”
Finn shrugs again.
I tap my phone against my leg. I’m not angry. I’m just worried. Cadey’s in dad’s sight and, since her mom set me up, her mom is in dad’s pocket too. Their entire family has a big red target on their back because of me.
“Cool off, Dutch.” Finn sets his guitar away and pins me with his quiet gaze. “If she needs you, she’ll call.”
It goes against my grain, but I take my brother’s advice and set my phone down.
Cadey might still be with her brother, or she might be with Vi, or she might even be with her other friends celebrating Serena’s return to Redwood.
I don’t want to keep her from having her own life. And I don’t want to police every free moment she has.
Space. I can do that.
But as the night wears on and then morning creeps into my room, I can’t shake the feeling that something’s off.
My phone has a ton of new updates—as usual.
But none of them are from my fiancée.
Don’t panic yet, Dutch. You can interrogate her at school.
I leave the house first, rushing to Redwood Prep before the sun is up properly. Cadey doesn’t have work service anymore, but I wouldn’t put it past her to stubbornly continue the job just because I’m the one who arranged the pardon for her.
The sun creeps over the tree tops.
My phone tags the hours as they slip past.
More students arrive.
They all watch me, prowling and pacing the front steps of Redwood like an agitated beast waiting for its mate.
No Cadey.
I send her another text.
Then a call.
Screw space.
Why isn’t she at Redwood? Is she sick? Did she get kidnapped?
A little after the first morning bell chimes, Zane and Finn walk toward me. They’re not alone.
“Serena,” I say, nodding at the goth chick with the ebony hair and bright red lipstick. With the leather jacket, she looks like she’ll either climb on someone’s bike or rob someone.
Four months ago, I didn’t give a damn about Serena Parker. I didn’t even know her name. But she’s Cadey’s friend and so she’ll have a place at my table.
I stalk toward her so intently that she drops back a step. Hauling to a stop in front of her, I growl, “Have you heard from Cadence?”
“No. Why? Isn’t she here?”
My jaw works.
Finn motions to Serena and juts his chin at the doorway.
She scowls at the instruction but, after taking a look at my face, decides to make herself scarce.
“You think she’s lying?” I bark at my brothers.
“We can’t do anything if she is.”
“Of course we can.”
“What do you want us to do? Torture her into telling us the truth?” Zane snorts.
I consider it.
Finn gives me a dark look. “Dutch.”
I run a hand through my hair. Something isn’t right. I can feel it in my chest. All the way down to my bones.
“She still hasn’t reached out to you?” Zane asks.
“She said she’d call.” My ribs feel like someone’s grabbing them, one-by-one, and snapping them like twigs. “She hasn’t called yet. She’s not at school. She’s not answering my texts.”
“I’ll call Vi,” Zane says. “Maybe Cadey’s sick or something.”
Deep in my chest, I know that’s not the case.
But there’s no freaking law against hoping, is there?
I wait while my brother makes the call.
Zane twirls a drumstick in one hand, listening. Finally, he shakes his head. “Vi’s probably in class. She’s not picking up.”
“Dammit.” I surge down the stairs.
Finn grabs my shoulder.
I stop mid-step and glare a hole through his face. “Let me go.”
“You could be over-reacting.”
“If you’re right, I lose nothing. But if you’re wrong…” I stare my brother in the eyes. “I lose everything.”
His fingers slowly drift off my shoulder.
I race down the stairs, jump into my car and speed across town to the south side. Cadey’s old high school. The first thing I see when I slow my car down are the chains. Chains so rusted and sharp they looked like they were guarding a prison.
When I get inside, I have to stop at a metal detector. I’m seething with impatience. Every security check slows me down.
What the hell is this place?
I hate Redwood Prep, but at least we don’t have to freaking strip ourselves of metal every morning before we go in.
“Is that Dutch Cross?”
“No way!”
“Is that the guy from the band…”
“He’s so handsome!”
“Am I dreaming right now?”
I hear their whispers, but I’m on a mission.
Spotting a kid who looks around Vi’s age, I stop her with a hand. “Viola Cooper. Do you know her?”
The kid starts shaking like I asked for her lunch money.
“Answer me,” I hiss.
“Y-yes.”
“Take me to her.”
She turns, drawing the eye of everyone in the hallway as we dip and weave past busted lockers, weathered school posters and classrooms that smell like hopelessness.
I grit my teeth at the thought of Cadey spending day after day here. She deserves only the finest things—bright lights, diamonds, utter adoration.
“In there.” My guide points into a cramped classroom filled with so many students I wonder if it’s legal to keep that many people in one room. On a weathered chair all the way at the back—similar to where Cadey likes to sit at Redwood—is Vi.
I stalk forward, ready to throw the door open and interrupt the class.
“You can’t do that,” my guide says, snatching my wrist.
I glare at her.
She drops her hand. “Wait a sec.”
The kid creeps to the window and waves to get Vi’s attention. She then points to me and Viola’s eyes bug.
“Miss Hendricks,” Vi raises her hand, “can I use the bathroom?”
“Make it quick.”
“Thank you.” I slip my guide a hundred dollar bill.
She gives me a big smile and hurries off.
Vi shuffles out of the classroom and motions for me to follow her.
I grit my teeth. I want answers now.
But I keep my composure and trail the thirteen-year-old to a quiet hallway.
She tilts her head up to me, eyes so much like Cadey’s that it makes my heart ache. “I know why you’re here. But I don’t have any answers.”
The foreboding feeling gets stronger. “What do you know?”
“I woke up this morning. There was breakfast on the stove and a note telling me she loved me and to behave when I get to Shanae’s house. I was confused, so I went to Cadey’s room and it was cleared out.”
Pain strikes my heart like the lash of a thorny whip.
My heart picks up speed.
“Did you call her?”
“Right away. I asked where she was and what was going on. Cadey didn’t say anything to me at all. She just told me that she’d talked to Shanae’s mom and I’d be staying at Shanae’s house for a while.” Vi chews on her bottom lip. “She said not to tell anyone mom was alive and…”
“And?”
Vi chews on her bright pink bottom lip. “Cadey also said not to tell you anything.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, trying hard not to punch a hole through the cheap plastered walls. This school already looks beaten-down enough.
“You disobeyed her,” I note.
“Because I know you love my sister and I know the only time she’s ever loosened up and depended on someone else was with you. She’s not used to being the weak one, but Cadey deserves to have that. She deserves a place where she can be fragile and taken care of.”
My heart clamors to my throat. I step closer to Cadey’s little sister. “If she calls you again, let me know.”
Vi doesn’t inch back. She knows me well enough to know that I’m upset, but I wouldn’t hurt her. I wouldn’t hurt any of the people Cadey loves.
Nodding, she says, “I will.”
I let out a deep breath and muster up a slightly less angry expression. “Go back to class now. If you have any problems, tell your principal to call me.”
“Trust me. I won’t have any problems. In fact, I think a lot of kids will be at my lunch table today.” Vi looks up with a starry-eyed gaze.
I have no idea what she means by that, but she seems happy.
Gesturing for her to return to class, I head in the opposite direction.
My phone is out and I’m dialing Cadey’s number again when someone small and blonde steps into my path. I glance up, teeth gritted, muscles taut, ready to snap at the obstacle in my way.
Through the haze of my desperation and worry about Cadey, I recognize the girl standing in front of me.
“We need to talk,” she snaps.
I stare at her a beat longer and then it registers.
It’s Breeze, Cadey’s best friend.
