Rowdy laughter breaks out from the crowd behind us. The pub’s been getting louder and more crowded as the night wore on.
“Maybe you should slow down,” Hunter says, moving my mug away.
I hiss at him and grab the beer from his fingers. The contents slosh over the rim, splattering against my hand and the darkly varnished table.
Hunter gives me the stink eye, but I don’t care.
We’re sequestered at the back of the pub. Above me, triangle-shaped Union Jack banners hang from the ceiling and there’s not a single Christmas tree in sight.
I told Hunter to take me away from the hotel’s bar because they were playing Christmas carols and it was making my head hurt. In here, the songs are Europe’s version of country music. I can work with that.
“Hold still,” Hunter grumbles. He swipes a bunch of napkins from the dispenser and dabs my fingers.
I stare at the napkin, remembering the day at the amusement park when Dutch decided he didn’t need a napkin to clean me up.
‘You’re melting, Cadey.’
I refuse to think about his tongue sliding over my skin, or his wicked smile as I gasped.
But now it’s all I can think about.
Dutch smiling.
Dutch frowning.
Dutch growling into my ear, ‘You’re mine, Cadey’.
Pain strikes me hard.
I react on instinct and send the empty mug flying.
Hunter barely manages to catch it before it hits the ground.
“What the hell?”
“Something’s wrong with this beer.” I bristle. Lifting another one of the mugs in front of me, I stare at the frothy liquid from underneath. “I shouldn’t be able to feel. Why do I still feel?”
“Cadence, it’s your first time and you’re overdoing it. You need to stop now.”
I plant my hands on the table and shove myself up. The world tilts and I windmill my arms to keep it from spinning so much.
“Be careful.” Hunter hauls on me.
“Get me something stronger,” I beg him. “From there to there.” Pointing to the liquor on the top shelf, I giggle. “That should do it.”
“It won’t.”
“How do you know?” I counter.
“Even if you get black-out drunk tonight, you’re going to wake up tomorrow feeling the same gaping hole in your chest.” His eyes are on the table. His tone is contemplative. As if he’s gone through it before. “Nothing except time can heal a wound like that.”
“Wound?” I laugh raucously. The tables close to us peer at me like I’m crazy.
Maybe I am. Maybe this insanity was handed down to me from my mother. A dark curse that spans generations.
“I don’t have a wound. I’m great. Everything is…” I sway and almost bash my head on the low-hanging lights. “Ow.”
Hunter shakes his head. “I’m taking you back to the hotel.”
“No.” I push him off. “I want another drink.”
He stares down at me like he’d want nothing more than to throw me into the nearest river.
I point a finger at his reddening face and giggle. “You’re angry.”
His jaw works.
“Don’t be angry, Hunter.” I grab his hand and wrap his fingers around the mug. “Drink with me. See?” I smash our mugs together. “Cheers!”
The beer runs down the side of my face and stains my T-shirt as I gulp it down. The brew tastes horrible. Why do people overindulge at parties when beer isn’t even that sweet?
Hunter goes still. I glance aside and notice him staring hard at my face.
“What?”
“I’d rather you talk about him,” Hunter says quietly. “I’d rather you tell me that you loved him and you miss him. This hurts worse. Watching you in pain, in agony—you’re killing me, Cadence.”
His softly spoken words slash my heart in two. I hate seeing the pity in his eyes.
Forcing a laugh, I reach for his drink. “I’ll finish this if you won’t.”
Hunter plants a big hand on top of the beer to keep me from lifting it.
My eyes shoot to his. He’s gazing at me as if I’m a broken doll, shattered on the floor.
Anger spurts from the depths of my soul and causes me to shake.
I curl my fingers into fists. “You’re wrong. I don’t love him. I never loved him. He was… he meant nothing to me.”
Hunter presses his lips into a thin line.
“I never believed him when he said he’d be there for me. I never trusted him when he kept showing up for me and saving me. I never wanted to belong to him.”
The frigid armor around my heart is thawing, releasing a torrent of emotions that I don’t want to deal with.
But it’s like spilled beer.
Once it’s out, you can’t scoop it back in.
“I didn’t like him touching me…”
When he touched me, my numbness cracked and broke apart. I wanted him to touch me more.
“… I didn’t like him treating me like I was his property…”
He made me feel vulnerable and out of control.
“… I didn’t like that he was always around.”
But now that he’s not around, all I can think about is how I can see him again.
“Does that sound like love to you?” I challenge Hunter. “Does that sound like I miss him?”
Hunter’s face goes dark all at once, like he’s been drained of every emotion. Like he’s so incredibly tired.
I see it and I feel particularly cruel. “Why did you come on this trip with me, Hunter?”
His eyes slant over my face.
“I know Jarod Cross approached you. I know it was a good-paying job.” I pause for a minute as the room spins again. “But why did you say yes? You should have just left me alone. It would have been better for the both of us.”
An alarm pings.
It’s Hunter’s phone.
He glances down at it and then looks up at me. “Happy birthday, Cadey.”
“I turned eighteen five hours ago.”
“In the UK, but not in the US.” He nods. “Now you’re eighteen in both countries.”
“I’m eighteen.” I scoot closer to him. Leaning toward Hunter, I say, “What do you want to do?”
His hand rises to my face.
I close my eyes and tilt my head up. Since the beer didn’t do its job properly, maybe Hunter can.
He moves in close. So close I can feel his beer-scented breath on my cheek. He smells different than… no. I’m focused.
This is Hunter.
Hunter.
Hunter.
“What I want?” he breathes.
I nod and purse my lips.
He stops an inch away from my mouth and whispers hotly, “I’ll tell you in your hotel room.”
