I EASED down into the sewer tunnel on the far side of the pond, using an entrance behind a small maintenance building. The stench hit me fast. I started breathing strictly from my mouth as I eased my way down the ladder and into the humid corridors.
Thank God it hadn’t rained in the past week, or this excursion could have been a lot messier.
The heat sent sweat trickling down my back. My shoes squelched onto the ledge alongside the channel of sludge, but I didn’t allow myself to glance at whatever nasty things I’d stepped on.
It didn’t matter. All that mattered was confirming that Noelle was alive—and then working with her to carry out the mission I’d first set out on: destroying the people who’d slaughtered the closest thing we had to a family.
Those people being the four men I’d spent most of the past week with.
My stomach tied itself into knots. I wasn’t usually all that anxious when I got down to work, not after all my years of practice, but this situation was like nothing I’d dealt with before.
Noelle would straighten it all out. Noelle would see the way through. She’d always been there to point me in the right direction and make sure I was prepared. Why would now be any different?
Assuming it really was Noelle, and this wasn’t some horrible trick.
I approached the meeting spot quietly, avoiding piles of waste that’d collected along the edges of the rounded tunnel. I wanted to get a good look at whoever was waiting for me before I showed myself. My footfalls were silent, so as a slender, muscular woman’s figure came into sight in the wide alcove up ahead where a few different tunnels joined, I had time to analyze her.
While I remained cloaked in darkness, hazy light seeped over the woman from a grate high overhead. From the back, her shoulder-length salt-and-pepper hair looked just as familiar as it always had. She stood with a typically rigid posture, both hands clasped behind her back. Then she turned her head, revealing her profile, and my shoulders sagged with pure relief.
There was no doubt that the woman before me was Noelle. I wasn’t alone in this mess. Everything could go back to—well, not normal, but closer to normal than the craziness of recent days.
“Noelle,” I called out, stepping closer.
She whipped around, and her cool, hardened eyes—so ready to take down any threat—soothed me. Finally, I had someone on my side.
My steps sped up as she looked me up and down.
“Where have you been all this time?” she asked in her usual demanding tone, as if this were a regular meeting and I’d shown up late for a training session. “It took days for you to get your hands on that phone, and practically another day to answer me.”
Her voice echoed through the tunnel, and I nearly flinched at the accusation I heard in it. I stopped in my tracks, still several feet away from her. “I didn’t have the opportunity right away,” I said. “There’s a lot I need to tell—’
Noelle didn’t let me continue. “Why did you leave the household at all? Your orders are always to remain in your rooms unless otherwise instructed.”
The knots in my stomach came back, tighter than before. This wasn’t the reunion I’d pictured. I hadn’t expected hugs and fawning praise, of course, because that’d never been Noelle’s approach, but I’d thought she’d be relieved to see me too. Concerned about what I’d been through. Upset about the deaths we hadn’t been able to prevent. Angry, yes, but at the people who’d carried out the massacre.
Instead, she only appeared to be annoyed with me, as if I’d veered off track on an assignment I’d already had a playbook for. As if nothing had been lost but my obedience to instructions she’d never actually given me.
It felt… wrong.
My legs stayed locked in place. “I didn’t have a choice. Everyone was dead. I couldn’t save any of them. I thought you were dead too. The only thing I could think to do was track down the people responsible.”
Isn’t that what you’d have wanted? something in me said, but I didn’t ask the question out loud. The answer was obviously no.
Anger crackled through Noelle’s words now, but it was directed at me. “One of the first lessons you learned was to keep to your part of the house. You weren’t given permission.”
Given permission? Did she really think I should have stayed put after I’d seen what had happened in the rest of the mansion—that any sane person would have pretended all was well? How could I have known there was anything or anyone to wait for?
My uneasiness prickled deeper into my skin. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, instinctively testing the surface beneath me. “I didn’t think I needed permission in a situation like that,” I said. “And—and I had it anyway. Anna opened my door. She told me to leave.”
Leave. Find somewhere safe. I hadn’t followed the second part of those orders all that well, but I wasn’t sure that was my fault.
Noelle’s lips curled into what I could only describe as a sneer. “Anna wasn’t responsible for your security. Anna was your cook and your housekeeper. She was useless. I’m the one who makes the real calls about where you go and what you do.”
I knew that Noelle was a cold woman, but I’d always thought that if my life were in danger—if I were in a perilous situation—she’d be there to help me. Judging by the way she looked at me now, that wasn’t the case after all. She didn’t seem to care about anyone.
“Anna was my friend,” I said. “Your colleague. And she died making sure that I lived.”
Noelle must have picked up on the horror in my tone. She placed a hand on each of her hips and offered a small gesture toward sympathy. “Her loss was unfortunate. As were the losses of all the faithful people who worked for the household. However, they’re not important now. They’re dead. You’re alive, and your deviation from protocol could have gotten you killed.”
I didn’t bother reminding her again that I hadn’t disobeyed anybody. In fact, I’d been nothing but obedient by leaving the household at Anna’s command.
Why the hell would I have stayed there when leaving and finding the killers was an option? I’d been trained for years to hunt down targets, and now, when I’d put those skills to use against the people who’d not only threatened but destroyed the household, Noelle was chastising me for it?
I stayed silent and gritted my teeth. How had I been so wrong? I’d looked at her as a guide—as someone I could trust and whom I’d protect with my life. She was talking like… like I was a misbehaved pet, or a possession that’d purposefully been misplaced. Not a person at all.
The respect I’d felt for her didn’t seem to go both ways.
But she still had to know more than I did. It wasn’t as if I could walk away.
“Why did it happen?” I asked. “Why did someone kill the whole household and leave them like that?” There was no point in mentioning right now that I knew who’d done it. I still didn’t understand why the men I’d spent the last few days with would have. Had they been long-time enemies of the household? Had it been some kind of game to them? They’d acted so casual about the shootout in the drug den, even taking pictures…
The pieces didn’t fit together.
Noelle released a hoarse laugh. “Why? Decima, dear, I’m not the one who killed them. You would need to ask the assholes who did that question.”
I frowned. What had she been doing for the past week, then? “Haven’t you been investigating to figure out who did this and why?”
“No, I’ve been busy trying to track you down and confirm you weren’t actually caught in the crossfire. Nothing else was as important as that.”
Nothing else was as important as finding me, but she’d spent the entire time since I’d turned up berating me? My head was starting to ache.
Abruptly, I found myself thinking of the men—the fake cops. The way I’d seen them work together, a perfectly cohesive unit when they needed to be even if they bantered and snarked at other times.
I had no doubt at all that if one of them were killed, the other three would go to the ends of the earth to get justice for that death. I’d always given the same loyalty to the household, and I assumed that everyone who was part of it held the same sentiment.
Noelle had brushed it off like an afterthought.
How could the people who were obviously the bad guys make me feel safer than the woman who’d made me who I was? And yet, ridiculously, I couldn’t help craving the men’s presence around me: Julius’s impervious authority, Talon’s cool strength, Blaze’s hyperactive cheer, and, hell, even Garrison’s defensive snark.
“You really have no idea why an attack like that would have happened?” I tried again. “Did we have so many enemies that there’s no way of knowing who would have had the resources?”
Noelle sighed. “We can get into all of that later, Decima. It’s time to leave. We can regroup, and then I’ll tell you everything you need to know.”
Everything she decided I needed to know, not everything I wanted to. The same frustration I’d felt when the guys had stonewalled me surged up again, twice as strong when it was coming from her. “I want to know now.”
She scoffed. “You would be smart to listen to me if you want to live. The dangers of the real world are worse than I could ever explain to you, and some of those dangers are after both of us for being part of the household. The longer you sit here and argue with me, the more likely it is that they’ll find us and kill us both.”
Would they? Julius and the others had obviously known something about how I was connected to the household all along. But they’d given me a bed and good meals and space to move around in. If they’d wanted me dead, I had to admit they could have killed me a dozen times, at least in the first day when I’d been disoriented and hadn’t realized how formidable a force they were.
How well did Noelle really know what she was talking about?
I squared my shoulders. “If you would just tell me—”
“You know what? I’m done with you disobeying me.” Noelle snapped her fingers. “Garlic milkshake,” she said, emphasizing both words in that odd combination.
Something inside me clicked, my mind going just a little dull and hazy, detached from the rest of my body.
“Garlic milkshake,” Noelle repeated. Despite my resistance, my posture snapped to attention, my limbs tensing with readiness. She smiled. “Good. No more questions.”
I tried to open my mouth anyway, but my jaw refused to budge. What the fuck? I stared at Noelle, backing up one step and then another.
Her eyes narrowed. “Stay where you are.”
My feet seemed to meld with the ground. My heart thumped faster. How was she doing that?
Noelle ran a hand through her hair and took a deep breath. “You used to try my patience like this when you were much younger, you know. You had a phase where you had to ask ‘why’ about everything, and it was infuriating. Good little killers don’t ask questions.” She chuckled darkly, striding toward me and walking around my stiff body. “But with the right words, we can be sure you don’t get too caught up in your own initiative.”
I didn’t remember hearing the phrase she’d used before—except I did. It hit me with a sudden chill. Those nonsensical words had fallen from Anna’s lips as she attempted to suck in her last breaths, to save me.
An even more chilling thought hit me. If Noelle could control me like this, would I even have been able to step outside my rooms without Anna saying that special code?
Noelle smirked, taking in my stillness. “Now, take a step forward.”
I willed myself not to do it. With every single ounce of restraint I had left, I rallied against the order and told myself not to obey. But my left foot—of its own accord—swung forward to plant itself farther forward before my right foot came to meet it.
“Good. Now follow me. We’re leaving.”
Noelle turned, and without any control over my own limbs, I trailed behind her. One foot after the other. On into the dim light of the alcove toward a metal ladder against the far wall that Noelle was approaching.
Panic rose in my chest. I was locked inside my own mind, unable to send any signal to the rest of me. I pounded on the internal wall that stood between me and my bodily functions, but it didn’t break. It didn’t move.
I didn’t recall a specific memory, but a sensation from a long, long time ago flooded me—one of helplessness. I could remember another time when I’d been out of control of my movements. I was young, and my limbs were restrained as my body was taken… taken somewhere I didn’t want to go.
As quickly as the memory came, it flashed out of focus, back into the depths of my mind. The reminder sent a jolt of fear and iron will through me, and I stumbled over my next step.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been able to make a choice for myself in the household, but right now, I had to resist. Noelle couldn’t do this to me. I wasn’t her pet or her possession.
I was my own person—a person who loved chocolate and the TV show Spy Time, who could take happiness from the simple pleasure of a breath of fresh air, who craved the brutal intimacy a man like Talon could offer. I was me, and no random combination of words could give her ownership over me.
With the force of that defiant thought, I came to a halt. I looked down at myself with a thrill racing through me.
I’d done it. I’d broken her control. I’d made my own decision.
I’d been directed by Noelle my entire life, but for the last week, even with the men deciding where we went and what they’d tell me, I’d been freer than I’d ever been before. I wouldn’t go back to being a puppet. I owed the household their justice.
I’d give them that. But I’d give it to them on my terms.
“No,” I whispered, my voice still difficult to use.
Noelle spun around and narrowed her eyes at me.
“Garlic. Milkshake.”
My body stiffened, but I forced it to relax. I was free. I would stay that way. I’d thought I could trust Noelle—I’d put all my faith in that fact—but I’d been wrong.
Trusting Noelle was worse than trusting the men. At least they were loyal to their own. After what she’d just done, I’d count on them to give me the real story about why they’d attacked the household before I believed any story she spun for me.
“No,” I said again, louder. “I have a say in what happens here too. I don’t belong to you.”
Noelle let out a sharp guffaw that made me want to punch her. As my hand clenched, she shook her head.
“We could have done this the easy way, but you’ve given me no choice.”
I widened my stance automatically, preparing for a fight. Noelle wouldn’t be easy to take down. I’d been able to for a few years now, but it’d often been tricky. And those times I hadn’t been working around a still partly sprained wrist. She might have weapons on her too.
I hadn’t considered that it might not be her fighting me at all.
Noelle made a brisk gesture with her hand, and ten menacing figures sprang out of the tunnels on either side of her, charging straight at me.
