I LOOKED AROUND THE DANK, dim interior of the abandoned warehouse and stopped myself from making a face.
It didn’t matter how gloomy and rundown this place was. We just needed an isolated, sheltered spot to crash for the night where Blaze felt there was the least chance of us being traced. I’d told the crew about my encounter with the Blood Hunter as soon as I’d raced back to the car, and we’d taken off with an hour’s worth of evasive maneuverings, but I couldn’t shake the sense of being watched, even with walls all around me.
I turned back toward my men, who were setting up makeshift beds of the blankets and sleeping bags we’d been able to scrounge up in the factory’s main room, within easy reach of both the front and back exits. A different sort of apprehension crept over my skin as I watched them from that short distance.
The Blood Hunter’s words had squirmed deeper under my skin all through the day. I couldn’t stop his voice from ringing in my ears. His claims that he owned me, that I belonged to him.
I knew that wasn’t true, no matter how much he believed it. But it was hard not to consider that I’d never been truly on my own in a situation where I wasn’t being influenced by someone else. I’d run straight from the household into the Chaos Crew’s grasp.
They treated me as an equal now. They cared about me. More than one of them had even said they loved me. But how could I know if this was right for me any more than staying under the Blood Hunter’s thumb would have been when I’d never had the chance to experience anything else?
I didn’t like those doubts, but they kept creeping through my mind anyway. I couldn’t shake the need to step apart from them, to center myself so that I could figure out what I was really doing here. How could I be a real part of this war if part of me was starting to question every decision I’d ever made?
I had to get my head on straight, one way or another.
Blaze pulled out a deck of cards he must have grabbed during our forays for supplies. He shook out the cards and shuffled them with swift movements of his hands. “Who’s up for a game of rummy? Dess?”
I shook my head, keeping my voice as gentle and even as I could. “Not right now. I think—I should try to talk to my brother again.”
Julius nodded, but I felt four pairs of eyes follow me as I picked up one of the bags of food we’d bought and walked over to the smaller side room—where we’d shut Carter away so there was even less chance of him being heard if he managed to shout for help. How much had the men noticed my apprehensive mood?
I owed it to my brother too—to figure out who I was and how I wanted to be that woman. I’d dragged him into the new life I was leading. Would he be any more open to considering becoming a part of it now that he’d had ample time for reflection?
I unlatched the door and peeked inside, not that I thought there was much chance of Carter having escaped his bonds as I had when he’d captured me. He didn’t have the same extensive training, and Talon was much more skilled at tying knots than anyone in my family had been.
I found my brother sitting against the wall where we’d left him, one of the sleeping bags spread open beneath him, his wrists tied in front of him and his ankles bound together. We’d left a thin gag in his mouth.
When he’d woken up from the sedative, I’d made it clear that I didn’t want to knock him out again, but that I would if he put up a fight. He’d seemed to decide he was better off keeping his consciousness this time. Maybe he could tell that even if I’d opted to spare him, my men wouldn’t hesitate to kill him if he gave them much more reason.
“We’re going to be staying here for a little while,” I told him. “I’ve brought you some food, and I thought maybe we could talk. Will you stay quiet if I take out the gag? No one’s going to hear you except my crew, and they’ll just be pissed off.”
Carter tipped his head to indicate agreement and then raised his chin. I released the gag and quickly stepped back, out of range if he tried to heave himself at me. Reaching into the bag, I retrieved a bottle of juice that I opened for him and placed in his hands before backing away again.
As he gulped from the bottle, relief washing over his face, I unwrapped a grocery store burrito for him. He set down the juice and accepted that, but he dug into it with less enthusiasm than he’d brought to the drink.
“What exactly do you want to talk about?” he asked, his voice rough from disuse. “You’re holding me here like a prisoner.”
“Not because I want to,” I said. “Only because it’s the only way I can be sure you won’t turn on us. For our own safety, it’s either this or…”
“Or what you did to Mom and Dad,” he shot back, his eyes darkening.
I swallowed thickly. “Yes. I’m sorry about that. I didn’t want to hurt them either. But the things they were doing… I couldn’t let them keep carving up little kids for their crazy rituals either. And both times, when I actually did it, they were trying to kill me.”
“They were our parents,” he said, but he didn’t seem to know how to follow that up. He took a small bite and took a while chewing it. A look of concentration took over his face. “You should let me go. I can make it worth your while. I have access to most of the family accounts.”
I wrinkled my nose. “I don’t want your money. Anyway, if I did, I could get it myself as one of—possibly the only—remaining Malik.”
“Fine. Then—you and your ‘crew’ are on some kind of mission. Maybe lots of them. I have skills that could help with that if you’ll release me.”
I raised my eyebrows. I didn’t trust for a second that he’d come back to fulfill any favors if I set him loose, but I couldn’t help being curious. “What kind of skills?”
“I’m good at forgery. I’ve used it dozens of times with the family, covering up disappearances and getting us access where we need it. I can sign off on things and pretend to be someone important. No one’s ever seen through them.”
I could imagine that talent coming in handy, but that didn’t change the rest of our situation. My breath came out in a sigh. “Frankly, Carter, I don’t trust you out there on your own. Just this morning you helped arrange my kidnapping and near-murder. You’re obviously upset with me about what happened to the family. I’m not sure you believe yet that what they—and you—were doing to those kids was wrong.”
His mouth twisted. “I can’t earn trust sitting here tied up, Rachel.”
I caught his gaze and held it firmly. “Rachel is the name that family gave me. I don’t want any part of it. I go by Dess now.”
He blinked. “Dess,” he said, as if trying out the sound of it. His shoulders tensed. “Is that what the people who stole you away called you? You’re keeping their—”
“It’s the name I grew up with, the only name I remember having,” I said, cutting him off before he could go on any kind of rant. “It’s mine now, and I’ve decided to keep it. Believe me, I have no love for the people who held me all those years either. The men out there, my crew, they’re not connected to those people at all. They helped me get away from the real villains.”
Carter snorted as if the idea that anyone could be worse villains than my men was absurd. My jaw clenched despite my best intentions.
“Look,” I said, my voice hardening. “You know that our family were villains too, don’t you? They tortured and killed innocent children simply because of who their parents were. The idea that doing it somehow reduced crime has no basis in reality. Rates have gone up and down over the decades with no influence from those bloody rituals. Killing all those kids did nothing but cause unnecessary tragedy and make them feel good about themselves. So that the Maliks could believe in their own importance, they tore apart so many other families.”
Carter shook his head. “You don’t understand,” he said, but his voice wavered.
“I think I do,” I replied. “I’ve heard every explanation our parents and the rest of the family offered, and none of it sounded anything short of batshit crazy. Maybe it can start to seem like it makes sense when you grow up surrounded by people who believe it, who constantly reinforce those ideas, but you’ve been out in the real world too. You know how delusional anyone else would think it is. Have you ever seen any evidence that those rituals helped anyone or anything other than your egos?”
Carter’s jaw worked. After a moment of silence in which he didn’t appear to have an answer, I went on with a flicker of hope.
“I want to stop criminals too, you know. The worst of them. I’ve already been working on that. But I don’t slaughter innocent people to make it happen, because that won’t make it happen. I go straight at the source, the people doing the harm, and take them down. Shouldn’t you applaud me for doing that instead of seeing me as a villain? I’m accomplishing exactly what the Maliks claimed to want, only much more effectively.”
My brother seemed to need a moment to take this all in. At least he was listening. Thinking about what I’d said.
Then he exhaled sharply. “There were a lot of reasons that we couldn’t go after the criminals. The effects—we wanted something broader and not focused on the individual level…”
“And did you see any broad effects?” I demanded.
I caught a slight wince that seemed to unwillingly acknowledge my point.
“My way makes a hell of a lot more sense than going after innocent kids,” I said. “We’re tackling the problems right at the source. And you could help us with that. Or you could go off and live your own life and let us keep at it without either of us getting in each other’s way. Either would be fine with me.”
I knew Carter was stubborn, but I also knew he wasn’t stupid. It was just hard to sway him after our family had spent years conditioning him to believe the opposite. I hoped that I’d be able to get through to him, especially since the Maliks’ goals and mine were so similar. The way we went about doing it was different, but the morality of it all was the same, in essence.
“We followed the rules,” he said finally. “Our rules, but they were still rules. We didn’t just go around murdering people left and right.”
“And neither do we.” I let out my breath and stood up. “I don’t think there’s anything else I can say right now. This is a lot to take in. Please just think about it. Remember everything our family did—not just what you thought was good, but the parts that were obviously bad. I’ll let you finish your dinner, and then I’ll have to come back and put the gag in again.”
He sat in silence as I stepped out. Garrison came over while I pushed the latch back into place.
“I can try talking some sense into him,” he offered, tipping his head toward the room. “Give it my best shot.”
The idea sent a jolt of resistance through me. What could Garrison say that I hadn’t? He didn’t know Carter at all. If my brother was going to come to his senses, I couldn’t imagine him believing anyone but me. At least I was family too, if in a detached sort of way.
“I think we should keep it between family for now,” I said. “But if I need your help, I’ll let you know.”
He cracked a smile. “Please do. Chatting people up is my main job here, after all.”
I glanced past him to the other guys, who’d paused their card game to watch our conversation. My skin seemed to tighten around my body. The uneasiness the Blood Hunter’s words had stirred up hadn’t left me.
“I know,” I said. “I’m going to explore the rest of the building. I’ll stay inside and not make any phone calls—don’t worry.” We’d all gotten new phones and ditched our old ones after my encounter with the Blood Hunter anyway, and we were only going to use them to contact each other unless there was an absolute emergency.
Garrison waved me off, but again I felt his gaze and the others’ trailing after me. Probably wondering why I suddenly wanted all this time to myself.
I wished I could have given them a real answer.
