It feels uncomfortably familiar as I pace back and forth in my quarters. The boat is steady underneath me, and even though Zerva isn’t that far from Oshta, it’s far enough that I’m nearly vibrating with anxious energy when a knock sounds at my door.
Flashbacks hit me as I go to my door, recalling how similar this is to the last time I sought Layla out. I almost expect to see my old friend on the other side as I swing open the barrier, but instead, I’m met with one of the zagfer crew members.
“Lieutenant.” He inclines his head. “I am here to inform you that we will be docking soon, sir.”
My heart flutters nervously. “I’ll be above deck soon.”
“Anything for me to take on shore for you, sir?” His head is still bowed, and unlike my brother, I don’t get a power trip out of it. I’ve found I’m a little uncomfortable with how people treat me now in my new station.
I glance back at my room. I know I will be staying for a few days whether or not Layla is there. I had to arrange this as a work trip after all, to show the change in power and examine their product.
But I don’t want to worry with going straight to my quarters or being pestered by the zagfer when I’ll be focused on finding Layla.
“Not until I approve my quarters,” I say with finality. I want the option to crawl back onto the boat and hide if this all goes terribly wrong.
“Of course, sir.”
He stays in front of me, and it takes me a beat too long to realize why. “You’re dismissed,” I finally remember to say and he scurries away, never looking me in the eye.
A small smile curls at the edge of my lips as I think of what Layla would say if she were here. She’d tease me for his behavior, talking about how high and mighty I must be. She’d curtsey to me, knowing damn well that I’m the only one on my knees. I’ve been subservient to that human woman since we met, and she’s had power over me since.
Sucking in a deep breath, I head above deck. I want to see the island as we approach, and I’m surprised to see so many people littering the docks. My heart squeezes as I take in their small figures. Could one of them be Layla?
I’ve been trying to moderate my hopefulness. I don’t want my heart to be crushed if I arrive and learn that she…succumbed to her illness – and yet, I know that I will be nearly incapacitated if that is the news I discover.
I’m also aware that if she somehow miraculously survived, that does not mean she will want to see me. It’s been two years. While we both enjoyed our time together – I think – she may have moved on with ease, leaving me behind across the water.
And taking my heart with her.
Around me, the crew shouts instructions, but my eyes are already tracking the docks. In an ideal world, she’ll be right there, and she’ll see me and come running into my arms. She’ll tell me how they forced her to go and how she missed me, how she overcame her illness and has been asking after me.
But this is no ideal world. This is Protheka. Which means I’ll probably never find her on this planet of nightmares.
I have wondered how she will be if she has survived this long. Will I even recognize her? Will the illness have bowed her body and made her thin and weak? The Layla I knew was so full of life and healthy; it’s no wonder I didn’t realize she was sick.
They must have caught it early. And that thought alone gives me too much hope for my poor, battered heart to bear.
“Docking!”
The shout makes me blink, the images of Layla’s smiling face wiping out of my mind. We’ve gotten closer to the island as I was lost in thought, and now I can see that the humans have been cleared away from this side. I can hardly make out anyone from this distance, so I have no hope of seeing if Layla is there.
Nervously, I smooth out my hair and adjust my suit. I’m in my full military garb, everyone staring at me with reverie. It’s odd, as I’m used to being in the shadows, but I will take it, knowing that the news will spread fast.
The only question I have is will hearing that a new dark elf Lieutenant has arrived pique Layla’s attention or steer her clear from the docks.
Well, that’s not the only question I have. But I can’t bring myself to consider the other. I barely have, and I know that much is dangerous.
“Prepare for a slight sway, sir,” one of the crew members tells me.
The ship is pulled up short next to the dock, the dock attendants are scrambling to fasten it in place. I keep my heels firmly planted, not bothered at all by the unsteadiness of the ship. I may be of higher rank, but I do not expect the unnatural. I’ve met others in my station that will blame their subordinates for the shift of wind. I will never be a man of that reputation.
“The Lieutenant has requested to have his items moved at a later time,” the zagfer whispers behind me. A little grin finds me again as I consider that maybe I won’t need them at all. Maybe I’ll have a place to stay.
Stupid, hopeful thinking.
“Sir.” A crew member appears at my elbow. “We are ready for you to disembark.”
I look over to where the gangway has been set up. My heart throbs as I take it in, my eyes traveling down to the dock like it’s such a trek. I know I must look strange, observing the plank of wood like I doubt it will support my weight. In reality, I fear my knees won’t.
Stepping off this boat and onto the dock is a move I’ve been working for for two years. And now that I’m here, I’m terrified of what I’m going to find. Because no matter what, when I leave here, I will no longer have to wonder what happened to Layla.
I will find out, and that scares me more than anything I’ve done. The uncertainty is crippling, but knowing the truth… It just may destroy what little is left of me.
Gods below help me.
I take a steadying breath as the dark elf next to me shifts uncomfortably. I’m sure I would stay rooted to this spot all day if I wasn’t aware that they were all watching me, waiting.
“Of course. Thank you.”
The first stride feels awkward. My feet are heavier than I recall, my movements jerky, and by the time I reach the edge of the gangplank, I feel like I’m about to start hyperventilating. My body is actively trying to stop me from whatever is waiting on this island.
The descent to the dock must take less than a minute, but it feels like I’m fighting each step for hours. I’ve never felt so uncertain, and, not for the first time, I wonder if this is the right decision.
My boots hit the dock with a thud that echoes through my body, a heavy sound that rings out with finality. Gods, what have I let this girl do to me? She holds more control over me now than ever before, and I don’t know if she’d even remember I exist.
If she still does…
“Welcome to Zerva, Lieutenant,” a dark elf says as he approaches me. His long white hair is tied back, and his face looks pinched. All his features are sharply pointed, and I almost lean away from him. But politely, I shake his hand.
“Thank you.” My eyes scan over him, an elf that everyone else noticeably avoids. I can tell that he’s trying to act humble in my presence, though.
“I am Iheru, the overseer here.”
The name, I recognize, and I nod. “I am aware of my subordinates.”
His smile wanes a little but he catches it. “Of course, sir. My apologies.”
My eyes have already left the odd elf. Instead, I’m scanning the docks, the crowds, really anywhere that isn’t blocked just to catch sight of Layla. I could outright ask Iheru, but I don’t want to raise any suspicions by showing up here after all these months and asking about a human by name. A human with no record.
It’s never good for a human to have a dark elf so interested in her. That’s why I always hid it back at Camp Horizon. Because, while the Archduke and some of his family may have human brides, I could not give Layla that kind of home or protection.
But now… I’d give Layla the world if I could just hold her again. I’d find a way to make this work, especially now that I am much more powerful.
“…a tour?”
I barely notice that Iheru is talking, and I jerk my head back to him sharply. “What?”
His smile is strained. No wonder he’s been shipped out here. A dark elf bad at politics is as good as dead or forgotten.
“Would you like a tour of the island, sir?”
The sun glints off of something to my left, and I turn my head. It’s probably just the water, but it’s a jerk reaction. Except, I spot a mess of thick curly hair that my hands are aching to disappear into, and even though I’m not sure it’s her, I take a step forward.
“No. I’d like to explore on my own.”
