Shit. Shit! I rush back home, determined to get away before he can find me. What is happening? Why is he here?
I knew that Kerym wanted nothing more than to become a Lieutenant, but I also never expected him to stay in Camp Horizon. Hardly any dark elf does. That place is merely a stepping stone to bigger and better assignments.
Did he know I came here? Is that why he’s here? Did he track me down or is this all some sort of weird coincidence set up by the cosmos?
“Mama, big elf!” Jasper says as we arrive back at our bungalow. “Mama see big elf? Eyes, mama!” He points to his and I know instantly he saw Kerym’s startling eyes that resemble his own.
“Yes,” I smile, pretending everything is fine, trying to calm myself so Jasper doesn’t notice my panic. “I saw the dark elf. You are so smart!”
Inside I’m reeling from the encounter still. I can’t believe he’shere. It’s not like I haven’t thought about what would happen if he showed up. I just never thought it would actually happen!
My mind is a mess. Should I pack a bag? Should we run? Has he even connected Jasper to this whole mess?
I can’t stop thinking about the shock on his face when he saw me standing there with our son. Did he miss me? Is that why he came? No, I can’t think like that. He came on official business, nothing more.
Still. He has to know something is up now. Will he be angry with me? I feel bad that I left the way I did, but at the time it didn’t seem like I had much of a choice.
“Mama, dark elf friend?” he asks. “You friend?” I love my son but gods I wish he wasn’t so perceptive sometimes. He saw the way we were looking at each other, he knows on some level that we know each other.
I don’t know how to answer his questions, either. I knew that this might happen someday but I still don’t feel prepared that it’s happened. “Long hair,” he says as I sit him down to start dinner. He tugs on his strands, that are so like Kerym’s, too.
“Yeah, you have long dark hair, and mama has big, curly hair!” I say, trying to redirect him. “See?” I hold out a strand of my curls and one of his straight ones and compare them. “Whose hair is longer?” I ask, using this as a teaching moment.
“Jasper!” he says with a giggle.
“You would think, but look!” I tug my curl so it straightens like his, showing him that my strand is much longer when it’s straight.
“Mama long hair!” he claps his hands and I breathe a sigh of relief. He’s off the topic for now at least. I leave him to play with some wooden blocks while I make a quick meal with grains and vegetables. He’s chatting away to himself and I’m only half listening but then he asks another question about the “big dark elf” and I freeze.
“Name?” he asks.
“Oh, well. Maybe you’ll get to ask him yourself!” I suggest, trying to keep my tone light, as though it’s all a big adventure for him.
“He strong,” Jasper babbles. “Strong and big!”
“You’ll be strong and big one day too,” I tell him as I serve up our food. Jasper eats messily while I take my time. He manages to get about half of the grains in his bowl on the floor and I pray the other half is in his tummy.
“I strong!” Jasper insists.
“Yes, you are!” I tell him, reassuring him that he’s already gotten big and strong.
He’s still asking questions, even when I get him in the bath. He wants to know if the ‘elf guy’ has pointy ears like him? Is he going to work with mama? Is he going to live on the island like us? The questions are almost endless.
I do my best at redirecting him but my efforts are getting flimsier. I don’t know how to answer some of his questions and he gets frustrated at that.
I manage to get him on the topic of boats and ships though, when I hand him his wooden ship bath toy to play with. “Look!” I tell him. “The boat is going to crash into a giant Jasper!” I swirl it around and lift it in the air before gently “crashing” it into Jasper’s belly.
“Whooosh!” I make sound effects too. “Oh no, all the sailors are gonna drown! Save us Jasper!” I change my voice, making it high-pitched for all the tiny sailors who are going to drown.
“No!” Jasper heroically “rescues” the ship by snatching it from me and holding it up high. “Save you!”
“Good job!” I tell him. “You saved everyone from the evil sea monsters!” I tickle his belly and he giggles. I love his little baby laugh. It’s so sweet and precious. I couldn’t imagine not having him in my life.
“Okay bub, we gotta get you out and dried off,” I tell him after a few more minutes of bath play. He’s all clean now and I just need to comb and braid his long hair.
“No!” Jasper whines, not ready to get out yet. At least he’s no longer asking me questions about Kerym.
I scoop him up and put him on my hip, wrapping him in a thick towel so all that’s visible are his little round eyes.
“Hello,” I say, planting a kiss on his forehead.
“Mama!” Jasper laughs, rubbing his head on the towel. “No kisses!”
“Okay, let’s get you in your night clothes then, and then we can go to bed.”
We go into his room and he grabs his nightshirt for me. I dry him off and we get him dressed in his nightshirt and thick woolen socks before he sits on the edge of the bed so I can comb out his hair.
He’s so sweet and patient and I thank my stars that I managed to evade his questions all evening.
It’s not until I’m reading him a bedtime story that he looks up at me, sleepy-eyed and asks the question I’ve been dreading all day. Or maybe all his life.
“Mama, meet big elf?”
I smile tightly, trying to figure out how to answer. Jasper knows that he’s got a father. He knows a little about Kerym. I told him that his father is a big, strong soldier who’s working on the continent, doing important things.
And I told my baby that he’s got all of daddy’s best qualities. He’s smart, and strong, and brave just like him. And he’s handsome and kind like daddy too. I’ve also told him that his daddy can do magic too.
“You would think, but look!” I tug my curl so it straightens like his, showing him that my strand is much longer when it’s straight.
“Mama long hair!” he claps his hands and I breathe a sigh of relief. He’s off the topic for now at least. I leave him to play with some wooden blocks while I make a quick meal with grains and vegetables. He’s chatting away to himself and I’m only half listening but then he asks another question about the “big dark elf” and I freeze.
“Name?” he asks.
“Oh, well. Maybe you’ll get to ask him yourself!” I suggest, trying to keep my tone light, as though it’s all a big adventure for him.
“He strong,” Jasper babbles. “Strong and big!”
“You’ll be strong and big one day too,” I tell him as I serve up our food. Jasper eats messily while I take my time. He manages to get about half of the grains in his bowl on the floor and I pray the other half is in his tummy.
“I strong!” Jasper insists.
“Yes, you are!” I tell him, reassuring him that he’s already gotten big and strong.
He’s still asking questions, even when I get him in the bath. He wants to know if the ‘elf guy’ has pointy ears like him? Is he going to work with mama? Is he going to live on the island like us? The questions are almost endless.
I do my best at redirecting him but my efforts are getting flimsier. I don’t know how to answer some of his questions and he gets frustrated at that.
I manage to get him on the topic of boats and ships though, when I hand him his wooden ship bath toy to play with. “Look!” I tell him. “The boat is going to crash into a giant Jasper!” I swirl it around and lift it in the air before gently “crashing” it into Jasper’s belly.
“Whooosh!” I make sound effects too. “Oh no, all the sailors are gonna drown! Save us Jasper!” I change my voice, making it high-pitched for all the tiny sailors who are going to drown.
“No!” Jasper heroically “rescues” the ship by snatching it from me and holding it up high. “Save you!”
“Good job!” I tell him. “You saved everyone from the evil sea monsters!” I tickle his belly and he giggles. I love his little baby laugh. It’s so sweet and precious. I couldn’t imagine not having him in my life.
“Okay bub, we gotta get you out and dried off,” I tell him after a few more minutes of bath play. He’s all clean now and I just need to comb and braid his long hair.
“No!” Jasper whines, not ready to get out yet. At least he’s no longer asking me questions about Kerym.
I scoop him up and put him on my hip, wrapping him in a thick towel so all that’s visible are his little round eyes.
“Hello,” I say, planting a kiss on his forehead.
“Mama!” Jasper laughs, rubbing his head on the towel. “No kisses!”
“Okay, let’s get you in your night clothes then, and then we can go to bed.”
We go into his room and he grabs his nightshirt for me. I dry him off and we get him dressed in his nightshirt and thick woolen socks before he sits on the edge of the bed so I can comb out his hair.
He’s so sweet and patient and I thank my stars that I managed to evade his questions all evening.
It’s not until I’m reading him a bedtime story that he looks up at me, sleepy-eyed and asks the question I’ve been dreading all day. Or maybe all his life.
“Mama, meet big elf?”
I smile tightly, trying to figure out how to answer. Jasper knows that he’s got a father. He knows a little about Kerym. I told him that his father is a big, strong soldier who’s working on the continent, doing important things.
And I told my baby that he’s got all of daddy’s best qualities. He’s smart, and strong, and brave just like him. And he’s handsome and kind like daddy too. I’ve also told him that his daddy can do magic too.
Oh thank the gods. I don’t have to figure out what I’m going to tell him just yet. I can take a minute to breathe.
Easing away from his side, I tuck him under the covers and make sure his room is nice and dark before sneaking my way out and down the hall, down the stairs to the kitchen.
I pull out a bottle of wine and pour myself a large glass, needing it after the day that I’ve had. There’s no way that it’s entirely a coincidence Kerym showed up here. I have to figure out why he’s here and what he wants from me. What is he doing?
And why is my heart pounding so hard just from one glimpse of him? He’s still the same, but there’s a more self-assured air to him. I saw him in the Lieutenant uniform. He’s been promoted. It looks good on him, I have to admit.
What am I going to tell Jasper? What am I going to tell Kerym? Do I have to tell either of them anything about the other? Jasper knows his daddy is far away, maybe I can still leave it at that for now.
I’m settling down on the sofa to have my glass of my wine and maybe read a book when there’s a knock at the door. My heart stops beating.
Could it be?
