The second I arrive at work, I’m all but ambushed by my cousin. “There you are!” Amara says, her voice rising. “Where were you last night? What were you doing? Are those the same clothes you were wearing yesterday? You know, you really shouldn’t be sneaking around like this!”
I know deep down I love my cousin, but she’s just so prissy. I brush her off, refusing to answer her questions. “I was out,” I tell her flatly.
“Out?” Amara asks. “Is that all you have to say for yourself? You show up in the same clothes you were wearing yesterday and all you say is you were ‘out’?”
“Come off it, Amara,” I snap, grabbing my pickaxe and heading into my assigned sector. “You don’t get to be preachy. I know you used to sneak around with Sam Marshall.”
“That was like ten years ago!” Amara protests.
I shrug. “Well, am I wrong?”
“Layla!” Amara screeches. I throw her a scathing look, not wanting the whole sector to know my private business. I’m an adult, I don’t understand why Amara is so judgmental about my comings and goings.
She shuts up but I know she’s dying to ask still. I ignore her and avoid her for as long as I can, even if it means getting cornered by Roy Jenkins yetagainin the tunnel.
He pinches my backside and I have to stop myself from hauling back and slapping him. If I retaliate, he could complain to the overseer that I harmed him and I risk getting punished. At least he disappears before morning break.
Reluctantly, I rejoin Amara’s group after our all-too-brief mid-morning break. “So,” she says, starting back up on me the second she sees me. “Is it aboythat’s been keeping you away at night?” she asks, light teasing in her voice.
“What? No!” I say, almost too quickly. I have to shut that line of thought down right away. She doesn’t need to know about Kerym, or what we do together. Not only would she not understand, I think she would tell me off for being with one of the dark elves.
“I’m not out with a boy,” I tell her firmly. “So get that idea right out of your head. And don’t go spreading it around that you think that either,” I add. I don’t need rumors circulating. Especially if they might end up getting back to Kerym.
If he thinks I’m going around telling everyone my business, he might get angry and upset with me. He wouldn’t want others to know about us. He’s always been firm that this is just a physical thing, just two people giving into animal desire.
Even if it feels like it’s starting to be more than that for me.
But Kerym has ambitions. He wants to rise in the guard ranks and become a Lieutenant one day. Shacking up with a human wouldn’t fit those ambitions. His family would never approve, either. From what I’ve heard, they’re very traditional and conservative-minded.
It hurts to know that Kerym has already decided he can’t be with me but at least I get this time with him. Being with him has been so special and it’s made me feel so good. If I can’t have forever, at least I have right now.
And I won’t let anything take it away from me. Especially not annoyingly nosy cousins.
“You know you can tell me if it is a boy, right, Layla?” Amara asks. I scoff.
“No way. If Iwasseeing someone, you’d be the last person I would tell. You’re too nosy and gossipy for your own good.”
“That’s not true!” she protests. “You can trust me. Do you not trust me?” Her lower lip wobbles.
Shit.
She looks hurt. She better not cry. I don’t want to attract any more unnecessary attention. “Amara…” I say, reaching out to put a hand on her shoulder. “It’s not a guy. I just…sometimes I need some time away. Some time to myself.”
It’s not totally a lie. I do need time to myself, away from my aunt and uncle. And away from her. She probably means well but she’s bossy and it can feel stifling living with my family. They mean well but I’m an adult now and some days I just need space.
Aunt Leandra wouldn’t understand though. She envisions me and Amara marrying one of the men from the camp and settling next door, on either side. So we can all be together as one big happy family.
I suppose that’s the likeliest outcome though, isn’t it? It’s not like I could be with Kerym. He can’t be with me. Couldn’t take me as a mate. I’m destined to either live my life alone or take a human husband, one of the miners, and continue this meager existence here, at Camp Horizon.
Sometimes when I’m busy working, I allow myself to indulge in the fantasy of what it might be like to be mated to Kerym. Just as a way to pass the time. I dream that he’s a lieutenant, like he dreams of being. He’s in charge of the whole camp. And I’m his mate.
We have two…no, three children. And I get to stay at home and raise our babies while he has a cushy desk job. Neither of us have to live a life of hard labor. Neither of us have to worry about sending our children to the mines.
It’s a nice daydream but it’s not realistic. Some day Kerym will leave to pursue the next stage of his career. And I’ll be stuck here.
Will he even tell me before he leaves? I wonder if he’ll tell me when he puts in for his transfer. Someday he’s going to get an opportunity he can’t pass up and that will be the end of our time together.
I’m not naive enough to think that I can have the fairy tale. I’m a human mine worker. There’s no happy endings here.
“I understand needing time to yourself,” Amara says, pulling me from my thoughts. “But you should just tell us instead of sneaking off,” she says.
She steers us deeper into the mine shaft. “Where are you even going? Do you go to the woods? Be careful out there. Don’t let any of the dark elf guards catch you. You know that some of them are extremely strict about where we can go. If you’re not careful they might catch you and whip you.”
She really is such a busybody. I wish she would get off my back. “I’m careful,” I tell her through gritted teeth. “I swear I’m always careful. If they haven’t caught me by now, I’m not likely to be caught anytime soon.”
I am careful. It’s just that I also have a dark elf guard at my disposal should anyone catch us.
“I just want you to be safe,” Amara says. “You don’t know what it’s like…” she shakes her head. “Nevermind. You’re lucky you haven’t been caught yet but please be more careful. And maybe stop sneaking around if you don’t have to?”
I don’t want to get into a fight with her but I’m not about to agree either. I compromise. “I’ll be careful and I promise not to go out again unless I take precautions.”
Amara seems a little less than thrilled with this but probably understands that I’m not about to stop. I’ve always been extremely stubborn, even more so after my parents died. I know my aunt and uncle love me but they’d live and die in this camp if they could. They don’t feel the need to want for more. They feel as though they have a perfectly fine life.
Uncle Jethro is a blacksmith, he repairs the mining equipment and Aunt Leandra is a seamstress assistant in the shops. They feel like they have it better than most. Even though Amara and I work in the mines, Aunt Leandra hopes that the two of us will find respectable men to settle down with and have babies.
I don’t want that though. I want better for myself. Amara always seemed to me to be content to go along with their plans too. I don’t think she has ambition outside of the camp.
It’s not like I need some grand life to be happy. Don’t get me wrong, I know that I could be happy leading a relatively ordinary life. It’s just that I don’t want the only thing I ever see in my life is the inside of kirialite mines and the four walls of my cabin.
We get back to working, the silence stretching between us. I know this isn’t over. Amara is likely to ask me more questions, to poke at my story more. But at least for now, I got her off my back.
I don’t know how long it will last but maybe I can find a better excuse in the meantime. At least good enough to keep Amara from getting suspicious about Kerym. I can’t put his job on the line because of me.
So I focus on working and try to put him out of my mind.
