That’s my first thought as I open my eyes, sitting up and clutching the furs in my hands. The air is… tense, shadowed. It feels like something is prodding against it, looking, searching. A sharp pain in my chest has me looking down, and I gasp at my Heir markings appearing in a flash. Strong and pulsing with an aggressiveness I haven’t felt before. Runa snarls within me, restless as she paces and her hackles rise. I try to calm her, mentally stroking a hand down her muzzle, but it’s no use, she’s still agitated.
I pull the furs back and step out of bed, padding on bare feet to the window. The witches’ homes glow in the dim light from the candles within, no sign of a single person on the dirt pathways or bridges around, the murky waters silent. It’s the middle of the night, so that’s normal, but still, it feels like someone is out there within Witches Rest, dangerous and foreboding.
I grab some linen pants and shove my legs through them before checking to make sure the soft shirt I’m wearing has all the buttons done up. Opening the bedroom door, I peek out, listening before moving down the hallway on silent feet. The house is quiet, only the smell of herbs assaulting my senses. I head down the stairs, one step at a time, my bare feet cooling on the wood. I pause at the bottom, tilting my head and listening.
Nothing, but something is wrong.
I round the corner, heading for the kitchen, and nearly scream the home down as Belldame stands in the archway, a concerned look on her face. “What’s wrong?” I ask breathlessly, rubbing my chest as my heartbeat calms from her nearly making me drop-dead in fright.
“It’s time, child,” she tells me, concern so easily seen on her face.
My heartbeat speeds up. “Time for what?”
“To right the wrong, well, the start of it.”
I freeze, memories of Solvier and my mom telling me it’s time to right the wrong. “Why would you say that?”
“It is the truth.” She grabs the bones hanging off the strap around her neck, murmuring softly and then she snaps the strap, taking a bone from it and handing it to me.
I take it tentatively. “I, um, why are you giving me this… bone?” I question, feeling its smoothness.
“Crow’s rib bone. It will be useful when I’m needed, put some of your blood on the bone and I’ll come, in some form or another. It can only be once.”
“I don’t understand, why give this to me now?” I turn over the small bone in my palm, running my finger over the ivory color and feeling the magic sleeping within it.
“He has found you, child.” I stumble back on my feet, panic flowing through me at the thought.
He’s going to take me. He’s going to take me and lock me in a room again, and then the pain will come again and again. Not stopping until my blood coats the floor, the walls, his face. An endless river, never stopping, always flowing, always—
Hands appear on my cheeks, and my eyes blink rapidly as Belldame tilts my face toward her. “Breathe, child, breathe.”
I do, breathing in from my nose and out through my mouth as slowly as I can, trying to catch my breath. “That’s it, keep going.” I do, my eyes stinging as my lungs burn with the need for air. She stays with me, and I copy her breathing until I can take a breath without struggling.
“Sorry,” I wheeze through my tight throat and I step back, her hands dropping from my face.
“There is no need, we all have fears that creep up on us. Our own wounds taunt us out of nowhere sometimes, so much so that it doesn’t give us time to have that control before you’re trapped in a whirlwind, spinning round and round. Sometimes you can ground yourself, sometimes it takes another to help. But there is no need to apologize.”
I clear my throat, nodding. “How did he find me?” I thought we were safe here. I can’t face him yet, I’m not strong enough.
“Darius is a resourceful wolf,” she hums, hands clasping in front of her.
“Darius?” I breathe a sigh of relief, even though that’s not what I feel with him being here, but it’s better than the alternative.
“Who did you think, child?” she asks curiously.
“Charles, or my family maybe. I don’t know, just someone not… good.”
She looks at me intently. “And Darius is good?”
I jolt, shifting on my feet. “He’s not good, he… hurt me,“ I mumble. “I knew his reasons for doing it, so I… I understand why he thinks I’m a traitor, that I caused the rogures. He’s an asshole, but…” I trail off, trying to find the words to explain, but just can’t.
My feelings are confusing toward Darius. Anger, so much fucking anger and sadness, betrayal, disappointment, understanding, want, need and that stupid, small hope for a hopeless future. There is no coming back from what he did. None.
Belldame gives me a confusing, knowing smile. “It will all be as it should be. Wake the others, he’s huffing and puffing at my protection barrier around Witches Rest, and he will wake the other witches up. He needs to leave. Come, child. Let us go.”
“Can’t we just wait it out?” I don’t want to face him so soon, it was just three nights before I last saw him. “He can’t get in, can he?”
“He could if he really wanted to, and I would rather not risk the children within our home.”
I swallow roughly. I know she’s right, but it feels like she’s throwing me to the wolves, literally, even though it’s the right thing to do. I would never risk the children that live here, and if Darius can get inside here, he would do it to get to me, I have no doubt. How did he even know?
“He would get to you eventually,” Belldame tells me, squeezing my hand. “I am not sacrificing you for others, and I say that with kindness. This was always supposed to be. It is time.”
I nod, even though I don’t really understand, but rush upstairs anyway and wake everyone. I make sure to put the bone Belldame gave me on the table beside my bed.
I bang on everyone’s doors, hearing them grumble and moan about being woken up, but as soon as they see the panic on my face, they are up, dressed and following me downstairs.
“What’s going on?” Taylor asks, his eyes hard and alert.
“Darius is here,” I tell them, refusing to show them the panic I feel. “He’s outside the barrier Belldame has around Witches Rest.”
“What!” Seb says. “How is he here, how did he know?” The others all begin talking at once and I hold up a hand to stop them.
“I don’t know, but he is, and I can’t have the people living here be put in danger.” I look at their concerned faces, and lastly to Josh, who’s still ignoring me. He’s been ignoring me since we came back after failing to get Sarah, or if we do talk, his tone is harsh with me, full of anger. I would be lying if my already bloody and beaten heart didn’t hurt much more with how he now treats me. He treats me like someone he hates. “You don’t have to come with me,” I tell them all.
“You know we wouldn’t let you go on your own,” Hudson growls, and Colten nods next to him.
“Never,” Seb agrees while Josh stays silent.
I nod, my throat tightening, and then we make our way to the bridge with Anna and Belldame.
As soon as my feet hit the wood of the first bridge we crossed to get into Witches Rest, I can’t help but feel that maybe this is the last time I will be walking over it. A sense of foreboding washes through me, and I shiver. Walking through the mist to head in Darius’s direction, I rub my arms, looking over at Josh who stands the furthest away from me. I wish he would say something.
I look toward Ann, whose hair is a nest on top of her head, as is mine, and she has dark circles under her eyes as she walks next to me, Seb at her side. Colten grumbles whilst Hudson chastises him, and Taylor on my right scans the mist, like he can see everything, when we can barely see our hand in front of us. Belldame walks on the other side of me, her stick in her grip, moving with every step I take as her bones rattle around her neck.
The mist begins to clear, and I rub the back of my neck, my hands shaking when I see figures just out of reach of the mist. They’re not moving, just watching as we approach, the moon lighting our path and once we are in clear view, we stand, waiting.
We eye each other across the small distance, Darius and his men, against me with Belldame and mine. They’re dressed casually this time, no armor in sight. Just t-shirts and combat pants, and I wonder why they chose not to have their armor on. It’s Belldame who speaks first.
“Hello, Alpha Darius.”
“Belldame,” he says, and there is no menace in his tone toward her. “Bring Rhea over here, or I will have to use force.” Okay, maybe a little.
“Would you do such a thing, child of Cazier?”
“I can assure you, I would,” Darius growls, and dark tendrils of power come from his palms, waiting, ready to strike. I watch the black as it floats around. It calls to me, this yearning to feel it again, yet I don’t want to be called. I want to be left alone to bleed the monsters dry.
I step in front of everyone, not wanting to cause Belldame any trouble after all the help she has given to me. I’m not sure if he could do it, but Belldame said he could and I don’t want to test it. He’s an Heir, after all, who knows what he can do now, I don’t even know what I’m fully capable of. I’m running blind in all of this, whereas he seems to have it all figured out.
“How did you find me?” I ask Darius, my eyes still on those black, misty tendrils, before my eyes move to his.
“Lucky guess.” His power trails up his forearms as he looks me over in the loose shirt I have on, his eyes dropping slightly to my chest. His nostrils flare before his eyes flash black. I scoff. “Come with us and we will leave the blood witches alone.”
“I’m not going to the Highers.” I fold my arm over my chests, he’s not taking me to them, no fucking way. Why would he think I would be willing to go anyway?
He tilts his head. “I’m not taking you to the Highers, but to Vokheim.”
My lips part. “The Elite’s keep? Why?” Why does he want me to go there?
Darius looks at his other men and I watch them, wary of what they are going to do. Darius steps toward me, just a few steps but I hold my ground, refusing to back away. There is a decent amount of space between us, but I still have to be alert.
“What you said, about you being a child.” His jaw ticks like it hurts him to say the words. “That it would have been impossible for you to have caused it.”
So he actually listened to me. It’s a little too late now though, and I get over my shock at his words, and anger comes swiftly. If he had just listened to me when I needed him to, if he let his anger go for a second and used his head, he could have helped me. He could have helped my pack, Kade, Josie, Danny…
“Of course it fucking impossible, you asshole,” I fume, my anger rising to the surface fast, and so fierce it feels like it will spill out of me at any moment. “And if you all, the fucking Elites, protector of the lands,” I spit in disgust. “Took a step back and thought for one second, using your brains, it would have been clear to you straight away, and you would know I was innocent,” I snarl, my hands fist at my sides, shaking with rage and admittedly a lot of hurt.
Darius flexes his hands. “It’s impossible for you to have caused it then, but what about when you were an adult?”
“An adult.” I laugh hysterically, my emotions riding me hard, so many at once. I laugh and laugh, but it’s full of wrath, fury. “You have got to be kidding me?!” He just stares at me, waiting for my answer. “I didn’t perform any ritual, I didn’t do anything but try and survive the lands that wanted to break me.“ He looks at his Elites and they watch me warily, brows furrowed, and I’ve had enough of them. Of him. Of every fucking cruel test the Gods throw at me, because this must be a punishment of sorts?
I must have done something so bad to have the life I have lived, and all the blood that has been spilled out of me. Of the pain that I’m always feeling. When will I be free of it?
“I did not bring the rogures upon us.” I shake my head.
“Then who did?” Leo asks, hands on his hips.
“How am I supposed to know that?” I shout.
“You lied about a lot of things, you lied about many fucking things,” Darius says. “How do we know you’re telling the truth?”
“I was a child!” I practically scream, rage pouring off me in waves. “I have never done a ritual to bring rogures into the lands, I don’t know anyone who has done a ritual to bring rogures into the lands, and I don’t know how to bring the rogures into the lands!”
My chest is heaving, my vision narrowing down on Darius as the pain he has caused flows through me, making me believe for one second that I could have something I never thought I could ever have. For making me fucking hope, when hope is nothing but a lie at the bottom of the darkest depths of a pit.
Darius’s eyes turn concerned, and that’s enough. How dare he look at me that way. Like he cares!
My fury reaches a new height, and I want nothing more than to walk up to him and smack him in his stupid face. To hurt him the way he’s hurt me. So that’s exactly what I do, because apparently I didn’t realize I was even moving, and the next second, my fist is connecting with his jaw. Again and again. His head swings to the side with my hits but I just keep going, him unmoving from my blows. That makes me more angry, why isn’t he fighting back? I get another shot in and he finally grabs my wrist in a painful hold. My fury-filled stare stays on him as I call my power to my other hand, flattening it against his chest before releasing it. He gets pushed back, caught off guard, but he calls on his own power, stopping himself from going further.
His Elites stiffen as they watch, but strangely, they don’t interfere. I can hear my pack calling for me to come back to them, but I’m not done yet. Far from it.
My chest heaves, my markings raw on my body as Darius straightens himself, spitting blood from his mouth. “That was your only free shot, hit me again and you will regret it. You know how I like to play, little wolf.”
“Don’t call me that,” I say harshly. “You fucking deserve it, all of you deserve to rot in a hole and have the earth swallow you.” I point at Damian. “Where is your fucking honor that you spoke of being an Elite now? Huh? Dead in the fucking ground just like Eridian is. Did you enjoy it?”
“That’s enough,” Darius growls. It’s not enough, it’s never enough. This rage that’s boiling up inside of me is just waiting to be released. On them.
Strands of hair start to float around my face, the wind picking up and caressing me. “No,” I tell him. I can’t hold back my words, they pour out of me. “Do you feel better that you whipped an innocent woman while the monsters of the lands sat back and watched?” Darius grinds his jaw, his eyes hard.
“Enough,” he repeats quietly.
“Do you think justice has been dealt as I was cuffed and unable to heal after you slashed bits of flesh from my body?”
He growls.
“Are the Elites proud of capturing innocent men, women, and children from the only safe place they have ever known? For standing witness to killing two innocent beings for questions I had no answers to?!”
“I said enough” he roars, punching his power against me and I step back as black surrounds me, encasing me inside.
I lift my hands, my magic rushing through me as I push it out of my body and force my power against his, my anger enabling me to have the upper hand. My rage, pain, heartbreak, suffering, all of it, I put into his barrier. Blue collides against black, sparks fly and the fight for dominance suddenly ends, our power vanishing into mist.
My shoulders slump “It won’t be enough,” I pant, my breaths ragged. “It won’t be enough until every last one of you is fucking dead.” I growl, Runa surfacing, and I feel our eyes change, locking on Darius. On the one who hurt us, who whipped us, who betrayed our vow.
Darius pauses, his chest rising and falling with his rapid breaths as his eyes turn black, those fucking silver flecks that I’m always mesmerized by, floating through them, and I feel myself unwillingly calming, feel my lungs gently take in air, mirroring Darius, breath for breath, until we’re both just… done.
My markings fade, my hair drops and my hands fall to my sides as we just stare at each other. Like something else forced us to stop, to now allow this to continue. Our eyes speak for ourselves until I look away, feeling strangely… vulnerable.
“What is it you want, Rhea?” Belldame asks. I stare off into the distance, watching the moon, glistening the treetops as I squeeze my eyes shut and regain some composure.
I don’t want to do this now, I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to see him.
“I want to take her back to Vokheim to answer some questions. Truthfully,” Darius replies, and I scoff.
I turn to look back at him. “I’m a liar and a manipulator, how would you ever believe a word I say? And better yet, why the fuck would I explain anything to you now?”
Leo steps forward and my eyes move to him, my body tensing. Darius releases a low rumbling sound, and Leo eyes him as he stays where he is. “Information isn’t adding up between what’s been said since our time at the hall and before. We need to figure out what really happened. We now know you didn’t cause the rogures, you were a child, but maybe if you told the truth, your truth, it may help us get rid of the rogures. I don’t know how but.” He shrugs. “It’s worth a shot.” For him to say this after not being my biggest fan before the events at Wolvorn Castle gives me pause.
What would they gain from this? What do they want to know exactly?
“And if you still don’t believe me?” I ask them.
“We take you to the Highers,” Zaide says, and I’m already shaking my head.
“It’s a lose-lose situation for me, you won’t believe anything I say either way.” I’m not going back there unless it’s to kill them all and get Kade.
“Will you help us get Sarah? If we tell you what we know?” Josh asks out of nowhere, as he walks to stand next to me as I gape at him.
“Josh, what the fuck?” I whisper-hiss. The guys behind me also questioning what he’s doing.
He ignores me. “Well?” he asks the Elites and I grind my teeth, my eyes going back and forth between them.
“Why do you want Sarah?” Jerrod asks, looking at him curiously.
“She’s in danger, whether you believe that or not, but answer my question. Will you help me get her?” he asks again, and I have no idea what he’s playing at.
What is wrong with him? Why would he suggest this?
“Josh.” I go to grab his arm, but he steps away from me.
A pause, then. “If she’s in danger, which I do not believe,” Darius says, “then we will help her get away from that danger.”
Josh’s shoulders loosen, and I just stare at him, shocked. The fuck? He can’t possibly be okay with that?
He turns, finally looking at me. “Show them,” he demands.
“What?” My brows furrow. Show them?
“Show them,“ he repeats, looking over my body. I stumble away from him, already shaking my head when I realize what he’s asking. No, no way, who even is he right now to ask me that? What right does he think he has? “Show them, they will believe you, me, us.” He throws a hand out to us all, but I’m still shaking my head at him, still backing away as the Elites watch on curiously. “Rhea, show them!” he shouts, and I flinch away from him, my eyes wide in shock. I can’t control my reaction quick enough which causes a growl from Darius, which I ignore.
“Now, child,” Belldame calls Josh. “Just calm down.”
“No,” he refuses. “Show them, Rhea.” He storms over to me, closing the distance as I stagger back from the look in his eyes. It’s determination and anger.
“J…Josh, w…wait.” He grips the front of my shirt and rips it down the middle while I stand there in utter shock. I don’t want to hurt him, he’s Josh. My Josh, the brother I’ve never had. But he’s ripping my shirt off and starts undoing the ties on my pants, and I can’t move…
I see Darius storm our way and I act without thought, finally able to move and push power into Josh, sending him flying away from me and Darius as I look at him, tears stinging my eyes.
“What the hell, Josh,” I croak out a whisper as I try to close my now-tattered shirt around my front, trying to hide my naked chest. How could he do that to me?
Josh gets to his feet, his face hard as he looks at me. “Show them, I’ve never asked you for anything, I’m asking you now. You said you would repay me somehow for getting you out of our pack, I’ve always refused. But now, Rhea, I’m asking you this one thing. Show them.”
His eyes plead with me as Darius comes to a halt a few feet away, watching our interaction closely.
“I…I,” I stammer, unable to get words out, unable to think or feel or know what to say.
“You asshole,” Colten shouts at Josh as Hudson hauls him back by the neck when he tries to storm his way over here. The rest of my pack is looking at Josh with the same shocked and angry look as Colten as Belldame halts them from coming closer.
I stand there, shaking, feeling the guilt rise in me at his words. Josh hasn’t ever asked anything of me, he risked his life to get me out of that basement, he could have died, but he did it anyway. He has never asked for anything for saving my life, and I did say I would repay him. This is a small ask, right? This isn’t a big deal. This is the least I could do, isn’t it? if it’s what he really wants? I should repay him, shouldn’t I?
So why do I feel vomit crawling up my throat that’s slowly tightening, why do I feel the air around me squeezing me so tightly, why do I feel so hurt after what Josh has just done?
“This is what you want?” I ask him, my voice wobbly. “What you truly want and what you have decided?”
He swallows, and I swear I see guilt in his eyes before it clears. “Yes.”
“What’s going on?” The confusion is noticeable in Darius’s tone but I ignore him as I keep my eyes on Josh. He’s not wavering. Will he forgive me for not telling him about Sarah if I do this?
I step away so I have a little room, not wanting anyone near me. No one to get too close.
No one near me means they’re not there, right? They won’t see me, won’t look at me. It will just be me on my own if I don’t look at them.
If I can’t see them, they can’t see me.
If I can’t see them, they can’t see me.
Runa whines inside of me as I repeat this to myself. I ignore her as I shakily shrug off my tattered shirt from my shoulders, throwing it to the grassy ground. Cool air hits my naked skin and I shiver as it sinks into my bones.
“Rhea,” Seb murmurs, and I hear his shuffled footsteps before they stop, my pack talking in hushed whispers.
I look at Josh one more time, hoping he’s changed his mind, to tell me he didn’t mean it, but he just watches and waits. I squeeze my eyes shut briefly, then loosen the rest of the ties on my pants before dropping them, pulling them down my leg and off my feet, kicking them to the side.
I step away from my clothing and breathe deep, closing my eyes and ignoring the shake that is rattling my whole body.
If I can’t see them, they can’t see me.
“Little wolf?” Darius growls. I tense at his words that are filled with something like care, with an undertone of possessiveness. It’s all a lie.
Moving a little further away, not looking at anyone, I lift my head to the night sky and will my body to loosen, to ignore the eyes on me and the quiet growl that doesn’t seem to stop. The breeze welcomes my naked flesh, bare to feel it all. Just me, the grass beneath my feet and the moon looking down upon me.
But even as coolness spreads over my body, even as my skin is revealed, inch by inch to the earth around me, I’m fully vulnerable once again, though this time it is much, much worse. Tears still spill from my closed eyes, I’m unable to stop them as they drip down my chin and onto the dirt.
I can’t stop them because I’m not alone, and everyone is seeing my body without its glamor for the very first time, apart from Josh. I can feel their gaze on me, all of them on something they shouldn’t be seeing.
A body that should always be hidden along with the story marked upon its skin.
My story. My horrors.
They see it all.
