talk about it?” Darius asks, hot on my heels as I wind down the corridors in the west wing, trying to find where they have taken Sarah. We’ve been back less than ten seconds from my old home, and he’s already on me like a pixie orgy.
I scoff at him. “Oh, now you want to hear my side of the story? I’m surprised you let me the other night without threatening to break my jaw. Did someone slip something in your drink?“ I can’t deal with him right now, I feel too raw, too out of sorts.
I’m grabbed by my arm roughly and the next second, I’m slammed up against a wall. I grunt, glaring up at Darius. He lowers his head, his lips a touch from mine and my eyes narrow. “You will tell me,” he rumbles, the sound deep.
“Don’t you think I’ve told you enough? What fucking more do you want from me, huh?” I shove at his chest, but he captures my wrists and pins them to the wall beside my head. He runs his nose along my cheek to the side, the movement slow until it trails down my throat. His lips touch my pulse that’s beating rapidly, wildly. I can’t control it, can’t control how my body reacts to him. His lips move up my neck until he nips my ear, causing me to suck in a sharp breath and resist the urge to tilt my head.
“I want everything, little wolf,” he murmurs, his breath caressing my skin as he speaks. “The moment you decided to try and kill us in The Deadlands, I owned you. I own everything down to the soul within you.”
“You can’t own what’s barely there, Darius,” I whisper. How could I have one after what they did to me, what has been done to me, what Darius did to me. It feels like there is nothing fucking left of it. He moves back, his face so close to mine.
“You think you barely have a soul?” He asks, I say nothing, but he sees the answer in my eyes. He breathes out a chuckle, shaking his head. “You have a soul, Rhea, just like we discussed the other night, you don’t need to remake it. I’ve felt it. There’s nothing wrong with it.“ My brows furrow. “Every time you look at me unguarded, as rare as that is, I see it. See what’s within you, see who you are.”
“A murderous, manipulative whore?” I ask, still hurt over the words he once said to me.
“No,” he says quietly. “I see what’s mine.”
“I am the lands,” I correct.
“And I am the below. One cannot be without the other.” I stare up at him, my stomach fluttering at his words even as confusion swirls in my mind, but it doesn’t stop the heat pooling between my thighs at him calling me his. Which is beyond ridiculous but happens nonetheless.
This pull we have, that’s what’s making us react in this way to each other. This connection, it isn’t real, it was created by the Gods, but they chose wrong. So fucking wrong. I have to remember that.
“I can still feel your whip on my back,” I tell him, and then I see it, the small flinch he tries to hide as his eyes turn cold. “I feel every slash, every strike, every. Single. Hit. I understand your reason behind it now. At least that’s what I’m telling myself. To you I was the traitor who brought rogures upon us, the ones that killed your family. You needed me to talk and I wouldn’t, or more, I couldn’t say what you all wanted to hear in that hall. Then you did what was ordered like a good little sheep by reaching out for that whip,” I snap. “I may understand it to an extent, but I can’t forgive you for it,” I whisper, and his jaw ticks. “I don’t know if you even want to be forgiven, or care to, but I suspect not. You may now understand that reality isn’t what it seems. But I was real. I never lied for malicious reasons, I’ve never put myself before others. I have never done something that was for me, nor would I do something as cruel as releasing a curse to have beasts roam and prey upon innocents.“ I let out a shaky breath. “The last time I begged, I swore it was the last. Until you.” His eyes flash black. “And you didn’t hear me, didn’t listen or care to.” I shove my arms forward, and he releases my wrists. He takes a step back, his eyes never leaving me as I turn and continue walking down the corridor. “I owe you nothing more when it comes to me. You may think I’m yours, maybe in some sense of protection because of us being Heirs, but nothing else will be yours, Darius.”
“Your body is mine,” he growls behind me, and I stop at his words and look over my shoulder at him.
“The other night, I just wanted to feel something other than darkness and despair, the other time, I was in heat, allowing me to override my anxiety of letting someone into my body. You’re the second person that can say they have been inside of me, but what we did in that cave? That was a bodily reaction, motivated by my heat. There was no mind, heart, or soul involved. I won’t let you inside of me again, I doubt I will let anyone ever again.” I mutter the last words. “So if you are doing this for a fuck, Darius, it is a lost cause.” I walk away from him, leaving him standing there.
I rub at my arms, feeling the pull to turn back but I don’t, I can’t. Because I just lied, again. And this time it was for me, because if he knew that he tore off a little bit of my heart when he left that cave with his words, he would use it to hurt me, cut me down with his words. Even more so if he knew how deep the wounds are that he’s caused me by using that whip. I don’t know if I can handle that right now. My defenses are low.
“Vihnarn,” Darius murmurs, and I trip over my feet, throwing a hand out to steady myself against the wall. I turn sharply.
“W-what?” I stutter, my eyes wide.
“Vihnarn,” he repeats, and tilts his head. “You called me that at Wolvorn Castle.” I swallow. “What does it mean?”
“Why?” I question, stalling for time.
“Answer me,” he demands roughly.
“I thought you knew the language?”
“A little.”
“It means warrior, brave, strong, honorable,” I rush out. “That’s all.”
“Hmm.” He tilts his head the other way, studying me, and I don’t know if he can tell that was a load of bullshit what I just said, but he eventually nods. “Go right at the end and third door on the left.” With that he walks off, his body tense.
I don’t waste time and follow his directions to where Sarah is, thankful he didn’t push it or call on my bullshit. I reach the door in no time and hear murmurs inside. I knock gently and twist the handle before pushing it open, seeing Sarah lay in the larger bed in the center with Josh lying down beside her, stroking her hair as she sleeps. He looks up when I enter, the pain in his eyes damn near unbearable.
“She’s okay now, we got her,” I tell him down the link, and he squeezes his eyes shut. It’s the first time I have spoken to him through it since Witches Rest, but I can’t help but try and reassure him everything will be alright.
“Thank you. For making it possible to save her.” He keeps his eyes closed when he replies and I’m grateful, because he would have seen the hurt in mine for what he pushed me into doing. But seeing Sarah here and safe makes my feelings conflicted.
I know Josh will come to me when he’s thinking more clearly, It still doesn’t stop the hurt running through me though.
“I’ve checked her over and she has some wounds on her arms and the side of her ribs, but that’s it. She hasn’t been touched anywhere else that I can find.” I look toward Anna as she sits at a small table at the back of the room, mixing something in a bowl. I breathe out a sigh of relief, knowing the unspoken words she hasn’t said.
She wasn’t raped, thank the Gods.
“She will be okay now,” Anna continues. “Just time. We all just need time.” She continues with her mixing and I look back toward Sarah on the bed.
For some of us, all the time in the lands won’t heal some hurts, we just learn to cope with it better. They are still there though, lingering beneath the skin. Sometimes they come to the surface, sometimes they lay dormant. But they are still ready to strike at any moment, catching you off guard so it can pull you under.
I nod my head at Anna and close the door softly behind me, leaving them to take care of Sarah until I can talk to her. I lean against the wall beside it until I’m sitting on the floor, my body landing with a thump. I close my eyes and rest my head against the cool stone at my back, exhausted once again. No matter how much sleep I get, I’m just so tired all the damn time. Belldame thinks it’s because I don’t have full control of my power, so because I’m having some sort of internal war with it, it’s exhausting me.
“Imagine your soul and your Heir power as two separate strands,” Belldame tells me as I sit in a grassy clearing with her. “They need to come together, intertwine, and then fuse to create a new strand. It will fight you, they will clash, especially because you are not fully connected to your wolf.”
“She won’t come out no matter how hard I try,” I grumble, mentally scowling at Runa. She huffs and lays her head down on her paws, eyes closed with not a care in the world.
“Then I fear you will never be able to grasp your full potential if she won’t come out, and with this war between your soul and power, it will exhaust you, and you will be prone to outbursts.” She sighs, and comes to sit down next to me, the bones hanging from her neck rattling. “There has to be a way, child. Every Heir that has come here has all been one with their wolves and have said when they received the power of being an Heir, it was like it had been there all along. That’s the only difference I can see between you and them. Your wolf.” She picks at the bones around her neck. “What I do know within everything that I am is that Heirs are the only ones that can rid the lands of this plague of rogures. It’s getting worse, the lands are dying, the dark is rising.”
Some Heir I am when I can’t even control my power, or it exhausts me when I use too much. I huff and lean back on my hands. “Are the lands punishing us? Is that why the rogures are here?”
“I do not know, child, all I know is what’s been passed down to me. The Gods are angry, and we are feeling their wrath. That’s all I know, but I’m not sure of what.”
“Can a ritual be done to curse the lands?” I ask. “Darius said I did it, which is not true, but what if the ritual part is right and it caused the rogures?”
“I’m not sure, I haven’t heard of such a thing before. This is why you should visit the Gods’ home. They have all the knowledge.”
“I don’t even know where the Gods are. I have no idea where that is or where to even start looking,” I grumble and pick some grass between my fingers, sending some power into it slowly and watching it lengthen.
“It will reveal itself,” Belldame tells me, watching as I make the grass grow. “It must.”
I blink my eyes open sleepily, the corridor now brightening with the sun rising through the window. Shit, how long did I sleep for. I scrub my hands over my face and stand, stretching my muscles out. I groan at the feeling and crack my neck. Damn that felt good.
“Are you ready to go over what we took from your old home,” a voice says out of nowhere, and I react on instinct.
My hand flies through the air until it connects with a throat. My eyes widen as Leo coughs and splutters. “Oops?” I say, looking over him warily as he finally straightens and rubs his throat.
“Damn, Rhea, keep your hands to yourself.”
“Don’t sneak up on me then,” I fire back, watching him with caution to see if he will retaliate.
He shakes his head. “It’s no wonder he liked you from the first moment, even though you tried to kill us.” He thinks for a moment. “It probably turned him on.”
I scowl and put my hands on my hips. “I don’t know whether to be horrified or impressed someone can get a hard on mid battle.”
“It’s the adrenaline,” he chuckles, then his face turns serious. “Go easy on him, yeah?”
I shake my head. “Would you go easy on someone in my position?”
“No,” he agrees, his eyes tightening. “He did what he had to in the moment to protect me, us.” My brows furrow. “If Darius breaks an order from Charles, he doesn’t get punished, at least not physically. Charles would punish me and the others instead, knowing that would get Darius to agree to do what he wanted because Darius would take his wrath himself if that were an option.” The breath releases from my lungs in a rush. Is that true? Did he only do it because he was keeping his men safe? I look over Leo, looking for any sign that he’s lying, but all I see in his eyes is him imploring me to hear him. “Darius is punishing himself enough, just… think about it.” I go to respond when he says, “Come on, we’re waiting in the dining room.” He turns and I follow, shaking my hand out from the soreness. Bastard has a stupidly hard neck.
I enter through the door and see the Elites and my pack, apart from Josh, Anna, and Sarah, sitting at the table. The walls that were full of pictures of the Elites is now gone, not a single frame to be seen, and those stupid flutters in my belly start again. Moving toward the table, I flop down in an open seat, ignoring Darius’s stare on me as what Leo told me runs through my mind. Why hasn’t Darius told me this himself? Does he think I wouldn’t understand to some extent? All I have ever done is try and look after my pack. Shit, I even went into the Deadlands to kill, no, did kill, some of his Elites to protect them. My stomach churns, and I do raise my eyes to meet his then. I see confusion in them, like he knows something is off, but he doesn’t know what. I quickly look away and down at the number of papers in front of me that we rushed to get. I pick up one of the sketches in front of me and wrinkle my nose.
“What is this?” I ask the room, looking over the drawing of a beast-like creature and putting what Leo told me to the back of my mind.
It stands on two legs, its wolf-like face having very human eyes and ears, apart from the pointed tip at the top. Its skin falls off in clumps behind it and foam drips from its lips.
“It looks like a deformed rogure,” Damian says, and I can see that for myself.
“Have you ever seen something like this?” I ask him and pick up another sketch of this creature.
“We haven’t, and I’m assuming you haven’t either?” I shake my head. “Well I hope it’s just a sketch.” He shivers and gives the drawing a wary look. I hope so too.
I pick another piece of paper and it’s covered in names, some crossed off and some having certain markings beside them. I study the names and notice they are all female, and so many of them. I stand quickly and lean over the large table, moving papers out the way and collecting the ones that have more names on them. When I can’t find any more and have a reasonable pile in my hand, I take them with me as I go to sit on the floor in front of the fireplace so I have more room.
“What is she doing?” Leo whispers.
“Concentrating,” Taylor replies.
“She could have just done it on the table,” Damian grumbles.
“Is this really worth complaining about?” Hudson says, and I hear more paper being shuffled around.
“Maybe he needs to get laid,” Colten chimes in. “Hey Seb—“
I block out their bickering and spread the papers out in front of me, scanning name after name. I move through the sheets, seeing so many crossed off, then I come across one I recognize. “Fuck.” I keep looking over the papers, dread filling me.
“What is it?” Darius asks as he comes over and crouches next to me. His knee touches my side but I don’t move from the contact. Not when his scent wraps around me, wanting it in this moment.
“Look.” I pass him the paper and he takes it from me, studying the names. I point to one. “Sarah is on this list. These could be the names of people that are…. training, or taken. Otherwise, why would she be on there?” There are so many names, hundreds. None of my pack are though. My throat closes up at the thought of still being unable to get them. “Do you recognize any of them?” He shakes his head.
“We’ll look over them and see if we recognize a name. Then I’ll go and get the pack records and bring them here and we can see if any names match.”
“Where are the pack records?” I ask.
“At Wolvorn.” My heart stops. With the Highers.
“How will you be able to look at them? Won’t the Highers know?” Will he tell them I’m here with my pack? I pinch my lower lip between my fingers.
“I’m allowed access, but if I’m questioned, I will just tell them a member of a pack has gone missing and I’m checking if they have moved packs without informing them. It won’t matter, but if we find names, the same names that are on these papers, I can go to their home and ask about them. See if they are around.” I nod, still pinching my lip. “We will know more about what these names mean then.” It can’t be anything good if Sarah’s name is on there.
Fuck it. “Will you tell them we are here?” The least he can do is tell me so I can prepare. So we can leave.
Tension fills the room and I know the others heard my question as they quieten down. I look over at Darius and into his furious eyes while he rolls his shoulders. “Why would I do that?” I give him a pointed stare and he growls. “I said I believe you. What more do you want?”
I shrug. “You could easily hand me over and then continue on your way, doing what you have been doing since whenever.”
“I wont do that,” he says, taking my hand away from my mouth so I can’t pinch my lip anymore. I pull out of his grip and rest my hand on my thigh. “Things have changed, but I have to tread carefully. If the Highers, specifically Charles, become suspicious of my actions, we will never find out what he’s up to, where he has taken people and what he wants.”
“If you can find where he has taken the people, children… What will you do? Can you find out where my pack members are?”
“I will try to find where they were taken to, and we will get all of them somehow, bring them back here.”
“Kade?”
He shifts. “The same still stands, I will try and get information.”
I squeeze my hands together in my lap. “The Highers will know then, Charles will know.”
“He will,” he agrees, and stares at me determinedly. “But I can’t ignore what he’s doing, none of us can. That is what an Elite is, a protector and we won’t turn our backs on the lands.”
I look him over before looking at the rest of his men in the room who nod their heads in agreement. “When will you go?”
“Tomorrow. The sooner the better, and then we can figure shit out.”
“What about the rest of the Elites here?” I question and stand, moving back over to the table.
“They are mine, I will tell them their orders.”
I eye Darius skeptically. “Are they loyal to you or the Highers?”
He growls. “That’s what we will eventually find out.”
