the bite mark on my wrist and run my fingers over it, feeling the magic within tingling. Does it make me feel better knowing it’s there? I’m not sure.
I sigh and look at yet another lesia flower on the table, two this time, and I’m yet again left wondering where Darius got them from, or why he keeps bringing me fresh ones.
I’m not complaining, I love seeing them, and love the smell perforating the air. But I’m still left with the reasoning why he’s doing this.
I huff and get dressed, knowing I’ve slept far later into the early afternoon after what happened yesterday.
That thought brings me back to Runa as I don another one of Darius’s t-shirts.
She’s quiet, no more than usual, but it almost feels like she’s… sulking.
I wish she would have come to me instead of kicking me and Darius out, I could have seen her, apologized for not protecting her as I should have all those years ago.
But she shut me out.
I guess I should feel lucky that I was even able to be in the same space as her. I didn’t even know it was possible to be inside my own mind. Though I shouldn’t be surprised as I ended up doing that to Darius.
It felt so real though, like we were in a different space, which I guess we were. It wasn’t like we were an apparition or projected there somehow, no. I felt everything in there as if I was still on the lands. I know that to be true after Darius fucked me and then we gave each other a blood oath. I look down at the bite mark again and will it to disappear. It does at my command, as easy as thinking, just like with the scars upon my body.
The room suddenly begins to shake, and I wobble, reaching a hand out on the bed to steady myself.
The windows rattle, and cracks form in the floor. The glass holding the lesia flower wobbles and falls over, rolling until it smashes, the water spilling.
My brows furrow as I look at it, then I look to the door when I feel the power this commotion is coming from.
Moving on wobbly legs, I rush out the door and down the hallway, holding onto the wall for balance as the shaking intensifies. I hear shouts from somewhere, but I pay it no mind as I follow the invisible tether to the holder of that power.
I round a corner and come to a halt, noticing where it’s coming from. It’s like a concentrated well of magic, just ready to burst free from the door it hides behind.
Clenching my teeth as his dominance hits me next, my own rises to hold his off. Someone shouts in alarm in the direction of the stairs when another wave passes through the floor, and I move to the door, putting my hand on the handle and shove open the door.
Mist crawls along the floor in waves. It spreads out, but then recedes before repeating the motion. Every time it crawls out, the room shudders, as does most of the keep by the sound of people in distress.
My eyes snap to Darius as his body is coated in a fine sheen of black. His markings are apparent on his neck, and two larger masses spread above each of his shoulders.
“Darius, what—“ I start to say, but I immediately pause as I follow where his eyes are glued. They look glazed over, unfocused, but not. When I track them to the book he’s holding, I gasp at the symbol on it.
Darius’s head snaps up, his brows furrowed until he blinks. My heart hammers inside my chest at what he’s doing, at what he’s done.
“Rhea,” he mumbles, looking down at the book and then back to me.
I’m already shaking my head, my legs feeling weak at what he’s done. Trust. That’s what he said, and yet he went digging, finding the book I tried to hide so hard to hide from everyone, from him. And yet here he is, betraying that trust again and now he’s read some of it. Read what they did to me.
“Rhea,” he says again, letting the book hang loosely by his side in his grip.
“How could you,” I mutter, my stomach swirling with nausea. “You said you would drop it.”
“I said I would drop it for now, little wolf.”
“You still had no right!” I shout, my body shaking with the need to move, to get out of his sight with the look in his eyes. I take a step back.
“Don’t you dare— “
I turn and run down the hall, going toward the steps that will take me outside, that will take me away from here right now.
Feet slap against the stone behind me, and I increase my speed, getting to the steps and running down them three, four at a time. Reaching the door at the bottom, I open it and slam it shut behind me, ignoring Darius’s shouts as I head for the willows.
Shoving open the gate with him hot on my heels, I throw a barrier up behind me and keep going. I hear him growl, but I continue on, the grass tickling my feet as I go.
“Rhea, just wait,” Darius calls.
“Get the fuck away from me,” I shout back, and then his barrier appears ahead of me.
I slow my gait, my chest heaving as I walk to the barrier and place my hands against it.
Nothing, not even a crack.
I growl and spin toward Darius who stands a little ways away from me, his brows furrowed. “Are you done?”
My eyes harden. “You had no right!”
“I did. We are not hiding anything from each other any more.”
“That was private.” Those were my memories of my childhood. No matter how horrid it was, it was mine.
Darius shakes his head, his nostrils flaring. “I told you I want to know everything where you are concerned.”
“So what? That makes it okay for you to do that?” I scoff and wipe a tear angrily as it falls. I should have known he would go looking for it, should have hidden it better. Darius will always get what he wants, regardless of his words. Though he is right, he did say for now. But this can’t go on. No matter the blood oath, there is no trust, and any trust that existed, he’s broken it. I can’t keep doing this.
So with that thought in mind, I ask him what I’ve wanted to know but have been too scared to up until now.
“Did you know?” I ask him suddenly. He tilts his head. “You know all sorts about me, it’s about time I knew something about you. Did. You. Know?!”
“Know what, little wolf,” he murmurs, but his eyes flash, looking off to the side.
“No more secrets, huh?” I scoff and turn to walk away, but a rope around my waist halts me. I look down and see his magic warping around me, holding firm but not hurting. I try to move it with my own, try to get it off me and I’m yet again unable to do so, just like his barrier.
“Darius,” I say, praying for sanity… I’m about to lose my mind. “Get. Off. Me.” I turn and see his pacing ramping up. His feet land on the grass more heavily, and he scowls at the ground as his arms swing aggressively with his walk. Stalks start to turn brittle, darkening in color, almost like they are… dying.
“Ask me and I will tell you. No more secrets, no more…hiding.”
“Hiding from me, or you?” I snap, and he shakes his arms out.
“Ask.” He doesn’t look at me as he paces, and I’ve never seen him so… uncomfortable maybe? Nervous? But this is Darius, he doesn’t feel these things.
“When you saw me in The Deadlands, did you know I was an Heir?” I watch him carefully, waiting for his answer.
“Not at first, but I suspected,” he says, and I blow out a breath. “I figured it out when you asked me to protect your family in the cave. Though I still didn’t know I was an Heir at the time, I just… knew. Felt you were one.” And yet he still didn’t out me, I outed myself. Why?
“And this?” I ask, moving my hand over the center of my arm. My fingers dig into my skin, not wanting him to answer, but I have to know.”
Darius looks over at me, at where my hand is and something flashes in his gaze before his pacing becomes longer.
“Did I know?” he asks, but I think it’s more to himself as his fists clench at his side. “I didn’t know until you said so.”
My eyes close briefly, and something like relief fills me that at least he didn’t know. It doesn’t make it better, but it doesn’t make it worse either. Runa lies down inside of me, head resting on her paws, but I can feel her anxiety, feel her tension.
“Would it have mattered at all if you knew? I wonder aloud and Darius stops, turning to face me. “Would you still have done what you did?”
He swallows roughly and thinks for a moment, then he shakes his head. “I don’t know.”
My heart drops, and I nod, a scoff coming from me. “Of course you don’t know. You’re the Alpha of the Elites, the Highers’ dogs, nothing else matters than that.”
He runs a hand through his hair. “Rhea—“
“I would never have done what you did to me knowing that. It takes me less than a second to realize that, but you?“ I tilt my head back, my anger rising. “You don’t know.” I place my hands on my hips, a growl coming from me. it hurts more than I should let it, and my heart can’t take any more beating right now.
“I—“
“Fuck you,” I breath, and then snap my head up at him. “Fuck. You.” I go for him, and I’m barely aware that he releases his hold on me and then I’m hitting him. Anywhere and everywhere I can. His face, chest, legs, feet, stomach. I hit and kick and scratch and slap and I don’t stop. Screaming at him, growling, hating that I’m feeling so raw and open and yet the fact remains.
He doesn’t know if that would make a difference in his decisions.
The Gods really chose wrong.
The Gods are liars.
I don’t want it. I don’t want it. I don’t want it!
Hands grab my wrists, and then they are pulling me into a hard body. My breaths come out in hard pants as I struggle, wanting to get away and I hurt.
We go down to the floor and I land on top of him, and I know he fucking let himself be taken down. It makes me even more angry. Without thinking, I have my knife from my boot in my hand, and in the next breath, it’s at his neck. I look down at Darius, and he doesn’t even flinch, doesn’t even try and move it as his arms lay limply at his sides. I dig the knife in further, and I watch as beads of blood form and dribble down his neck.
“How could you say you don’t know,” I whisper to him, and to my horror, tears sting the back of my eyes.
“Back then, I was too angry after what I saw in the crystal, too blinded. I don’t know if it would have mattered at that moment when all I felt was rage.” My fingers tighten on the hilt.
“You whipped me,“ I say. “You…” I choke on a gasp. “You whipped me.”
He becomes blurry as I remember that moment. The pain, the betrayal, every slice, every strike, I feel it all as if I was still there, kneeling on that cold floor in front of the Highers as he did it.
He closes his eyes briefly. “I did whip you,” he replied, his voice horse. My head bows when he has finally said it out loud. Not once in all this time has he said those words to me. “I’m sorry, little wolf.”
“No, you’re not.” My other hand goes to his chest, my fingers digging into him as my body shakes. “Liar.”
“I’m sorry,” he repeats. I shake my head. His hand moves and he slowly cups my chin before raising my head. “I’m sorry for what I did to you. You will never know how deep that regret goes, my pain, knowing I did that to you. I tore your flesh from your back. From you. From my Vihnarn.”
A sob escapes from me and I squeeze my eyes shut. I’ve wanted him to admit what he did and to apologize for it, to show me has some regrets. But I don’t even know if this is enough. If I can move on from this. A hand on my own that holds the knife has my eyes opening, landing on it.
“What kind of male am I to do that?” Darius murmurs. “How can you even look at me sometimes, how can you still let me in your body?” He laughs to himself. “And I take advantage of the connection because I want you. You know I do, and you still let me,” he sighs. “And even now? You’re not doing what you’re supposed to be doing and driving that knife into my throat.”
“I should,” I whimper, a tear running down my face. I should do that, end it here and now.
“You should,” he agrees. “Take It.”
“What?” I chokes out.
“Take it. Your revenge, your justice, the blood you are owed by me. Take. It.”
“That’s not—.”
“Take. It.” He growls, releasing his dominance, and I gasp, my hand that was on his chest now moving to the side of his neck. I grip him there, holding his eyes.
He’s not scared, not even the slightest bit of hesitation is registering in his eyes as I could quite literally kill him, here and now.
To be free of him, us.
He pulls my wrist, and the knife sinks deeper into his skin. I release a panicked sound, feeling sick to my stomach as I take the knife away, holding it up high. My chest heaves, my body trembles and I know my eyes are wild, confused and unsure.
“How much did you read in that book?” I ask.
“As much as I could before you appeared.”
Bastard. “You didn’t have to read it, there was nothing in there that mattered to you.”
“It is about your life, nothing else matters more to me than that.” I falter for a moment.
“You still had no right.”
“When it comes to you, right and wrong doesn’t matter,” he says easily.
I growl and bring the knife down. Darius doesn’t look anywhere but at me as the knife slides through flesh, easily. Darius grimaces, but otherwise, doesn’t move at all.
Tears drip from my chin. “How can you do this to me,” I whisper, shaking my head. “Not only… not only did you know I was an Heir, but you don’t know what you would have done if you knew what we are. You continue to break my trust, wanting to know things about me without my permission.” I hiccup, my stomach dropping. “What did I ever do to deserve this?” I scream, twisting the knife. “I have done nothing but try my best, done nothing but try and save others, done nothing but put myself last!”
Darius grunts, his hands raising to land on my hips. He squeezes them gently, his thumb rubbing back and forth against me. Not once does he try and remove my knife, not once does he try to get me off of him.
“You did nothing wrong, I know that now. I didn’t back then.” My brows furrow at his words. “When you told me there is no mercy in the lands before I walked behind you and whipped the flesh from your body, you were right. But I was wrong. I shouldn’t have done that. I have lived with that regret, and will always continue to do so. But at the time, I thought I was right. I was trying to punish and get information out of a traitor of the lands who caused the rogures. Who caused the very thing that killed my family.” I suck in a breath at the reminder that he has also lost loved ones, and that he thought I had caused that. I try to think of it from his point of view and what I would do if I were him, and I don’t even know the answer to that. He continues. “How could it be you who caused so much pain? How could this female be an Heir? She is just like what the stories say about them being dangerous, and we have a right to do what we must against them. Those were the sort of things running through my mind after I saw that crystal, and I was lied to.” He lifts his eyes to the sky above, but I don’t think he’s really looking at anything. “When I suspected you were an Heir, duty should have come first, and I should have made it known what you were, but after everything, I still couldn’t reveal it to the others what you were. Just like you couldn’t reveal it to me until you felt you had no choice, because you also suspected.” He makes a frustrated sound. “Even though at that time you were a traitor, I did have mercy on you the best that I could, Rhea. It may not seem like it, but I didn’t put much strength into whipping you, I just made it seem like I did. Not like it even mattered.” He swallows roughly and his eyes become unfocused, like he’s seeing something from memory. “I had two options at the time, to hurt the traitor or have my men harmed. I couldn’t resist the order, and I didn’t know you were innocent at the time. So I made a choice I thought was right.”
I still. “Then what Leo said was true?”
His eyes snap back to me. “What?”
“Leo said that if you didn’t do what Charles said, he would hurt him and the others.” That’s when he also said to go easy on him.
“Fucking Leo,” he breathes, looking back up to the sky. “He didn’t lie, but that is no excuse for what I did.” So it was true. He sits up suddenly, and the blade in his shoulder digs deeper. “I can never take back holding that whip.” He doesn’t look away from me as his hands start to run up my back, tracing lines he cannot see. I shiver. “I’m sorry for all the wrongs I committed against you, Rhea. I’m not sorry for many things in my life, I’m not sure I’m even capable of it, but with you, I am.”
“I begged you to keep Kade safe, to keep my world safe,” I say, thinking back to all he has said to me.
“And I broke my vow.”
“I begged you to listen to me, that I was innocent.” I hadn’t begged since I was a child, but I did with him.
“And I ignored it.” His hand comes to the back of my neck. “I’m sorry.” My eyes bounce between his, and I feel my face fall. I slump forward, the fight leaving me. My head lands on his uninjured shoulder, and I breathe in his scent, always wanting his scent.
“I’m sorry,” he says again, massaging my neck.
“How can I believe you?” I mumble against him.
“I am, little wolf. Believe me in this.” A pause. “Please,” he grits out in a low tone and that word, his saying please settles my soul a little. Darius doesn’t say please, but he did for me. “I’m not saying it for forgiveness, I’m saying it because I am regretful. If I could take that moment back, if I could have just shoved down my rage to listen, I would have.“ His hands tighten on me. “And then I would have chosen you like I should have done to begin with.”
Why can’t someone choose me first?
I pull the knife from his shoulder, and more tears fall from my eyes. I try to burrow myself there, just wanting to hide for a little while, to just let myself fall for a moment. Sobs wrack my body when I can’t hold it in any longer, and I choke when I can’t get enough air in. Darius’s grip tightens on my neck, trying to pull me from him and I fight it, until I relent.
Thumbs swipe at my tears, but more just keep falling in their place. In my blurry vision, Darius drops his head, then he’s rubbing his nose against mine so gently. I hiccup, trying to get away again but he just brings me back to his neck, to a place that makes me feel somewhat safe.
I feel his magic in the air, feel it coming from him but I don’t look, just stay where I am as my body shakes with my heaving sobs.
“Let me feel your sadness, your rage. Your hatred… your pain, Rhea.” I shake my head, wanting to cover my ears but also wanting to hear his words, hoping it will just stop this hurt. Everything hurts. “Let me have it all,” he continues. “You have been hiding long enough, you don’t need to hide from me, never me.” A pained sound leaves me and I feel his body tense under mine. “The vow I make next, I will not break.” His magic seeps into me. “I’m the Heir of Cazier, of the below,” he says, his hand coming to the back of my neck again. “I am the dark, so find sanctuary inside of it. Let it out into the open, where I will take it as my own.” My trembling worsens, my teeth chattering. “I will shield you, you only have to let me.” My fingers dig into him, my teeth biting his shoulder as another sob comes from me. “I don’t deserve it, but I won’t let you down like I have done in the past. My days are now spent for you, and only you. And from now on, I will always choose you.”
My power flies out of me, uncontrolled, wild and free, but this time, I’m not scared. I don’t want to call it back, I just let it…be.
“I’m sorry,” he says again.
“It… it hurts,” I choke out, and Runa moves restlessly inside of me. He brings me even closer than I thought possible, wrapping my legs around him so we are chest-to-chest.
“I know.”
I sniffle. “I want you to hurt just as much as I did.”
“I know.”
I whimper, and Darius lifts my head again. I feel his eyes on me and I scrunch mine closed, hating that he’s seeing me like this, but I feel relief that I let some of my hurt out. He puts me back to his neck and I feel the coolness of his power wrap around me, soothing me. I feel his breath on the top of my head, and then he inhales a deep breath, a rumbling sound coming from him. He holds me as I cry more, as I claw at him to get closer, even though that’s impossible. His scent makes me feel like I can hide here for a little while.
I just want to hide for a little while.
Darius shifts me in his arms, and my arms go around his next, a frightened sound leaving me. Not yet, just let me stay a little longer. He holds me tighter, keeping me close.
“Under the moonlight,” he says to me, and I whimper at his words, their meaning. He stands with me still in his arms, and I hold on tight. The rocking motion of him walking makes my eyes droop. They feel itchy after all the crying I’ve done. A door closes, and he mumbles something to me but I can’t make it out.
All I know is that I feel warm, protected. Drained.
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but it has to be better than today.
It has to be.
