“I’m seeing Clementine today.” Julian stood in the doorway to my office, still sporting the remainders of a black eye, a cut lip, and the sulky expression of a middle-aged tool who’d gotten his ass handed to him in a fistfight.
I looked up from my laptop, because we were talking about Booger Face. I pressed my index along my mouth.
“First time since?” I asked, leaning back in my executive chair. It had been a shit show since the moment Julian had found out about Wisconsin Dude. The CEO bullshit had finally taken the back seat, and the reality that his marriage—his family—was a sham had sunk in. He looked wrecked. Like reality had finally managed to snap some sense into him. Especially as Amber hadn’t wasted any time dragging Clementine to Wisconsin to hide from the social blow and had taken the opportunity to introduce the dudebro to Clementine as a “good family friend.”
Julian nodded, rubbing at his jaw. “I don’t know what to say to her.”
“How about that you’re fucking sorry?”
“Maybe without the ‘fucking’ part. Amber will kill me, and I think that’s a hundred bucks in the potty-word piggy bank.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Wait, what am I sorry about, exactly?”
“That she’s in this situation in the first place,” I said. “About the circumstances. Where are you taking her?”
“I don’t know. Amber just said to pick her up at five. Where should I . . . ? What does she like? Jesus Christ, I don’t even know what she likes.”
Julian fell into the chair in front of me with a sigh, not bothering to receive a formal invitation to come in. I stared at him like he’d just taken a shit on my desk. We were not exactly on friendly terms since he’d outed my father’s illness and I’d rearranged the organs in his face. We hadn’t even spoken since I’d come to rub the negative paternity test in Julian’s and Amber’s faces. (Literally. I’d shoved it into Julian’s nose and scrubbed it up and down. It would have been the highlight of my year if it hadn’t meant more bad news for Clemmy.)
“How about you take her for a burger, and Mad and I will pick her up and take her to the movies afterward?” I suggested. “It’ll soften the blow.”
Julian’s head snapped up. “You still seeing her?”
“Platonically.” I spat out the word like it was profanity. It seemed acutely unfair to get shoved into the friend zone like a pair of dirty socks after I’d given her enough orgasms to light up a refinery. I shrugged as if I didn’t care. I did care. “Her funeral.”
“Speaking of funerals.” Julian took a greedy breath, avoiding eye contact as he picked up a batch of black Post-it Notes from my desk and began thumbing them nervously. “Telling everyone about Ronan . . . that was horrendous. I apologized to him. Assured him I won’t be dipping my toe into the CEO scheme anytime soon. Just thought you should know.”
I said nothing. Understandably, I was suspicious. He threw his head back, staring at the ceiling with a sigh.
“I just wanted something of my own.”
“You had something of your own. A wife. A daughter. A good career.”
“A wife who hated me despite my trying to please her in every way. A wife whom I’d promised would become a CEO’s wife and, when it appeared that my promise was not going to get fulfilled, constantly threatened to leave me. I wanted the chief executive position because I thought it meant keeping Amber. She and Clemmy were the only things I had that you didn’t. In trying to keep them, I neglected them, spending all my time at work. And now I’m getting a divorce.” He threw his arms in the air, laughing bitterly. “Irony is a bitch.”
“You can still have Clemmy. All she knows is you as her dad. As for Amber, I can sincerely say shoving your dick into a paper straw will give you more satisfaction than being with a woman who only wants you for your wallet and status. Even you can do better than that.” I wasn’t prepared to console my brousin after eating shit from him for three consecutive years, but kicking someone while they were down wasn’t my style.
“Anyway.” I arched an eyebrow when it became clear Julian wasn’t going to move an inch until I kicked him out. “I have work to do. Text me where to pick Booger Face up.”
He got up, looking around him like he was forgetting something. Maybe his manners. He should’ve knocked. He also should have apologized for the past three years. Being remorseful meant jack shit without an official admission.
“You know, Chase, you’re not so bad.” He stopped at my door.
I stared at him blankly. “Thanks for the lukewarm endorsement. Isn’t not so bad synonymous with I’ve met bigger shitheads?”
He snorted out a laugh. “See? That’s what I mean. I always thought you had no heart, which made villainizing you easier. You seem so detached from everything around you. You walk around with this broody dark halo around you. Almost like the devil.” He frowned. A shiver ran down my spine. That was how Madison referred to me. I’d thought she was joking. I didn’t think so now. “But I realized it was just you being you. And that you are capable of caring for people. You care about Lori and Ronan, Katie and Clemmy.”
And Madison. I cared about Madison too.
In fact, a part of me wasn’t so sure I was vastly different from my ex-girlfriend. In some ways, I, too, went out of my way to please the people I cared about. That was why I put so much on the line for Dad. But unlike Madison, my people-pleasing tendency had made my mouth write a check my ass couldn’t cash. I’d promised Amber marriage. And gotten slapped in the face with her betrayal.
But I was still a sucker for those I loved.
I would always have my family’s back.
Julian sent me a hopeful glance. Oh, for fuck’s sake. Just when I thought we were treading carefully out of Jerry Springer territory, he went and got all Brady Bunch on my ass. I couldn’t catch a break. I took a deep breath.
Say it.
It’s going to taste like turd, but you need to say it.
He is family.
“I care about you too.” I tried not to grit my teeth too much around the sentence. Julian’s eyes lit up. I got it. In his mind, we’d been fucking him over, giving him the Black name without the perks, so he’d rebelled. It wasn’t an excuse for his shitty behavior, but it was the incentive.
“That so?” he asked.
“Seems that way.”
“Does that mean I get to keep my CIO role?”
Or maybe he just wants to cover his ass and secure his job.
“Too soon,” I warned.
“Thanks, bro.” He gave me a wink.
I waited until he got out of my office, then gagged.
I made a stop at Croquis to pick Mad up. Sven was by the elevator bank, rubbing an employee’s pregnant belly like it was a crystal ball and gushing about babies. I gave him a nod, passing by him. A semifamiliar girl with Khaleesi-blonde hair cornered me, chasing me the length of the studio.
“Mr. Black, wait! I just wanted to thank you again for convincing Sven to give me another chance. I don’t know if you saw my two emails . . . or flowers. I want you to know I don’t take it lightly at all, and I’m not going to blow my second chance.”
I hmm-hmmed. I had no idea who she was or what she wanted from me. My eyes were laser focused on my target—Madison Goldbloom, sitting at her station in a powder-blue dress with white swans printed on it.
“Maddie and I are totally bonding. We went to lunch the other day. I don’t know if she told you. We’re cool with each other.”
Now she was physically standing in my way, so I guessed I had to address her.
“Nadia, right?” I asked.
“Nina.” She smiled brightly. “Maddie said you guys are no longer together. I’m so sorry.” She put her hand to her heart. Yeah. She seemed about as sorry as Daisy after trying to impregnate poor Frank. “If you ever need anyone to talk to . . .”
I’ll seek professional help from someone who doesn’t want my cock in her mouth, I was tempted to finish for her, but I knew Mad would call me a jerk, and I really, really didn’t want her to see me as the devil incarnate anymore.
“Appreciate it.” I bypassed her, going straight to Madison, who was frowning at her phone. She looked up when she noticed me, grabbed her jacket, and gave me a distracted kiss on the cheek that almost made my fucking heart explode.
“Thank you. Anyway”—she smiled up at me—“I was hoping we could say hi to Ronan on our way back from the movie. I made him nondistressed banana bread.”
“Nondistressed?” I ducked my head to catch her eyes. She dodged the eye contact. Everything about the platonic shit was watered down, impersonal.
“Meaning I didn’t batter it. The outside looks subpar, but the inside tastes really good.”
“The outside looks better than you think,” I murmured, knowing it was sink-or-swim time and finally—finally—deciding to get my head out of the water.
It ended up being a pleasant evening, everything considered (things I considered: I had to see Julian’s sour-ass face again, and Madison remained fully clothed for the entire duration).
After the movie, we took Booger Face to see Dad and stayed for tea. When it was time to go, Madison stopped me at the door and put her hand on my chest. My muscles jerked under her fingertips like she was fire.
“He doesn’t look very good,” she whispered, rubbing my chest in circles. “Stay with him. I’ll take the train back home.”
Normally, I’d try to buy more time with her. Today, I knew she had a point. I kissed her cheek. “Thanks for killing my libido and possibly my retinas with that movie. I will never look at ball gowns and tiaras the same again.”
“Thanks for being a good sport about it.”
She lingered. Mom and Clemmy were in the living room, doing a puzzle together. Dad was in the master bedroom. I could lean in and kiss her, and she’d let me. Her eyes were burning with that something I’d learned to recognize. A carnal hunger.
And definitely not the place.
I leaned back, flicking her nose with a smile. “Bye.”
“Bye,” she said, the word thick in her voice.
As soon as she was in the elevator, I took out my phone and messaged her, knowing the reception was crappy there.
Chase: I fucking love you, Madison Petal Goldbloom. So much it sometimes hurts to look at your face.
<Chase has removed a message from the chat>
A minute later, she replied.
Maddie: What did you send and delete? I’m going to kill you for this one day, Chase.
Chase: Dad says the banana bread was just okay. Didn’t want you to get offended.
Maddie: You’re a jerk.
Chase: Someone has to be.
“Come in.”
Dad’s voice was hoarse from his lungs working at only 10 percent capacity. I pushed the double doors to his room open.
I pressed my back against the doors, hooking my thumbs into my front pockets. He lay in the shadows. Grant had explained to me that he was on a lot of painkillers but was still majorly uncomfortable. His breathing was so labored he sounded like an old car trying to spurt its last few miles before running out of gas. It had been both slow and fast coming.
“Don’t just stand there, boy. Come in. I don’t bite.” He coughed. I took a few steps in, feeling overwhelmingly inadequate for the first time in my life. He had days, maybe. Hours, more like. And still, the world turned. We took Booger Face to the movies. We went to work. We lived. Every moment I lived away from him felt like betrayal.
He propped himself on the headboard, reaching for his nightstand and picking up a rolled cigarette. I arched an eyebrow as he grabbed the lighter next to it.
“Getting high?” I asked sarcastically.
“As much as I can with the state of my lungs. Medicinal cannabis. Does wonders for the pain.” He lit up, inhaling deeply until it hit the spot. He coughed the smoke out. I sat beside him. “Maddie seems in good spirits,” he remarked.
“Are we really going to talk about Maddie?” I picked up the jar of marijuana next to his nightstand, examining it.
“No, sorry. Let’s talk about my favorite subject—my dying.”
“Touché.” I scratched my stubble. “Yeah, she is doing fine. She’s worried about you, though.”
“Are you romancing the poor girl?” He cocked his head sideways, taking another hit. It was surreal to sit here with him smoking pot. All he needed now was a backward ball cap on his head and a Pornhub Premium subscription, and he’d be every guy I’d known in college.
I chuckled. “She’s not that unfortunate yet, but I’m working on it.”
“Slowly.” He tapped the ash into an ashtray.
“Let me worry about the pace. You worry about cramming as much fun as you can into the next few weeks. Look, I want to iron things out about the whole Julian crap at the office. We never really got to talk about it.”
Dad waved me off. “No need. I knew, subconsciously, that this was going to happen at some point. The two of you needed to figure it out, and you did. The balance of power. Julian tried his luck with the leader of the pack and did not succeed. He is now tending to his battle wounds, and you’d be wise not to poke them while they’re still fresh. As I mentioned before, I see him as a son. Clementine is my granddaughter. Nothing will ever change that. Biology could never rival familiarity. But I will tell you this, Chase. Out of all my children, I see the most of myself in you.”
When he finished talking, he took a greedy, hungry breath, like he couldn’t stand the strain on his lungs of uttering a few sentences together.
“Thank you.” I bowed my head.
“It is not a compliment,” he deadpanned, surprising me. I looked up, frowning. He sighed, took another hit, and talked with the joint clasped between his fingers.
“I’m stubborn and pigheaded and extremely unreasonable at times. I love your mother, but I am the first to recognize I’ve put her through hell with my radical moods. I have no manners to speak of, and I’m sarcastic even when the time doesn’t call for it—which is always. I want you to promise me something.”
I hoped to hell he didn’t mean to warn me against being sarcastic. I’d need to cut off half of my brain and my tongue to be on the path toward not making a dark joke out of everything.
“Hit me with it,” I said guardedly.
“Give love a chance. It is rare and raw and completely life changing. A girl like Madison doesn’t fall into your lap every other day. If you miss your chance with her, there’s no guarantee another girl who is tailor made for you will just walk into your life. I know Amber hurt you, bad. You didn’t love her, though. You wanted to get settled and get the romance thing out of the way. I saw the way she looked at you. I saw the way you looked at her.”
I knew what he meant. I’d looked at postcollege Amber like a new, shiny, limited-edition car. She’d raised my stock and seemed like a good addition to my life at the time. I looked at Madison like she was a piñata full of surprises and orgasms I wanted to burst. With my dick-shaped bat. She kept me on my toes and made me second-guess what she was going to do or say. And I had ended up watching Me before You. Guess what? Louisa Clark was hot as hell.
“Open up your heart. Life is shorter than you think. And when you’re in my position, bedridden, a breath away from death, you don’t think about all the money you made, all the lucrative deals you signed, about the revenues and people who screwed you over and people you screwed over in business. You think about how lucky you are to be eating homemade banana bread and listening to your grandchild laughing from the other room and the love of your life being the person who made her laugh.”
I closed my eyes, nodding. “I promise I . . .” I started talking, but when I opened my eyes, I saw Dad passed out. He was fast asleep, the last flame of the joint burning in his hand. I took the joint, put it out in an ashtray on his nightstand, kissed him good night, and left.
