We stand in front of the hostel as we wait for the Uber. Eddie is chatting away happily, while Christopher and I are as awkward as fuck.
He won’t even look at me, and all I can do is stare at his beautiful face, hoping to catch a glimpse of emotion.
Any emotion will do.
Last night’s momentary brain snap has reopened the cut, and I’m bleeding out, in need of an urgent transfusion.
The car pulls up, and Christopher pulls Eddie into a hug. “Look after Hazen,” he tells him. “I’ll be back for you in a few weeks, and then we can start our new life in London.”
Eddie smiles proudly up at his protector. “Okay.”
Christopher’s eyes find mine, and a wave of sadness hits me like a freight train. He hugs me and holds me close, cheek to cheek.
Don’t go . . .
We cling to each other, both not wanting to say goodbye but knowing that we have to.
He pulls out of my arms and steps back. “I have to go.”
I force a smile. “Safe travels.”
“Call me if you need anything,” he says.
I need you.
“Okay.”
He messes up Eddie’s hair. “See you soon, kiddo.”
He gets into the Uber with a small wave, and the car pulls out into the traffic.
Eddie and I watch it disappear into the distance. My heart is dripping into a crying puddle on the floor.
Eddie turns to me, totally unfazed. “Want to go to the beach?”
I smile at his perfect innocence. “Sure.”
CHRISTOPHER
I sit at my desk and stare into space.
I’ve never felt so low.
Not only have I lost the woman I love . . . I used her for sex.
And she knew it.
I had to. I couldn’t help it. I had to dissociate so that I could go through with it.
In that moment I needed her body, and I couldn’t bear needing her.
It was better if I pretended that we weren’t breaking each other’s hearts in the shower that night.
It was better that we pretended we didn’t know each other.
So why does it feel so bad?
Like my whole world is coming to an end.
I regret losing her. I regret just fucking her more.
I only make love to Hayden Whitmore, nothing more and nothing less.
Why we went there, I don’t know.
Maybe I’m broken now? Maybe casual sex is ruined forever?
I keep seeing the way she looked up at me, the heartbreak behind her eyes.
She knew. She knew that in that moment, she could have been anyone.
I only did it to try to protect my broken heart.
Didn’t work . . .
I can’t leave it like this. I have to apologize for being so cold.
The guilt is killing me.
I dial her number, and I close my eyes as it rings.
“Hello . . . ,” she answers.
I get a lump in my throat, and I stay on the line, shocked that the sound of her voice can affect me so much. “Hi, Hayden,” I eventually push out.
She stays silent, waiting for me to say something.
“Hayz.” I try to articulate what I want to say. “I rang to apologize.”
“For what?”
“My behavior in the shower that night.”
Silence . . .
“I just . . .” My vision blurs with tears. “I had to block you out.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m angry at you for breaking my heart.”
“Chris . . . ,” she says softly.
“And I feel terrible, and I can’t forgive myself for it, and I know that’s not how we are. You didn’t deserve it.”
“It’s okay,” she whispers, and I can tell that she’s crying.
“I just . . .” I screw up my face. “I just miss you . . .”
“I know, baby. Me too.”
This isn’t helping anything. “I have to go,” I blurt out.
“Christopher—”
“Goodbye.” I cut her off before hanging up the phone.
I put my head into my hands. Devastation doesn’t come close.
HAYDEN
I sit at breakfast and sip my coffee as Eddie tells me in great detail all about his shift behind the bar last night. “And then this other guy threw ice, and it started another fight.” He continues on with the huge elaborate story.
I smile as I listen. I never realized how much of a chatterbox he is, or perhaps it’s just that I’m only now noticing it because we are spending so much time together.
It’s been two weeks since Christopher left, and it’s been nice having one-on-one precious time with Eddie.
I glance at my watch. Christopher will call him soon. He does every morning, and at the end of their conversation, he will ask to speak to me.
And the five-minute conversation I have with him will make my entire day.
Our chats about nothing mean everything.
Like clockwork, my phone rings, and the name Christopher lights up the screen. I pass it to Eddie, and he smiles broadly and answers it. “Hello, Christo.”
I watch as they speak, and Eddie talks, all animated, with a huge goofy grin. Christopher’s calls make his day too.
I sit patiently and listen to them talk about the last twenty-four hours and what they did.
My turn.
Christopher chats away, and Eddie smiles as he listens.
My turn.
It’s all I can do not to snatch the phone off him.
“Today?” Eddie says. “We’re going to the fruit market, and then Hazen wants to buy a dress, so I guess I’ll have to take her.” He rolls his eyes as if it’s a hassle.
I smile. The truth is he loves doing anything that’s normal. Whatever we do together is fun for him.
Eddie holds the phone down. “Christopher says no white dresses.”
I laugh. “Tell him about our reading,” I mouth.
“Oh yeah.” Eddie smiles excitedly. “Hayden and I started reading lessons. She’s teaching me.”
I hear Christopher’s voice elevate louder. He likes the sound of that.
“And we bought some pencils, and we’ve been drawing at the beach,” he says proudly.
I smile as I listen in.
“And Hayden bought me some little-kid books.” He rolls his eyes. “About baby animals and cars and stuff.”
“Which you have already memorized,” I tell him. “We have to go back to the beginning, remember?”
They chat and chat, and damn it, my turn.
Finally, Eddie holds the phone out to me. “He wants to speak to you.”
My heart somersaults in my chest. “Hello.”
“Hi, Grumps.” His voice is deep and sexy. It instantly makes me feel warm and fuzzy. “How are you?”
Good now.
“I’m good, and you?”
“I’m okay.”
We stay on the line as if we have a million things to say . . . but are unable to say them.
“How was your day?” I ask.
“Busy. I’m trying to get as much done as I can so that I can clear my schedule when he arrives.”
“That’s a good idea.”
“I spoke to the embassy today. Looks like it will be another two weeks.”
“Oh.”
“Is that okay?” he asks.
“Can you fly over for a weekend to see us . . . him,” I correct myself.
Shit.
“I can’t, babe. I have to work.”
Babe.
“Of course.” I stay on the line, trying to think of something intelligent to say. “Have you been going out?” I ask nervously.
“I haven’t been out since you left.”
“You haven’t?” I whisper.
“Out has nothing I want.”
I smile. We stay on the line some more. There’s a magic swirling between us when we speak now.
Deeper than sex, more special than love. An understanding that even we don’t understand.
“I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you doing this for me, Grumps,” he says softly. “Maybe Eddie and I could come and visit you at the farm someday?”
“I’d like that.”
My heart constricts . . . I want more than a visit.
“I should let you go,” I reply.
“No, don’t go,” he splutters before catching himself. “I mean . . . sure, okay.”
“You could call me tonight if you want?” I shrug.
“Really?”
“Uh-huh. I mean, Eddie is working . . . but . . . if you wanted to talk or . . . anything.”
“I’ll call you tonight.”
I smile hopefully. “Goodbye.”
“Bye.”
We stay on the line, both waiting, and there’re three words missing from our goodbye.
Three words I desperately want to hear.
“Speak tonight,” he eventually says.
“Bye.” I hang up, and Eddie rolls his eyes.
“What?”
“Why do you pull that face whenever you talk to him?” he asks.
“What face?”
“That gooey and gushy face.”
“I do not,” I scoff.
“Do so.”
“Eat your breakfast.” I point to his food. “We have coloring in to do.”
My phone buzzes on the side table.
Christopher
I swear I’m like a groupie now. Even seeing his name light up on my phone sends me into overdrive. “Hi,” I answer.
“Hi . . .” His voice is familiar and sexy and sends tingles up my spine. “How was my girl’s day?”
His girl.
The smile nearly splits my face in two. “It was good. Better now.”
Something’s changed, and I can’t tell you exactly what that is because I don’t want to jinx it. I only know that our late-night calls have become softer, more intimate.
We don’t talk about anything, and yet we talk about everything. Never once have we spoken about our relationship or where we stand, but the point is that we talk.
Every day.
He calls Eddie in the morning and talks to me briefly, but then he calls me late at night, and we talk for hours.
I miss us.
And I want to try again. I have so many regrets about how we ended last time. I should have stayed. I should have tried harder. I feel like the demise of our relationship was my fault, but I don’t know how to tackle the subject. I keep hoping that he’s going to bring it up, but he doesn’t. The fact that we love each other has never been the issue.
However, our demographic situation is still the same. He loves the city life; I love the country. I don’t know how to get around this. It’s a huge issue. So I’m not sure if it’s going to work.
Or if he even wants to try.
But his devotion to Eddie has set in stone what I already knew.
He’s the one.
Christopher Miles is a very special person, and I don’t know any man, let alone a playboy billionaire, who would put their hand up to adopt a homeless kid off the street. This is going to change his whole life, and he doesn’t care. He’s so selfless.
Caring and brave.
The thing is, I can see our future so clearly . . . the three of us.
It’s perfect.
I just have to figure out how to get there.
“I’ve been thinking about what school Eddie will go to,” he says.
“I’m not sure school is such a great option,” I reply.
“What do you mean?”
“Kids are mean, Chris. He can’t read or write. They will pick on him, and I feel like sending him to a snooty school is setting him up for failure.”
“But he has to learn, Grumps. He can’t not go to school.”
“I’m not saying never. I mean at first. I think he should be homeschooled for a while.”
“But how will he make friends?”
“He doesn’t need friends; he needs a family. Friends will come later on, but at this early stage he needs to be protected. He’s been through enough.”
“Hmm, maybe . . .” He thinks.
“I could . . .” I pause, dreading his reaction. “I could come and help for a while.”
“Meaning what?”
“I could stay and help you with Eddie.”
“I don’t want you to move here for Eddie, Hayden. If you move here, it has to be for me.”
I close my eyes. My heart hammers in my chest.
Fuck.
Just say it . . .
“Christopher . . . I regret not trying harder,” I whisper. “You were right. I should have stayed and worked through it with you. I feel like a massive failure.”
He stays silent.
“I feel like I’ve ruined everything, and I don’t know how to fix it.”
“No, babe,” he says softly. “It was my fault. I pushed you too hard.”
“You didn’t. You did everything right.”
“What are you saying?” he asks.
“I’m saying I want another chance.” My heart hammers in my chest, nervous about his reaction. “I’m saying that I’ll . . .” I shrug. “I’ll work harder on settling in, and the apartment will be great. I’ll get used to it.”
“I don’t want you to have to get used to it.”
“I can’t get used to being without you,” I whisper.
“Haze . . . ,” he says softly. “Do you have any idea how much I love you?”
I screw up my face in tears. “I’m so sorry.”
“Sweetheart, it’s me that’s sorry.”
“So . . . I can come back?” I whisper hopefully.
“Of course you can come back. I love you; you know that.”
I sob out loud as relief overwhelms me. “I love you.”
“Now we just have to get this visa through so that we can be together.”
I laugh through tears. “The three of us.”
“Yeah.” He smiles. “The three of us.”
Four painfully long weeks later
The plane touches down on the tarmac, and Eddie excitedly smiles out the window. I can hardly contain my excitement.
I get to see him.
Everything feels different between Christopher and me now. Like we’ve been at war and in the trenches together and are now coming out the other side. I feel closer to him than I ever have, and that’s saying something because we’ve always been close.
We decided that he would wait in London and I would bring Eddie home. There was no point in him flying all the way over here just to ride home in a plane together. He’s been working super hard so that he’s able to have some time off to settle Eddie in.
The plane stops on the tarmac, and we wait as everyone slowly gets off. It’s early afternoon, and we make our way into the airport. Eddie is nearly jumping out of his skin, he’s so excited.
Christopher is waiting by the door, and he laughs out loud when he sees Eddie and rushes him into a hug. I stand and wait patiently.
My turn.
He turns to me and gives me a slow, sexy smile, and my stomach flips. I know that look.
“Hi, Grumps.”
“Hi.”
He takes me into his arms and kisses me softly as he holds my face in his hands. “Come on, let’s get you home.”
Home.
He leads us out of the airport and into the parking lot. “How was the flight?” he asks Eddie.
“It was so great. You should see it from up there,” he gasps.
Christopher laughs as he listens. Eddie’s excitement is infectious.
“Where’s Hans?” I ask as I look around.
“I drove.”
“You did?”
“Uh-huh.” He holds up the key, and the lights flash on a black SUV as it unlocks.
“Whose car is this?” I frown as I look it over.
“I thought it was time I bought a sensible car, now that Eddie is here.”
Eddie’s eyes widen, and his face nearly splits in two with excitement.
“Oh.” I smile. “I’m impressed.”
“In the back seat, kiddo,” Christopher tells him. Eddie jumps in, and I get into the front, and we pull out into the traffic.
“You should see how fast the plane went while it was taking off,” Eddie gasps from the back seat.
Christopher smiles. His eyes flick up to the rearview mirror to watch his excited face. “Yeah?”
“And we got food.” He continues to talk at a million miles per minute.
“What did you get?” Christopher asks.
“Chicken something and then dessert. What was the dessert called, Hazen?”
“Chocolate brownie.”
“Yeah, that, and it was so good I had Hazen’s, too, because she was already full. And I had lemonade, and then the lady gave out hot towels, and I didn’t know what you did with it, but you wash your face, in case you didn’t know.”
Christopher chuckles as he listens.
Eddie keeps chatting away and telling Christopher about every little detail about the flight, and I smile as I stare out the window.
This is a happy day.
An hour later we are still driving, and I look around, confused. “Where are we?”
“This is the back way. There’s heaps of traffic through the city tonight.”
“Oh, okay.” I smile as I imagine Eddie’s face when he sees Christopher’s swanky apartment. I can’t imagine how foreign this must all feel to him. Not that you would ever know it. He’s so excited that he hasn’t shut up.
We pull off the highway and drive up a country road. “This is a real back way.” I frown as I look around.
“I’m just going to call in and pick something up from a friend. He lives out here.”
“What are you picking up?”
“He has sons and has some things for Eddie. I haven’t had time to call in and get them. I’ll be quick.”
“Oh, okay.”
Weird.
We pull into a driveway, and a sign is hanging on a pole beside the gate.
BUMFUCK, NOWHERE
Huh?
I glance over to Christopher in question, and he smiles over at me with a sexy wink.
“Your friend called his property Bumfuck, Nowhere?” I frown.
“Uh-huh.”
My eyebrows rise by themselves. “Now . . . I’ve seen it all.”
Christopher chuckles, and we continue up the drive. The sun is just setting over the mountains, and all I can see is rolling green hills for miles. “Wow, it’s beautiful out here.”
“It is, isn’t it?” Christopher says casually as he focuses on the road.
We drive and drive and drive. This is the longest driveway road of all time. “How big is his property?” I ask. “Must be huge.”
Christopher shrugs. “I don’t know, a couple of hundred acres, probably.”
“Hmm.”
We drive up a hill, and there’s a huge big beautiful row of trees that leads to an old house. There are a few cars parked, and a man is sitting on the front steps.
Christopher waves out the window and gives a toot of his horn, and the man waves back.
Eddie and I peer in as our car pulls in around the huge circular driveway.
“You guys coming in?” Christopher asks.
“Um . . .” My eyes meet Eddie’s. “Okay.”
We tentatively get out, and the man walks down the front steps. “Hi, Hayden,” he calls.
I frown. Do I know him? As he walks toward us, I see that it’s Elliot, Christopher’s brother. “Oh, hello.” I smile. That’s right: he lives in a country house. “How are you?”
He kisses my cheek. “It’s so good to see you.”
Christopher introduces Eddie. “This is Eduardo. This is my brother Elliot,” he tells Eddie.
“Hey, buddy.” Elliot shakes Eddie’s hand.
“Your farm is beautiful,” I gush.
“It is, isn’t it.” Elliot smiles. He leans up onto his toes as if excited. “Eddie, I want to show you something in the stables.”
Eddie’s eyes flick to me in question, and Christopher rubs his back reassuringly. “It’s okay. Go with Elliot.”
Elliot walks off, and Eddie tentatively follows. I watch as they walk off.
“I have something that I want to show you, Grumps.” Christopher takes my hand and leads me up the stairs of the house. It’s old and weathered and has an otherworldly feel.
“God, this house is beautiful.” I smile.
Christopher opens the door, and my mouth falls open. The room is full of flowers, and lit candles are everywhere. My eyes flick to Christopher in question.
His big sexy eyes hold mine, and he takes my hands in his. “I realized something, Grumps.”
“What’s that?” I whisper as my heartbeat sounds in my ears.
“It doesn’t matter where I live, because you are my home. As long as I’m with you, I’ll be happy.”
Oh . . .
He kisses me softly, his lips lingering over mine.
“I bought this farm for you.”
“What?” My eyes widen as I look around. “You did?”
He drops to his knee and pulls out a ring box and flips it open. “Hayden Whitmore, you have taught me how to love somebody with all of my heart. I thought to be happy that I needed to be a diamond, but you showed me that it’s okay to be coal, and you loved me just as I was. You didn’t need me to be anything else. I was enough. I need to grow old with you, to love and protect you for all of my life. Will you marry me?”
My heart swells. Is this happening?
“I’ll commute to work in London, and I know it’s not your family farm, but—”
“Yes.” I cut him off as I sink to my knees on the floor beside him. “Yes. Yes, yes.” I laugh. “I’ll marry you.” I kiss him. Our kiss is tender and intimate, our lips lingering over each other’s.
Perfect.
He slides the diamond ring onto my finger. It’s a solitaire diamond set in gold.
Traditional and perfect.
“But you don’t want to live on a farm,” I whisper.
“I can’t live without you. Bumfuck, Nowhere, is our compromise.”
I giggle as we kiss. “We are not calling our farm Bumfuck, Nowhere, Christopher.”
“Why not?” He kisses me again. “Hopefully there’s going to be a lot of bumfucking going on here.”
I burst out laughing. “You idiot.”
Christopher’s lips drop to my neck, and he walks me backward toward the couch. “We have approximately eight minutes before they get back.”
I giggle and then look around. “Where has Elliot taken Eddie, anyway?” I ask.
“For a walk, just in case you said no.”
I giggle. As if that would ever happen. I hug him tight as he bites my neck. “I love you so much.”
A crash bang sounds on the porch, and Elliot and Eddie come flying through the front door. They slam it shut behind them. They look like they just saw a ghost and are panting and gasping for air.
“What’s wrong?”
They glance at each other. “Nothing.”
“Why did you run in the door like that?” Christopher frowns.
Elliot straightens his shoulders. “No reason. Just wanted to . . . join in the festivities.”
“I said ten minutes.” Christopher widens his eyes.
“I gave you fifteen.” Elliot widens his eyes back.
“That was like two,” Christopher gasps.
“Anyway, how did it go?” Elliot looks between us.
I hold out my hand with a goofy grin.
“Hayden and I are getting married,” Christopher announces proudly.
Eddie’s eyes widen, and Elliot laughs out loud. “Thank god for that!” He rushes me and pulls me into a hug. “Congratulations.” He shakes Christopher’s hand. “You old dog, you.”
“Old dog?” Christopher mouths. “Really?”
Elliot shrugs. “Sounded good in my head, anyway. Congratulations. I’m going to leave your little family alone to let you get settled in.”
Your little family.
“Thank you.” I smile, grateful for him coming to watch Eddie.
“Dinner this weekend at my house to celebrate.” He smiles.
“Sounds good.” I wrap my arm around Eddie, and he looks up at me all adoringly.
Elliot opens the door and hesitates as he peers out into the darkness.
“What are you doing?” Christopher asks.
“Nothing,” Elliot snaps. “Just . . . looking around.”
“For what?”
Elliot holds his hands out and widens his eyes. “Things.”
“What things?” Christopher frowns.
“We heard a growl in the bushes,” Eddie says.
Christopher’s eyes widen. “What kind of growl?”
“It was big,” Eddie replies. “Huge.”
“What do you fucking mean, a huge growl?” Christopher stammers. “Like what, like a bear?”
“Like a wolf.”
“A wolf?” He gasps.
I burst out laughing. “Are you serious? There are no wolves in the United Kingdom,” I scoff.
“Are you sure about that?” Elliot asks as he puts his hands on his hips. “It sounded pretty wolflike.”
“Uh-huh.” Eddie nods. “For real.”
“Hmm, pretty sure.” I get my phone out to ask Google.
“Anyway,” Elliot replies, “Christopher, walk me to my car.”
“What . . . me?” Christopher points to his chest in horror. “Why do I have to die too? Walk yourself to the fucking car. You’re a big shot farm boy now. Handle it.”
I roll my eyes. “Oh my god, you boys are pathetic. You deal with the biggest assholes every day at work and yet are scared of a tiny wolf?” I walk out the front door in a rush. “Come on, then.”
Elliot follows me as I walk to his car. “You just need some lights out here. It’s very dark,” he justifies himself.
I look up to the house to see Christopher and Eddie peering around the doorjamb as if scared for their lives.
I giggle, and Elliot laughs too.
“Good luck living here with those two wimps,” Elliot says as he kisses my cheek.
“Thanks.” I wave him off and watch as his car drives away.
I walk over to the bush as I bite my bottom lip to stop myself smiling.
“What are you doing?” Christopher calls.
“Just checking things out.”
“Check them out tomorrow, when it’s light,” he calls.
I walk into the bushes. Elliot is right—it is pitch black out here.
“Hayden . . . ,” Christopher calls.
I crouch down and hide.
“Hayden . . . ,” he calls. “The fuck is she doing out there?” I hear him ask Eddie.
“This isn’t good,” Eddie replies.
I hold my mouth to stop myself from laughing out loud.
“Hayden . . . ,” Christopher calls. “This isn’t funny . . .”
“Fuck, she’s dead,” Eddie says.
“Don’t say fuck,” Christopher replies. “Hayden . . .”
I giggle into my hand.
“Hayden!” he cries.
“Go and find her,” Eddie snaps.
“Me! Why do I have to? You’re supposed to be the tough one. Didn’t you live on the fucking streets?”
“You said you’re the parent,” Eddie argues back.
“And when I find her, I’m going to smack her fucking ass.” I hear him walk down the front steps in an outrage. “Hayden . . .”
I peer through the bushes to see him carrying a broom as a weapon, and I screw up my face to stop myself from laughing out loud.
He gets closer and closer.
“Hayden . . .”
I wait until he’s right near me, and I jump out and scream as if something is chasing me. I run past him at full speed.
“Ahhhhhh,” he screams as he sprints for the house.
“Ahhh,” screams Eddie as he waits at the door.
Christopher runs past me into the house. It’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I fall onto the front steps laughing so hard.
Christopher sticks his head around the door and glares at me, unimpressed with my joke. “I’m buying a wolf tomorrow, and I’m going to feed you to him, piece by piece.”
The door slams shut, and I sit on the steps and look around the darkness. I hear the wind in the trees and the animals in the nearby forest. I can hear a stream bubbling in the distance.
It’s peaceful and still. A sense of calm falls over me like never before.
I’m home.
CHRISTOPHER
“And these are your clothes. I wasn’t sure what to get you, so I just got the minimum, and we can go shopping together for anything else you need.”
Eddie sits quietly on the bed as I show him around his new bedroom.
“And through this wall will eventually be a bathroom, but it’s not done yet. The house needs some work.”
He smiles up at me as he watches me fuss.
It’s been a big day. Flew across the world. Watched me get engaged. Nearly saw Hayden get eaten by a wolf.
“You okay, buddy?” I ask him. “You’re very quiet.”
He nods, and I can tell he’s emotional.
“I hope you like it here. There’s no wolves . . . I don’t think?” I shrug. “At least I hope not.”
He stays quiet, and I sit down beside him.
“What is it?” I ask.
His eyes search mine. “What if . . .” He stops himself from finishing the sentence.
I look at him, and I see a scared little boy who’s lost everything that he loved.
“What if this doesn’t work out?” I ask.
He nods.
“It will.”
“How do you know?”
I think for a moment. “You know, Eddie, I’ve been thinking about this, and I’ve come to a conclusion.”
“What’s that?”
“A family isn’t just the one you were born into. I told you before that I felt like we belonged together and that we met for a reason.”
His eyes search mine.
“Hayden and I have been talking, and . . . if it’s all right with you, we’d like to adopt you. We’ll return to Spain with you whenever you want, but I want you in my and Hayden’s family. The three of us. And one day there will hopefully be more children, and you will have your own brothers and sisters.”
He stares at me, and I can see him imagining a future.
“It’s not going to be easy, and there will be days when we’ll all drive each other nuts, but I want you as my son.”
His eyes well with tears.
“Would you like that?” I ask softly.
“Very much.” He nods, and I pull him into a hug and hold him tight.
“Thank you, Christo,” he whispers into my shoulder. “Thank you so much.”
I smile as I hold him. “Call me Dad.”
