I ride back to Lighthouse Medical in a daze.
I stay with Otto. I listen as Dr. Esmeralda explains that they’ll be running tests for the next couple of days. She uses phrases like mitigate the damage.
I have my armor on, and I can barely hear her through the plates of steel.
But when Otto falls asleep and there’s nothing but me and the sound of my own anxieties bouncing around inside my skull, it becomes incredibly hard to keep myself in one piece.
Pearl stays with Otto, and I excuse myself for just a minute. My vision blurs on the way out—the door becomes a foggy shape, and I barely make it through before my cheeks grow hot.
The sanitized floors vibrate in my vision. Every time I blink, the world gets a little hazier, like going to the eye doctor: What about this? Can you see now?
I bump into a solid form. I rub my eyes and try to turn away. “I’m sorry—”
“Hey.” Jason’s hands move to my shoulders. He holds me to him, keeping me in place. “Are you okay?”
My bottom lip won’t stop shaking, but my throat feels like a steel trap and refuses to let any sound escape. It’s all I can do to shake my head.
He pulls me against him. Pressed to his chest, I inhale him deeply: patchouli, mint.
A dam breaks. I’m shuddering, and I can’t stop it—like I’ve got hypothermia. Jason wraps his arms around me and tightens. I’m safe in his boa-constrictor grip, and finally, the tears start to fall.
“I’m so scared,” I sob. “What if—”
“No,” Jason says firmly. “No what-ifs. It’s going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. I promise.”
“Donovan left, he just left—I told him I loved him and he still left.”
Jason holds me and presses a kiss to my hairline, when I hear a small voice state, “It’s my fault.”
Immediately, I pull back and wipe the tears from my face. Otto is there, looking so small in his little hospital gown, his expression grave.
“No, honey—” I crouch down, and my face feels hot, and I know I must look like a wreck, but I force my voice to steady and tell him firmly, “You did nothing wrong. Okay?”
“Not me,” Otto says, “Kevin. He chases everyone away.”
My heart crumbles. I suck in a breath of air, but I can hear the shake in my lungs.
“Hey, buddy,” Jason says suddenly. “You know what I think?”
“What?” Otto asks.
“You’re the coolest kid. I know it. Dr. Donovan knows it, too. Whatever he’s got going on, that has to do with him. Not you.”
There’s a sense of conviction in Jason’s voice that Otto and I both need right now. He’s the solid ground on which we can stand. Jason hangs in the doorway, then adds, “I was about to get some pizza from the dining hall. Does anyone in this room like pizza?”
Quickly, I swipe tears from my eyes. “Pizza sounds heavenly.”
