Knoxville
I’m just steps away from the door when I catch sight of Mariah Bannerman through the peephole. My heart leaps, pounding a frantic rhythm of anticipation. I reach for the door handle, feeling a slight tremble in my fingers, and turn it. The door creaks open, a sound as familiar as my own heartbeat.
‘Hey, girl. What brings you here?’ I ask.
Mariah’s presence is unexpected. It’s been weeks since we last saw each other, weeks filled with the tension of her disapproval over my decision to undergo treatment for Duke’s dream baby…
‘I had to see you,’ she says, her voice heavy with emotion. Her eyes, bright and shimmering, lock onto mine, and it feels like a bridge is being rebuilt, one word at a time.
A rush of emotions overwhelms me, a tumultuous mix of relief, joy, and a lingering fear of the unknown. ‘Aww…’ escapes my lips as I grin, my arms wrapping around her in a tight embrace. I’m fighting back tears, the kind that blur the lines between happiness and pain. Her familiar perfume envelopes me, a comforting reminder of the unbreakable bond we share, no matter the hurdles life throws at us.
‘Come on in. I’ve been waiting for you,’ I say, stepping back to let her inside. I look okay, but inside, my heart is doing somersaults. It’s like standing on the edge of a new beginning, not knowing what it holds, but ready to face it head-on.
Taking her hand, I guide her into the apartment.
I finish prepping the medication for injection. Turning to Mariah, I hand her the syringe with a confidence I’ve honed over time.
‘What is this medication?’
‘It’s Lupron,’ I reply, meeting her gaze.
‘What’s it for?’ Her eyes widen with a clear pool of worry.
I explain calmly as I tried to ease her fears. ‘It stimulates the ovaries to help me produce more eggs.’ It’s a simple statement, but I know the weight it carries.
‘Oh, my God. This is frightening. How can you inject this into your body every day?’ Her voice trembles. I can almost feel her heart racing, her mind grappling with the reality of my situation.
I offer her a reassuring smile, hoping to soothe her anxiety. ‘It’s manageable,’ I say.
‘I don’t see how,’ she counters, her anxiety spilling over. I understand her fear, her inability to comprehend the lengths I’m willing to go for this.
I don’t have all the answers, but I have my resolve.
I have my hope.
And right now, that’s enough.
Despite her visible apprehension, I steel myself for the injections. ‘The doctor needs to retrieve more eggs for fertilization. It’s a standard procedure for every woman, regardless of fertility,’ I explain, hoping to provide some clarity.
Mariah inches closer, her hands visibly shaking. I try to anchor myself in calmness. ‘You’ll be fine. Just take it slow, and please try to calm down,’ I say gently, drawing in deep breaths to calm my nerves.
I press my hand against the lower part of my stomach, feeling the tension under my fingertips. ‘There’s a science behind it,’ I add, hoping to reassure her as she asks about the process.
As Mariah carefully inserts the syringe into my abdomen, I fight the urge to wince, not wanting to alarm her. ‘Well done. Two more to go,’ I encourage, clinging to a thread of optimism.
‘I won’t lie. It’s not comfortable,’ I admit, rolling up my sleeve. Her hesitance is evident as she holds the syringe. Our eyes meet, her uncertainty and my reassurance colliding in a silent agreement.
‘If you need to take a break, it’s okay,’ I whisper calmly, yet layered with a quiet strength.
She takes a deep breath, and I see the whirlwind of questions in her eyes. ‘Does it hurt?’
I can sense her fear and concern, the weight of the moment heavy between us. ‘It’s really not so bad. But we can pause if you’d like,’ I offer, ready to put her comfort before my own needs.
In this shared vulnerability, there’s a strange kind of strength, a bond that deepens with each passing second.
I share with Mariah how the first night was the hardest, the newness and unfamiliarity of it all making it seem almost insurmountable. But as each day passed, it became a part of my routine. ‘Countless women go through this. It’s not unusual,’ I tell her, trying to offer some perspective.
She looks at me with a mix of awe and something else in her eyes. ‘I have immense admiration for Duke Presley, but I can’t bring myself to do this for him,’ she admits her words a testament to the strength she sees in me.
Despite her doubts, I know I need to keep going. This is for my future, for the family I hope to have, for the dreams I’m not ready to give up on.
I laugh as I put away the medications, feeling a surge of gratitude for Mariah’s presence.
‘Thank you,’ I say as we move back to the living room. The weight of the syringes feels lighter with her here.
‘I never imagined you’d be here today, holding a syringe to inject me. I thought I’d lost you,’ I say, the words tumbling out of me. It’s a truth I’ve been carrying, a fear that had nestled itself deep in my heart.
‘I couldn’t stay away for long,’ she says, and there’s so much love and encouragement in her eyes that it almost overwhelms me.
This journey is full of obstacles, but my belief in this path never wavers.
‘Without sex?’ she asks, trying to wrap her head around my choice.
‘Definitely,’ I reply, my conviction as strong as ever.
‘It’s a significant commitment to make for a man you’re not married to,’ she points out. I can hear the unspoken questions in her voice.
‘That’s why God will bless me.”
In this moment, with Mariah by my side, I feel a strength I didn’t know I had. This is my path, and I’m walking it with my head held high.
‘I hope he does because this is a lot,’ Mariah’s eyes are full of questions. ‘So, tell me, how did you convince him? I assumed there was no way he’d agree,’ she asks, leaning in, clearly intrigued by the story.
I take a deep breath, the memory still fresh. ‘He initially said no when he called on Christmas night. It was a firm rejection. But then, two days later, he called back and agreed,’ I share, the rollercoaster of those days still vivid in my mind.
‘Wow,’ Mariah breathes out, her expression one of surprise. I nod, still somewhat amazed at myself.
‘It took considerable persuasion from his grand-aunt. She seems to have some sway over him,’ I say. It’s a curious thing, the influence she holds.
‘I’ve observed that as well,’ Mariah agrees, nodding thoughtfully.
‘Your mom told me she used to be his nanny. I wonder if she cast a spell on him,’ I joke, trying to lighten the mood. We both share a laugh, the tension easing for a moment.
Then, Mariah shifts the conversation to his anonymous identity. ‘What name?’
I playfully hold back, enjoying the moment. ‘Why should I divulge that?’ I tease.
‘Why shouldn’t you?’ she counters, her eyes sparkling with mischief.
‘It’s meant to be confidential.”
‘Concealing things from me already?’ she jokes.
I can’t help but laugh heartily before I finally give in. ‘Kenneth Moss. That’s the name he’s hiding under,’ I reveal, the absurdity of it all making it even more amusing to share. We both shake our heads, amused at the lengths to which these people will go to keep their secrets.
As our giggles subside, Mariah places a reassuring hand on my shoulder. The gesture is grounding, reminding me that, regardless of the outcome, I have an unwavering pillar of support in my cousin.
I tell her about how he got his lawyer to make these secret agreements, and how I had to promise to give the baby to Aisling when it turn two. ‘I can’t stand him,’ I admit, talking about his lawyer.
‘Is he nice to you?’ he asks.
‘He’s around Duke’s age. His name’s Leonard,’ I reply, making a face. ‘I don’t like him at all.’
I flop down on the couch, really frustrated. ‘I just hate him.’
‘Why?’ she wants to know, looking interested.
‘He just doesn’t feel real to me. I can’t stand the guy.”
‘Have you seen Duke since all this started?’ she asks me.
‘Not yet. But I’m so looking forward to seeing him again. I count the days until I can see that handsome face. He calls and texts, like three times a day,’ I tell her.
‘Really?’ she asks, surprised.
‘Yeah. He just wants to make sure I’m okay. He’s worried about the ‘poisons’ I have to take,’ I explain.
She gets it. ‘I see, so he’s got experience.’
‘Yeah, he wanted to just send his stuff over frozen, but his grand-aunt said no. So, he’s coming to do it in person,’ I tell her.
‘Is he going to be at the hospital where everyone can see?’ she asks.
‘No way. It’s happening at night, super early in the morning. The hospital’s too busy during the day,’ I explain.
She nods, understanding. ‘Got it.’
‘Do you think you could be there with me?’ I ask.
‘Of course. I’d love to be there for you, just not inside the hospital. You’ll have to sign some secret agreement first, though,’ I let her know.
‘That’s okay,’ Mariah says, making me feel better.
‘I don’t want to bother you, but maybe you could hang out at the restaurant nearby?’ I suggest.
‘I’ll try to get some days off for you,’ she offers, which means a lot to me.
I give her a big hug. ‘Thanks for always being there for me,’ I say, feeling really grateful.
‘Don’t mention it. So, where are you staying in Alford for all this?’ she asks.
‘I’m booked in a hotel suite. Just for the weekend,’ I answer.
‘I bet he leaves right after it’s done,’ I say, thinking about what happens next.
‘Definitely, or Aisling will get suspicious,’ she agrees.
‘I really miss Shelton. I think about it every single day,’ I admit, feeling a bit sad.
‘Oh, don’t even start,’ she says, sounding annoyed.
‘Why?’ I ask, confused.
‘Because you wouldn’t be going through all this if you hadn’t messed up,’ she tells me straight.
‘Maybe it’s all part of some plan, a better time for everything,’ I say quietly, feeling a mix of emotions.
Then my phone rings from the floor, and Mariah checks who it is. ‘K is calling.
I can’t help but smile a little. ‘Why would you think that?’ I ask, playing it cool.
‘Because it sounds like he’s really getting close to you, sharing his day and all,’ she points out.
‘Okay, I better answer this,’ I say, grabbing my phone off the floor.
‘Can you put it on speaker?’ she asks.
‘Sure,’ I agree, and hit the speaker button.
‘Hey,’ I hear Duke’s voice.
‘Hey,’ I reply.
‘Where are you?’ he asks.
‘I’m at home,’ I tell him. ‘What about you?’
‘I’m at Wesbury Square,’ he says.
‘You’re at the café?’ I ask, a bit curious.
‘Yeah, just sitting in the car, haven’t gone in yet,’ he answers.
‘Does her mom know you’re stopping by?’ I wonder.
‘No,’ he admits.
‘It’s nice of you to check in. When’s she coming back?’ I ask.
‘Thursday,’ he says.
‘Okay,’ I say, feeling a bit relieved.
‘So, how are you doing today?’ he asks, sounding concerned.
‘Good, I just had my first round of injections,’ I tell him.
‘How’d it go?’ he wants to know.
‘It went well. My cousin Mariah’s here, she helped me,’ I say, grateful for her.
‘Oh, okay. How’s she doing?’ he asks.
‘She’s good…’ I say.
I mention it off-handedly. ‘She’s been a rock throughout.’
There’s a brief silence before he replies, ‘Thank her for me.’
Ending the call, I’m left with a mix of emotions. My heart feels light, yet my mind whirls with a thousand thoughts, the biggest of which being the undeniable connection forming between Duke and me. Mariah seems to sense it too, as her knowing eyes meet mine. We share a silent moment, both of us understanding the uncharted territory I’m entering.
