Knoxville
Lying in this hospital bed, the gown they’ve given me feeling too thin and flimsy. Fear’s got a tight grip on me. I can’t shake the worry that this IVF won’t work, just like it didn’t for his wife. I thought I was ready for the discomfort, and the pain, but the reality of it all has me reeling, caught off guard by the intensity.
Leonard’s on his way to see me, but part of me, the part that’s scared and vulnerable, wishes he wouldn’t.
It’s too much, too real.
Mariah’s sitting right next to me, her presence a balm to my frayed nerves. Just having her here makes everything a little more bearable, even if it’s just a tiny bit.
‘So, his lawyer is coming instead of him?’ she asks, and I hear the frustration in her voice.
‘Yeah,’ I answer, feeling a swirl of disappointment and confusion. Why isn’t he coming himself?
‘Why didn’t he come? I thought you said he was,’ Mariah probes further, her eyes searching mine for answers I don’t have.
‘That’s what he made me believe,’ I admit, feeling a sting of betrayal. ‘When we talked, he made it seem like he’d be here, in Knoxville, tonight. But then, out of nowhere, he changed his mind. I don’t understand it.’
Mariah lets out a sigh, and I can tell she’s disappointed too. ‘It’s not fair to you,’ she says softly.
I nod. ‘I know,’ I whisper. ‘I had all these ideas in my head, you know? Like he’d walk through that door, be here for me. But now, it’s just his lawyer. It’s like he’s keeping his distance on purpose.’
Mariah takes my hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. ‘We’ll get through this, no matter what. You’re strong, Simone. Don’t forget that.’
Her words are meant to comfort me, but they stir something in me, a mix of gratitude and a fierce determination. I’m in this, deep and irrevocably. The fear, the disappointment, it’s all part of this journey. And with Mariah by my side, I feel just a bit more ready to face whatever comes next.
‘Well, Aisling is back now. I guess it’s hard for him to leave,’ I try to reason out his absence, even though deep down, I’m not convinced.
Mariah looks at me, skeptical. ‘He could have made up an excuse. It’s not that hard,’ she points out.
‘He could have, yeah. It’s Friday, after all,’ I agree. It would have been so easy for him to be here.
‘Do you think he would have come to see you?’ Mariah asks, her eyes piercing mine.
‘Why?’ I ask, not sure where she’s going with this.
‘Wouldn’t people recognize him?’ she presses, her tone serious now.
I try to lighten the mood, ‘With a cap, glasses, and a fake mustache? He could easily hide.’
She nods, but there’s no humor in her eyes. ‘Right,’ she says, but it’s clear she’s not really convinced.
The frustration I’ve been trying to keep at bay bubbles up. ‘I hate his lawyer,’ I say, the words laced with anger.
‘Me too,’ Mariah quickly agrees. ‘You too, right?’
I nod. ‘Yeah. He’s so rude. I still remember the way he talked to me last time. It was so condescending.’ It’s like he doesn’t trust us.”
Mariah’s eyes harden. ‘Exactly. He’s just stupid.’
Just then, her phone starts ringing, cutting through our conversation. She fishes it out of her bag, her expression changing as she looks at the screen.
‘Who’s that?’ I ask, my curiosity heightened despite everything.
‘It’s my mom,’ she says, and her voice softens. She steps away to take the call, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
Lying there, I can’t help but feel a mix of emotions. There’s the lingering disappointment in him, the frustration with his lawyer, and this underlying fear about the IVF. It’s all a jumbled mess in my head, and I wish more than anything that things were simpler, that he was here, and that I wasn’t lying in this hospital bed, feeling so utterly alone.
