The hardest thing I had ever had to watch was Dustin fainting from the pain. I could tell he tried to mask his pain at the end for my benefit, forcing himself to laugh when I knew he wanted nothing more than to continue screaming. I could feel the pain he felt through our bond, and it made my heart hurt that I could not bear it for him.
But then my mind wandered. We were soulbonded. We had bonded! I had thought I would never have such a gift in my life, and somehow, after admitting to Dustin that I craved it, it became mine. Dustin became mine. I became his. It was a heady feeling that made me feel lighter than air and made my head swim with all the possibilities for our future, but I had to get Dustin out of his pain first.
I watched as he frowned in his restless sleep. Kevin reached over and squeezed my shoulder. “Let him rest, Dad. It’s all we can do, yeah?”
I nodded. “Yes. But I will not leave him.”
“Then I’ll get your sleep pants and bring them to you, and have Beth bring in your dinner.”
I glanced back at my son and gave him a small smile. “Thank you. You have been extraordinary this afternoon.”
Kevin shrugged as he stood. “Crisis management was part of the job for most of my career, Dad. And you tend to panic when it comes to Dustin. Just doing my job.”
I chuckled. “Still. Thank you.”
“Yep. Be right back.”
With nothing to do but wait, I watched Dustin sleep. I traced the lines in Dustin’s brow that deepened as each wave of pain coursed through his already ravaged body. I combed my fingers through his sweat-soaked hair, brushing the fringe from his forehead. If only I could do something, anything to make this better, but I did not know what to do or how to do it. I did not know if using magic to heal would harm him with the bond’s magic working on his system. It pained me to know that I was useless, helpless, that I could do nothing to save Dustin from such pain.
Kevin returned swiftly with my favorite pair of silk pajama pants and laid them across my lap. Then he surprised me by kissing the top of my head. “He’ll be okay, Dad. Get some rest.”
Tears clogged my throat, so all I could do was nod my thanks. And then I was alone with my beauty. My bonded. My mate. My alpha. Never in my life had I ever thought I could ever get this lucky. I just wished my luck had not come at the price of Dustin’s agony.
The sun still shone through the windows, proving we had not spent an eternity staring into each other’s eyes as I had thought while we were in the soulbond’s trance. I glanced toward the windows and got up to close the curtains to give Dustin a break from the sun’s glory. He needed his rest, and if I could make him just a little more comfortable, I would do all that was in my power to do so.
I looked around his room. He had chosen a few orchids to sit on his windowsills, two small cacti to sit on either side of his holovision, a Venus flytrap for his desk, and a few random beauties to dot his bookshelves and to sit in various corners around his room and atop his dresser. He had chosen well. It suited him. I just wished he could enjoy them instead of sleeping the day away to run from the pain.
But I could not blame him. If I felt a fraction of the pain through our bond that Dustin felt, I would have retreated into unconsciousness, as well. It was not fair.
I did not know how long I stood in the middle of Dustin’s room, staring at his plants because looking at the pain on his sleeping face was too painful for me. But Beth wheeled in a cart loaded with a light dinner, a pot of tea, and came over to wrap me in a warm, tight, motherly hug.
“How is he?”
I sighed. “He is in considerable pain and fainted from it. I am unsure of what to do.”
She shook her head. “There’s nothing you can do, hon. Just give him time. He’s a strong boy.”
“I know.”
Beth looked as if she wished to say something but was holding back. But after a moment of watching several emotions scroll across her face, she heaved a heavy sigh and shook her head. “You’re scared he won’t make it through this, aren’t you?”
I sucked in a sharp breath. The thought had occurred to me, but I had shoved it away as hard as I could. I did not want to even contemplate such an outcome. Dustin had to survive.
But could he? He was still mostly human. Could a human survive such a thing as an elven soulbond? What if he did not? What if the agony was too much for his human body to process, and he died in my arms? Could I handle such a devastating loss? I had finally found the one person in two worlds’ worth of elves and humans who was meant just for me, soon to be the only elf in existence made for me—the other half of my soul. I had found him, and losing him now would kill me. It would be so much worse than losing my son because at least my son still lived.
Beth seemed to sense my growing panic because suddenly she had me pressed to her large bosom and hugged me so tight I thought my spine might snap at any moment. She actually lifted me off the ground with the force of her hug and held me there for a moment before setting me back on my feet and cupping my face with both hands.
All I could do was gasp for breath now that her arms no longer constricted my chest.
“You listen to me,” she said as she stared into my eyes. “You listen good, okay?” I nodded, and she smiled. “That boy is a fighter. He fought to gain independence from foster care to get his emancipation. He fought to survive by working a full-time job while going to high school. He fought you tooth and nail when you were being stupid. He’ll fight this, too, my boy. Do you hear me? He’ll fight this, and he’ll win. But he needs you to be strong.”
I didn’t know I was crying until Beth wiped my tears away with her work-roughened thumbs. “I am trying.”
She gave me another one of her motherly smiles. “Eat something. Then grab a book. Lay next to Dustin and read. Be a comforting presence for him, Casersis. Just be there for him. You’ll give him strength because asleep or awake, he knows you’re there.”
I wanted to believe her. Part of me did believe her. My soul knew she was right, but my mind and heart still spun in different directions that made me dizzy and sick with worry.
The smell of food from the cart hit me, and my stomach rolled. I had no idea if I could eat without getting sick. Dustin’s pain still sparked within our bond like the Fourth of July fireworks, and my belly protested the thought of me putting anything in it. But if I did not eat, Beth would mother-hen me until I relented, whether I was hungry or not.
It would just be easier if I gave in, so I sat on the edge of Dustin’s bed and pulled the covers off the meal Beth had made to find a light chicken and dumpling soup with more broth, chicken, and vegetables than dumplings, lightly buttered toast, and a small pot of honey for my toast and tea.
Beth thought of everything.
“I knew you would be worried from what Kevin said, so I made it light for your upset tummy,” Beth said, verifying my thoughts. “If you need anything else, or if Dustin wakes and is hungry, let me know, and I’ll bring in some more soup.”
“Thank you, Beth.”
She leaned in and kissed the top of my head. “Anything for my boys.”
When she left, I started eating. It tasted wonderful, but it sat like boulders in my stomach, even with as light as it was. I knew I needed to eat, knew I needed my strength, so I pushed myself to take bite after bite when I would have rather just curled up with a cup of hot tea. But how I wished Dustin were awake and well enough to eat with me. How I wished he hadn’t had to go through so much pain to bring me what I desired most. How cruel was this, that I had agonized over my insatiable need for a soulbond, and when I am presented with it, it was not the happy union I had wished for, but fraught with despair, worry, pain, and tears?
I ate every bite. Then I disrobed and slipped into my silk pajama pants, refreshed my tea, and climbed into bed next to Dustin. I would choose a book to read from one of Dustin’s shelves later. Right now, I just wanted to bask in his presence, to see if mine could heal him, could ease away his distress and pain. I reached over, rubbing my thumb between his brows to try and ease the furrow between them, to massage the wrinkles in his forehead, to still his restless thrashing.
It somewhat worked. With each pass of my thumb, Dustin’s breathing evened out. His limbs slowed until he rolled toward me and curled into the fetal position. It broke my heart. As helpless as I felt, I scooted closer and lifted his head to rest on my lap instead of his pillow, and petted his hair until his entire body relaxed. By the dim light that filtered through the cracks between the curtains, it had taken hours, but I did not care. I could not care. Dustin had meant everything to me before, but now, he was my entire world.
I was unsure how long I stayed there, petting Dustin’s head and back, rubbing his shoulders, watching him sleep. It did not matter. Nothing mattered except staying with him, being there for him, feeling the warmth of his skin against my leg. This moment was more intimate than any sex we had ever had, and I did not want to miss a moment of it.
The room had darkened considerably by the time Kevin returned to the room. He took one look at me, shook his head, and came over to take my empty teacup from my hand. “Get some sleep, Dad.”
I just smiled at him. “I will.”
“Do you want more tea? I can make a fresh pot for you.”
“No, but thank you. I am fine.”
My son sighed and glanced down at Dustin’s back. “How is he?”
“He has calmed somewhat, but I am unsure if it is because the pain has lessened or because I am petting him. Our bond is strong.” I sighed and shoved my hair back from my face. “I had no idea it could be so strong. I still feel pain over the bond we share, so he is still deeply uncomfortable, but it seems I am offering some form of balm for it by staying close.”
“Then stay close,” Kevin said. He scrubbed his hand over his freshly trimmed, blond hair. I noticed it was starting to gray at the temples, and it made my heart hurt. “If you need anything, let me know. I have a guard outside the door, and Don will be taking his place after he’s had some sleep.”
“Thank you, my son.”
Kevin’s face split into a lopsided grin, one that I rarely saw on his face. “Love you, Dad. Sleep well.”
Tears sprang to my eyes, and I smiled at him more genuinely. “I love you, too, Kevin. Good night.”
“Night.”
As he left, I stared at the panel door to my parlor, watched it disappear into the wall, nearly invisible in the dim light. It had been years since Kevin had told me he loved me, and I wondered what had brought on such sentimentality. Did he think that now that I had a bonded mate, he would be left behind? Surely not.
But was I not leaving him behind in a way? I would live forever, and now Dustin would, as well. But Kevin grew older with each passing day, his body slowly becoming frailer, and it broke my heart. One day, all too soon, he would not be able to perform his duties as the head of my security. Would he feel useless? Would he resent his successor?
My heart aching, I eased Dustin’s head off my lap, smiling as he groaned and grunted and whined at the loss of his pillow. I shimmied down into the bed and pulled him against me, rested his head on my chest, and resumed stroking his head and back. It did not take long for Dustin to settle again. Perhaps with his gentle heat surrounding me, his steady breathing puffing against my chest, his weight pressing me into the mattress, my mind could find some peace.
Sleep did not come easily.
Dustin’s tortured scream startled me awake. Sleep fled as I tried to keep Dustin from hurting himself as he thrashed beside me. His glassy eyes stared at me, tears gathering along his lashes. I could almost feel him begging me to help him, but what help could I offer? This was by far the most helpless I had ever felt because I didn’t know if using magic to take the pain away would cause more harm than good while he suffered through this.
I stroked a hand down his hair when he stopped screaming long enough to pant through the few moments of reprieve between waves. His distress ate at me.
Dustin clutched at me, snaking his arms about my waist, and pressed his face into my ribs as I rubbed warmth down his naked back. I tried to impart as much comfort as I could, but I knew it would be futile if the waves of torment were not done wracking his body and mind.
“What can I do, beauty?” I whispered. “Please tell me.”
He sucked in a gasp, and his whole body shuddered and curled up, one of his legs draping over my own and ending up pressed against my hips. “I don’t know.” He shuddered again. “Just… don’t leave me. It helps to have you here.”
“Then I shall not leave you,” I promised. “Are you cold? Too hot? You have sweated the bed.”
He shook his head. “I’m hot as fuck during the pain, but cold when it stops. This is some fucked up shit.”
I chuckled softly at his profanity. While I disliked it myself, for the most part, it was an endearing trait I was beginning to get used to with Dustin.
“Don’t you laugh at me, you ass,” Dustin growled.
“I would never.” He didn’t believe me, though, if the look he gave me was any measure.
Dustin tensed up and whimpered. Through the bond, I felt the beginning of another wave coming on, and I pulled him closer to me, pressed him up against my side. How long would this afflict him? How much pain did he have to endure because I had been greedy for a soulbond?
My beauty’s back bowed. Dustin gritted his teeth, his jaw bulging from the effort. He tried so hard to hold in the screams, but once the first escaped, he couldn’t stop.
I held him as he writhed, wishing and hoping it would end soon, that he could get restful sleep instead of the unconsciousness brought on from fainting. I didn’t know how I could deal with such a thing as Dustin went through. If it had been me, I doubted I would be able to keep myself from begging for death. At least with the bond, I could winnow it down to a thread, so I only felt a ghost of the pain he did, enabling me to think more clearly. Though thinking clearly wouldn’t much help at the moment.
When the wave passed, Dustin flopped onto his back with a groan. “You want to help me?”
I smirked. “Anything, my beauty.”
Dustin glanced over, his eyes shadowed with the memory of pain and sparkling with love just for me. “I’d kill for a shower. And I want you in there with me.”
Grinning, I patted his chest. “Rest assured. You do not have to kill a single person. Let’s get you up.”
I left him on the bed, though, and opened the door to the hallway. Don moved away from the wall and stepped toward me. “Everything okay?”
Sighing, I shook my head. “Not quite yet, but we shall get there.” When he didn’t move, I realized I had come out to the hall for a single purpose. “Would you find someone to change Dustin’s bedding? He has sweated through it, and he’s asking for a shower. I’d hate for him to have to go back to sleep in soaked sheets.”
Don nodded. “I’ll get it done.”
“Thank you.”
When I headed back in and shut the door, I turned to find Dustin sitting on the edge of the bed with his head hung low while he took deep breaths as if dealing with another spike of pain. I didn’t feel the pain, so his posture worried me. “Beauty?”
He groaned. “Just tired.” When he glanced up at me, he smiled. “And I really want that shower.”
I held my hand out, and when he took it, I pulled him to his feet and kissed the side of his neck, tasting the salt from his sweat. “Then let us get you in the shower so we can sleep. Surely it is over by now.”
Dustin chuckled. “Now, you jinxed me. Thanks.”
I grinned but led him to his en suite bathroom and helped him out of his soaked underwear. He started the shower while I disrobed, and the moment we were both under the spray, Dustin plastered himself to my front and nibbled at my earlobe. “Fuck,” he said breathlessly. “Jesus, how am I this horny just from having you shower with me?”
He rolled his hips, grinding his dick against my pelvis. Feeling how hard he was woke my own cock up, flaring heat through my body that made the hot water feel cold in comparison. My breath hitched as he kicked my feet apart and shoved his leg between mine. I ground down onto his thigh instinctively, my soft whine echoing within the shower’s tiled walls and glass door.
That seemed to spur Dustin on. He latched onto my shoulder, biting down on my trapezius muscle as if claiming me, as if he couldn’t not latch onto that muscle that rode between my shoulder and neck. He moaned, pulling back and lapping up the shower water from my skin. I tilted my head to the side, giving him more access, which he took advantage of, licking a stripe from the bruised flesh to my jaw and sucking on my cheekbone.
I lived in a haze of lust, incapable of doing anything except please my alpha. And with that thought, I slowly dropped to my knees and looked up at Dustin, pleading with my eyes as I opened my mouth. I caught the drops of water that dripped off his straining cock, moaning at the taste.
Dustin shuddered before hooking his thumb over my lower jaw and opening my mouth wider with his right hand while guiding his cock into my mouth with the other. He groaned, long and loud, as I swallowed around him, the motion sucking him further into my throat. I wanted him to use me.
He looked down, his dilated eyes a black pool with only a thin ring of silver. They held a silent promise, one that spoke of tenderness, that promised I was safe, that I was loved, and that he would never hurt me on purpose.
I believed him.
He set a slow, steady rhythm where he would thrust three times, then pull out enough for me to grab a quick breath and plunge back into my throat. I’d only gagged a few times, tears leaking from my eyes with it. But as the rhythm settled, everything centered around Dustin’s cock and his pleasure. He had control, so all I needed to do was obey his silent commands.
I started drifting into a swirl of golden softness, feeling safe and secure. But it faded somewhat as Dustin carefully pulled me to my feet and turned me toward the shower wall.
He pressed kisses into my neck and back, leaving me pliant and satisfied so that when he slipped two fingers into my ass, all I could do was breathe and let him take care of me. And it was exquisite—just the right pressure on my prostate to bring me gentle pleasure and just enough roughness to keep me centered.
When he eased into me, I groaned, long and loud. He nipped at my neck and shoulder, sucked on the skin behind my ear. He fisted a hand into my wet hair and pulled my head back and to the side so he could kiss me, sucking my tongue into his mouth and making me moan like a whore.
He released me, turning the kiss gentle as he set an agonizingly slow rhythm that set me ablaze. His hips rocked in time with our synchronized heartbeats. Dustin’s hand stole between my belly and the cold tiles of the shower wall. He stroked the skin there before slipping down to fist my cock and pump me gently in time with his thrusts. Gods, it was sweet torture, and I never wanted it to end.
“Fuck.” Dustin thrust hard enough to rock me up on my toes. “I’ve never been this fucking horny.”
I had to admit I felt the same. The need to please my alpha was so strong that I ground my ass back against Dustin’s every thrust and rolled my hips forward, driving my cock into his tight fist.
He must have sensed my urgency through the bond. I could feel his as if it were my own. And as the bond flared between us, he grabbed hold of my hips with both hands and slammed his forward, setting a brutal pace that I couldn’t get enough of. My moans married with his grunts until they were all I could hear, his lust and love all I could feel. Once again, I was transported to that golden place where I felt safe, loved, and cared for. It made everything hazy except for the force of his thrusts relentlessly pegging my prostate.
I whined and squirmed, and Dustin slowed, grinding his hips in a circular rhythm against my ass, stirring his dick into my slick hole. “You okay, baby?” he asked gruffly.
Panting, it took me a moment to regain enough air and wits to say, “Gods, yes. Please don’t stop.”
“Didn’t have any intention to,” he said against my neck. He placed his hands over mine on the tiles and threaded his fingers between mine, holding my hands. He squeezed them once as he raked his teeth up the outer shell of my hypersensitive ear. My entire body shuddered, starting from the crown of my head and working its way down until my asshole spasmed around his thick dick. If he didn’t finish me soon, I was afraid I’d combust.
“Think you can come untouched?” he asked, his voice filled with gravel. “I don’t think whatever gods there are could get me to let go of your hands.”
The tease drew out a chuckle that made Dustin moan. “Fuck. When you laugh, your ass turns into a vise, gripping my dick so tight.”
I chuckled again. Dustin rocked his hips forward, and I cried out, “Yes!”
The joy that spread through our bond brought out feelings I didn’t know I could have. Dustin possessed me in ways I couldn’t have imagined, and I possessed him right back. It made the sex between us heady and meaningful rather than a thorough scratching of mutual itches.
My orgasm rocked me forward, curling me up until my head rested on the wall while my cock painted white stripes down the black marble tiles. Dustin followed five erratic thrusts later, his body tensing behind me, his dick buried deep as he grunted with his completion.
Before my brain even came back online, Dustin dropped kisses along my shoulders and neck as he pulled me back from the tiles. He washed my hair while I was still floating in bliss, making sure not to get any soap in my eyes.
I slowly came back to myself as he washed me with exquisite care, even getting between my toes and tickling the soles of my pruning feet.
If I hadn’t been completely besotted with him before, I would have fallen in love the moment he grinned up at me, pleased with himself if the feelings rolling through our bond was any indicator. I’d have fallen so hard, but his steady presence tethered me and let me enjoy a few moments of bliss while I reveled in the fact that he was mine. My bonded mate. My alpha.
When he finished washing me like I was his greatest treasure, he hurried through his own shower routine, shut off the water, and dried me as if we had all the time in the world for him to pamper me.
Perhaps we did. Soon, very soon, Dustin would have forever in his grasp. The transformation could not be stopped, and my beauty would soon be a full-blooded elf.
My beauty would soon have forever laid out before him, and I could not wait to share it with him.
