a million radio stations blaring inside my head, and they’re all saying different things. I don’t know which ones to listen to and which ones to tune out.
“Whether or not you realize it, you have a good heart.” Violet climbs on top of me and straddles my thighs, gently stroking my jaw. Her touch is so soothing, so loving, that some of the turmoil in me dissipates. “An amazing heart, in fact.”
“You’re saying that because you see the good in everyone,” I point out. “Even if they don’t deserve it.” Sometimes, I think Violet could find redeeming qualities in a serial killer.
She tilts her head, bringing her lips to hover above mine. “I see the good in you because it’s there. Lots of it.”
Her words do something to me I can’t explain, and all I know is that I need her closer.
My hand slides up to the nape of her neck, pulling her to me and eliminating the distance between our lips. Violet sighs, gripping my shoulders as my tongue slips into her mouth. Everything clicks into place, the way it always does when I’m with her, and suddenly, nothing else in the world matters.
Mouths still sealed together, I lower onto my back with her straddling my hips. Her full breasts press against my pecs through the thin fabric of her tank top as I palm her perfect, round ass. My fingers slip beneath the hem of her shorts, finding an expanse of soft, smooth skin, and I let out a tortured groan when I discover that she isn’t wearing any underwear. She laughs softly, deepening our kiss and rolling her hips, teasing us both.
I love the way she feels pressed up against me.
Fuck, I love her.
I wrap arms around her narrow waist and flip us so I’m on top between her legs with my erection straining through the fabric of my boxer briefs. Violet reaches down and I help her tug them off, tossing them aside. With a few more heated kisses, I guide her pajama shorts down her hips and pull her tank top off overhead, finding her completely naked and ready for me.
My mouth crashes against hers for another kiss while I stroke the cleft of her thighs, barely grazing where she’s most sensitive, eliciting a needy whimper from her. My cock twitches in response to the sound, my spine tingling as the urge to rail her sets in. All I want is to be buried inside her to the hilt while she’s wrapped around me, moaning my name. To be close to her. To lose myself in her.
I’m so fucking thankful that she’s mine.
Before our bodies connect, Violet breaks apart from my lips. She presses my hipbone with one hand, holding me off. I stop in response to her nonverbal cue, waiting with the head of my cock pressed up against her slick entrance. Her other hand lifts to my face, cool fingertips stroking my cheek.
“Nash.” Her voice is hushed. “Look at me.”
When my eyes lift to hers, there’s a pang in my gut that I can’t explain.
“Don’t go somewhere else in your head. Stay here. Just you, just me. Let me have you.”
“Okay.” My gaze drops to her body beneath me, tracing her supple breasts, the curve of her hips, the tiny dip of her navel. She’s the opposite of me in every way. Small, soft, gentle. All curves, all woman.
And on the inside, she’s the most beautiful person I know.
“I—“ the syllables stick in my throat. I draw in a breath and try again, but I can’t seem to say it. Fuck. Some kind of deep-rooted error in my operating system prevents me from uttering three simple words.
Pulse racing, I lower onto my forearms above her and run my fingers through her silky hair. “You’re beautiful.”
“So are you.” Her pale blue eyes trace my face, her bare lips pulled into a soft smile. “I love you. Even if you won’t say it back.”
Another pang. It’s not that I won’t—it’s that I can’t. I want to.
I don’t deserve her. Never have.
But I want to believe that I can grow into someone who does.
“You’re all I think about, Vi. I’m fucking crazy about you.” I hope I demonstrate it enough to compensate for my emotional shortcomings. Maybe someday, I’ll overcome all that other shit weighing me down.
A soft smile plays on her lips. “Can you show me?”
I think I know what she’s asking, and it feels scarier than anything I’ve ever done.
“I can try.”
Grabbing her wrists, I pin them above her head against the mattress using one hand. Violet pretends to resist me, playfully pushing back, and I shake my head, holding her in place.
Stay with me.
Still restraining her, I bring my mouth to hers. She smiles against my lips as I slide my other arm beneath her body, holding her against me. This time, I kiss her like she might vanish at any moment. Like she’s the air I need to keep breathing. Because she is.
I need you.
With my erection pressing into the apex of her thighs, I tilt my hips, channeling every ounce of strength I have to hold off until her cue. Violet opens her legs wider and hooks a calf around my waist to urge me on. My cock slides against her, drenched with her arousal. She draws in a breath as I slowly push inside, going inch by inch until I’ve claimed her completely.
Our eyes lock.
I love you.
Her soft breaths mingle with mine in the silent room.
I’ve never been so present in the moment. Not anticipating what’s happening next, not worrying about what just happened. Right here, right now, she’s the only thing that matters.
Bringing my lips to that sweet spot along her neck, I start to thrust. At first, it takes self-restraint for me to go slow, but we quickly fall into a perfect, unhurried rhythm. When I drive deeper, my name falls from Violet’s lips, and her head lolls back against the pillow. Releasing her wrists, I cup her face and kiss her again. Sometimes I get caught up and don’t appreciate her fully, but in this moment, I’m savoring her. Every nerve in my body is alight. Every part of me is tuned in.
It’s quiet and gentle, but it’s big and significant somehow.
Intentionally, deliberately, I keep going until she’s right at the edge and I’m right there with her. I keep us both there and it’s like a drug, high on the pleasure and high on her. Nothing else comes close.
I slip a palm under her backside, pumping into her again, hitting exactly where I know she needs it.
“Nash.” Her eyes squeeze shut, teeth snagging her lower lip as her nails bite into my lower back. “Please. There.”
With a few more movements, she falls apart beneath me. Somehow, I manage to hold off, wanting to watch her face. Her cheeks flush scarlet and she cries out, legs trembling. She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
Sensing that she needs a short break because I know she gets too sensitive after an orgasm, I slow to a stop, resting my lips against her forehead.
Violet’s eyelids flutter open, and she looks at me curiously. “You didn’t—“
“Not yet. Come here.” Shifting, I pull us upright and set her on top of me while I lean back against the headboard. Violet sighs as she rises up on her knees, sinking back down and taking me fully. Tingling forms in the base of my spine, a pent-up need for release threatening to burst.
Her hands sink into my hair, tugging at the roots as she grinds against me. “You feel so good.” Soft lips find mine, then my cheek, my neck, and my earlobe.
“Fuck.” I cup her breasts, savoring the weight of them in my hands. “You do, too.”
She moves slowly, sensually, bringing us both closer to the peak. Her breathing grows ragged as she gets clenches around my cock, getting even wetter, and the pressure in my pelvis builds. I’m buried so deep in her that it feels like she’s part of me.
“Oh, God.” Violet whimpers, digging her fingers into my back. I know she’s on the brink of a huge climax.
I grip her hips, pulling her down and meeting her halfway. “I got you, Vi.”
This time, when she tumbles over the edge again, I fall right behind her. Everything plows me over, the intensity of coming inside her, the intensity of my feelings, the closeness to her in this moment. It’s the single greatest feeling I’ve ever had, and not because of the physicality of it.
When we’re both utterly spent, Violet sags against me, resting her head on shoulder. I hug her close, waiting until my strength returns before even attempting to reposition us in the bed.
“How’s that for showing you?” I ask, pressing my lips to her cheek.
She sighs. “Perfect.”
