I’m exhausted after the long night. Although I only had one performance, it still takes so much out of you. It’s demanding on your body and the focus it requires. Tonight has been one of my best nights skating. The Lutz is definitely one of my signature moves, but I really killed it tonight.
After coming in first place, it was just as exhausting in the locker room. All of the other skaters from Wyncote gushed about how well I did. The only thing I wanted to do at this point was just go back to my apartment and crawl into bed after a nice long, hot shower.
The air outside is cold as I step into the parking lot. Wrapping my coat around my body tighter, I attempt to hold in some of my body heat as I make my way to my car. Winter was going out with some of the girls tonight, so she was just going to get an Uber back to our apartment. I’m too tired to even think about going out right now.
As I make my way to my car, my heart climbs into my throat as I see Hayden leaning against his car that is parked next to mine. He sees me as I walk toward him and pushes off the front hood with a smile on his face and a bouquet of flowers in his hand.
I walk over to him, meeting him a few feet away from our cars. His eyes shine under the lights in the parking lot as he smiles down at me.
“These are for you,” he says, his voice soft as he hands the flowers to me. “After that performance, you deserve thousands of flowers, but this was all I had on hand.”
Looking down at them, a smile touches my lips as I take them and hold them to my chest. “Thank you, Hayden.” I pause for a moment, tilting my head to the side. “You came to watch?”
A shyness takes over his expression and it melts my heart. “I hope you don’t mind. You mentioned it the other day and I wanted to see you in action, but I didn’t want to surprise you before you went out on the ice.”
I feel my guard dropping slightly from his words alone. Not only his words, but his actions. He never once said anything about showing up to watch me, but the fact that he came to silently support me makes my heart swoon.
Is this the Hayden no one else gets to see?
“You wouldn’t have surprised me.” I smile at him. “I mean, you did surprise me being here, but I’m glad you came.”
He raises an eyebrow at me, a wave of shock passing through his eyes. “You are?”
“I am,” I admit, swallowing hard over the lump that lodges itself in my throat. “That way you could see that figure skaters are just as skilled as hockey players.”
“Shit,” Hayden chuckles, the sound vibrating against my eardrums. “If I even tried to do some of the things you were doing, I would definitely end up on my ass.”
Laughter freely flows from my lips, and he makes me feel so carefree in the moment. It’s easy to be around him, as much as I hate admitting it. Something about Hayden just instantly soothes my soul. We walk side by side to our cars, Hayden walking over to my door with me.
Turning around to face him, he’s standing closer than I expected. I have to tilt my head back to look up at him, given our height difference. “So, you admit that figure skaters are better than hockey players?”
The smile plays on his lips as he steps closer into my space. He shakes his head as his fingertips brush against my face, sending a shiver down my spine as he tucks a stray hair behind my ear.
“Seeing you tonight…” he pauses, a wave of emotion passing through his eyes as he stares into my soul. “I’ve never witnessed something so beautiful. You were completely in your element, Eden,” he breathes, sliding his palm along the side of my face. “You belong on the ice, creating art like you did tonight. Words really don’t come close to touching how amazing that was to experience.”
My breath catches in my throat as I get lost in his eyes. Our surroundings fade and nothing else matters in this moment, except the way he’s staring at me. There’s nothing but honesty in his words. His gaze is penetrating and I feel him carving his way through my rib cage and into my heart.
“I’m really happy you came,” I breathe, reveling in the warmth of his palm cupping the side of my face. “I didn’t ask you to come because I was afraid to.”
Hayden’s eyes bounce back and forth between mine, his eyebrows pulling together slightly. “Why would you be afraid to ask me?”
I shrug, attempting to brush away the awkwardness of my admission. I’m not usually this transparent with him—or anyone for that matter—but I can’t help it when the honest words just flow from me without any care of the consequences.
“We agreed this was like a weird benefits thing… or whatever the hell it is.’ I pause, attempting to choose my words carefully because I’m not sure how to navigate this. I’ve never been in this situation with someone before. “I don’t know. You know, we’re not really friends—we’re not really anything. It just seemed more like a friend move or strings attached if I were to invite you.”
Hayden’s face falls for a moment and he’s silent as he stares back at me. I swallow roughly over the emotion in my throat. I hate this; I hate him for all of this. He was my enemy before, but now I’m quite positive I might hate him more than I did before.
And that’s simply because I’m realizing that I don’t actually hate him at all.
These feelings, I need to shut them off. They’re only going to get me hurt, but I don’t know how to do it. Hayden and I aren’t the same. He might be able to disconnect, and I thought I could—fuck, I really didn’t think it would be a problem. But now, I’m beginning to wonder if I may have made the biggest mistake of my life by getting involved with him like this.
“Eden,” Hayden breathes, his voice strained and thick with emotion as his eyes search mine. He lifts his other hand, cupping both sides of my face as his gaze burns into mine. “Don’t ever be afraid to ask me. Of course, I would want to come and support you. Look, I don’t know what this is either. I told you we’re going with it and even if we aren’t friends, like you claim, that doesn’t mean there are strings attached. You’re a part of my life, regardless of how you may be in it. You matter to me, and I want you to share these parts of your life with me.”
His words completely throw me off-balance. I feel unsteady on my feet, my knees weak as my heart pounds erratically inside my chest. How can he say such sweet, meaningful things when all we really are is fuck buddies?
“Why would you want me to share any parts of my life with you?”
Hayden’s throat bobs as he swallows, his tongue slipping out as he wets his lips. They part slightly, as if the words linger just on the tip, but instead he lets out a ragged breath. A wave of torment passes through his eyes, almost as if he’s at war with himself, before his lips crash into mine.
He steals the air from my lungs as his mouth moves against mine. My head swims and I’m lost to the moment, completely lost in him. Sliding my hands up the front of his body, I grab fistfuls of his winter coat. His hands are in my hair, his tongue sliding into my mouth, and my head is soaring in the clouds.
Fisting his coat in my hands, I hold on to him for dear life. He’s the anchor holding me above water right now. I’m afraid to let go, afraid that none of this is real. And more importantly, I’m terrified to get lost in his stormy waters.
Because I know that once I’m lost in them, I will never come back up for air.
I’d drown in Hayden King, letting him drag me to the bottom of his ocean.
