SMALLS—
I’m so sorry I was a dick the other night. It turns out that wallowing in your problems turns you into an asshole.
You’re the best thing about this whole year. I don’t know what’s going to happen to us, but I want you to know that I’m doing my best to figure it out. I called Georgia last night after you left. You told me to do it, so I did. She was really helpful to me, and so thank you for kicking me in the ass when I needed it.
I also told my sister everything. Not only did I tell her about my mess with Annie, but I told her all about meeting you at Capri’s. The way you played “I Wanna Sex You Up,” and then said it was an accident. 🙂 I told her every (g-rated) thing about you, and then she ripped me a new one for losing my cool when you were just trying to help me.
I’m sorry. In case you missed that the first time, I’m really, really sorry.
My sister is awesome, and if everything goes my way, I hope she’ll visit again so we can all go out somewhere together.
But if it doesn’t go my way, I’m really going to miss you. So please return one of my calls so I can apologize in person.
D.
Lianne
“So that explains why you’ve been in a mood this week,” Bella says from over my shoulder. “Are you going to call him?”
I ignore the question, because I don’t feel like talking about it. “Let me ask you something, and I want you to be honest.” I stand up and face her.
“Kay,” Bella says, sipping her coffee.
“Do I need implants?”
Bella chokes on her coffee. “What?” she asks between choking sounds. “Who said that?”
“My asshole manager.”
My neighbor’s hands begin waving in the air because she’s coughing too much to speak, yet she has a lot to say. I think.
“Do you need the hug of life?” I ask.
Her eyes are watering when she answers me. “No—to both questions. Don’t get a boob job. Your future nurse practitioner does not approve of unnecessary surgery just to please a man.” Bella is starting nursing school in the fall so she can be a nurse midwife and talk about vaginas professionally. “Are you seriously considering it?”
“Not seriously. I know I shouldn’t listen. But it is Hollywood. And my boobs are—”
“—Fun-sized,” Bella finishes.
Ugh. “My head is not in a good place,” I admit.
“Is this because DJ was an ass?” Bella probes. I haven’t told her the whole story, so she’s digging.
“No.” I click my email shut so I don’t have to read his apology for the tenth time. “Okay, yes. That’s part of it.”
“What did he do?” she asks softly.
“He got mad at me for meddling. I told him I’d been researching the way colleges handle sexual assault, and he kind of lost it.” I open up DragonFire to see how my dragons are holding up. I feel a video-game binge coming on. Forget my ninety-minute rule. It didn’t do me any good.
“Men aren’t always good at accepting help,” she says.
“Pretty sure he had a point,” I grumble. “He shouldn’t let me tell him what to do. I’m not even a little bit impartial.”
“You care about him, though. That counts for something.”
I pick up the game controller and fire it up. “I care too much. And if he leaves, I’m going to be really hacked off at the universe.”
Bella nudges my chair with her toe so it swings me a little bit. “I know, pequeña. You aren’t very good at taking chances on people. So you need to make sure they stick around.”
“I take chances,” I growl while staring at a bunch of dragons which are nothing but pixels of light on a very expensive screen.
“Come to Capri’s with me,” she says. “A little pizza and some weak beer will cleanse your spirit.”
“Can’t,” I say automatically.
“DJ will probably be there. And I’ve got a stack of quarters you could use in the jukebox.”
The pull is so strong. I want to see DJ’s smile so badly it aches. But to what end? He’s probably going to get snatched away from me. And that will just suck for both of us. Why should I put us through that any longer?
The screen lights up with messages. Vindikator! You’re back again tonight! Awesome. These are the friends who won’t desert me. We’re not close in the real sense of the word. But it’s better this way.
“Really?” Bella sighs. “You’re going to spend the night with your dragons?”
“And Brecht. I’m writing a paper on my least favorite playwright. It’s due next week.”
“Okay…” she says slowly. “Work hard.”
“Will do,” I say without looking away from my screen.
Bella leaves, and I’m not even sorry to be alone. Maybe Harkness really wasn’t a good choice for me. I should go somewhere people really do think I fart glitter.
