I’ve officially passed the point of no return.
Okay, well I passed it the moment Rowan made me orgasm the first time tonight. But it really hits me once Rowan withdraws his softening cock from me and gets rid of the condom.
I’m absolutely useless after Rowan fucked me into near unconsciousness. Whatever I thought Rowan kept trapped under his cool exterior doesn’t hold a candle to tonight.
No. Rowan might as well have set my body on fire with kerosene. It was…wow. I think I lost some valuable brain cells from the lack of oxygen.
Do I stay? Do I go? I’m completely at a crossroads about what to do next.
Go. Keep it casual like you promised.
I rise off the bed with a groan and grab my shirt off the floor. Now where’s my bra?
“What are you doing?” his voice snaps.
“Getting dressed?” I squeak, shielding my body from him like he hasn’t seen everything already.
My cheeks heat as his eyes slide from my face to the tips of my pink toenails.
With the dim light of the bathroom, I’m able to assess the curves and contours of God’s finest work. I think I release a small groan, but I can’t be too sure. Rowan clears his throat, clearly covering up a low laugh.
“So…”
Don’t be clingy. Act cool.
How does one act cool when they have no idea what’s happening? I return to my mission of searching for my missing clothes. My bra hangs haphazardly off the lampshade, and I swoop in to grab it.
“You’re leaving?” His brows pull together. Somehow he got a hold of my underwear. I’m willing to part ways with them if he’s into that kind of thing. Honestly, I’m open to anything that saves me from this embarrassment.
“Umm. Isn’t that what you want?”
“What gave you that idea?”
“Well—umm. You see…” My bright idea takes a dive as his jaw clenches.
“You want to go.” A statement rather than a question.
Is that…hurt in his voice?
No. That can’t be true.
Or is it?
Ugh. I think Rowan fucked my common sense right out of me tonight.
“Do you want me to stay?” I blurt out.
It takes him an entire twenty seconds to answer. Yes. I counted. It was either that or melt into a puddle under Rowan’s guarded gaze.
“I wouldn’t not like it if you stayed.”
I laugh. “Oh God. You use double negatives. This was doomed from the start.”
The smile he unleashes is my favorite Rowan smile—the kind that’s so small, I don’t want to blink and miss it. “I did that on purpose.”
“Sure you did.” I roll my eyes.
He rips my shirt from my hands and throws my bra over his shoulder.
Well, then. I guess that debate is settled.
He throws me back onto the bed before pulling the comforter over our naked bodies. I’ve cuddled before, but with Rowan, it feels more intimate. Especially when he wraps an arm around me because it turns out he’s a total clinger.
The shocks keep coming tonight. I’m not sure my heart can hold up against the strain.
Rowan grabs a remote and chooses the streaming app. “Which version of Pride and Prejudice are you up for tonight?”
“Maybe I’m in the mood for some horror film.”
“Isn’t romance considered a subgenre?”
I pinch his side, making him laugh. “Now you’re just trying to be funny.”
“Trying? I seem to recall you thinking I’m quite funny.” He perks up like a total show-off, flaunting his pearly whites that threaten to blind me.
“I found the secret to making you smile!”
“What?”
“Orgasms! Why didn’t I think of it sooner?!”
The laugh he lets out is unlike anything I’ve heard before. His head drops back against the pillow and his entire chest shakes from the sound.
I really, really like it.
And I know that’s really, really bad.
But I end up thinking through every way I can make it happen again.
He dangles the remote in front of me. “Pick or I’ll pick for you.”
I decide now’s a good test to see if Scott really meant some of the things he said. After all, maybe he lied about watching all seventeen versions of Pride and Prejudice for scientific purposes. “I’m in a Matthew MacFadyen kind of mood tonight.”
In typical Rowan fashion, he chooses the right one, proving he really was crazy enough to watch all the movies. The only thing I’m not too sure about is his reasoning for doing so.
There’s a small, irrational voice in my head that wants to read into the situation more, but it loses to the stronger voice that says to enjoy the moment and drop all expectations.
My walk of shame is prolonged due to the Kane house being a ten-minute walk away from my apartment. Rowan offered to drive me, but I only rolled my eyes and bid him goodbye with a deep kiss.
I could have let him. There was an honest to God part of me that was craving that kind of attention. But I needed some distance and a walk to clear my head after a night of mind-blowing sex and worse, good conversation. I hate to admit it, but I’m still hesitant about Rowan’s intentions. Dating seems like a dangerous game with someone like him.
After all, we watched the entire movie before getting into a heated debate about classicism and the divide between the haves and have nots. Rowan tried to lecture me on upper-class problems and I tried to introduce his face to my fist.
Okay, I’m only kidding. Violence is never the answer. Although I did threaten bodily harm in the form of withholding sex, which only landed me a withheld orgasm until I apologized.
Rowan plays dirty. It’s the one thing I learned along with his dick size.
So basically, I have no idea what I’m doing with Rowan, but maybe that’s a good thing. I’ve always been the labels kind of girl and it hasn’t exactly worked out in my favor.
During my ten-minute walk home, I solidify my positive mindset. I’m all for keeping things casual for now. After being in a long-term relationship that went from zero to a hundred, I’m willing to take things slow and let the relationship grow on its own. While it’s risky, I know Rowan cares, so there’s no need to worry.
I use my key and unlock the front door. “Claire?”
The apartment is silent except for some noises coming from Claire’s room. I’m smart enough to not open her door whenever I hear John Legend crooning from the doors. I value my eyesight far too much to bleach my eyes.
I walk into my bedroom, take a shower, and drop onto my bed with a smile. John Legend’s sweet voice fades into the background as I drift off.
I wake up to the smell of sizzling bacon and Claire belting out off-key to Journey. My stomach grumbles, demanding to be fed after my long night.
I find Claire in the kitchen, cooking and singing into her spatula. “Who’s got you in such a good mood?”
Claire jumps in place. She turns down the volume on the small speaker. “Zahra! You’re home! I didn’t hear you come in.”
“That’s because you were a bit busy.”
Claire blushes. “I’ve got something to share.”
“Me too.” I grin.
“You first,” we both say at the same time before laughing.
Her smile is infectious. “I met someone!”
“Tell me more.”
“Well, remember that sous chef from The Royal Chateau?”
“How could one forget Her Royal Crankiness?”
She snorts as she dishes up two plates of breakfast for lunch. “Well, she apologized.”
“What?! How?”
“We ran into each other at the grocery store. It was like a movie.”
“How?”
“Well, I saw her and panicked. I accidentally ran my cart into a stand full of oranges, and they toppled over in my rush. It was hands down the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me in public.”
“That can’t possibly be true. Remember that time we were at the football game—”
Claire winces. “Even worse. She ended up slipping on an orange and falling.”
“And then what?”
“She laughed up to the ceiling after I did a terrible ‘Orange you glad to see me’ joke.”
I throw my head back and laugh. Claire goes off, telling the rest of her story that involved an angry store manager, an unnecessary paramedic van, and a date.
Honestly, I have no idea how she’s still standing after the last twenty-four hours.
I offer to clean the dishes while Claire takes a seat at the counter.
“Tell me everything!”
I take off with my story, explaining everything Rowan divulged last night and how we ended up in bed together.
“So please tell me that Rowan’s looks aren’t just for show.”
“He’s more of an action kind of guy.” I grin to myself at the inside joke.
Claire cackles. “Great. I’m glad we now know he can use his tongue for good rather than evil. It’s a step in the right direction.”
I only laugh to myself.
“So you’re what? Fuck buddies?”
I wince at her choice of words.
“Okay. No.” She pauses. “How about friends with benefits?”
I shake my head. “We didn’t discuss labels.”
“Silly me. How could you with his dick lodged in your throat.”
My sponge splashes in the soapy water after I lose my grip. “Claire!”
She raises her hands. “What?! You walked into that one.”
“We didn’t define what we are because there is no us. At least not in that sense of the word. We’re just Zahra and Rowan. Two people having fun.”
Her brows pull together, and her face takes on a serious note I rarely see. “I don’t want you getting hurt. Casual relationships aren’t your thing.”
“Maybe that’s my problem. With Lance, we dove headfirst into a relationship. I’m looking to take things slow.”
“Well, hate to break it to you, but you drove past a red light at two hundred miles an hour.”
A laugh bubbles out of me. “It’s just sex.”
“Yeah, and he’s just the guy you’ve been texting every night before you go to bed.”
I sigh. “Is it wrong to go with the flow and not put us into a box so soon?”
She shakes her head. “Of course not. I only want you to be careful and I don’t want you to invest your heart in someone who doesn’t plan on reciprocating.”
“We’re going to keep it casual for now.”
The plan sounds solid and foolproof—the perfect way to protect my heart while having some fun.
Or so I hope.
