As I walked the halls of the castle I couldn’t stop thinking about Eliza. Stupid Zara. I should have told her to pound sand the first day I met her. I never should have helped her win her fights or given her advice. And I never should have made her pack. Now I was stuck with her. The best part about the Queen Trials was that there was only one person per pack and you didn’t know any of them. It was easier to kill people you didn’t know. Like Ivanna.
I was so stuck in my head that I realized I was now lost. I’d gone the wrong way and turned to retrace my steps when I slammed into someone’s chest.
Axil.
My whole body froze.
He looked down at me and after yesterday’s emotional exchange I wasn’t prepared to see the mask of anger that was displayed there.
I sucked in a breath at the sight and he gritted his jaw and moved to walk past me. I stepped to the side, matching his movements but getting in his way. His nostrils flared and pure unbridled rage roiled through him. I could feel it.
How dare he.
“You have no right to be mad at me,” I seethed, holding his dominant gaze.
“You didn’t even let me speak,” he managed through clenched teeth.
I scoffed. “And what could you possibly say that would explain how you just walked away from me? After all the promises you made.”
He looked farther down the hallway where footsteps could be heard and then reached out, yanking me by the shoulders and pulling me into an open doorway.
I growled but allowed him to shuffle me into a room and shut the door. I peered around to see that we were in some kind of library. Books lined dark wooden floor-to-ceiling bookshelves.
He rushed forward then, zooming into my face with as much anger as I’d had during our last exchange. Dark circles marred his skin and I wondered if he’d slept last night. “You’re not serious about me walking away, right? You had to have known that it was against my will.”
I scoffed, looking at him like he’d grown two heads. “Against your will? The second your brother showed up and started to call me trash, you shut down and walked away without a fight …”
As soon as I said it out loud, it hit me. Why in Hades had I never thought of it before? His brother was king at the time and therefore had the gift that every wolven king had …
“He controlled you.” I said it with complete shock, feeling badly for how I’d treated him, thinking for all those years that he’d walked away willingly.
“Yes,” he said through gritted teeth, “and never permitted me to return to the summer camp. I can’t believe you would think that I left you like that.”
My heart hammered in my chest at his words, and some part of me, deep down inside, healed. He didn’t leave me. He was taken away from me. There was a difference.
Axil leaned his forehead against mine, like he used to when we were kids. “How could you ever think I’d willingly spend even one day away from you?”
I whimpered then, feeling my own breakdown just beneath the surface.
“My lord!” someone shouted in the hallway, the sound muffled by the closed door.
Axil growled and stepped away from me. I spun, giving him my back just as the door opened. I had to bite my lip to keep from falling into a fit of sobs right there.
“I have an urgent matter that needs your attention, sir,” a male voice said from outside.
Axil hesitated, probably looking at me and waiting for my reaction.
“I’ll be out in a minute,” Axil said.
“My lord, it’s extremely urgent,” the guard pressed. “We have news of war.”
My wolf bristled at that.
War?
Axil reached for me, grasping my shoulders. “Let’s talk later. I’m not done with you.”
I’m not done with you. There was more. Of course there was. There was five years of absence to explain.
Footsteps fell away from me and then the door shut. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. Collapsing to the ground I burst into cries reminiscent of the night Axil left me. Fat hot tears fell down my cheeks as I relived what I’d said to him last night. How I’d squarely placed all the blame on him.
He was taken. Forced to leave. It made sense, how he’d shut down as soon as his brother caught us lying together in the grass and kissing. He had been so emotionless I thought he was embarrassed to be found with me, but now I knew he was under the control of the king. A power that Axil now carried in his veins, to render any one of the wolven under his complete control, like a puppet.
That’s what Ansel did to him.
This was all too much to process so quickly. Axil had pined for me this entire time and was held against his will from seeing me?
It was crazy. Surely not for five years?
I cried so hard then. I cried for all the years I’d blamed him, for all the kisses that were stolen from us. The shock of this new information seeped deeply into the very core of my being.
He didn’t leave. But staying away for five years? He’d been king for two. Why not come for me then? I had so many questions but I was too overwhelmed to deal with them. Sucking back my tears, I wiped at my eyes and stood, forcing myself to get it together.
I was going into a doubles fight soon, I needed to stay strong.
No matter what happened with Axil and I when we were kids, it didn’t change the fact that we were different people now. I wasn’t that same love-drunk young wolf he fell for. Life had hardened me, and so had our break-up, whether he intended it to or not.
Taking a steadying breath, I left the library and found my way back to the tents outside. Cyrus was waiting for me and we ran over some drills as I threw myself into my training, pushing everything I’d just learned deep down inside of me.
I couldn’t deal with it right now; it would make me emotional and emotions made you weak. I’d learned that the advisors had agreed to pair Eliza and me up against Ivanna and Charlize and that the fight was tomorrow morning, and so Eliza came by with her coach and we trained together in wolf form first, then in human.
“They’re good together,” I overheard Cyrus telling Eliza’s coach.
“That would be the pack bond,” Jonas, her coach, said with a bit of disdain in his voice.
I couldn’t imagine anyone from Death Mountain pack was happy I’d altered the pack bonds and basically stolen Eliza.
“Mmm,” Cyrus just grunted, about as excited that Eliza and I now shared a pack bond as Jonas was.
I wondered if Axil was allowing us to keep the bond for the doubles fight and would take Eliza back into Death Mountain pack once we’d won.
We were winning. I would accept nothing less.
The more the night pressed on, the more I thought about Axil. What war news had he been taken away to talk about? We hadn’t gone to war in ages but I knew the other realms fought with the Nightfall queen often. Was she finally coming for us?
How could you ever think I’d willingly spend even one day away from you?
I’m not done with you.
Axil’s words plagued me all night as I tried to sleep, until I ached to see him again, to finish what we started today. I needed answers. I needed closure. As I peered over the side of my hammock, I noticed Cyrus was fast asleep, his leg hanging out of his hammock limply.
I slowly slipped out of mine and padded across the tent barefoot until I got outside. Two of my packmates were chatting by the fire and I quickly thought up a lie when they peered over at me.
“Going to Eliza’s to talk strategy for tomorrow,” I told them.
Not that they would care where I was going or try to stop me, but I didn’t want anyone knowing Axil and I had a romantic involvement. As far as I knew, only Cyrus and Dorian knew about it because they’d been the ones to pick up the pieces when I fell apart after Axil left me discarded as trash.
But he didn’t, I reminded myself. His stupid brother did and yet I needed more answers before I believed all that.
I made my way through the tents, across the front lawn and then right up to the front door of the palace. It was late and I was kind of hoping Axil would have come to see me but I realized he might either be busy doing kingly things, or not want to talk about all this stuff with me. But he had told me we would talk later and I wasn’t going to be able to sleep tonight unless I knew why he didn’t even send a note to me in five years.
I walked up to the guard and prepared a big speech, because it was forbidden to have any type of relationship during the trials. I didn’t want him to know that I was here to see Axil. It was the same guard from before so I knew I didn’t have to introduce myself.
I opened my mouth to speak when he beckoned me closer. “Are you here to see the king?” he whispered discreetly. There were still some wolves walking around the courtyard. People had been partying each night of the Queen Trials and I knew if word got around that Axil and I were once an item … it could get me in major trouble.
My cheeks burned red but I nodded once.
Without further interrogation he left his station and turned inside, walking down a hallway I hadn’t used earlier in the day.
I followed him as he made twists and turns until finally we reached another door with a different guard.
That new guard took one look at me and opened the door to a room, gesturing that I enter. “The king said that if you came looking for him, you were to wait in here,” the new guard said. “He is finishing up a meeting.”
He did? My stomach dropped when I thought of how thoughtful that was. And clearly his men weren’t going to tell the advisors I was here. “Thank you.” I dipped my chin and then entered the room, leaving both guards behind me. They shut the door and it was in that moment that I realized I was in Axil’s private living quarters. The space opened into a giant sitting room with a dark red velvet sofa and a roaring fire. I inhaled and had to suppress a moan. It smelled like him. Like pine trees and moss, and man. Stepping farther into the room, I peered to the right, through the open double doors and my gaze landed on a giant bed with red silk sheets and a cream fur blanket.
Axil’s favorite color had always been red.
My mind then went to how many women had seen this bed. According to Eliza’s sister, not many. I had to fight the urge to riffle through every single drawer and cubby hole. I didn’t know grown King Axil. I only knew the boy, the young prince who I wasn’t even aware was royalty at the time.
Young Axil was an expert marksman. He was a future alpha, the most dominant man I ever met. He liked to hunt elkin and sing songs by the fire with his friends. He’d traced the freckles on my collarbone and told me how they reminded him of certain star patterns. I reached up and touched that spot now.
Older Axil was king. Still dominant. Still in love with the color red. But I knew nothing else about this man.
Seeing an open book on the sofa, I walked over and pick it up. Examining the leather tome, I stroked my fingers along the author’s name. A. Grey.
Older Axil reads.
Just as I was about to flip the book open and see what it was about, the door opened behind me. I startled a little, clasping the book to my chest as my heart jumped.
Axil strode into the room, took one look at me and smiled. “Seeing you after the day I’ve had is about the best thing I can think of.”
It was sweet, but I hadn’t fully forgiven him yet, so I ignored his comment. “What’s the book about? A war manual?”
Wasn’t that what all kings read about?
He chuckled. “No. It’s a fantasy tale of a young woman who carries both light and dark magic. She reminds me of you.”
My heart stopped beating then and I set the book down on the couch before standing tall again.
“Oh? What darkness do I carry?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest in a protective gesture.
He looked regretful at saying that but stepped closer until he was only a few inches away from me. Just he and I standing in front of the fire. In his room. Adults. Alone.
“Well, when we were fifteen it was the loss of your parents.” He reached out and stroked my cheek and it sent a zap of energy down my spine, causing me to swallow hard. “And now … it’s …” His face fell. “My leaving you.”
He was right about all of it. I did carry that darkness with me even to this day.
“Axil, I can believe your brother forced you magically to walk away from me that day … but the day after? And the day after that? I’m sorry but I’m not stupid. I can’t believe that.”
He nodded and then reached down and grabbed the hem of his tunic. I stopped breathing when he started to pull it up over his head.
What the Hades was he—
A whimper lodged in my throat when I saw the network of scars across his abdomen. I was forced to blink rapidly lest I fall into a puddle of tears. Reaching up, I traced a few of the thick jagged lines across his chest. “These weren’t here before,” I couldn’t help but say. I’d stroked his bare chest under the moonlight many times. That summer we would shift from wolf form into human and put on the most basic of coverings. He was topless nearly the entire summer.
“I was imprisoned for two years after I walked away from you that day,” he said, his voice growly and low.
Shock ripped through me. Was this common knowledge? Because I’d heard nothing of it. Two years?
“Why?”
“My brother had just become king and my instructors at the training camp said that I was perfect at everything and if he didn’t watch out, I could overthrow him.”
I placed my hand over my mouth in anticipation of what he would say next.
Axil looked pained then, like he didn’t want to go back to that place in his memories and I wanted to tell him he didn’t have to explain himself, but it would be a lie. I had to know. If I were ever going to trust him, I had to know everything.
“He beat me into submission every single day until he was sure I would never challenge him. I barely ate, he forced me to be scrawny and weak,” Axil said and my wolf rose to the surface.
I wanted to hunt Ansel down right now and skin him alive. I instinctively stepped closer. Without thinking, I threaded my fingers through Axil’s, and his face relaxed.
“When he finally let me go, I had to play it safe. I didn’t bulk up too much at first, didn’t lead any hunts. I acted like a mid-pack dominant.”
I nodded. It’s what I would do. Survive.
“It was at that time, a few months after he let me out of chains, that I got a letter to you.”
I frowned, shaking my head. “No letter ever got to me.”
He sighed. “Dorian read it first. He sent it back to me.”
My whole body broke out into chills. No. He wouldn’t, not after hearing me cry myself to sleep for months. He was a good alpha, he wouldn’t.
“No. I don’t believe you.” I dropped Axil’s hand.
Axil nodded and then walked into the bedroom. I watched in horror as he went to a nightstand and opened a drawer.
No. As much as I wanted Axil to pull a note out of there, I also didn’t want him to. Knowing Axil tried to reach me would heal something inside of me but knowing Dorian betrayed me would break me all over again.
Axil pulled a white folded note out and I suddenly felt sick. He walked towards me and I couldn’t look away from all of the scars on his chest.
“He’s a good alpha. A good alpha knows what’s best for their wolf and I respected that,” Axil said before giving me the note. “I wanted what was best for you too, for us,” he whispered as our fingers touched while I was retrieving the note from him.
I growled at that; a good alpha didn’t let me cry myself to sleep and think I was worthless trash. I had a feeling I was going to need to sit down for this. Dropping onto the sofa, I opened the note quickly and started to scan Axil’s messy script.
Zara,
Where do I begin?
Firstly, I hope you don’t think I would ever just walk away from you like that. But I fear from the sobs I heard as I was forced to follow my brother home, that you did. My brother used his king’s power over me, forcing my lips shut and my head down. When we got back to Death Mountain, he imprisoned me for two years.
For seven hundred and thirty days I dreamt only of you.
I HAD to stop reading and cover my mouth as a sob erupted from my throat. Reading this letter in front of Axil was both rewarding and torture at the same time.
The sofa dipped and then Axil’s firm hand was on my lower back, rubbing small circles there. I continued reading the last few lines.
You might not still want me, and that’s okay, because I’m not ready to give you the life I promised you. I need some time to do that. But I wanted you to know I’m working on it and I promise one day I will send for you.
My mate.
My future wife.
I love you, Zara.
Now. Forever. Always.
Axil
I WHIMPERED, biting the inside of my cheeks to keep from crying. Then I flipped the note over, recognizing Dorian’s handwriting immediately.
Axil,
You nearly broke her last time and it’s been two years, she’s finally over you. Don’t write again unless it’s to make her your wife. Don’t show up unless it’s to offer courtship. I’ll tear you apart if I see you on my land without a lifelong promise for that girl.
She’s too good for you right now.
Dorian
I SMILED at Dorian’s note and all the anger I thought I would feel for my alpha fled. At the two-year mark I was finally doing okay. I had started dating again and was no longer sulking and hating my life. Dorian was right, seeing this letter only to read that Axil could do nothing to be with me, would have sent me over the edge at the time.
“Can you believe he said that to me? That he would tear me apart? A prince in line to the throne!” Axil chuckled beside me.
I’d forgotten he was here. Setting the note on my lap, I folded and tucked it into my pocket. “I’m keeping it. It’s mine,” I declared.
He said nothing, only nodded.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were a prince?”
He sighed. “Because I had no intention of taking the throne. I didn’t want you to see me as someone I wasn’t. I wanted nothing to do with this role. I wanted you, and a small house in a village somewhere with a dozen kids.”
My heart pinched at that statement but I needed more information.
“Then why did you challenge Ansel for kingship? If you didn’t want that life?”
He sighed, running his hands through his dark hair. “Two years in captivity gave me a lot of time to think. I never dreamed my brother would be capable of such cruelty. But knowing he could imprison me and control me for so long … I knew I couldn’t let him stay king. That you and I would never be safe.”
I frowned. “I agree. But then why did you let your brother live? If he’d been controlling you against your will and you fought him for king and won – why let him keep his life?” I asked. I’d have killed him.
Axil’s wolf surfaced then, eyes glowing yellow. “Wolven law states that two heirs of the royal bloodline must be alive at any given time. Ansel’s wife was unable to give him a pup, so I had to let him live until I could marry and have children of my own.”
Everything he said made sense but my heart still hurt for how things went down. “You’ve been king for two years … you could have sent for me the day you were crowned.” I fumbled for reasons not to forgive him.
“Could I have?” he asked. “Once I became king I realized the mistake I had made. A king must only take a wife through the Queen Trials. I’d trapped myself. Part of me wanted you to enter to become mine, and the other part wanted you to stay in the Mud Flats where you couldn’t be hurt.”
The wind knocked out of my lungs as he reached up and cupped my jaw in his hands. “You’re my mate, Zara. I’ve known that since we were fifteen. Didn’t you?”
Those damn tears that usually never surfaced were back and I blinked them away quickly. “I hoped,” I said softly.
He looked at my face then, no doubt waiting for my verdict.
Was he forgiven?
My heart thundered in my chest as I weighed his words in the note, along with Dorian’s response, and then finally Axil’s invitation to beckon me for the Queen Trials. The first night he’d seen me at the registration dinner he’d said he regretted inviting me. It was because he feared I would be killed and he’d have to marry another. He did everything he’d said he would when we were fifteen. It just took longer than I thought it would.
I finally peered up at him. “You took too long,” I told him.
His face fell, hands slipping away from me and he nodded, looking stricken.
I hadn’t meant it like that, like it was too late.
Reaching out, I cupped his chin and drew my thumbs along his rough beard. “I mean, I’ve been without your lips for far too long.”
It was like something in him roared to life then. He reached for me eagerly, grasping my hips and lifting me into the air until I was straddling him. A peal of laughter escaped me. He used to always do this, toss me around on the grass as if I weighed nothing.
I’d loved it. I still did.
I looked down at him, my hair falling like a curtain around us as my lips hovered above his.
“I’ve ached for you since that day my brother forced me to leave,” he confessed and my heart constricted. All these years I’d told myself he wasn’t my mate, my future husband. He wasn’t the one. Forget him. Hate him.
“Me too,” I breathed and then our lips crashed together in a blind passion. This was no teenage love kiss. There was no tempered desire. This was five years of pent-up yearning. I opened my lips as our tongues stroked together eagerly and he stood quickly, holding onto my waist tightly as he walked with me.
I didn’t need to ask where he was going. The bed. Tomorrow I could die fighting Ivanna and so tonight would be just for us, to make up for all the nights we’d slept alone. His fingers slipped up the back of my tunic as he explored my body and I gripped the back of his neck, pressing my lips harder into his.
There was nothing quite like your first love. Your heart fell faster and harder, without restraint, and every love after that paled in comparison. Axil was the man I’d compared every other guy to. The impossible figure for any man to model themselves after. And now I had the real thing.
His legs knocked against something and I pulled away from kissing him for a moment to find that we’d reached the bed. Without hesitation I pulled my top off and let my breasts spring free. His gaze hooded as he took me in fully.
Then he reached forward and kissed the smattering of freckles on my collarbone that he always traced with his finger, the spot that haunted me for years when I saw it in my reflection.
A small cluster of freckles that he particularly loved.
“I’m sorry for taking so long,” he breathed. “But I promise to spend forever making it up to you.” I fell back on the bed then, pulling off my trousers as he dropped his own. Everything about this was forbidden and I didn’t care.
Our forever might just be tonight, for tomorrow I might go to meet the Maker. But even one night with Axil Moon was better than five years without him.
