I need to take a break. My eyes are about to cross for how long I’ve spent staring at a spreadsheet. I press my fists into the sockets of my skull and press gently until I see white.
On Friday night, I stayed in Farrah and Loki’s stall, so afraid to disturb the tentative truce that Mira and I seemed to have come to. I sat there so long, feeling the press of her fingers between mine and the heat of her body so close, that we fell asleep. Her head tipped to the side and rested against my shoulder, and what was I supposed to do then?
I didn’t want to disturb her, and I didn’t want it to end either. I tried to stay awake as long as possible, but sleep overtook me at some point, and I woke up to the feel of cold air against my side and the sound of Mira shuffling around the stall.
She didn’t say anything to me. She looked groggy, and it felt like she was avoiding looking at me.
I wanted her to come back and grab my hand again.
To snuggle up against me once more.
But I knew that was too much to ask.
And she clearly thought that would take it too far because she packed up and left with a quiet, “See you later. I’ll be back in the morning.”
I didn’t even bother going back to my house. I stumbled into the barn lounge and sprawled out on the leather couch there. And that’s exactly where I’ve spent the last two nights, so I can watch Loki.
The good news is the colt seems to be steadily improving. The bad news is I’m barely functional. If it wasn’t for the one-on-one time with Mira, I think I’d feel an awful lot like I’m doing Billie Black a favor.
That’s a thought I sweep away. I’m doing this to save the foal who’s living in my barn. The one who deserves every fighting chance available, no matter who owns him.
With a deep sigh, I head to the front door where I grab my favorite shearling coat and slip my feet into a pair of boots, hoping some fresh spring air will rejuvenate me.
I walk down the winding road from the house, past the lake where my mother’s ashes are sprinkled, feeling conflicted about her, as is my new normal. It’s a trip missing someone so deeply but also being so unforgivably angry with them. I’m still not sure how to make heads or tails of that, even after four years.
When the barn comes into view from around the far side of the huge weeping willow, I see Mira’s black truck with the gold logo and canopy cover parked out front. In a paddock just next to the barn, Nadia leans against the fence looking down at the ground where Mira is crouching over a horse that is flat out on his side.
The hell are they doing? My heart races. Lately, every time Mira is here, it’s because something isn’t going right. I pick up my pace, cutting across the grass to reach the paddock as quickly as possible.
“That’s it?” Nadia’s disbelieving voice is what I hear first. “Just like: incision, yank it out, and then snip?”
“Yup.” I can hear the smile in Mira’s voice. “That’s it.”
“Huh.” Nadia’s blonde curls bob with her head.
“So, the next time those pencil pricks have something shitty to say to you, you can tell them in detail how you’ll castrate them.”
What the…
I get to the fence beside Nadia to see Mira disposing of what looks like… oh. Oh God. That’s hard to look at.
I’m not especially squeamish, but I’m not keen on watching a fellow male get castrated. I know it’s a horse, but still. It just hits slightly too close to home.
“Stefan, did you realize how simple this procedure is?” Nadia asks, sounding a little too excited by the prospect. “I really almost feel like I could do it myself!”
Mira hits me with a knowing grin as she stands and tosses her gloves into the same bucket as the poor horse’s family jewels. This woman is terrifying. “I’ll get you to help me next time, Nadia.”
“Jesus Christ.” I drag a hand through my hair and shake my head. “What are you two hellions up to here?”
“Turning a stallion into a gelding. And teaching Nadia how to handle all the immature teenaged boys that think the best way into her pants is terrorizing her.” Mira slaps her hands together with a satisfied smirk on her face. “I wish I could be there to see their faces.”
“What happened now?” I turn to my sister, instantly concerned about what’s going on in her personal life. I’m not involved enough. I don’t know how to be. And every time I try, I get the distinct impression she doesn’t want me to be.
She waves me off, looking happier than she has in a long time. “Don’t worry about it. I won’t need to deal with them anymore after tomorrow.”
“Why is that?”
“Because tomorrow I’m cleaning my locker out and getting my distance learning packages. The next day I’m starting a new job.”
Jesus, what poor sucker hired Nadia?
But I opt to be outwardly supportive. Maybe some responsibility would be good for her. A purpose is good for coping with trauma, and I want my sister to succeed in life. Even if the girl is like a hurricane that leaves chaos in her wake. I want her happy. “That’s great. What’s the job?”
Nadia’s full lips stretch out over her face, and she looks genuinely excited. “I’m Mira’s new assistant at the clinic!”
I blink, trying to wrap my head around that. And then I look at Mira, who softens her features and shrugs before grabbing her stuff from the ground near her feet. “I’ve been meaning to hire someone,” is all she says. As though Nadia is a perfectly qualified and natural choice.
She doesn’t act like she’s going out of her way to help my sister. To help me. She doesn’t prance around acting like she’s doing us a favor or extending some great kindness.
But she is.
And after everything I shared with her on Friday night, this feels like more. It feels like someone caring about us—something that hasn’t happened in a very long time.
“I brought your eggs,” Mira calls into the barn the next morning.
She’s been coming back to check on Loki every evening and first thing in the morning before the clinic opens. Twice a day she’s been here, running herself into the ground because I’m a greedy prick who wanted to keep the upper hand in an imaginary war with her employers.
“Mira, I was joking about that.”
I’m sitting on the concrete floor just outside of the stall waiting for her, feeling like a full-blown shmuck for using a woman who would make a special effort to help my little sister.
“Trust me. You want these eggs. They’re from my parents’ farm. I collected them myself.”
Now I feel even worse, if that’s possible. But I still take them from her outstretched hand.
“I also brought you a coffee.” She holds the paper cup out to me with an amused tilt to her shapely lips.
I’m going to hell.
“Mira. Honestly. You don’t need to do this.”
“I know. But I like watching your face when I try to guess what type of coffee you like. It’s worth the few bucks that cost me.”
She pushes it toward me again, urging me to take it from her hand. When I finally do, she moves past me into the stall to check on Loki.
“Good morning, sweet baby boy,” she coos. “And you pretty mama, how are you?” I hear a quiet kissing noise and know she just pressed her lips to the mare’s soft nose. I’ve seen her do it before. And it made my chest pinch then too.
I conned a life-saving, sister-helping, horse-kissing angel into going on dates with me just because I could. I feel like dirt, and there’s a part of me wondering why it’s taken me this long to get to this point.
When she finally emerges from the stall, she locks it behind her, drops her workbox on the floor, and comes to the other side of me. I watch her boots as she slides down the wall to sitting. This time, she’s only a few inches away from me. I can’t figure out why she’s sitting with me when she could leave and carry on with her day.
“Seems like sitting on the barn floor is kind of our thing,” I say.
She laughs, a soft chuckle. A noise I want to take and suck into my mouth. I want to swallow her whole. Devour her. I don’t deserve her, but goddamnit, I’m not sure I’ve ever wanted another woman more.
“How’s the coffee?”
She quirks an eyebrow at me as I take my first sip.
“What the—what on earth is this?”
Her head tips back, and she laughs, a full laugh that warms me from the inside. One hand falls across her chest, and the press of her forearm against her breasts makes them strain against the plain gray T-shirt she’s wearing beneath her open coat. “Yup. Worth every penny.”
It tastes like some sort of caramel cupcake blended into a coffee. It’s atrocious. But she bought it for me, and that makes me want to drink it.
“I’m going to drink this, but I’ll put you out of your misery. I take my coffee black.”
“Was that so hard? Why didn’t you just tell me?” She shakes her head, looking amused.
Because I’m a greedy bastard who liked feeling taken care of.
“Because the coffee doesn’t matter when I’m in your company.” I meant it to come out teasing, but it doesn’t—because I mean it.
I take another sip as silence settles over us like a heavy blanket. I can hear the hum of the heater and the soft munching from Farrah’s stall. The smell of fresh wood shavings blends with the sweet smell wafting up out of my coffee mug.
“I want to end our deal. You don’t need to do the last two dates. I’m happy to help Loki, no matter what. I should never have put you in that position.”
Mira scoffs and waves me off. “It’s fine.” And then with a chuckle and slight shake of her head, she admits, “I had fun on our first fake date.”
The word fake burns. Maybe it’s accurate, but whatever I’m feeling for Mira feels… well, not fake. I nod, effectively plunging us back into silence.
“Thank you for hiring Nadia.”
Her head tilts. “I like her. She’s got spunk. And I really could use the help. Sounds like she excels in math and sciences, which is exactly what I need. She can do schoolwork and still get some socialization around the clinic. The girls are going to love her.”
“Right.” I snort. “Billie is going to love having my family around.”
“Billie is a good person. She won’t hold a single thing against your sister. Plus, she’s probably the last person in the world who would judge a person by their family.”
I grumble. “Yeah, maybe.” Knowing Billie’s background, I suppose it’s possible.
“It’s going to be great. You’ll see.”
I just nod. My throat feels thick.
“Where did you go to vet school?” I blurt out eventually, trying to fill the space with something. Unsure why she hasn’t left yet.
“In Calgary.” She smiles wistfully. “I loved it. Every second. The late nights studying. The classes. The stress. I thrived there.”
I smile too. I can totally see it. There’s an academic side to Mira. She’s a bit nerdy. But in the best possible way. There’s something about a woman who wields her brain like a weapon and her tongue like a whip that makes me want to worship at her feet.
Never mind physical chemistry, I need intellectual chemistry to hold my attention. Getting lost between the sheets with just any warm body has lost its appeal the older I’ve gotten. And I have no doubt that if I stripped Mira down, there would be a battle of wills. She would keep me on my toes, and I’d keep her on hers. And then I’d have her on her knees.
I shake my head, trying to clear my filthy mind.
“Did you always want to be a vet?”
She sighs now. “Yeah. I did. I was constantly tending to the animals on my parents’ farm or finding injured animals. Birds.” She snorts. “Rats.”
“Rats?”
“Hey, man. Even rats need love.” She winks at me. I’m pretty sure she just called me a rat in a very roundabout way.
“You’ve got a big heart. Your family must be very proud of you.” It comes out teasingly, but I mean it seriously.
“Yeah. I think they’d be happier if I found a good man and pumped out some babies though.”
“Really? But you’re still so young.”
“It’s just a complicated dynamic. I’m the most educated person in my family. My dad is the child of Indian immigrants who have only ever worked the family farm. My mom is this free-spirit hippie who came to pick blueberries one day, found a man instead, and just never left. I love them dearly, but we have vastly different goals in life. I think the fact I’m permanently single stresses them all out.”
“Are you?”
“Stressed?”
“No. Permanently single?” I try to keep my voice from going husky. I hadn’t even considered the prospect that Mira might not be single, and suddenly I’m feeling a little jealous for absolutely no good reason.
“No.”
My teeth clench and my heart riots against my ribs.
“I’m in a long-term relationship with Mr. Purple.”
My brow crinkles. “That’s a weird last name.”
“He’s battery powered and made of silicone. I think it would be weird if I brought him home to meet my parents.”
I bark out a laugh. I can’t help it. Her delivery is so dry and not at all ashamed. Plus, I was momentarily jealous of a dildo. Adorable.
“You could try. But I would like to be present to see it, please.”
She doesn’t laugh at the joke. “Yeah.” Her eyes take on a nervous glint as her lips roll together. “I was wondering if I could ask you for a favor.”
Ah, there it is. The reason she’s been hanging around all awkwardly. I sip the sweet coffee and realize I’m developing a taste for it. Or perhaps I’m just enjoying her attention.
“Shoot.” I’m dead curious what this favor is.
What she doesn’t comprehend is I’ll do almost anything she tells me to at this point.
Her fingers twist in her lap. “Any chance you’d be willing to use one of those dates we have left to attend a family reunion with me?”
I feel a grin spread across my lips. “You want me to meet your family?”
“Ugh.” She looks up at the roof, searching for patience. “No. But I don’t want to spend another year being treated like an old spinster who has nothing but an education to crawl into bed with at night.”
“Are you telling me you’d rather take me to your family reunion than your dildo?”
She laughs and shakes her head. “Consider yourself the front runner in that race.”
“When is it?”
“Two weeks. Not this Saturday, but next.” She nibbles at her lips nervously. As if I’d be able to tell her no.
“It would be my pleasure.” I drop a hand onto her thigh and give it a squeeze.
She pats my hand gently before standing. “Thank you.”
This is when Mira runs. When things get too comfortable, too intimate, she bolts.
“I’ll be better company than a dildo. I promise.”
She shakes her head again and swipes her kit off the ground. “Doubtful,” is her reply as she walks away.
I can’t help but appreciate the way her cargo pants hug the round globes of her ass. The things I’d do to that ass.
“Bet I can make you come harder too.”
She laughs, a girlish laugh. Not her usual throaty husk. “I’d like to see you try.”
Challenge accepted.
