I swore I’d never step foot inside this place. It’s cold, it’s heartbreaking. It’s also my brother’s home for now.
Well, at least, until he’s transferred in a week.
The process of getting signed in, waiting for my number to be called, and then getting screened took nearly an hour and a half. Now, here I sit, waiting for Hunter in what looks like my old cafeteria at South Cypress. Small, square tables are spaced out across the room, anchored to the ground with chairs attached. Everything is drab, sterile, and just downright depressing. Everything about this place makes me want to stay on the straight and narrow for the rest of my life. Which, I suppose, is the point.
My knee hasn’t stopped bouncing since I was escorted here by a guard. It’d be nice to check in with Jules, Scar or Lexi while I wait, but seeing as how I had to store all my things in a locker, it’s just me here.
Me and my anxiety.
Every time a figure moves past the reinforced glass on the far wall, I perk up, thinking it might be Hunter. Only to be let down every time. I’m feeling equal parts excitement and dread. It’s been so long since I laid eyes on him, but I know it’ll gut me seeing him in a place like this. Wanting to spare Scar the heartache, I asked Jules to head over and keep an eye on things. I got a ton of pushback from Scar about leaving her behind, but as I sit here, listening to a woman sobbing her eyes out to my left, I know I made the right choice.
This time, when someone passes the glass, it isn’t a false alarm. My heart races faster than I think it ever has as I lay eyes on my brother. Already, I’m fighting tears and I haven’t even gotten a good look at him. What I’d give to just hug him, but I know it isn’t allowed. No touching.
I breathe deep and decide to stand when the guard pushes the door open. Then, in walks Hunter, wearing the bright orange jumpsuit I’ve only imagined him in before today. Now, I’m certain this will be the only way I’ll see him when I close my eyes.
His back is to me for a moment, while his cuffs are removed. Then, I see his face for the first time in far too long, but … there are cuts and bruises on one side. And his eye is practically swollen shut.
My chest tightens and I force air into my lungs, trying to keep my emotions in check. He catches my eyes and his own well with tears and relief. Immediately, guilt sets in for making him wait so long, but among the many things I’m feeling right now, I’m angry.
He’s better than this, better than this place. Plus, Scar and I should’ve been enough of a reason for him to make sure he never ended up here.
“You made it,” he says breathlessly, clearly trying to be strong, but his lower lip quivers when he reaches me.
I’m at a loss for words at first, but then pull it together and manage a smile. Albeit a faint, fake smile, but it’s a smile, nonetheless.
“It’s good seeing you,” I finally say back, lowering into my seat when he does the same.
“Black eye and all, right?” I hear the embarrassment in his tone when he makes the joke.
“It’s … Are you okay?” I stammer.
A casual shrug doesn’t have me fooled. The angry wounds on his face tell me everything I need to know.
“Depends on how you define ‘okay’.”
That’s a fair response, considering.
To lighten the mood, I grin at him. “Did you at least get a couple hits in on the other guy?”
A small laugh leaves him. “One or two, but nothing like the beatdown Ricky told me you put on Loren Pete. What the hell was up with that?”
An easy laugh slips out. “She opened her big mouth at the wrong time.”
“Clearly.” The lighthearted expression on his face begins to fade as we settle into a strange silence.
The culprit? The huge elephant in the room. He’d put Ricky up to harassing me until I showed up here today. Now, here I am, and it hasn’t come up.
His gaze lowers to the table and he drums his fingers nervously on top of it.
“You uh … you and Scar been okay?” He peers up then and I don’t miss the raw emotion he’s carrying.
I shrug. “Depends on how you define ‘okay’.”
When I repeat his response, he chuffs a quiet laugh before lowering his gaze again.
“Mike been staying in line?”
The question brings an eye roll out of me. “Mike is Mike.”
Hunter nods knowingly. “Sounds about right.”
Turning to peer over his shoulder, he makes eye contact with the guard who brought him to me, then scoots to the edge of his seat when he faces me again.
“Listen, Blue-Jay, there’s something I need to tell you, and I know you’re gonna be pissed, but you can’t react by asking a shit-ton of questions, okay?”
I’m reluctant, but I nod. “What is it?”
He does that shady glance over his shoulder a second time before I have his attention again.
“You have to be careful out there. I mean, lock the windows and doors behind you, keep an eye out for strange vehicles following you a little too long, people walking up on you in the street.”
My brow furrows and I quickly disregard his wishes to question him. “What are you talking about? Who wants to hurt us? Why would someone—”
“You gave me your word you wouldn’t ask,” he cuts in.
“Well, I’m sorry, but that was before you made the job of looking after Scar a million times harder,” I shout, earning the attention of those seated at the tables around us.
Hunter gives a discreet glance sideways. “Don’t make a scene,” he whispers.
“Are you kidding me?” I’m still a little too loud, but it can’t be helped.
He reaches for my hands to calm me, but quickly draws back when he remembers that’s not allowed.
“Blue, I just … I know everything’s on you right now. I know Mom took off. I know Mike is more of a burden than a help. Trust me, I beat myself up about leaving you to hold everything down every day I wake up in this damn place. But I just need you to trust me,” he pleads. “I hate that the shit I’ve done always seems to hurt the only two people in the world I owe anything, but what’s done is done. Now, all I can do is protect you as best as I can from in here.”
I stare at him with burning eyes and tear-blurred vision. How dare he drag me here to dump even more responsibility on my shoulders, and not even tell me why.
When I stand, he forgets about the boundaries and takes my wrist.
“Riley,” one of the guards calls out, causing Hunter to release me abruptly. There’s so much frustration pent up inside him, but he’s trying to contain it. Trying to keep his cool.
“Blue, I just … I know you hate me right now, and you have every right to, but all I ask is that you watch your back.”
I stare down on him while he sits there, red in the face and fighting tears.
“Is it her family?” I finally manage to ask.
We don’t talk about her ever—the girl whose life he took—but it looks like we’ve run out of options. His eyes slam shut when I fold both arms across my chest.
“Answer me,” I seethe. “This is about Robyn, isn’t it?”
He winces when I speak her name aloud. “It’s not that simple, Blue. I—”
“I shouldn’t have come here.” The words leave my mouth at the precise moment the realization occurs to me.
“Blue!”
I don’t turn because I’m barely even able to walk right now. Everything hurts, inside and out. Life just keeps throwing me one hard blow after another and I’m not sure how much more I can take. As I put distance between my brother and me, I feel more fragile than I’ve felt in a long time. And if I’m going to keep from folding under the pressure, something has to give.
Fast.
