A persistent buzzing woke me out of another skunk dream. Annoyed, I rolled over to glare at Piepen’s drawer in the early morning light.
He made a soft yipping sound as I threw off the covers.
“I told you not to play with the—”
The sight of him naked and blissed out on his pillow robbed me of words. Instead of the big, pink monstrosity, he wore a rubber ring around his waist, the odd nub attached to it centered just over his pelvis.
As I watched, a tiny shower of sparkles erupted from below the nub and landed on the pillow beside him.
“Look! It’s changing colors.”
I glanced at the multiple smears on the pillow I planned to burn in the near future. If the quantity was any indication, he’d been at this for a while.
“That’s probably not a good thing. The humans believe boys will go blind if they play with their bits too much.”
“I can’t help myself. I want to touch them all the time. I just need…”
Another shower of sparkles erupted, and a dreamy smile ghosted his lips.
“Sparkles make everything better,” he said blissfully.
I slammed the drawer shut and hoped his squeal meant he’d fallen off his pillow.
“You better have that thing turned off and in the garbage by the time I’m done showering.”
He wisely listened because twenty minutes later, the bedroom was quiet when I emerged from the bathroom. However, the concentrated smell of brownie lust had only grown. I opened every window in my room before opening the drawer.
Piepen sat in an unpillowed corner, his clad knees pulled up to his chest. He gave me a sad look and held up the ring in one hand.
“I would have thrown it away, but I couldn’t. I was locked in a dark drawer.”
“You broke the rules. Don’t expect me to feel sorry for you. And don’t expect me to throw that away after what you were doing with it. Fly yourself to the garbage.”
He sullenly zoomed across the room and dropped the toy into my trash bin.
“I’ll be right back with some food for you. Do not touch anything else in those drawers.”
I left the room, fluctuating between guilt and annoyance. When I’d closed Piepen’s drawer, I hadn’t been thinking. I’d promised never to do that to him and had broken my promise in barely a day. Yet, I’d scolded him for breaking the rules. Rules he couldn’t help but break. Unlike me, he wasn’t trying to be something other than what the gods made him. A horny little brownie who needed to procreate before his short life was over.
I sighed, wondering if apologizing for what I’d done would only encourage him to continue his ways or if my silence would somehow curb his instincts.
Like the morning before, I found Mom in the dining room, her back to the door. This time, she was alone. After her parting words last night, I felt a healthy amount of concern for Mrs. Quill. Yet, that concern almost wasn’t enough to keep me in the room. After leaving me, Mom had gone back to her “meal” and had eaten very loudly for hours, which had probably contributed to Piepen’s driving need to touch himself.
“You’re hovering again,” Mom said, busting me before I could officially make up my mind whether to leave or not.
“Sorry. I’m just tired.” As soon as I said it, I wanted to smack myself.
Mom turned in her chair, setting her coffee aside to worriedly scrutinize me.
“Still? Perhaps I should take you to see—”
“I’m not sick, Mom. I swear.”
Her skepticism remained firm in her expression.
“That was over eight hours of sleep.”
I gave an aggrieved sigh.
“No, it wasn’t. Your company was enthusiastically loud and kept me up. That’s all. Will Mrs. Quill be joining us?” I asked, desperate to change the subject.
Mom hesitated a moment.
“No. She and I spoke this morning. I asked her to either feed you or stay away. I’m less than pleased with her choice but know how much her willingness means to you, so I didn’t force the issue. Yet.”
“Thank you.”
She gave me a small smile.
“For you, baby, anything. I made muffins this morning. Chocolate berry. Give one a try,” she said, indicating the sugar topped muffin waiting beside her.
I sank into the chair, already reaching for it. The flavor was amazing. Especially after what had been coating my taste buds since the moment I woke.
“This is amazing,” I said around a mouthful.
She chuckled. “I’m so glad you like it. There are five more in the kitchen.”
“Only five?”
“I ate the other six.”
I laughed. It felt good. I finished my muffin and thought of Piepen waiting for me upstairs.
“Hey, Mom? Can I have your permission to go to the Academy late today?”
“Baby, you don’t need anyone’s permission to do anything ever. Do what you want, and make no apologies for it. You’re too powerful to let other people’s rules stifle you.”
It was all well and good for her to say that, but she had no idea the lengths Adira would go to keep her students in line and on her right path.
“I just need to know that you’ll step in if Adira gives me trouble for being late.”
Her eyes flooded with black.
“Does she give you trouble often?” The soft way in which she asked the question made me want to shiver.
“I…uh…”
She blinked, and her eyes cleared.
“Baby, don’t protect people who won’t protect you.” She exhaled slowly and patted my cheek. “Skip school for all I care. It might force Adira to stop avoiding me. I’ve asked Anwen to let her sister know I’d like a word. However, my phone has remained mysteriously quiet. If you see Adira today, let her know I’m looking forward to speaking with her.” Her gaze skimmed my outfit. “She and I have a lot to discuss.”
I pitied Adira just then. If she were smart, she would talk to Mom before making her any angrier.
“If I see her, I’ll let her know. Thanks, Mom.”
After grabbing a bowl full of fruit from the kitchen and running it upstairs to Piepen, I headed out for the day.
The drive to the lake brought back memories of the night Megan came into her powers with flaming glory. My car still had a weird paint job because of it, not that I minded. I wondered briefly how she was enjoying her new-found abilities. Probably a lot more than I’d ever enjoyed mine.
Passing the pull off for the lake, I continued toward the marshes. The flat stretch looked inhospitable with its sea of snow-dusted cattails and long grass, but I knew it was home to hundreds of brownies. Most of them wingless refugees from the real world.
I turned onto a dirt road and followed it to a small parking area that had signs posted forbidding the hunting of brownies, winged or unwinged, in the marshes. Someone had drawn lewd images on the sign, an indication of how much the upstanding citizens of Uttira respected the law.
A brisk winter breeze bit through my thin shirt the moment I opened my car door, and I hoped Adira would talk to my mom soon. I wanted some decent clothes again.
“Hello?” I called, my heels crunching on the gravel. “My name is Eliana. I’m looking for a family to take in a brownie. He’s fourteen and recently lost his wingless grandparents.”
I hesitated a moment, looking around the marsh. Other than the occasional bird call, there was no sign of life.
“He needs a good home. I don’t think he’s ever had one before. If there’s a family willing to take him in, call me.” I rattled off my phone number.
The bird calls went crazy for a moment, then complete silence reigned.
I got back in my car and drove away, hoping that I made the right choice not to mention he had wings. I couldn’t risk sharing that kind of information if there were hunters in the marsh. Or worse, brownie families willing to sell Piepen’s wings to earn a little cash. It was common knowledge that brownies would sell their own wings, or someone else’s, if money was tight.
By the time I pulled through Girderon’s gates, I’d successfully missed the first session. I took my time finding a parking spot, since mine was taken, then went inside. The halls were quiet, a nice change. In no hurry to join the second session, I paused by the pool to watch the mermaids play around with a boat.
While I knew they didn’t spend all day in the water, I was still envious that they had at least one class they seemed to enjoy.
“A bit late today, aren’t you?” Adira said from behind me.
“Mom wants to talk to you,” I said, continuing to watch the mermaids splash. “She wasn’t too happy when she said it, either. I’m not surprised, really. She never did like being confined in any way.” I finally turned to look at Adira.
“Don’t wait too long, Adira. You don’t want to push her like you enjoy pushing me. I better get to class.”
She didn’t say anything as I walked away. As much as I wanted to take that as a victory, I knew better. With Adira, it was hard to tell what was a win and what was a play right into her hands.
Outside the room, I glanced down at my clothes. While skipping school altogether like Mom had suggested would have been much more appealing than facing everyone dressed like this again, I knew Fenris was right about not running from Adira’s manipulations. Running never did anyone any good. Taking a steadying breath, I opened the door and stopped short at the sight of Ashlyn’s empty desk.
“She gave me a note for you,” Yanet said from her spot. “You want me to tuck it into your back pocket so you can read it later?”
The last thing I wanted was the dwarf anywhere near my rear end. I didn’t trust the gleam in her eyes.
“No, thank you. I’ll just read it now.”
I held out my hand, and Yanet set the folded piece of paper in my palm, doing her best to make it as sensually-awkward as possible. Ignoring her suggestive looks, I took the note to my seat and opened it.
I’m sorry for my behavior yesterday and want you to know you did the right thing to bring up my uncle. I doubt anything else would have gotten through to me. Don’t take my absence personally. I’m not mad, just being smart. We both know it’s best if I avoid you for a day or two.
Still your friend,
Ashlyn
I stared at the piece of paper, fighting the urge to cry. She was sorry? She had nothing to be sorry for. I should have left the room instead of saying what I had. It hurt her deeply. Some friend I was.
“You okay?” Yanet asked.
“I’m fine,” I said automatically. After all, the social nicety that demanded people ask the question also demanded there was only one acceptable answer.
“Because if you need me to distract you, I’m—”
I turned on her.
“I said I’m fine.”
She held up her hands, the callouses on her fingers standing out so sharply that I could see the glitter of diamond dust stuck in the ridges of her thumbprint on her right hand.
“Sorry,” she said.
I swallowed hard and focused on the note as I refolded it. The intricate pattern of the pressed paper fibers helped distract me from my need to apologize to Yanet. Apologizing would only make her growing fascination worse. I thought of my dad and how he’d pleaded with my mom to stay with him and hardened my heart as I got up to walk out of class. I’d been mean enough to Ashlyn yesterday. I refused to repeat it with someone else today.
Walking back the way I’d come, I hid in the poolside bathroom until the bell rang. As I was leaving, I ran into the same group of druids as they entered.
“You’re not taking over our spot, are you?” the one with the thick hair asked with a joking smile.
I shook my head and hurried away before joking turned into flirting. The hall leading from the pool was unusually crowded, slowing my escape. And in a strange turn of events, people didn’t seem to notice me as I carefully wove my way through them. The reason for their inattention soon became clear, though.
In the middle of the hall, two boys glared at each other.
Like the rest of the students, I slowed to watch Eras, an incubus a little older than me, push the other boy.
“Dammit, Tarius. I’m not exaggerating or messing around. My meal was primed, and I mean primed. Then someone came in and stole it right from under my nose. I want to know who it was. Now.”
“It wasn’t me,” Tarius said. “I wasn’t anywhere near the Heights.”
I recognized the name of the neighborhood. It was the very one I’d been in last night. The memory of the energy I consumed set my heart pounding.
Threading my way to the edge of the hall, I tried to make myself as inconspicuous as possible as I passed the pair.
“Spread the word,” Eras said. “I’ll find the thief even if I have to force-feed every single incubus and succubus in this place.”
I fisted my hands and hurried away, his threat echoing in my ears. He’d sensed me feeding, and if I fed near him again, he’d know it was me. Fortunately, I had no plan to ever publicly feed, so my secret and shame would remain my own.
With my mind dwelling on last night’s feeding, I wasn’t fulling paying attention to the room when I walked into Self-Discovery. I absently sat in my chair as I wondered how long the energy would last me before I found myself starving and wandering the neighborhoods of Uttira, again. Probably not long. Even with the light feedings from Mrs. Quill, I hadn’t managed to last more than a few days at a time. A week at most if I fed a little heavier.
Last night’s feeding had been more than I’d ever consumed in one sitting before. Yet, I could still feel my hunger lazily coiling in my stomach. I couldn’t just wait until I was ravenous again. I had to figure out how I’d feed myself without Mrs. Quill. The unsettling thought left me frowning at my desk.
The bell rang, startling me out of my thoughts. I looked around and saw the room was empty, except for one person.
Fenris.
He was watching me with an inscrutable expression that melted into a rueful smile as our gazes locked. His familiar scent teased my nose, making my mouth water just a little. I did my best to ignore it.
“I wasn’t sure you knew I was here,” he said, leaning forward against his desk.
It was something I noticed he often did. Whenever he spoke with someone, he gave his full attention. Sometimes that attention was a bit much.
“Sorry. I was lost in thought.”
“Your mom?” he asked.
I cringed, last night’s public inquisition about my sexual experience coming back to me.
“No, but thanks for the reminder.”
He chuckled.
“There’s no need for that blush. We’ve all been in your shoes.”
I snorted.
“I highly doubt your dad has ever publicly asked about your sex life.”
“No. It was a public questioning about my sexual preferences. I mean, obviously I’m not straight if I haven’t had my mate run yet, right? He offered to bring in more single males for me.”
My mouth dropped open, and Fenris’s crooked grin grew.
“He didn’t care if it was a guy or a girl. He just didn’t want me to spend the rest of my life alone. All of which he said at the last pack meeting.”
“I’m so sorry, Fenris.”
He shrugged.
“Honestly, it didn’t bother me. I know I’m an anomaly to him. To all of the pack. It’s their problem that they don’t understand me. Not mine.”
“I wish I had that attitude.”
“Why don’t you?”
“Because Mom and the Council’s lack of understanding means they need to ‘fix’ me. The ‘fixing’ is driving me insane. You would not believe what my mom gave me last night.”
He flashed a full-toothed smile that made my insides ignite with heat. My hunger stirred, and I quickly looked at my desk.
“I never understood why you always look down,” he said. “Not judging. If you don’t want people to see your real eyes, that’s your choice. But I’ve always been curious.”
I looked up at him, unsure what to say.
His gaze held mine.
“It’s cool when they flicker like that. Does it mean something?”
“Yeah. That they can’t make up their minds. Probably because I’m not sure which me I want to be.”
He shook his head.
“There’s only one you, Eliana, no matter which face you show the world.”
His words warmed me further.
“Thank you, Fenris.”
“For saying the truth?”
“For taking me as I am.”
His scent grew stronger, and this time, it was Fenris who looked at his desk. I noticed a slight tremor in his fingers before he flattened them on the wooden surface.
Something about what I’d said had set off his werewolf lust. I didn’t want to press him and ask what, though. I, more than anyone, understood some topics were just uncomfortable to discuss.
“We’re not the only ones misunderstood,” he said, changing the subject. “I’ve heard the same conversations happen to a lot of other kids our age.”
“Like what?” I asked.
He shrugged.
“More talks in that same restaurant. Parents too focused on their kid’s sex life. Are the kids doing it too much? Not enough? The right way? Will the parents be grandparents early? The best so far is don’t eat a human if you’ve slept with them. It’s not fair to play on their emotions like that.”
I shook my head. Only in Uttira could a person have that conversation in a restaurant.
“Stuff like that makes me miss the human world sometimes,” I said.
“Yeah?”
“Conversations were so much politer in public. And the food was way better.” I sighed, remembering all the desserts I had consumed before coming here.
“You’re thinking about chocolate, aren’t you?”
“How did you know?”
“You always get this far away, happy look.”
I grinned.
“Humans know how to use their chocolate. You should see the creations they’ve made.” My mouth started watering. “I miss lava cake.”
Fenris laughed.
“You have a little drool just there.” He reached out and rubbed his thumb over the corner of my mouth.
Hunger kicked me in the stomach, and I knew my eyes went dark.
“You shouldn’t touch me,” I said. It was part warning, part plea.
His humor faded, and he set his hand on his desk again.
“I get why you have to warn the others away. It’s to keep them safe. I’m not like the rest, though, Eliana. You don’t have to protect me.”
“What are you saying?”
“That it’s safe to let me touch you if you want.”
I inhaled deeply, my mouth watering at the strength of his scent.
“I’m not sure what you’re suggesting,” I said. “Based on your scent, it’s more than touching. And I’m definitely not interested in that.”
He nodded slowly, considering me for a moment.
“When I said holding yourself back from people is lonely, I was speaking from experience. If I show any one female from my pack too much attention, they read into it. They become possessive. I haven’t had a decent hug since Megan left.”
He said it all with complete sincerity, but the twinkle in his eyes gave him away. He was messing with me. Trying to play on my emotions.
“Is this your way of asking for a hug?”
“Is this you considering giving me one?”
“Nope. But I think I know a dwarf who might be willing.”
“And people think Megan was the mean one.”
I grinned.
“You can’t fool me, Fenris. You’re a hopeless flirt, and if you wanted a hug from someone, you’d have hundreds of volunteers.”
“Makes you wonder why I want one from you, doesn’t it?” he asked playfully.
“Not really. I just think it’s in your nature to want what you can’t have. It’s the whole waiting for a predestined mate thing.”
He stared at me for a long, silent moment.
“I didn’t mean that in a negative way,” I said quickly.
“I know. You just…” He took a long, slow breath. “I like spending time with you. You have more to say than ‘do you like my top?’ Which I do, by the way.”
I looked down at what I was wearing. Another thin number with way too much skin exposed.
“I don’t,” I said. “It’s the start of winter. I wore more during the summer. Adira is insane.”
The door opened then LuAnn poked her head in.
“How are you two progressing?”
“We’ve decided that I’m going to become a male gigolo after my seventh child, you know, to earn enough money to feed them all; and Eliana is going to attach herself to a hi-roller in Vegas for the buffets there.”
LuAnn blinked at him.
“Er. All right. I’m glad you’re both embracing your futures. Carry on.”
She closed the door, and Fenris threw his head back and laughed.
“What, exactly, were we supposed to be doing?” I asked.
“Not sure, but she seemed to like that answer.”
I shook my head at him.
“Male gigolo? I’m pretty sure your future mate wouldn’t approve of that. From what I’ve heard, mates are very jealous of each other.”
He shrugged.
“I’m going to break all the molds.”
The image of Fenris tangled in the sheets with a pair of blonde women popped into my head. My hunger rose. So did a strange amount of jealousy. Did I want to be one of Fenris’s many female groupies? Heck no. I didn’t want to worship any man. I wanted men to worship me.
My hunger died at the memory of my dad on his knees. I would never forget his tears or devastation as Mom walked away. I didn’t want worship. I wanted—
I sighed, not letting myself think of the impossible.
“Breaking the rules usually doesn’t end well,” I said.
“What are you talking about? Megan broke rules left and right and made new ones to suit herself. Things turned out for her.”
I thought of her in New York, looking for a killer of almost impossible to kill creatures.
“Maybe.”
“What future do you want for yourself?” he asked. “A future following other people’s rules? Rules where you’re stuck in a bullshit excuse for a class because someone else thinks it’s the right thing for you? Or do you want to live like you want? Follow your own rules?”
His words, so reminiscent of my mom’s, prodded me to dream just a little of a future where I had a real relationship with a guy. Not the feed-or-breed relationships most of my kind had, but a real home. A family.
Fenris leaned farther forward in his chair.
“What are you thinking, right now?”
“Of a future I can never have.”
“Tell me.”
I hesitated.
“I don’t want a life filled with different partners. I want one partner. I want a real relationship.”
He tilted his head at me. Monogamous wasn’t a word anyone ever used to describe a succubus.
“I can see that,” he said. “You, with a special someone. But, you know, in order to get there, you’re eventually going to need to let someone in. You know, touching and all that stuff.”
He leaned back in his chair and spread his arms wide.
“Go ahead. Give me a touch. Just mind the ribs. I’m ticklish.”
“I’m not touching you.”
“Chicken.”
“I’m not a chicken. There’s just no point in touching you.”
“Isn’t there?”
He stood and took two steps to my desk. He braced his hands on the surface and slowly leaned in. He stopped when his face was only inches from mine. I could count the flecks of gold in his brown eyes.
“The point is to show there’s nothing you fear.”
The soft rumble of his words almost made me shiver. I itched to answer his dare. To run my fingers along his skin and show him there was everything to fear.
My hand left the desk.
His lips curved into their typical cocky grin.
The ringing of my phone saved us both.
