An hour later, my clothes were tumbling in the dryer with Fenris’s as the wolf in question leaned back in his chair with a grin.
“I can’t believe you ate all of that,” Dad said for the second time. “Sixteen full-sized pancakes.”
“He could eat twice that if you allowed it,” Mom said before taking a dainty bite of the pancake she’d been working on. I’d tried to do the same, but it didn’t taste right to me. Not that they made bad pancakes; it just wasn’t what I was hungry for.
“Allow me to clean up,” Fenris said, standing. “It’s the least I can do for feeding me.”
Mom’s phone buzzed on the table. She glanced at the screen and frowned.
“Adira wants to know if you’re here. She said that you’re not attending classes anymore.”
I opened my mouth to begin a reasonable explanation for my father’s benefit, but Fenris beat me to it.
“Adira made a sex room at the Academy and wanted Eliana to spend her time in there with me. She’s still stuck on force-feeding your daughter.”
Dad’s color drained away then returned with a full flush.
“Private school was supposed to be better for her. How is that better?” he asked. Anger rolled off of him.
“I think I’m going to go check our clothes,” I said, escaping the table and pulling Fenris from the kitchen.
“Not a helpful answer,” I whispered as I tugged him down the hall.
“But an honest one.”
I huffed an annoyed sigh and grabbed our things from the dryer. The lingering dampness was better than when we’d arrived. Plus, nothing smelled like fish. Fenris followed me to the guest bedroom and changed in the bathroom while I used the main bedroom.
Mom and Dad were still having a heated conversation in hushed tones when we reemerged.
“I think it’s time for us to head to Fenris’s place,” I said.
“What do you want me to tell Adira?” Mom asked.
“Tell her we were here. But please, don’t mention where we’re going. We’d rather avoid her if we can.”
“Completely understandable. Let me know if she causes you any trouble.”
I gave them both hugs, and Dad shook Fenris’s hand. Mom stayed away from him, which relieved me. She knew it, too, because I got a text from her as we pulled out of the driveway.
Mom: My lack of farewell to Fenris reflects nothing but my love for you and my deference to your relationship with him. Enjoy him, Eliana!
Mom: I also told Adira to go fornicate herself before I admitted that you were here.
Mom: I can use fornicate, right?
I groaned and rubbed a hand over my face.
“What’s wrong?” Fenris asked.
“My mom’s attempts not to swear are just as bad as her swearing. But I love her for trying.”
He chuckled.
“They’re both amazing parents, Eliana. Thank you for allowing me to meet them.”
“It wasn’t like you gave me much of a choice.”
“If you hadn’t wanted that, you would have stopped me. You always do when I push too far. But I’m glad you didn’t, and I got to meet the people who helped shape who you are. I have to admit your dad wasn’t what I expected.”
“How so?”
“When he first arrived, you said he had hollow cheeks and a dull look in his eyes when your mom’s attention wasn’t on him. I was expecting something a lot less animated. But your dad talked to me the whole time, regardless of your mom’s attention, like a normal person.”
“Mom makes sure he eats and takes care of himself. Without her around, he’d be a lot less animated. Trust me.”
Rather than dwelling on any of that, I replied to Mom’s text.
Me: Thank you for breakfast and your effort not to swear. I love you both. Please don’t be too hard on Dad when you talk. Remember, this world is very new to him and a huge change from what he knows and believes.
Mom: I promise your father is safe with me, Eliana. Always. And thank Fenris for encouraging him to eat so much. We need you both to come over more often for meals.
Frowning slightly at the evidence to support my claim to Fenris, I dropped my phone in my purse.
“What’s the plan for meeting your dad?” I asked. “What will it take to convince him that we’re together?”
“I’ll tell you that if you tell me what your mom meant by ‘Eliana is worried about your immunity to the mindless infatuation that often results after we feed.’”
“You remembered that word for word? That’s borderline obsessive.”
“It’s observant. Just like I observed how you had allowed the subject to change then and are trying to change it now. Unconditional honesty, Eliana.”
“I’m really starting to hate that phrase.”
“Honesty shouldn’t be that hard. Not with me.”
“It is when I know you’re just going to give me dumb reassurances like, ‘I’ll be fine’ and ‘we already proved that theory wrong’ because both are wishful thinking, not fact.”
“Are we about to get into our first couple fight?” Fenris asked, his grin growing. “Hold on. Let me pull over so I’m ready for the making up part that’s going to follow.”
I reached over and grabbed the wheel.
“No to all of that,” I said with warning.
He grinned at me and pried my hand from the wheel to twine his fingers through mine.
“If I promise to be as discouraging as possible, will you tell me?”
“I’m worried about this plan of yours. You asked me to be your girlfriend in truth, and I agreed because I truly empathize with the pressure you’re under.” His thumb smoothed over mine, distracting me from my thoughts for a moment.
“This is the problem,” I said, lifting his hand and untangling his hold on me.
“Horrible problem,” he agreed. “Hand holding usually involves two hands. It’s not fun if I’m holding myself. That’s just lonely.”
I wrinkled my nose at him.
“The problem isn’t holding hands; it’s how much I like doing it. What happens when you’re ready to try finding your mate again? I wanted to hurt Eras for threatening you, and you saw how I behaved when my mom innocently entered the bedroom to check on us. I’m worried I’m becoming possessive. What if you find your future mate, and I hurt her because I can’t control my reactions? Or worse, what if I start taking your offers seriously and feed from you? Mom said that you would try to get over me. Try, Fenris. That does not sound like immunity.”
He continued to drive, not saying anything for so long that I huffed a sigh.
“I don’t want reassurances, but I do want your thoughts. Unconditional honesty goes both ways.”
He groaned and ran a hand through his hair.
“I’m conflicted. I know I’m pushing you, and the reasons behind my actions are purely selfish. I want to give you what you want, Eliana. But doing that means cutting myself out of your life. Is that what you really want? Me gone?”
My chest constricted at the thought.
“No.” The word was a tortured whisper.
“You know a little about my kind, but not everything. I’ve watched mated pairs find each other. There’s no fighting it. There’s no wanting to fight it. I know the girls are afraid of a stranger scenting them, and that’s why they’re after me. But what they don’t understand is that, when it’s their mate, he won’t feel like a stranger to them.”
He stole his fingers through mine and gave my hand a light squeeze.
“I can give you two promises with absolute certainty. I’ll never allow you to hurt my mate. And, feeding from me won’t change my future, only yours.”
It wasn’t easy to withhold my scoff at his promises as I let his words tumble around in my mind. But as I did, I grasped the truth of what he was saying.
He truly wouldn’t allow me to hurt his mate, just as he hadn’t allowed me to hurt anyone. Even myself. He protected me, and I didn’t see that stopping when he found his match. It was just who Fenris was. Granted, the reasons behind his protection might change, but his intent, his actions, those wouldn’t.
His promise about feeding was trickery. I saw it for what it was, an attempt to offer himself up to me again. Yet, as I’d pointed out to Mom, Fenris had a way of saying one thing while thinking another. It wasn’t lying, but it was a way of letting other people believe what they wanted. In this case, me. What did he think I wanted to believe, and what did he really mean? How would my future change by feeding on him? No, that was the wrong question. A distraction he added to throw me from the real issue. Would Fenris remain unaffected if I fed from him? Again, that was the wrong direction of thought. He hadn’t said he would be unaffected, only that his fate wouldn’t change.
And that was my answer. He would be affected, but once he found his mate, it wouldn’t matter. He’d still go to her. He’d still love her completely and likely forget about me just as Mom said. But how would I feel about that?
I sighed, suddenly understanding everything he’d said. He knew me well enough to know that my feelings for him were growing and that feeding from him would create an attachment and complicate things for me, not him. He would never deny me a meal, but he already knew what would happen.
“I believe you,” I said. “Thank you for the warning.”
His fingers twitched on mine, and he glanced at me.
“Warning?”
“That feeding from you would cause me to become more attached and complicate things for me when you find your mate. That I need to be careful, which isn’t going to be easy if you want to keep casually touching me like this.”
I indicated our joined hands, and he stared at me for a long, grin-free moment.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean? How is my fate going to change if I accidentally lose control and feed from you?”
He exhaled slowly and focused on the road.
“We’re so close, Eliana. Can we hold off on this discussion for a bit longer?”
I noted where we were and quickly agreed. We were already on pack land, and talking about this was probably the last thing he wanted to do when he was trying to get into the mindset that we were together to convince his dad.
“Of course. Let’s talk about your plan to convince your dad.”
“That’s simple. We’re going to go to my house and hang out in my room with the door closed.”
I cast him a doubtful look.
“I’ve never allowed a girl in my room before.”
“Ever? But Jenna—”
“Slept on my couch and knew better than to try to force her way in.”
“Not even Aubrey?”
He shook his head. “She knew it would have crossed a line with me.”
A ball of worry formed in my middle. He drew that line for all his girls and was willing to break it with me, but only after warning me not to get attached…for my sake? I didn’t understand what I was getting into, and that lack of understanding was the source of my nervousness.
Fenris’s thumb rubbed over mine again.
“You’ll be okay,” he said. “Dad will be shocked when he catches us, but happy.”
“Catches us?”
“It’s the same with him as it is with Adira. He won’t believe me if I march in and announce we’re together. He’ll need to see proof. Us together in my room will be that proof.”
“Um, what are we going to be doing in your room?”
He flashed a grin at me.
“The options are endless. There’s my extensive rock collection. I could show you how I’ve perfected throwing cards into a boot in case I ever go to prison and need to pretend to be bored.”
“You have no plan, do you?”
“Hey, I’m feeling a little pressured here. Performance anxiety is real, you know. I might not hit the boot now.”
Shaking my head at him, I relaxed into the seat.
“Fine, but without a plan, I don’t know how to act or react, so if things go wrong and your dad doesn’t believe what you want him to, don’t blame me.”
“Just be yourself, Eliana. Everything will be fine if you do that.”
Everything didn’t feel fine a few minutes later as I walked hand in hand with Fenris through the trees. I felt watched, but not the same kind of watched I’d experienced in these woods or by the cabin. This felt more open and curious, less… I couldn’t even put a word to what the other times had felt like. Sinister, but not. Like something was waiting to attack, but that I had nothing to fear, which made absolutely no sense.
As soon as we reached the clearing, a trio of wolf cubs raced past us. The front one’s legs tangled, and it tumbled tail over snout. The other two pounced on the first. Playful growls emitted from the jumble of moving fur.
Fenris chuckled beside me, and under his humor, I could feel a bittersweet longing.
“Jenna told me you grow up chasing each other. How many times were you caught as a pup?”
“A few. Like young Tarlen, I was fast and cocky, and the combination sent me tumbling on occasion.”
The cubs paused their tussle as one poked its head up to look at Fenris.
“Speed isn’t everything, Tarlen. Use your head too.”
The pup yipped at us then took off running again, leaving his confused companions scrambling to catch up. It was cute to watch.
“How old is Tarlen?” I asked as we continued on.
“Almost five, I think.”
“And they just run around without supervision?”
Fenris chuckled again.
“They’re supervised. Whether you see them or not, there’s always someone around keeping an eye on things.”
I took the reminder for what it was and kept silent as we wove our way toward the center of the clustered buildings. The smaller, older homes didn’t look much different than Fenris’s cabin in the woods, but as Jenna’s home had proven, exterior appearances could be deceiving.
He stopped in front of one and opened the thick, wooden door. Warmth enveloped me as I entered and looked around the living room. Through a widened opening, I could see a kitchen. The home was more spacious than it appeared from the outside, but just as rustic, with minimal furnishing and a large potbelly stove.
Fenris closed the door behind us.
“Dad?” he called.
When there was no answer, Fenris wiggled his eyebrows at me.
“Looks like we have the place to ourselves.” He led me down a narrow hallway to the bedroom just behind the kitchen.
Unlike the rest of the house, this room was full of things. Shelves lined the walls above the bed and desk and any other open space. Rocks filled one of them, but games, books, and random objects filled the others.
While I took everything in, Fenris collapsed on his bed.
“I’m feeling faint. There’s a girl in my room, and she’s not trying to get under the covers with me. Now I know why the banshees were singing. It really is the end of the world.”
I rolled my eyes at his antics and removed my jacket. He caught it easily when I tossed it on his bed. While he laid it neatly over the back of his desk chair, I moved closer to examine his shelves.
“Poetry?” I asked, eyeing some of the book titles.
“I went through a phase.”
“Horror? Mystery? Romance? Is there anything you don’t read?”
“Newspapers. Human stupidity is typically too depressing for me.”
“My dad’s human.”
“Has he been on the news?”
“I’m not sure I like this version of you. You’re not taking anything seriously today.”
“Are you implying that, at some point, I took something seriously? If so, take that back. It’s insulting. Come here and give me an apology hug.”
He lay back on his bed and opened his arms wide.
“I’m not getting on that bed with you. Since the rock collection was real, show me your prisoner impersonation.”
He cocked his head, and his grin slowly widened.
“I knew you’d come around eventually. Here, let me position you.” He hopped off the bed and turned the desk chair around. I sat where he indicated. He grinned at me like I’d done the funniest thing he’d ever seen.
“Are you comfortable?” he asked as my suspicion climbed.
“Sure.”
“Good.” He plucked a single boot off a nearby shelf. The thing looked old, the tongue hanging open and the lacings missing.
He held it out to me but just out of reach.
“Stretch a little. Grab at the ankle.”
I snatched the boot out of his hand.
“I don’t need a pain in my backside.”
He nearly lost it. Red-faced and looking like he was barely holding in the laugh of a lifetime, he reached for my hand.
“Here. Feel it.” He placed my hand on the side of the leather boot. “What do you think? Soft and smooth, right?”
I humored him with a nod. His weirdness was escalating.
“Good. Keep your hands just like that. Now, let me get into position so I can work some magic.”
He picked up the deck of cards from his desk.
“Don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t go in the first time.”
The door to Fenris’s bedroom flew open, scaring the salt out of my cracker. The boot flew through the air as I jumped and put a hand over my heart. Fenris howled with laughter, and Raiden, his father, caught the boot with a scowl.
My gaze shifted between Fenris and his father.
“What’s going on?” I panted. If not for Fenris’s side-splitting laughter, I would have thought there really was a world-ending event happening.
“Hello, Eliana. I’m sorry for startling you. Everything is fine. Fenris, stop wheezing like old Fitzer. You’re not as funny as you think.”
“Funny?” I asked.
Fenris leaned down to playfully lick my nose and winked at me before facing his father.
“Go ahead, Dad. Tell Eliana why you burst in here.”
Raiden met my gaze.
“When Adira proposed allowing Fenris to spend time with you, she assured me that you were nowhere near ready to participate in sexual acts. Does she know you’re holding hands? Kissing?”
The flush that ignited at his first sentence bled away with his last question. I clasped my hands in my lap and tried not to panic.
“Kissing? We’re not kissing.”
“In my world, that lick on the nose Fenris just gave you is a kiss.”
Panic officially bloomed.
“And you used to kiss me like that when I was a pup, Dad. You’re grasping at straws where there are none, given what you heard. Next time, don’t be so nosy.”
“This is the first time you…” Raiden’s gaze darted to me then back to Fenris. “Next time?”
“Don’t start acting like Adira. Not everything needs to be a crisis that needs addressing. As you’ve now seen for yourself, nothing inappropriate is happening here, just like it hasn’t been happening since I hit puberty.”
Fenris nodded toward his door. Raiden’s gaze volleyed between me and Fenris. Then, he left the way he entered. Suddenly.
My mind was still trying to sort through everything that had happened when Fenris lifted a finger to his lips. He tilted his head as if listening to something. It was the same look he’d had just before he’d jumped off the bed to show me his boot trick.
He relaxed and sat on his bed with his cards.
“Okay. We have the house to ourselves again. Now, where were we?”
Angry and hurt, I stood.
“You heard your dad come into the house and purposely worded things so it would sound like we were about to have sex. On top of that, you kissed me in front of him and in front of Jenna and the others this morning without telling me that’s what that was. You purposely hurt Jenna. I agreed to be your girlfriend, Fenris. But I am not a means for you to hurt the people in your life.”
With each word I’d spoken, he’d grown more and more serious. Hurt and worry emanated from him as he straightened from the bed.
“Those kisses weren’t to hurt them. They were for you because you make me happy. Seeing you makes me happy. But I am guilty of purposely misleading my dad into believing we were about to have sex and admit it was a small, harmless bit of revenge for how I’ve been manipulated for so many years. I’m sorry, Eliana. I didn’t mean to hurt you by doing it.”
I stared at him, weighing his words against his actions. I recalled the moment he’d started acting even weirder than usual. He obviously hadn’t had a plan when we’d entered. And that was the catch to all of this. Fenris was impulsive. I’d known that when I’d agreed to help him but had thought my boundaries would keep me safe.
“Talk to me, Eliana. I can smell how upset you are and want to understand so I don’t ever again cross whatever line I just crossed.”
The problem wasn’t that he’d crossed any boundaries. Well, he had kissed me but in his playful way that didn’t stir my hunger. Although, now that I knew what it was, it probably would.
“I’m not sure why I’m upset.” Yet, even as I said it, I knew.
The idea that his father was out there somewhere, worrying about how far I’d go with his son, bothered me on so many levels. I deeply cared how people perceived me. Maybe a little too much since all I could think about was how Fenris said that his father had been pressuring him to choose a mate for years. But then, his dad burst into Fenris’s room in a panic because he thought we were going to have sex. So he wanted Fenris to have sex, only not with me.
That knife of truth shredded my self-esteem.
Fenris inhaled deeply then lunged for me, wrapping me in a tight hug.
“No.” The firm word reverberated against my ear. “Whatever you’re thinking, stop.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist and lightly hugged him in return.
“This was never going to work, Fenris. I’m sorry.”
“No, no, no, no…” He smoothed his hands over my back, squeezing me tighter. “You’re the only one.”
I knew he thought I was the answer, but the real answer was to find his mate and be happy.
“I’m sorry,” I repeated before carefully stealing all of his desperation and anger and prying myself from his hold.
As soon as I stopped touching him, his feelings flooded back.
“I’m not giving up,” he said. “You gave me your word.”
Rather than saying anything more, I took my jacket and left.
Raiden was standing by the front door, his expression unreadable.
“It’d be better if you didn’t come back, Eliana.”
“I understand.”
