Trying to sleep proved useless. I desperately wanted to talk to someone. But I didn’t even know what, exactly, I wanted to talk about. No, that wasn’t true.
Rolling to my back, I forced myself to face the truth. I couldn’t stop thinking about what I’d done to Fenris. Guilt and fear were carving a gaping hole in my chest. It ached with each beat of my heart until my misery felt like a tangible thing.
Rather than trying to close my eyes, I checked the time yet again. It was barely past the witching hour.
The heat kicked in, a reminder that the window remained open. It’d been a risk with the brownies flying around out there but a necessary one until their stink cleared. I slipped from bed and went to the window. With my hands on the lower sash to close it, I looked outside and paused. Something familiar moved in the yard, and my breath caught.
Fenris lifted his head and howled, the long, mournful sound breaking my heart.
“You need to stay away, Fenris. For both our sakes,” I whispered before shutting the window.
He stared up at me a long moment then trotted away.
I broke down and grabbed my phone.
Me: I’m awake and okay. But I could use a talk as soon as you’re up.
My phone rang almost immediately.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” Mom asked.
“Nothing. Everything.” I took a slow breath, struggling not to cry. “I think I broke Fenris.”
“Why do you think that? Is it because of what Raiden said?”
“No. I was still blissfully ignorant then.”
“Ignorant of what?”
“Remember how I said that Fenris and Dad were alike? That they both liked to say things that lead you to believe one thing while they actually meant the other?”
“Yes.”
“Since Megan left, Fenris has been spending more and more time with me. You know how it is when our kind spends too much time with one person. They stop acting like themselves and start acting like they’ll die without us. Fenris wasn’t acting like that. He told me he was immune, and I believed him. When he asked me to be his girlfriend, I thought it was out of desperation for his dad to stop pushing females at him. I thought Fenris just wanted me to be his decoy. But that wasn’t it at all.”
My voice broke and I sniffled.
“The earthquake woke me. Fenris was there, sleeping with me. I didn’t know what I was doing. He tried picking me up to get me out of the house. I just…took control. I commanded him to give himself to me and he said he already had, that we belonged together. He meant it, Mom.”
“Oh, Baby. Your pain is my pain. I’m at the Club, preparing for tonight. Come join me.”
I wiped my nose and shook my head.
“No. That’s the last place I want to be. There was some middle of the night drama with Adira. She didn’t like that I passed up feeding on Eugene and that I admitted to avoiding Fenris. Her parting comment was that she was giving her blessing for your teen night.”
Mom swore under her breath.
“One tiny murder couldn’t possibly get me kicked out of Uttira.”
“Mom, it’s fine.”
“It’s so far from fine you can’t even see it. You just told me you’ve been avoiding spending time with people because you’re afraid of what you do to them. I thought you were just having a hard time making friends, baby. Is that why Megan was your first real friend here? Because she’s truly immune to everything that makes you so special?”
“Megan was my first real friend here. She treated me like a person, Mom. Not a freak. Not a project. Not someone to pity. And not a little sister.”
“You’re not a freak or someone to pity. You’re too strong for either of those. And I’m very close to finding a troll to seduce into snapping Adira’s neck for making you feel like a project.
“One day you’ll realize how wonderful you are. When you do, Adira will see the same and fall to her knees.”
I withheld my exasperated sigh as I closed my eyes. I didn’t want anyone on their knees for me. Ever. Yet, even as I thought it, that dark thing inside of me preened at the idea.
“If you don’t want to come to the club, and you’re avoiding Fenris, and Megan is still out of town, what are you going to do for the rest of the day? I highly doubt Adira will make a day at the Academy enjoyable for you.”
“I called you to feel better.”
“You know there’s only one thing that will make you feel better, baby.”
“Why does everything have to be about feeding?” I asked, annoyed.
“I wasn’t talking about feeding. You called because you think you broke Fenris. The only thing that will make you feel better is to talk to him and reassure yourself he’s fine.”
I flopped back onto my bed. Leave it to my mom to forget one tiny, little problem in that plan.
“If I see him now, I’ll only make him worse. We both know it’ll take a few days for the effects to dissipate. It will dissipate, right?”
“Baby, he didn’t seem enthralled to me. He left your side, helped your father, alertly noticed his surroundings, and ate without needing to be prompted. I can’t imagine the level of obsession you’re talking about developing in twenty-four hours.”
I stared at my ceiling, thinking of the first time she’d played house with Dad. After almost a year with him, he’d had no chance to recover. He’d done all the things she said that Fenris hadn’t been doing. I didn’t know what to believe.
Even though I told myself that Fenris wasn’t human and I’d spent far less than a year in his company, I couldn’t forget the need and lust that had emanated from him in the woods. He’d stood there shaking like a mad man on the verge of losing control.
“I don’t know what to do, Mom. I’m just so tired of fighting what I am.”
“Then stop.”
I gave a derisive laugh.
“And destroy the people around me? Choose myself over them?”
“It doesn’t need to be one or the other. I’ve chosen your father over myself, and he chose me over himself. It’s not always easy but it’s working for us. We’re happy.”
Her ability to see real happiness versus the false contentment of a man enthralled by her was non-existent. She was as blind to what was happening to Dad as Eugene had been to his own actions after our dip in the pool. It took a kiss from Ashlyn to break him from that spell.
My eyes went wide as an idea took root.
“How much prep do you still need to do for tonight?” I asked.
“Just a bit of coordinating. Nothing too time consuming if you have something else in mind.”
“I might. Do you think you could talk Adira into allowing me out for a shopping trip with a friend?”
“Depends on the friend and where you want to go. I doubt Adira would be willing to portal us to Paris.”
“Jenna. She’s a werewolf and has proven herself safe around humans. And the closest city is fine.”
“I’ll speak with Adira. What time were you thinking?”
“Eleven? We could do lunch.” I hesitated a moment. “Tell Adira I want a dress for tonight. A real one. And I want to pick it out myself.”
“Are you sure?”
“No,” I said honestly. “But I know it will ensure the shopping trip. And that, I am sure about. Hopefully, Raiden won’t oppose.”
“He won’t. Adira will make sure of it.”
I hung up a moment later and sent a text to Jenna.
Me: Adira and Mom confirmed the soft opening for Mom’s club will be tonight. Want to skip school and go shopping in the city with me?
Jenna: Yes! Does Adira approve?
Jenna’s immediate reply made me smile. There was no way she’d been awake before my message.
Me: My mom is asking her now. I’ll keep you posted. Feel free to come to the Quills’ instead of going to the Academy.
Jenna: I’ll see you at seven.
Mom: Adira approved the outing. I specifically requested that Mrs. Quill portal us and act as our chaperone so I wouldn’t be tempted to peel the skin from Adira’s face and make her eat it.
I wrinkled my nose and shook my head as I connected the similarities between Adira’s threat and the one I’d issued to Dewy a few hours ago.
Me: Thank you! I’ll see you at 11.
Settling into bed, I put my phone aside and thought again of how Ashlyn had broken my thrall on Eugene with a kiss.
At seven o’clock sharp, the doorbell rang.
“Eliana,” Mrs. Quill’s voice rang throughout the house. “Jenna is here.”
I hurried from my room and waved her up from the top of the stairs.
“Do you girls want anything to eat? I could make something chocolate if you’d like.”
Jenna’s eyes indicated her interest.
“Sure. Can you call us down when it’s ready?”
Mrs. Quill agreed as Jenna hurried up the stairs to join me. Her excitement was palpable. Hopefully, that wouldn’t dim when I asked for her help.
“I can’t believe I’m skipping school,” she said when I shut my door. She held her arms out and spun around. “You won’t believe how close I came to not being able to go. My mom was dead set against it. At first, I thought I’d woken her up too early to ask and she was in a bad mood, but nope. She was worried about me going to the city with you and your mom. I’m pretty sure she was picturing some kind of weird girl orgy or something.” She laughed. “Like either of you would need to take me to New York to make that happen.”
Jenna had a point. If Mom was hungry, location didn’t matter.
“What made your mom change her mind?”
“Raiden. He showed up at our door and said I needed to go with you.”
Some of her humor faded.
“Mom didn’t like that and pulled him into another room. The closed door wasn’t enough to keep me from overhearing their whispered conversation. Raiden said that I needed to go to distract you from Fenris. He thinks Fenris is under your spell.”
I sat on my bed.
“I think he’s right, and I need your help to fix it.”
“Me? How?”
“Well, when I accidentally did the same thing to Eugene, Ashlyn kissed him to bring him out of it.”
Jenna’s eyes rounded.
“You want me to kiss Fenris?”
“Yes.”
“He’ll never hold still long enough for that to happen.”
I smiled.
“That’s why we’re going shopping. When I’m done with you, he won’t be able to move.”
She fell back onto the bed, a grin tugging on her lips.
“This is going to be the best day ever,” she said. “After the earthquake last night, I was pretty sure I’d die without ever having been kissed.”
“You haven’t kissed anyone?”
She sat up and shook her head, completely unconcerned with her lack of experience. However, given that her kind considered a nose lick a kiss, I was very concerned.
“How opposed are you to kissing someone else first?”
“Uh…won’t I forget about kissing Fenris if I kiss you?”
My eyes went black, and I quickly looked down at my hands.
“Not me. That would be too dangerous.”
“Then who?”
The image of Jenna and Eugene rose in my mind, and the dark thing inside me stirred with an intensity that took me by surprise.
“Would you mind going downstairs and asking Mrs. Quill for the bag of chocolate bars? They’re for you.”
Jenna was quiet for a moment then left the room without a word. I took a calming breath, and my hunger immediately settled. It never worked like that before. My hunger ate at me once it stirred. Frowning, I focused on how I felt.
Not hungry.
I was so used to telling everyone, including myself, that I wasn’t hungry that it was odd to actually feel that way. Odd and concerning. I tried to remember the last time I’d fed. It’d been that wreck of a dinner with Adira. How many days ago had that been? Three days? As much as I wanted to believe my lack of appetite was due to that feeding, I knew better. I remembered the hunger clawing at my middle only a day after that feeding. What did it mean that I couldn’t feel it now?
Standing, I went to get my phone from the dresser. I didn’t feel weak when I moved. That meant I was fine, didn’t it?
Too afraid to dig any deeper, I focused on sending a text to Eugene.
Me: I have a huge favor to ask of you. Are you still at Zoey and Kelsey’s?
Eugene: Yep. Still hanging out to keep from going crazy. If the favor involves leaving the house, I’m in.
Me: Sorry. It wouldn’t. But it would involve inviting Jenna in for a few minutes.
Eugene: I’ll ask the girls if they’re okay with that. It might help if they know why.
Me: Jenna’s never been kissed and needs practice. I can’t be the one to show her how.
My hunger stirred again even at the thought of it.
Eugene: I need you to spell out what you’re asking. I don’t want to make any assumptions.
Me: I’m asking if you’ll show Jenna how to properly French kiss the heck out of a guy.
Eugene: Will I live?
The thing inside of me seemed to curl up and go right to sleep. That was definitely not right. It usually took more work than that. Or copious amounts of chocolate and dancing. How long had it been since I needed chocolate? Shaking my head, I pushed the thoughts from my mind.
Me: Yes. But you should know that werewolves don’t date. So don’t let the kiss mean anything. Okay?
Eugene: When is this kissing lesson going to take place?
Me: As soon as you get permission from Kelsey and Zoe.
Someone knocked on my door.
“Come in.”
Jenna peeked in. “Everything okay?”
I nodded. “It’s fine. I’m texting Eugene now. I’m sorry about before.”
“Don’t be. It’s no big deal.”
The phone in my hand buzzed with a new message.
Kelsey: Eugene is insane for even thinking about saying yes. Ashlyn said no eye contact. If we’re not even supposed to look at your kind, why should Eugene kiss one? It didn’t end well for Zoey.
Me: You’re smart to question the motivation. Jenna is nothing like Eras or me, though. I accidentally put someone under my thrall like I did to Eugene. Jenna needs to know how to kiss to break that thrall.
Kelsey: Will we be safe?
Me: With Eugene? Probably. With Jenna? Absolutely.
Kelsey: Then I give my permission.
Me: We’ll see you in fifteen minutes.
“Do you trust me?” I asked Jenna.
“With my life.”
“That’s a bit extreme. I’d settle for enough trust to go with me somewhere without asking any questions about where we’re going.”
“I can manage that.” She lifted the bag of chocolate. “Should we bring this?”
Ten minutes later, I parked outside Kelsey and Zoe’s house. I reached into the bag Jenna had brought with us and broke into a chocolate bar. The rich sweetness coated my tongue. I hoped it would be enough to keep my hunger at bay while I talked Jenna through this.
“Eugene is in there and agreed to show you how to kiss. There are rules, though.”
Jenna nodded and waited for me to finish another bite.
“Clothes stay on. Both of you.” Despite the chocolate, my imagination kicked in, and my hunger stirred. I tipped my head back against the seat and closed my eyes. “He can touch you over your clothes if you want him to. But, don’t touch him. No shifting while you’re inside. Be careful with him. Remember you’re stronger. When you think you’ve learned enough, leave the house, but don’t get into this car. Go for a run. A really, really long one until you’re no longer thinking about what you learned or how you’re going to use it on Fenris.”
Jenna’s hand settled over mine, and I jumped.
“Why don’t I just meet you back at the Quills’?”
“Thank you,” I whispered. “I’ll grab your clothes.”
She released me and left the car. Once she was gone, I opened my eyes and watched Kelsey answer the door. The girl kept her eyes down even as she spoke to Jenna. After a moment, she nodded and stepped aside.
I felt bad for asking Kelsey to open her home, but I trusted Jenna. She wasn’t Aubrey. Jenna didn’t have a mean bone in her body.
Minutes ticked by. While I waited, I called Megan.
“Hello, Eliana,” Oanen answered.
“You haven’t given Megan back her phone yet, have you?”
“No. She’s still trying to meddle in your life.”
I grinned. Even hundreds of miles away and newly mated, Oanen was still trying to protect me.
“I love you and miss you, too. But, can I talk to her anyway? I promise to hang up on her if she gets heavy-handed in her meddling.”
There was a rustle of noise then Megan came on the line.
“Please tell me that Adira is still shaking in her boots somewhere.”
“When I saw her last night, she was too busy being a pain in my backside to shake.”
“I’m so ready to come home.”
“Any luck with your lead for Ashlyn?”
“Zayn is being particularly difficult to find. However, I’m positive he’ll show up soon to help. According to his sister, he’s on an extended leave of absence. She couldn’t say where or why. And I mean that literally. He spelled her for her protection.”
I sighed.
“I hate all the time that’s passing. What if—”
“Don’t. Those what-if’s will mess with your head. Now, tell me what good you’ve been up to.”
“Well, I tried saving an infant brownie’s life. I’m not sure that worked, though. I’m having Eugene give Jenna kissing lessons if that counts. I’m sure Eugene thinks it’s an act of goodwill.”
Megan laughed.
“I’m sure you’re right. Why does Jenna need lessons?”
“To counter all the bad I’ve been doing.”
“Uh-oh. Talk.”
I glanced at the house. There was still no sign of Jenna. Given Eugene’s age, I’d assumed he knew how to kiss. What if Ashlyn, the human who’d been stuck in Uttira her entire life, had been his first kiss? The likelihood of Ashlyn not knowing how to kiss was extremely high.
“Silence isn’t talking,” Megan said. “What bad do you think you’ve been doing?”
“Keeping the reason behind Ashlyn’s disappearance secret from the Council. Being rude to just about every adult in my life. Almost killing Piepen at least three times because he keeps sneaking into my room. Letting my own life drama get in the way of watching after the humans like I should be.” I took a big breath and admitted my worst sin. “Enthralling Fenris.”
“First, you’re not keeping the secret from the Council now. I am. And, if the adults you’re rude to include Adira or anyone else on the Council, then it’s allowed. As for Piepen, bless your sweet southern soul for having the level of restraint you do. If I’d been the one, he’d be dead already. So I hardly think your efforts fall into the bad category. And it’s not your job to watch over the humans. That’s Adira’s job.”
There was a long moment of silence.
“Saying nothing about that last bit is probably going to kill me, but I don’t want my phone taken away from me just yet. I can tell you still need to talk. I’m here to listen.”
“It was an accident. I always pay attention. I thought I was keeping it all under control.” I rubbed my forehead. “I didn’t see it until it was already done. But I’m working on a fix. Fenris should be fine by the time you get back.”
“Come on, Oanen. Just five words of friendly advice.”
“Stay out of it,” I heard him warn in the background.
“Fine. Eliana, I love you, and I will never consider you putting your hoo-doo on anyone a black mark against your soul. Do you know why? Because you are what the gods made you. You’re fighting so hard against your nature. More than anyone else I know. And if that effort doesn’t tip the scales in your favor, I don’t know what will. So breathe easy. I don’t have a one-way ticket to hell with your name on it. I’m sure of it.”
“I’d still feel better if we could put off seeing each other for a little longer. At least until Fenris is better?”
“I’m not sure I’m willing to wait that long.”
“At least three more days?”
“I’ll try.”
“Any chance you could avoid the Fifth Avenue area of Manhattan today, too? Mom’s taking me shopping for her club’s opening night tonight.”
“Mmm. Sounds interesting. I expect pictures of all the dress options and a picture before you leave the house. No friend of mine is going to show up to Nicolette’s grand opening looking like a frump.”
I grinned.
“I believe I said hobo,” I said, remembering the text I’d sent Oanen. “But, yes, I’ll send you pictures.”
“Good. And make sure your up does what it’s supposed to do. And wear those killer earrings. Seriously, those things were huge. Thanks for loaning them to me.”
The door to the house opened, and Jenna stepped out. She looked slightly dazed, and her lips were swollen.
“Jenna’s back. I better go.”
“Pictures!” Megan yelled before hanging up.
Jenna stood on Kelsey’s stoop for a full minute before she took a deep breath and stripped. Her shape shimmered, and a wolf sprinted out of Kelsey’s yard.
I started the car, listened to two songs, then got out to get her clothes. The scent of her lust clung to the material. Everything went into the trunk, and I grabbed another chocolate bar.
