“What do you mean, Dad?”
The back door on the driver’s side opened before he could answer, and Mom slid into the car.
“Horrid woman,” she seethed, slamming her door with force. “Jason, will you please drive us home?”
I twisted in my seat to look at Mom as Dad immediately shifted into reverse.
“Is Adira tracking you?” I asked.
Mom’s irises flickered to black for a moment.
“Unfortunately, yes. It was one of the terms in order to stay in Uttira on a more permanent basis.”
“What were the other terms?”
“I’m solely responsible for your father’s safety while he’s here, and I had to consent to a tracking spell on you as well.”
I frowned.
“Why am I being tracked? Adira always seems to know where I am and what I’m doing anyway.”
“Don’t let that woman fool you. She only knows thanks to the people she has watching and reporting to her. Without her little network, she would be in the dark about everything.”
“It still doesn’t make sense why she’d track me, though.”
“She said you disappeared on them once. And, with Ashlyn missing without a trace, I think the Council’s worried that someone’s found a way around their little control system.” She smiled at me. “If you ever find a way to leave this place without your mark, take it. We both know you’re perfectly capable of controlling yourself out in the real world, and I would give anything to see Adira’s reaction when she discovers you’re gone.”
I smiled slightly, wishing that such a thing was possible. That humor faded as what Mom said clicked into place. They’d only put a tracking spell on me because Ashlyn disappeared. That meant after. They’d hired a druid for me, but not for Ashlyn.
“Are you upset about the tracking?” Mom asked after a moment.
“Yes and no,” I said with a weary sigh. “I wish Adira would put that much effort into watching over the humans here. Whether she’s watching over me with her spies or a spell doesn’t change anything. She’ll use either as a means to force things in some way. I’m so tired of her games.”
“Then stop playing them, baby. Show her who you really are. You’re stronger than she’ll ever hope to be.”
“Stronger? If I’m so strong, why am I seeing flickers of a sick version of me in the mirror?”
“For the same reason you’re cold when you shouldn’t be. You’re not eating enough, Eliana. I know you don’t want to hear this, but you need to feed more. I’m not saying this to make you feel guilty or to add more pressure. It’s a truth you need to acknowledge so you can decide how you want to address it.”
I looked out the window for a moment, angry and annoyed. Not with Mom but the validity of what she was saying. I didn’t want to address the fact I wasn’t eating enough. Addressing it meant doing things I wasn’t willing to do. I caught a glimpse of myself in the side mirror. My eyes had gone completely black again, not just the irises but the whites as well. Was that due to my eating habits too?
Twisting in my seat, I faced Mom. “Why do my eyes do this? Everyone at the Academy thinks it’s weird. Aren’t our eyes supposed to do this? Don’t yours?”
“It’s happened to me a few times. Nowhere near as often as yours fully change though. And that’s not a bad or a weird thing. You’re more powerful than anyone wants to acknowledge. Baby, you’ll bring the world to its knees when you’re ready.”
I glanced at Dad, who seemed to be contentedly driving. How was he spinning this conversation in his head? Were we making things worse for him by talking openly?
“Your father is fine, Eliana,” Mom said, guessing the direction of my thoughts. “He would rather hear the truth than be kept in the dark, even if he struggles with the reality of things. Isn’t that right, Jason?”
“Yes. Lying is a sin.”
I looked down at my hands, understanding his answer better than Mom ever could. He was in denial that the things we said were the truth. In his mind, we were the liars. In his mind, I was the sinner.
A storm of emotions stirred inside of me. Guilt. Fear. Impotent anger. I hated that Dad thought I was lying as much as I hated the idea of him fully understanding the truth of what I was. Of what Mom was and what she’d done to him.
Dad couldn’t pull into the driveway fast enough for me. As soon as he parked, I had my door open.
“Thanks for breakfast.” I quickly moved toward my car.
“Thank you for joining us,” Mom said as Dad helped her from the back.
“Will you come back tomorrow?” he asked.
I hesitated. My love for my parents was absolute, but that didn’t stop how much it hurt me to be around them.
“I’ll be here.”
I closed the door before either of them could say anything more. As I backed out of the driveway, they waved. I returned the gesture and wondered what I was going to do.
Mom couldn’t stay in Uttira until the baby was born. Especially not with Dad. It wasn’t safe for him. Yet, I knew she wouldn’t leave thanks to my issues. Where did that put me? Starved, friendless, smothered, and as frustrated as Hades. That’s where.
Feeling very fury-angry, I hit my steering wheel.
While I couldn’t do anything about Mom just yet, I could do something about being friendless. I headed into town and parked in front of the restaurant Mom and I had tried dining at when she’d first arrived. Given the still early hour, there weren’t many patrons, which was perfect for what I needed. I sent a quick text to Tegan, equally hoping he would and wouldn’t respond.
Me: If you’re not busy, would you be willing to meet me at The Happy Table?
Tegan: I’m on my way.
My stomach did an uneasy twist at his immediate reply. Almost as if Tegan had been obsessively waiting around for me, which didn’t make sense. I thought back to the day I’d met him, trying to identify what might have gone wrong. I’d been wearing regular school clothes, and Fenris had been with me. I was positive I hadn’t accidentally done anything alluring.
Yet, Fenris had been just as sure Tegan would call me after that meeting, and the druid had. Fenris had obviously seen something I hadn’t.
I was so out of my depth when it came to “normal” interactions with men and needed advice. But my pool of possible male help was extremely small. Fenris or Oanen.
They were both equally open with me, and either one would willingly give me advice regarding the opposite sex. The thought of asking Fenris about men, though, made my insides go hot and cold. Yet, if I asked Oanen, he knew me well enough to wonder why I was meeting with the druid in the first place.
I debated for only a moment before sending another text.
Me: Are you busy?
Wanting to be seated before Tegan arrived, I headed inside rather than waiting for a reply. A couple ate breakfast at one of the back tables, so I claimed a table as far away as possible. It wouldn’t keep anyone from overhearing our conversation, but I hoped it would keep the couple from staring the whole time.
My phone buzzed a moment after I picked up the menu.
Fenris: Never too busy for you. Need another brownie removal?
Me: Not today. I need your insight and maybe some advice.
Moments after sending that, my phone rang. I wrinkled my nose and glanced apologetically at the other customers before answering it.
“I’m at The Happy Table,” I said softly. “Can I just text you?”
“Nope. Advice is typically more involved, and my thumbs get tired if I have to text more than ten words in a row.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“And yet you haven’t hung up on me.”
I sighed and gave in. “You were right about Tegan calling me after I gave him my number. Any guesses what he’d do if I met with him in person?”
“Depends on why he thinks you’re meeting with him.”
“Instead of hiring a druid to locate Ashlyn, Adira hired one to track me, Fenris. They aren’t taking Ashlyn’s search seriously, but I will. I’m going to ask Tegan for his help.” I didn’t elaborate how.
Fenris was quiet for a moment. “He’s going to treat it like it’s a date.”
My stomach pitched.
“What do I do?”
“Go along with it. By the time he pays the bill, you’ll have him—”
“If you say eating out of my hand, I’m not hugging you ever again.”
“I would never. I was going to say, you’ll have him convinced he should help you.”
I stared at the menu for a morose moment. While Fenris kept his tone light and playful, we both knew getting my way with Tegan would be anything but that.
“He’ll be like Eugene, won’t he?” I asked.
“Probably.” Pity weighed that word, and I closed my eyes against it.
“How soon are you meeting him?” he asked.
“As soon as he gets here.”
The door opened just then, and Tegan walked in as if my comment had conjured him. Even though he was barely four years older than me, his presence commanded attention where mine begged to be ignored. I could only hope his strength of will would protect him.
“Igottago,” I murmured to Fenris, hanging up just before Tegan spotted me.
He smiled, his hazel-green eyes lighting with pleasure as he approached the table.
“Eliana, it’s nice to see you again.” Looking completely at ease and not at all enthralled, he joined me. “I wasn’t sure you’d take me up on my offer.”
“I was hoping Anne would text me so I wouldn’t need to, but she must be pretty busy out there in the wilderness. Where did you say they were camping again?” I didn’t care if I was being obvious. I wanted the information as fast as possible so he wouldn’t read into this meeting any more than he already had.
Tegan chuckled. “I didn’t say. Just like you didn’t say why you’re so desperate to find them.”
“I need their help.”
He leaned forward slightly in his chair.
“And I’m here offering to help you instead.”
I studied him for a quiet moment, trying to figure him out.
“Do you know what I am?” I asked, finally.
“Yes.”
Before I could say more, the waitress came over for our drink order. Tegan ordered wine for both of us.
“I’d prefer water,” I said.
“Are you sure?” Tegan asked. “Wine is more fitting for what you are, isn’t it?”
Annoyed, I cut him a sharp look and saw the dark powder he’d added to his eyebrows. Seeing the blatant evidence of my slipping control and his attempt to look more appealing, I took a calming breath.
“What I am is a sleep-deprived woman at nine o’clock in the morning. I’ll have water and a lot less judgment.”
The waitress hurried away, and Tegan chuckled again in the face of my annoyance.
“There’s no need to be angry. After the uncertainty I saw on your face when you asked if I knew what you were, the drink was only meant to reassure you that I do know and am familiar with some of your kind. However, no two people are ever alike, and I apologize for guessing your preference incorrectly.”
The words were right. The look of remorse was there in his eyes. Yet, the whole thing rubbed me wrong. Probably because I didn’t want to be there at all.
“My anger isn’t unwarranted. This meeting wouldn’t be necessary if your sister would stop ignoring me. And although I appreciate your offer to help, I don’t know you or understand the motivation behind your offer. So I respectfully decline and reiterate that I’d rather continue to work with your sister.”
His eyes lost some of their shine.
“Direct and smart.” He sighed. “Let me return the courtesy. I know who you are, Eliana, and helping you will make me noticeable in the eyes of the Council. This is a lucrative move, that’s all. I want the location spell job that they’re interviewing for.”
My hope shriveled even as relief flooded me. Had he been interested in me, this meeting would have been uncomfortable, but maybe I could have persuaded him to share his sister’s location. Knowing that he’d come here with no intention of sharing that information, but rather to win me over as a client, changed everything.
“I’m sorry, Tegan. It’s not you I need, but your sister. We were in the middle of something that she and her friends need to finish. It’s nothing you can help with. But, if you tell me their location, I’d be more than happy to mention your name to the Council—”
“We both know that name dropping won’t do anything. Do you know how many druids of my age and experience are vying for the job? Please, let me help you. It’s the only way to make myself stand out. Plus, it’ll prove my discretion and my abilities.”
Since we were debating this in a public place, I highly doubted he even understood discretion.
“My answer is firmly no.”
“Then, unfortunately, so is mine.” He started to get up.
Angry and desperate, I grabbed his arm without thinking. The contact electrified me, changing something inside. The desperation shifted, growing bigger. Hungrier.
So, so hungry…
Tegan stilled. His gaze fixed on me. A hint of lust perfumed the air, and my hunger unfurled. Loosening my hold, I trailed a finger over his wrist.
“I’m offended you want to leave already.” A sexual purr laced my tone, but I couldn’t stop myself. “Sit and drink your wine, Tegan.”
His pupils dilated slightly, and his lips parted. Despite those physical signs, I could feel his resistance to me.
“I cast a protection spell before I came. You can’t influence me.” Yet, each word he spoke had been a struggle.
“I’d prefer that you stay, but it’s your choice.” I forced myself to remove my hand from his skin even as need crawled through me.
Our gazes held, and slowly, he sank back into his chair. Triumph filled me.
“I understand need,” I said softly. “You need the Council job and the recognition it will bring. I need your sister’s location. Will you ease my need, Tegan?”
He groaned lightly, and the sexual energy inside of him expanded.
“Please?” I whispered huskily.
He exhaled his agreement even as he shook his head.
“Stubborn man. Your lips are mine, but not your mind.” I purposely let my gaze drop to his mouth. “I wonder what else your lips are willing to do that your mind is not.”
Another groan escaped him, and I could sense his weakness as well as the swell in his sexual energy. He was so close to giving me everything. I smiled seductively, unwilling to settle for any less than everything.
A drop of sweat rolled from Tegan’s hairline. The rightness of it resonated with me in an awful way. It was a physical acknowledgment of his fear at denying me. A sign of his impending submission.
It was the mark of my downfall.
I blinked, and the thing inside of me shrank.
Tegan gave a shuddering exhale, and his eyes began to water.
“Don’t stop. Just a little more, and I’ll give you what you need,” he promised.
Bile filled my throat, and I turned my head away as the door opened.
Fenris strode in, shirtless and winded. Our gazes collided.
“Please,” Tegan begged.
I didn’t look away from Fenris as Tegan took hold of my hand. A tear slipped free and slid down my cheek. Fenris’s gaze softened, and I closed my eyes against his pity and against what I’d done.
“You’re crying. Oh, gods, don’t cry.” Tegan released my hand, and a chair scraped against the floor.
“Hold up.” A grunt followed Fenris’s words. “Do you really think rushing to her side is going to make her happy? You know why she’s crying. Make it right.”
I opened my eyes in time to watch Fenris shove a phone in Tegan’s hands.
“Where are they?” Fenris asked.
While Tegan distractedly used the phone, Fenris gently turned him toward the door and started walking with him.
Glued to my chair, I watched the pair leave. My mind dwelled on how quickly my hunger had taken over. I’d been me. Then, in a blink, I hadn’t been. I hadn’t even realized I’d given into that side of myself. It’d been subtle. Natural.
I’d been fine for so long, feeding only when I absolutely had to quiet the hunger. Why was I becoming a monster now? Was Mom right? Was I finally to the point that I was so starved I couldn’t take it anymore? But why, then, hadn’t I fed? I’d felt the energy pooled inside of Tegan, had smelled the savory musk of it, yet, it didn’t coat my tongue.
“Uh, do you want his wine?” the waitress asked from across the room.
Shame heated my face as I noted the other patrons had left.
“No.”
She tipped the glass and drained the contents in a few long swallows. Without a word, she headed back to the kitchen.
Exhaling shakily, I grabbed my purse and stood. My legs wobbled, and my stomach churned as my gaze bounced between the main entrance and the door to the kitchen. I didn’t want to face Fenris or see what state Tegan was in. But I also didn’t want to bump into the waitress and see the accusation in her eyes.
Before I could decide which was the smarter choice, Fenris returned. He didn’t smile or stop to tease me as he crossed the space. He simply opened his arms and wrapped me in the biggest, most needed hug of my life.
I ducked my head and hid in the shelter of his embrace.
“Is he okay?” I asked after a minute.
“Define okay for me because I have a feeling our versions will be different.”
I pulled back to look up at Fenris.
“You know what I mean.”
His gaze shifted to the right where the waitress was watching us through the glass in the kitchen door. She had a phone pressed to her ear and was talking.
“I need a ride home,” Fenris said. “Feel like giving me one?”
It didn’t take a genius to figure out what was going on.
“She’s talking to Adira, isn’t she?”
Fenris winked at me.
“Fine. I’ll give you a ride.”
I made it out the door before I changed my mind.
“You drive.” He didn’t question me as I handed him the keys. Instead, he jogged ahead to open the passenger door. I couldn’t stop shaking. Not even when I was comfortably seated and buckled in.
“I’d ask if you’re okay,” he said as he started the engine, “but I know that you’re not. Want to talk about it?”
“Tegan wasn’t there because he liked me. He was there because he knew who I was and wanted to use my connection with the Quills to gain access to the Council. For a job, Fenris. He just wanted to earn money and build a reputation. And I was so upset he was going to leave without telling me where his sister was that something snapped. No, not snapped. I just…I don’t know…stopped caring?
“The worst part is that he’ll never be mad at me for what I just did to him. He won’t remember why wanting me to love him was wrong. I stole a piece of who he was, Fenris. How am I supposed to live with that?”
I glanced at Fenris as he navigated the roads out of town. He didn’t wear his typical humor-filled expression. Serious and slightly troubled, he met my gaze.
“You spend so much time hating yourself that you never step back and take an objective look at things. Tegan wasn’t some innocent guy you found on the street. You said it yourself; he wanted something. He walked into that situation, ready to play hardball with you to get what he wanted, but he wasn’t the better player. He lost. It’s not your job to protect everyone from you, Eliana. It’s their job to protect themselves, too.”
Instead of arguing with Fenris, I stared out the window. Was I really supposed to absolve myself of any wrongdoing? Tegan might have had an agenda, but that didn’t give me the right to do anything more than say no to him. And, he had tried protecting himself. He’d cast a stupid spell that hadn’t even worked.
Fenris was right about one thing, though. All the time I spent hating myself only served as a distraction.
Taking a deep breath, I clasped my hands in my lap and focused on finding the druids.
“Did you get their location?”
“Yep. He entered it in my phone.”
“Thank you. You can text it to me after I drop you off.”
“Not a chance, goldilocks. The druids you’re looking for are in Drys Woods. We’re almost there.”
“Fenris, there’s no reason for you to—”
“Tegan didn’t give exact coordinates. If you want to find them, you’ll need my nose.”
I gave a long-suffering sigh. “Fine.”
“Is it so hard to accept my help?”
“It usually doesn’t end well for me.”
“Ouch. I helped with Piepen, and that’s going well.”
I snorted. “Never mind that he keeps coming back or that his girlfriend’s little sister woke me up this morning to check out the competition.”
“Okay. Well, I helped get your mom out of the house.”
“The whole point of getting my mom to leave was so that she and Adira would quit teaming up on me. Instead, Mom’s stolen someone’s house, is building a nightclub so I can feed the way she thinks I need to feed, and Adira has decided her network of spies isn’t enough and slapped a tracking spell on me.”
I immediately regretted my annoyed outburst.
“I’m sorry, Fenris. None of that is your fault. I think that I’m just frustrated that any attempt I make to help myself only makes things worse.”
“That happens when you’re still trying to follow everyone else’s rules. Maybe it’s time for you to focus on what makes you happy.”
He pulled to the shoulder beside a long stretch of trees and surprised me by turning off the car and getting out.
“What are you doing?”
“We’re here.” He closed the door and went to my trunk. I scrambled out in time to watch him remove one of Oanen’s spare shirts. The whole drive I hadn’t noticed the naked expanse of Fenris’s chest. But now as he lifted an arm to put the shirt on, I couldn’t stop staring. I almost drooled when he didn’t bother buttoning the front but reached into the trunk instead.
“Here. This jacket’s warmer.” He handed me one of Oanen’s thick, winter coats. The thing almost went to my knees.
“I never understood why Oanen insisted on leaving this in the car. He never wore it.”
Fenris gave me an odd look.
“It was for you. In case Adira ever forced you into wearing anything too uncomfortable.”
I slipped into the jacket, missing Oanen. He’d been a true griffin guardian, hovering over me constantly to the point I’d wanted to scream sometimes. But he’d always watched out for me. Even against Adira.
“I miss him. Megan too.”
Fenris sighed wistfully.
“She was the best hugger. His were only passable at best.”
“You are far too free with your hugs.”
“Are you saying you want all my hugs for yourself?” He grinned at me and slowly opened his arms, which widened the gap in his still unbuttoned shirt.
Any playful response I might have made died at the sight of Fenris’s sun-kissed skin. It bound my attention more tightly than any druid’s spell. Wisps of steam lifted from his chest, but he didn’t close his arms and wrap himself in the shirt. He waited to see what I would do, his muscles twitching the longer he held out his arms.
I swallowed hard and forced my gaze from the lustful display. I meant to turn my back on him but, instead, took a step closer. While he might be immune to my natural charms, it was oddly discomforting to realize I was far from immune to his.
The air beside us shimmered, rescuing me from the moment, and I focused on Adira as she appeared through a portal. Her sweeping gaze took in everything, from our location to the open trunk, Fenris’s barely clothed body, and my bundled one.
“Am I interrupting something?” she asked with a pleasant smile.
