I flew us back to the castle together a few hours later in the dark of the early morning to cover us. We weren’t sure how many more shifts Drae had in him, so I didn’t want him to try unless he had to. Word that Drae had killed the Nightfall queen’s son would no doubt have spread and we had to be on high alert. When we reached the gates of Jade City just as the sun was rising, the guards blew the horn announcing the king was back. The people flooded into the street to get a sight of their winged king, but instead of just seeing him they saw me with him riding on my back. Gasps and looks of surprise fell upon the faces of the people as they pointed and clapped and small children ran after us.
‘They are going to love you as their queen,’ Drae said into my mind.
I didn’t respond. I was suddenly worried that I might have trouble conceiving with him. Then all of these people, including Adaline, would die.
‘How do you do it?’ I asked him as I lowered us over the stables and armory.
‘Do what?’
‘Carry the weight of your entire people’s fate upon your shoulders.’
‘One day at a time.’
I nearly cried in relief when I saw Cal, Nox and Falcon waiting for us down below. They were covered in mud and looked to be soaking wet but they were alive. They’d gotten here fast… they must have stolen horses and rode all night. Dr. Elsie stood next to them with the king’s advisor, the old man with the book from my testing ceremony.
When I landed, the king got off and I ran off to the stable to dress. By the time I came out, the king was frowning. Nox, Falcon, and Cal were gone, and Drae was peering down at a small leather-bound tome.
I ran up behind him and brushed an affectionate hand over his arm and he stiffened, causing me to recoil.
Dr. Elsie stared at me with a deep sympathy that scared me, the sort of sympathy you gave before you told someone they had just lost a beloved.
I grasped my chest. “Are my mother and sister okay?”
“They’re fine,” Drae said, letting the book fall to his waist.
“King Valdren was just telling us of your plans to marry…” Dr. Elsie said, peering at the elderly advisor. I couldn’t be sure but I thought it was he who had advised Drae to just kill me. Dr. Elsie went on: “I knew that you would be the next best option in terms of magic, so I did some research after you left.”
I hated that she was constantly evaluating the fitness of my magical womb. “And…?” I asked.
“I’ll speak to her alone,” Drae suddenly said, and Dr. Elsie stiffened, still staring at the advisor, who looked like he was barely alive. Seriously, how old was that dude?
They scurried away and Drae turned to face me.
“Just tell me,” I begged him. “I’ve lost Joslyn and Regina. Just… tell me. I don’t have the emotional capacity for games.”
He nodded.
“There is an old book that catalogues royal births. This one was hidden due to its nature… it discusses a royal birth between Eclipse clan and Dark Night clan a thousand winters ago.”
A thousand winters ago! Maybe our clans were friends back then, I didn’t know.
My hands started shaking, my eyes flicking over Drae’s shoulder as Elsie greeted three familiar faces in the distance.
That red-haired girl from Jade City? The blonde with the bad breath. These were girls he was courting before he chose Joslyn.
“Why are the girls back?” I asked.
Drae sighed. “After seeing this, she thought it prudent to call them. Kendal is on her way as well.” He winced.
Kendal! My heart nearly seized in my chest.
What the Hades was he talking about? I reached out and ripped the book from his hands, looking down at the open page, and gasped.
The first line was in bold. Baby severely deformed, lived only hours.
Then I read the next line.
Hypothesis: Mother’s Eclipse clan magic consumed the Dark Night clan magic, killing the child.
I didn’t even know I was crying until the tears fell onto the page and wet the words.
“I can’t lose another child.” Drae’s voice was broken.
I nodded, folded the book, and handed it back to him.
He grasped the edges of my face and forced me to look at him. “But I still want you.”
I glanced over at the other girls. They were all talking to Annabeth and Dr. Elsie, waiting on the king no doubt.
“If I cannot give you a child, then you should not pick me,” I told him truthfully. “The future of all of Embergate depends on that.”
He frowned, peering over his shoulder to stare at the girls and then back at me. “What if I still married you… but I lay with them?”
I gasped.
“Purely to have a child—once pregnant I would stop. The magic of my people only needs me to have an heir. It doesn’t care if that child is a bastard or not.”
“You’re asking me to marry you knowing you will have mistresses?” I was so hurt I couldn’t even think straight.
He shook his head. “I’m asking you to spend the rest of your life with me, allowing me to bed those women once or twice in order to save thousands of lives.”
I frowned. “Bed all of them?”
Not Kendal. Please not Kendal.
He swallowed hard. “Dr. Elsie thinks it will give me the best chance at success.”
I chewed the inside of my lip to keep from crying as bile rose in my throat. “What you’re asking feels impossible… but I’ll think about it. I’d like to be alone now.” I ripped my face out of his hands and then took off running through the practice fields.
“Arwen!” he yelled, but didn’t come after me.
Bed three women while married to me? And not just once. It took months to get pregnant, and then if the baby died he would continue until he had a living heir.
It was hard to believe that just hours ago he was confessing his love to me and saying he wanted me to be his queen, and now he wanted to sleep with my friends? I couldn’t process it.
But part of my mind thought back to my mother and what she told me about my father’s seed. Was this any different than what my father had allowed to get Adaline?
Not really.
My feet pounded the grass as I cut through a lavender farm, my chest heaving with grief. I mourned the loss of three people. Joslyn. Regina. And now Drae.
The pureness that a marriage between us might have held would be defiled with three mistresses. Would he bed them and then sneak in to sleep by my side? Would he fall in love with one of them in the process?
If Drae and I were at risk of having a child who wouldn’t even live more than a few hours, it meant that he’d never bed me! I’d die with my purity while my husband slept with half the realm.
No. I can’t.
A sob ripped from my throat, startling me. I hadn’t realized how much I’d allowed myself to envision a life with him. How much I’d grown to care for him and see myself by his side. I didn’t know where I was going until I saw the small outcrop of weeping willows up ahead.
A resigned sigh escaped me as I ran to the comfort and devastation that those trees held. It was as if this small piece of land was a place you could fill with your sadness. Drae and Amelia filled it with the loss of their children. Then Drae filled it with the loss of her and another child. Now I would fill it with the loss of a future I would never have but was promised to me for a mere few hours. That’s all it took to break someone, a few hours of hope. When ripped away it left a gaping hole that felt impossible to fill.
I knelt before Queen Amelia’s grave, unsure why I’d come here, why I was standing before her resting place of all people.
Maybe because she would understand—perhaps the only person who could. They might have had an arranged marriage at first, but they had grown to love each other. She would understand my sorrow at losing the chance to be properly loved by him.
I looked out at the other small gravestones and my heart grew heavy. What had started as a simple and joyous task, having a family, had ended in horrifying loss. No parent should have an entire graveyard of their young.
None. Not ever.
I realized then that asking Drae to remain faithful to me would end just like this. In a field riddled with children who lived only moments. Numbness spread throughout my body as a heavy depression settled over me.
I couldn’t give him what he needed, what our people needed, and if Kendal or one of the others could… then I needed not to be selfish.
A twig snapped behind me and I spun, standing and putting my arms out to fight.
Upon seeing Drae, I relaxed and wiped at my eyes.
He looked stricken. “I should have never asked that of you. I don’t know what I was thinking. I… Dr. Elsie gave me the information and I was still processing. Arwen, I love you like I’ve never loved another before, and—”
“It’s okay.” I stepped closer to him, taking his hands in mine.
I glanced over my shoulder at the gravestones. “I know what you’ve been through. I would never knowingly put you through that again.”
He froze.
“Are you denying my hand in marriage?” His voice broke.
I shook my head, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. “I am not. I am simply agreeing that you should try any means possible to have an heir and save our people.”
His face relaxed and his lips curled into a smile. “Our people.”
I shrugged. “I am about to be queen after all.”
Stepping closer, he stroked my cheek. “You’ve always been a queen. I should have never tried to downgrade that title by putting you in my guard.”
“I like being in your Royal Guard, my lord,” I said formally, and he smiled.
“A king whose wife is in his army? This may be a first,” he agreed.
I leaned forward and brushed my lips across his cheek. “I will admit I am disappointed that our wedding night won’t be complete.”
I pulled back to look up at his stormy eyes. Reaching out, he slid a hand up my thigh, causing ripples of heat to bloom between my legs. “Do not say such insane things. Our wedding night will be more than complete.”
I frowned. “But… if we are to avoid having a child—”
He leaned forward and trailed his tongue along my collarbone, causing my legs to go weak. “There are ways to avoid pregnancy, my love.”
My love. I wanted to hear him say that at least a million more times.
I threaded my fingers through his hair. “I see no reason to delay the marriage. As soon as my mother and sister can get here, we should wed.”
His laughter rang throughout the space, chasing away and breaking up some of the grief here. “Eager. I like that.”
Pulling back, he nodded. “We will wed in three days. I’ll send for your mother immediately.”
Holy Hades. I’d just agreed to marry the king… and let him have children with someone else.
