Letter #20
Ella,
So Colt wants a tree house, huh? I bet your brother and I could handle that.
Don’t worry that your mind automatically goes to Maisie. I would worry if it didn’t. What you’re going through consumes just about everything. Hell, I think about you guys a ton, and I’ve never set eyes on you.
But here, let’s give you a little distraction. I promised a couple months ago that I’d tell you the story behind my call sign. So here it goes. Chaos. That whole state of dysfunction where everything blows apart without rhyme or reason, right? That’s pretty much me. Exactly. Growing up, I got into trouble wherever I could, or sometimes it just found me. They called me Chaos, because when I showed up, destruction inevitably followed. Usually property, but sometimes people. Too many people. Someone gets attached, I can’t let them in, and I go into self-destruction until they walk away. I’m old enough to see the patterns but not worried enough to really change them.
So your brother and I go out to a bar right after selection, and he starts hitting on a woman. I don’t see her face, just a body poured into a dress that shows pretty much everything. He assumes she’s a prostitute—don’t ask me why, because I have no clue—and then it turns out she’s actually one of our instructor’s wives.
Yeah, all hell broke loose. The guy lost it, the bar got tossed over because I jumped in, and once noses were broken and bottles stopped flying, I turn around and realize she’s someone I grew up with. So she just looks at me and says, “As usual, walking, talking Chaos. You walk in, and it all goes to hell.” Your brother and the trainer heard, and it stuck.
So yeah, that’s the definition of me. I walk in, and it all goes to hell. Still sure you want me to come visit? Just kidding, you know I’ll be there.
I hope you’re getting presents wrapped for the kids and trees trimmed and all that. I’m loving the little battery-operated lights Colt sent and the tiny pink tree from Maisie.
Catch you later,
~ Chaos
…
I stretched, feeling deliciously sore in places I hadn’t felt since—
A warm, strong arm draped over my waist and pulled me back into the curve of a very firm, male body.
Beckett.
I waited for the panic to rise, the oh-shit feeling when the mistake had already been made and you couldn’t do anything but deal with the fallout, but it never came, because it wasn’t a mistake. Just a sweet contentment and the ache of well-used muscles.
How many times had we lost ourselves in each other last night? Three?
I’d told him we’d sort it out today, and I meant it. This was my kids’ dad, the guy who built not one but two tree houses, who showed up no matter how many times I doubted him.
And no matter the lies, the deception, and everything that had come to light, I loved him. That had never changed. And truthfully, I’d forgiven him long ago for the lie. Once I could step outside the hurt, I reread the letters. Saw the self-loathing he masked, the true feeling that he wasn’t worthy of love and couldn’t connect to people.
When he finally connected to Ryan, and then lost him, he went into a spiral. I just happened to get caught up in the vortex.
And as for the trust? He’d painstakingly rebuilt it over the last six months, never once wavering and always declaring his intent. That kind of relentlessness was impossible to ignore, and now that Maisie was cancer-free, it was time to figure out what Beckett and I were going to do about each other.
I could take a moment to be my own priority for the first time in years, and what I wanted was him.
“Mom! Come on, we’re going to be late!” Maisie called from the hallway.
I craned my neck to see the alarm clock.
“Oh crap! Beckett, we’re late!” I flew out of bed, running for the bathrobe I kept hanging on the back of my door but never used.
“What?” He shot up, the covers falling to his waist.
Good God, that man was gorgeous. Really, mouth-wateringly beautiful. This is exactly why you’re running late.
“We have to go. It’s already seven thirty! The kids have to be at school by eight or they miss the field trip!” I ran out into the hallway to find both kids dressed, baseball caps on, hiking shoes tied. “Good morning.”
They gave me a grin that said they knew exactly who was in my bed.
Parenting fail.
“So, who is taking us to school?” Maisie asked with a little bounce on her toes.
“Yeah? You, or Beckett?” Colt added, bouncing identically.
“Okay, we’ll discuss this later. We need to get ready. Now.”
“We already did!” Maisie said, looking entirely joyful.
“Breakfast?”
“Cereal,” Colt said. “We knew you’d get mad if we used the stove.”
“And we wanted you to sleep.” Maisie held up her fingers and started counting. “Breakfast, done. Teeth brushed, done. Havoc fed. She slept with me last night, but she’s a bed hog, so she has to go to Colt tonight.”
And that is exactly what I got for letting Beckett sleep in my bed. The kids automatically assumed we were back together. Or maybe we were. There was absolutely no time to think about that right now. My moment was over, and the kids were back in the priority spot. The sorting-out had to be handled by Beckett and me later. At a table. With lots of clothes on. Tons of clothes. Maybe a parka.
“We have our hiking shoes, our hats, our pants, and fleece, and we lathered each other up with sunscreen. All we need is a lunch.” She stopped counting.
“Lunch. I can do that…with the ten minutes I have.” I ran into the bedroom to find Beckett already dressed, looking sexy as hell and sleep-rumpled. Sex was a lot like sugar—give it up and you stop missing it after a while, but you start back up and you’re just jonesing for the next hit. And man, I wanted to hit that again. A lot.
“Kids okay?” he asked, tying his shoes.
“Oh, just jumping to assumptions, but other than that, they’re fine. I might need a little tag team help.” I dropped the robe and pulled on my underwear. “Beckett, concentrate.”
“Oh, I am. Trust me.” His eyes were locked on my ass.
Bra on and snapped.
“We have ten minutes before they have to leave—”
“Lunches?”
“Exactly.”
“On it,” he said, already walking toward the door. He caught my shoulders as he passed me, keeping me from falling as I hopped around like a lunatic with one leg in my jeans. “Good morning,” he said softly as he pressed a kiss to my forehead.
“Good morning to you,” I answered, and he was out the door. Man, I liked this too much. Falling back into that sweet rhythm we’d had while we were together. Knowing those giggles I heard coming up the stairs were the result of happy kids on a hectic morning with their dad.
I slipped on my green, long-sleeve, boat-neck tee and ran down the stairs, socks and boots in hand. Then I paused at the threshold of the kitchen and watched the scene for a minute that we didn’t have.
Beckett worked at the counter, rolling meat and cheese pinwheels, while Maisie filled their water bottles and Colt grabbed yogurts.
“I feel like I’ve been waiting for this day for forever,” Colt said, throwing apples into brown paper bags. “A whole day of no school, just hiking for leaves.”
“Well, it’s kind of school,” Maisie countered.
“You know what I mean.” Colt tugged at her cap.
“Man, I wish I hiked all day for a living,” Beckett teased, cutting the pinwheels.
“You do!” Maisie answered with a giggle.
“That’s right!” he responded with a shocked face.
This was the picture of perfection, and I knew I could have it for the rest of my life…as soon as we had time to talk. Tonight, maybe?
“What about treats?” I asked, petting Havoc on my way to the pantry. “M&M’s sound good?”
“Yes!” the kids shouted as I tossed them in the field trip-required paper bags.
“Okay, is that it?” Beckett asked.
“I think we’re ready,” I told him. “Kids, grab your bags and hop in my car.”
They both hugged Beckett and ran out the door.
We stared at each other across the kitchen island for a second, before he cleared his throat. “I feel like there are things that need to be said.”
I walked around the island, rose on my toes, and pressed a soft kiss to his mouth. “I think so, too. How about later tonight?”
A flash of hope ran through those green eyes of his, and he smiled. “Tonight it is.”
We walked out hand in hand, and he waved at the kids as we took off down the driveway. They might be two minutes late. Okay, three.
I parked the car as kids from the second grade filed onto the buses. “Okay, let’s find Mrs. Rivera,” I told the kids as we crossed into the crowd.
“I see her!” Maisie said, pointing ahead.
“I’m so sorry we were running late,” I told her.
She smiled, the corners of her brown eyes crinkling. “That’s okay, you made it just in time. Colt, Maisie, why don’t you head into the bus with your class?”
“Bye, Mom!” Maisie said, pressing a quick kiss to my cheek.
“You coming, Colt?” Emma asked from the bus window above us.
“Yep!” he answered. That crush was still going strong, but she really was the sweetest little girl. Colt hugged my waist, and I kissed the top of his head.
“Have fun, and grab me a red leaf if you see one. The gold ones are everywhere, but the red ones are rare around here.”
“You got it!” He waved and ran off, taking Maisie’s hand as they climbed onto the bus.
I headed back to Solitude and got to work.
We had two weddings this month, and all the cabins were booked. The three we’d had built over the summer were nearly finished, if they could just get those hardwood floors stained.
The hours passed in a flurry of bookwork and guest relations until I realized it was almost lunchtime.
“Hey, was that Beckett’s truck I saw coming from your way this morning?” Hailey asked, popping her head into my office.
“Maybe,” I said without looking up.
“It’s about damn time.”
“It’s none of your business,” I told her, putting down my pen and looking up. I hadn’t even told Beckett how I felt, and he deserved to hear it first.
“It should be. That man loves you, and yeah, I know he messed up pretty badly, but he’s also darn near perfect. You know that, right? Because I’m out there in the dating pool, and if I had someone like Beckett that devoted to me and my kids, I’d be locking that down.”
“I get the point.”
“Okay, because he’s gorgeous. I’ve seen the abs while he was jogging, and if your washer breaks, you have a great alternative.”
“He has two washer-dryer sets at his house. I’ll be fine,” I joked.
“And he built you a house! I mean, is it the sex? Is it bad?” She leaned against my doorframe.
“I don’t think Beckett knows the definition of bad sex.” Which he’d proved again last night. Over and over. Even when we were frenzied and fast, our chemistry was enough to push me over the edge. The man sent me into a lust-crazed tizzy by simply existing.
“Seriously. Lock it down.”
“Ella,” Ada said from the doorway.
“Not you, too.” I rolled my eyes as she walked in, Larry on her heels. “Look, yes, Beckett spent the night last night. And yeah, he’s…Beckett—”
“Ella!” Ada yelled.
“Whoa. What’s up?”
Larry yanked off his ball cap and ran his hand over his thick, silver hair. “I was listening to the scanner out in the barn.”
“Okay?” The stricken looks on their faces finally registered. “Guys, what is it?”
“Search and rescue call. They called in Telluride, not just the county.” The two exchanged a look that dropped my stomach.
“Beckett? Is he okay?” He had to be okay. I loved him. I hadn’t decided what to do about him, but I knew I couldn’t live without him.
Larry nodded. “Beckett was called in. Ella, the call was from the Wasatch trail.”
My stomach hit the floor.
“The kids.”
