After several days of hiking and little sleep, we make it back to the Red Oaks.
We know it’s not long now until we make it back to Emerald Lake. The asylum where we met, and the source of energy that pulses like a cancerous tumor between two great mountains.
The little conversation we’ve had has been about the basics. Food, water, shelter. And the only time he seems alert enough to give me his full attention is when I plucked a red flower. He whirled on me, yanked it out of my hand and gawked at me as though I kicked a baby.
“Phoenix stem. It’s poisonous!” he grumbled, turning around to keep walking.
And that was it.
Dessin is distracted. He works out details to our plan in his head, sometimes mouthing words to himself, arguing silently with a voice in his mind. But a creeping suspicion claws into my chest when I look at him. I’ve known him long enough to spot the moments of genius. Careful calculation. Master puppeteering. Details of his plan. Not our plan.
The burning frustration harbors heat in my chest while I give myself a headache trying to figure it out. We just discussed this. We agreed that this time, I would be in on the secrets. I would be an equal.
Am I really so stupid that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with a master plan? Or is this an ego thing? He’s this strong and powerful man that doesn’t need to waste his time explaining ideas to some woman.
We’ve made it back to the lagoon with the gigantic red oak towering over the clearing. It’s warmer this way, so we remove our coats and boots to change them out into our packs.
Dessin leans over to close up his pack and I chunk a pine cone at the back of his head. It hits the target with a light peck! His head lifts slowly. Only just barely caught by surprise.
He turns to me. An annoyed sidelong glance. “Can I help you?”
“Yeah! As a matter of fact, you can!” I throw my pack down. “What’s wrong with me?!”
With a single blink, his annoyance is replaced with confusion. He opens his mouth to answer. Then closes it just as quickly.
“Because there must be something, right? Am I mentally handicapped? Am I slow? There has to be a reason why you’ve humored me with a dummy plan and have been spending days creating a new plan that I can’t be a part of!” I pause for him to answer this time.
“Skylenna—” He stops short. Sighs. “We don’t have time for this.”
“Can’t you walk and talk at the same time?”
He grimaces. “Let’s hear it, then. Anything else bothering you?” Annoyance linked with sarcasm flashes over his face.
“Fine. What about all of the secrets you and Kane keep from me? I know you have answers to all of my questions. I know there’s an answer to why you both seem to know every single one of my darkest secrets!” I’m in his face now, slapping my hands on his chest to shove him backward. But his stance is unmovable.
“You think we want to keep these secrets? That I get off on knowing things you don’t?”
“That’s exactly what I think.”
His nostrils flare. “You’re starting to piss me off.”
“Good. Maybe you’ll start to feel half the frustration I feel.”
“Jesus, Skylenna!” He invades my space with a clenched jaw and fists. “I’m doing my fucking best. The burden of what I know is on me, not you. One day, you’ll thank me for that.”
“The only reason you keep information to yourself is because you think I’m weak and helpless.” I shove him again. “And the worst part is, I want you!” He raises his eyebrows and catches my hands before they push him again. “Yeah, I want you. I want you to touch me. I want you to tell me how you feel about me. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Even if that means our time is spent running!”
He watches me, a roar of emotions being birthed in his dark eyes. Stunned. In momentary disbelief. And there’s this pull to his body growing like the thirst for a single drop of water in a desert.
Muffled voices followed by the howl of DaiSzek echoes through the body of the red oak trees. We tense. It’s not close enough that they would have a direct sight to us, but not far enough that we have time to run. Dessin guides my chin with his fingers back to him.
“We’re going to hide, okay?” The footsteps are fast, running. “Hold my hand, and stay under,” he instructs while turning us to face the lagoon. Oh, of course.
I gasp for one final breath right before we step off the cliff, launching ourselves into the body of water. And it’s a single moment of silence. Of peace. A clear sky. Not a single cloud. The turquoise water sparkling underneath us, like tiny diamonds floating on the surface.
As we hit the surface, our hands are pulled apart. The temperature is shocking at first, like walking through snow without shoes. But the coolness soothes my skin pumping with hot adrenaline.
The sunlight is fracturing the water into amber diamonds and tiny emeralds and streaming gold ribbons that shine down on me. I flap my arms through the water, trying to find Dessin. A hand grips my wrist, yanking me down deeper into the lagoon. What is he doing? I have to muffle my instinct to kick and thrash for air. He’s trying to hide us.
He takes hold of a large curly root, sponged under seaweed so we can stay under without floating back up to the top.
My lungs tighten like a fist under my chest. How long does he think I can hold my breath? But he isn’t focused on me. No, that face carved as sharp as a warrior is tilted up, watching the surface the way DaiSzek looks to the trees if he senses an intruder. And that large hand is gripping my waist. A firm electric current passing from his fingertips to the pit of my belly.
He’s beautiful down here. The sunlight is glistening off of his tan skin, like melted gold pouring over a bronze statue. The soft, gentle blur from the water. The silence and distorted whooshing of waves. It’s as though we’ve fallen into another dimension. A pocket of heaven that has shut out all evil.
That bubble of peace does not last.
My body begins to violently contract, muscles clenching and unclenching. I’ve been under too long. I need to take a breath, open my mouth, let out the old oxygen I no longer need.
Dessin!
His trance to the surface is broken, eyes flicking down to my coiling body that needs air. Without another thought, his hands wrap around either side of my rib cage, thrusting me upward until water is silently whooshing past my face, and the top of my head breaks the surface. I suck in a long, loud breath. Coughing on drops of water that made their way down my throat.
Dessin rises next to me, holding his finger to his plush lips, then signaling for me to follow toward the only sound that drowned out my choppy gasps for breath.
The waterfall.
That source of magnificent energy beats down on the lagoon. We tread toward the cloud of white mist. Is he taking us under the fall? He can’t be. He was so reluctant to go near there last time. Something about keeping a promise to someone.
He’s about to pull me under the veil, the glass sheet of the fall, when I tug his hand.
His eyes land on my nails digging into his skin before they look to me in question.
You said we can’t go in there! I mouth the words, although, I should really let it go. I’m the one that wanted to go under the fall. Shouldn’t I see what the fuss was about? Shouldn’t this be my chance to hear what his promise was? Why the waterfall is significant to him?
He ignores my questions, tugging me under the heavy weight, the crashing gravity of chilled water. And for a moment, I take pleasure in the sensation plummeting down my hair before we are swallowed behind its shiny curtain.
I’m greeted by the scent of moist earth after a rainstorm. Murky and sweet. It’s like a wet cave, with slimy algae coating limestone, and thick briny air.
He then eases me against the stone wall, my back squishing the spongy slime. And I take another look around. Quickly, skeptically, despite his feverish eyes nailed to my body. What’s the big deal? I don’t see any hidden passageways. There isn’t any secret code written on the slippery limestone. It’s just a waterfall. A secret waterfall that seemed to snag his attention when we were last here.
My slightly unimpressed gaze slides back to him. I nearly flinch at the way he’s looking at me. His dark eyes are set ablaze. An intense forest fire, with the reflection of the waterfall they are a soft shade of hickory with a warm splash of caramel. He anchors his left hand against the stone behind me, and his right hand glides around the small of my back, pulling me close to his body.
That same forest fire takes root under my skin, under the space where his fingertips rest. I swallow down the satisfied sigh that wants to slip from my lips. The automatic response to melt into his arms.
“Honey…” He utters that one word. One term of endearment. And I’m a little disappointed in myself for not guessing it was him when we ducked under the waterfall. I didn’t even notice his slow dissociation from the world.
“Kane,” I rasp, swallowing down the nerves his presence has caused me. “What’s happening to us? Can you feel it too?”
He exhales something inexplicable. Maybe all of the thoughts he wishes he could say. But can’t.
“Please give me something. Anything.” I’m begging for mere scraps at this point. A dog whining at his feet.
Pity flashes over his shadowed gaze. “Have you ever wondered why you are the only person that can control someone as dangerous as me? As dangerous as us?”
In the half a second my lips part, Kane’s left hand slips around the back of my neck, holding me steady. Holding me close.
I don’t answer. Of course I’ve wondered. There is no keeping count of the questions that have poured over me like an endless rain. I’m drowning in his mystery.
“You ran away with me, Skylenna. Do you know why?” I hear his question. But my mind is only focused on his warm skin against mine. The hot flesh on his hand burning bliss into my neck, my veins, my spinal cord. Please don’t ever take this hand away.
I shake my head, forgetting my words. “I—I care about you.”
He nods. He knows this.
“You think there is something between us.” A cool breeze sprinkles water over his back and I can’t help watching the raindrops tumble over his lips.
“Don’t you?”
He shakes his head. “It’s more than that, but you won’t let yourself understand.” That firm right hand grips my waist in desperation.
“Then help me understand,” I beg.
“I have always cared about you, honey. Even through Dessin,” he explains. “And hearing you confess what you want…”
“I want it from all of you. Not just one. I know that’s selfish! It is. But I want your heart. And I want Dessin’s. And I’ll probably want anyone else inside that beautiful mind.”
“You will understand one day. But only if you promise to remember this.” He surrenders his desperate gaze down to my lips, then drifts back to my eyes once more. “Promise me you’ll remember… in the moment you think you might give up.”
“Remember what? You’ll drive me mad with these questions!”
Kane lifts his chin in understanding. “As hard as this might be for you, to be left in the dark, to have an endless stream of questions. I promise it’s harder for me. It’s ripping my heart out. It’s,”—he takes a steadying breath—“burning me alive, honey. I want to tell you everything. But I can’t. Not until this is all over.”
He waits for me to argue, to chase him down with more questions. But that’s the look of a broken man. The look of suffering. It renders me still. Completely silent.
My eyes fill with tears. Because the words I know I must say sift through my thoughts, the sweet woodsmoke of a beautiful memory.
“I won’t let you burn alone.”
Suddenly his eyes obliterate. A mushroom cloud of raging desire. An all-consuming, impatient need. His brow rises in sweet agony as though he is preparing himself for battle. His large hand tightens around my neck, luring my forehead to his, and he exhales lightly against my lips. I let a tear slip, rolling soundlessly down my cheek.
The world holds its breath.
He gazes one last time into my eyes, as if to ask for permission. Then he kisses me. It’s enough to send my soul toppling into the arms of the universe.
It’s soft, painfully cautious, as if he’s waiting for me to give myself to him. To remove the restraints from my heart and hand them over.
So, I do.
My hands find his soaking tunic, tugging it gently to me, and I part my lips.
Without a moment of hesitation, he’s opening his mouth to slip his tongue over my own. This melts every thought, every grudge of being left in the dark. I arch my back, pressing my hips into his own, discovering his growing hardness. I groan at the pressure.
Kane releases a strained sigh into my mouth, and with one quick motion, he’s propping me against the wall, hooking my legs around his hips.
And it is as if the kiss had grown wings and taken flight, morphing into a feral euphoria. A desperate search for my soul. Because he deepens this kiss, passionately, ferociously, devouring my mouth. Branding me with his need to taste me.
I whimper as his broad hands find the sides of my face, ensnaring me to his lips. The ache in my chest burns like hot coals, searing my flesh, turning my organs to ash. It’s insatiable. The need to have him. All of him. Because this kiss… this kiss. It’s what I needed. Every moment in the asylum when I visited Dessin’s room and Kane stayed in the shadows. Every moment he held me in his arms while we slept in the forest. Every secret we exchanged.
He breaks apart from our kiss and looks at me. He’s begging me. Searching my eyes for a sign. Reaching into me. Pulling at my heart, removing it from my body so he can hold it in his hands. It’s yours. It will always be yours.
“Tell me I’m yours,” I pant. “Tell me.”
My words untie his final knot of restraint.
His soul collides with mine and he claims me with his kiss once again, his tongue grazing my own. His right hand tangled into my wet hair, keeping me close. So close. Not nearly as close as I want to be. Nothing is enough. I want more. More of his lips on mine. More of his embrace. More of his heart and his attention and his whole world.
And in all this time, I now know I have never wanted anything else but this. And I will never want anything else but this again.
