The Nameless Luna – Book Three: For Her, He Falls: Chapter 15

Tristan
I’m not ready for what comes next. I told myself that I would be; I told myself that when the time came, I’d be able to let her go.
But it was a lie.
She closes the door behind her as I watch her from where I’m leaning on the little ledge by her window, where I found sleeping after the battle. She smiles tentatively at me, those haunting eyes of hers tugging at my chest.
‘Thank you for waiting for me.’
As if she has to thank me.
‘Always,’ I answer softly, watching her from the opposite end of the room.
‘So much has happened these past few days, and in a few days, we’ll have the meeting with the different packs. I know they all expect me to be some sort of queen, but I’m not ready. Not yet. I can’t promise those people anything until I talk to you. I can’t—’
‘Don’t,’ I snap, unable to help myself. ‘Just don’t.’
Her eyes widen in surprise, confusion flashing across her lovely features. ‘What?’
‘I’ve been avoiding this moment for days, and I thought I’d be able to face it, but I can’t.’
This was always going to be inevitable. I just didn’t want to admit it.
‘You know, I didn’t understand why you left,’ I mutter, avoiding her gaze. ‘I know the Night King took you away, and I know what you hoped to achieve by not returning. You wanted to protect me. You wanted to protect all of us. But I could never make sense of why you didn’t come back to say goodbye.’
Her eyes widen as she registers my words, guilt and regret darkening her gaze. ‘Tristan…’
I hate what the sound of my name on her lips does to me.
‘No, I get it now. I think, whether you meant it that way or not, it was a mercy. Because as much as I would like to think that I would have respected your choice and allowed you to walk away, I don’t know if I could have done it.’
It certainly doesn’t feel like I can do it now.
‘I don’t understand,’ she says softly. ‘What are you trying to say?’
‘I’m saying you were right, and some things are better left unsaid,’ I tell her, running a hand through my hair. ‘Iris, if you called me up here to say goodbye, then I’m asking you— no, I’m begging you— just don’t.’
She sucks in a breath, and I force myself to look at her. The softness in her gaze, that familiar, gentle kind of curiosity that is so uniquely hers, makes my lungs feel tight. ‘You’ve never called me by my name before,’ she whispers, and even though she’s on the other side of the room, her voice echoes inside me.
I hadn’t wanted to. It felt as if saying it would somehow make all of this real.
She has a family at last. She has a home here in the nightwalker’s court and a shining future as a leader of the packs that set out to kill her and ended up bowing down to her.
She doesn’t need me anymore, and with that wretched curse on our bond, she has no reason to stay by my side.
‘You’re one to talk,’ I retort, holding her gaze. ‘There are things you never said either.’
‘Like what?’ she says, her brow furrowing and her nose crinkling in the sweetest way. ‘I explained what happened. I’ve told you everything.’
‘I know you love me. I’ve seen it, and even through our dampened bond, I can feel it. But you never said it.’
She walks toward me and opens her mouth to protest, but she stops when she can’t find the words.
Her expression changes as the realization sets in, and I can almost see her scanning her memories, reliving each moment we shared in search of those words that she always felt but never spoke. ‘I thought… I was so sure…’
‘I know,’ I tell her. ‘And I’m sure you meant to, but things kept getting in the way. Other people, the curse, the war… Perhaps in another world, you might have gotten the chance. Perhaps in another world, you could have met a better man, and you would have fallen in love with him with plenty of safety, comfort, and time, far from all this darkness and bloodshed.’
She takes another step toward me, so close that I can feel the warmth coming off her body and smell her scent of flowers and morning dew. ‘I would rather have you in this beautiful and broken world than have anyone else in a better one,’ she says, raising a hand to press her palm against my chest, and my heart thunders beneath my ribs as if trying to reach her touch.
She lowers her gaze as if she can see it beating for her.
But it cannot be hers, and she cannot be mine.
I tuck a golden strand of hair behind her ear, brushing my hand down along her cheek and trailing my fingers along her jaw. I take her by the chin, tugging at her so she has to raise her face and look me in the eye.
‘I know I have to let you go, Iris. My little flower. My hope. After the conclave between the nightwalkers and the wolves, you and I must part ways. I understand that. I am not a fool, though I would gladly be one for you. But do not ask me to stand here as you say goodbye. I can’t. I won’t.’
She raises her hand to wrap her fingers around my forearm as if to hold me in place. ‘What makes you so sure I called you up here to say goodbye?’ she asks softly, something glinting in her eyes.
‘Do not toy with me, little flower,’ I warn, my voice low.
What else could this be about? The Rovers can’t stay here forever, and coming with me would mean risking her life. She’s still cursed. I can see the mark on her chest as plainly as ever.
‘I would never,’ she replies firmly, holding my gaze with such determination and intensity that I waver.
No. She wouldn’t. Everything she has ever done has been with the hope of protecting those she cares about.
‘So don’t say goodbye, then,’ I tell her, my voice catching in my throat. ‘Say something else. I want you to speak the words. I need to hear it.’
She places her hand on my shoulder and pulls herself onto her tiptoes to whisper into my ear, her breath tickling the skin on my neck.
‘You are my mate, Tristan Lyall. My king. You are the sun in the sky and the ground beneath my feet,’ she breathes. ‘I love you.’
It seems I lied to myself again. I am a fool, after all.
I’m a reckless, selfish fool because I asked her for the very words that would be my undoing. My wolf stirs in my soul at her touch as if it were no more than a needy pup, eager and hungry for its mistress.
She moves to pull away slowly, and all thoughts slip from my mind. Logic, reason, and restraint fade into a distant memory until all I can feel is how much I want her. Nothing else matters except for those three whispered words.
I turn my face towards hers, my lips meeting hers. I’ve wanted to be patient for her. I’ve tried to be gentle, and mild, and cautious, and indifferent, and all manner of things that go against my very nature. But seeing the woman she’s become and hearing her say what I’ve longed to hear at last is enough to make me unravel.
There is nothing soft or tentative about the way my lips press greedily into hers, and she matches the kiss with equal fervor. She moves to wrap her hands around my neck, and her fingers tangle in my hair, tugging me down to her, closer to her, and pulling me against her as though she has been starving for me just as much as I have for her.
I feel her jolt against me, her tremor causing me to snap back to my senses as I realize the curse is hurting her. A soft growl escapes my lips as I pull away and rest my forehead against hers as she gasps, our breath mingling between us.
‘Don’t stop,’ she whispers, and I shut my eyes with a frustrated sigh.
‘Iris…’ Her name comes out like a warning, low and dangerous.
I’m trying to get a hold of myself, and she is not helping.
‘Send me to the moon, my love,’ she says, her voice breathless but determined. ‘You were my home when I thought I could never have one, you were my friend when I did not believe I deserved such a thing, and you were my family when I did not even know what that meant. I need to be your mate, Tristan, and I want you to be mine. I love you, and I am so gods damned tired of fighting it. So just… be with me.’