The Nameless Luna – Book Two: What Binds and Breaks: Chapter 14

It’s cold in the nightwalker’s territory, but I sit by the open window letting the chilled breeze nip my skin until it’s rosy.
After the commotion at the masquerade ball, my father dismissed his court, and I retreated to my room. It’s large and lavish, with rich tapestries and a large, luxurious bed. Once I was alone, I slipped out of the magnificent ballgown. It fit like a glove when I first tried it on, but after everything that happened, I found myself itching to get out of it. I undressed and let the cold of the night wrap around me, needing to feel something other than the heartache crushing my chest.
Once my heartbeat steadied, and I felt like I could breathe again, I wrapped myself in a warm, luxurious robe made of soft black velvet. Then I sat on the ledge by the window and wept.
I sat there with freezing tears streaming down my cheeks until there’s a knock at the door. I wipe my face with the back of my sleeve and stand as my father steps into the room, followed by a woman with sleek black hair and angular eyes. Her features are small and sharp, her skin the same unearthly white as my father’s, and matching blood-red eyes.
‘This is Helena,’ my father says plainly, wasting no time with greetings or other formalities. ‘She is my trusted advisor and a skilled healer. I asked her to come and examine you. After the evening’s… excitement… I want to make sure you are unharmed.’
I push off from the little edge and rise to my feet, closing the window behind me before turning to face the woman who lingers patiently beside my father.
‘What? Me? No, I’m fine,’ I say, shaking my head as the events of the masquerade replay in my mind. ‘I wasn’t hurt. You- you were the one that…’
The one that bled.
I did not know vampires could feed from other vampires. Then again, I’m not like most. The nightwalkers of my father’s court fed on the animals and the wilderness. Since the citadel is so isolated in the mountains, they raise livestock to supply them with the blood they need to sustain them. Perhaps when I bit my father, I only drained the blood he’d consumed and not his own.
I’m not sure how the mechanics of it all work, and frankly, I don’t like thinking about it too much.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say at last, my eyes stinging as tears threaten to spill from me once again. ‘Marco, I’m so sorry.’
In the blink of an eye, the Night King is by my side, his thumb brushing over my cheek soothingly. He waves his other hand to dismiss the healer, and Helena nods without a word before leaving the room and closing the door behind her.
Once we’re alone, he says, ‘You called me father before. I should quite like it if you continued to do so.’
His voice is quiet, and his violent eyes look uncharacteristically soft. The last of my resolve breaks under the tenderness of his touch as he brushes away my tears, and I wrap my arms around him, crying into his chest.
‘Forgive me, father,’ I weep.
He stiffens momentarily, startled by my embrace, and then he tentatively wraps his arms around me and hugs me back.
‘Child, whatever for? You did nothing wrong.’
I pull away to look up at him through teary eyes, frowning in confusion.
‘I bit you. I- I hurt you,’ I mutter, reaching for his wrist as if to point to the evidence of my crime, but when I slide up the cuff of his sleeve, I’m startled to find his skin is smooth and unmarked. ‘You healed?’
‘Were you worried about me, sweet girl?’ Marco says, ignoring the healer as he peers down at me. The affection in his gaze softens the aching in my heart over what happened. ‘You merely took me by surprise. You weakened me and startled me, yes, but you did not hurt me, princess. Not truly. You have nothing to be sorry for.’
‘So you’re not mad at me? But the Rovers were here because of me. All of this is my fault.’
‘Wolves protect their own. I cannot fault them for that. Nor you. You said these Rovers are your friends…’
‘Yes,’ I say firmly. Even after everything that happened, I still believe that. Nico and Mark thought they were rescuing me, and I cannot blame them for what they could not understand. I can only imagine what this whole situation looks like through their eyes. ‘I am the one at fault for not having the strength to tell them the truth. I don’t trust myself to face him, to face Tristan.’
His name tastes like a broken promise on my lips, and I resist the urge to break down all over again. I’ve shed enough tears, and they won’t solve anything. But I’ve never allowed myself to break down like this before. Back with the Banes, any sign of weakness was a weapon Oscar and Viktor would use against me, but my father, stiff and awkward as he may be… he lets me cry.
‘They thought they were rescuing me,’ I mumble, almost to myself. ‘They cared for me; they’re like my family.’
‘No,’ he says, shaking his head. His platinum hair cascades around his face, his voice gentle but firm. ‘You are the daughter of the Night King, and yet you fed on me to defend them. I am your family, but those wolves… they are your pack.’
My pack.
There was a time when hearing those words would have brought me nothing but joy.
‘Just as they risked entering enemy territory to rescue you, you did what you had to save them. It is like I said: wolves protect their own.’
There is no judgment in his voice, and I realize he truly does not blame me for what happened. He does resent me for acting against him; he does not hate me for causing such chaos in his court.
I realize in that moment how extraordinary my parents truly are. In a world full of hate, my mother and father found each other, and they found it within themselves to trust and care for one another. Nature and destiny created them to destroy each other, and yet they chose love against all odds. Even if it incurred the wrath of the Goddess, there is beauty in that. Whatever fate I have been damned with, I cannot bring myself to resent them for it. I cannot bring myself to regret any of it.
‘But I’m not one of them,’ I whisper sadly. ‘I’m a full-blooded nightwalker like you, and I’m not a proper wolf like them. How can I belong with any pack? I can’t mindlink with anyone except for you. I can’t even manifest my wolf and shift.’
‘Actually, I wouldn’t be so sure about that,’ he says with a knowing twinkle in his eyes.
‘What do you mean?’
‘You’ve never needed to drink blood because you are only half nightwalker, and you never shifted because you are only half wolf. But tonight, you fed for the first time. I believe there is great strength and power locked away within you, just waiting to get out. Perhaps tonight, you took the first step towards releasing it.’
It’s true. I’ve spent so long not knowing who I am, let alone what I am. I’ve been told over and over that I am broken, that I am defective and useless, and wrong.
But things have changed. I know where I come from, and for once, I get to choose what I become. At some point, I have to decide what I hold on to and what I let go of. All these tears I’ve held back, these words I’ve swallowed and left unsaid, these scars I’ve hidden…
Maybe it’s time I let the monster out.