I rejected Lucy, and I’ve never ever felt like a worse human being. I wish someone would punch me. Just right in the freaking face. Knock some teeth out, make my nose bleed—the works. Instead, Lucy trails behind me like the most heart-wrenching sight of a wounded puppy you’ve ever seen. I want to scoop her up and snuggle her into oblivion so her tail will wag again.
I can hear her clothes sloshing dramatically with every step toward my back door. I try to slow my pace to walk side by side with her, but she’s not having it. She slows down too, and now we look like we’re both moving in slow motion, the most ridiculous scene of two adults anyone has ever witnessed. I hate that she’s embarrassed, and I hate that I’m the one who made her feel that way. But what can I say? I panicked.
Normally, a kiss wouldn’t be a big deal, and I’d be happy to oblige her need for physical contact. I guess that’s the point. Lately, I’ve been that guy you go to for a fun time. No strings attached; no commitment needed. I once let a complete stranger kiss me in a bar without us ever saying a single word to each other. She was eyeing me from a few stools down, and we were trading flirtatious glances back and forth, and the next thing I know, she’s spinning my chair around and making out with me right there in front of everyone. My only thought at the time was, Why not? I’m not in a relationship anymore.
But when Lucy leaned forward, time stopped, and I had a hundred thoughts flood my mind at once. Most of those thoughts were how much I really wanted to kiss her, how good she’d feel against my lips, but then I thought about how much I’d like to have a relationship with her. I don’t want something no-strings-attached with her. I don’t want to be this guy anymore—the one who floats around aimlessly like a twenty-year-old with nothing but time ahead of him. Actually, I didn’t even act that way in my early twenties. I’ve always wanted a family and a steady relationship. But after Janie, I just lost my way for a second. Lucy’s bringing me back, reminding me of old dreams I forgot I had, reminding me what it’s like to want to see someone day in and day out, to plan for the holidays together and have inside jokes no one else will get. I’m ready for all that again.
But then I remembered Drew and his look of warning, because he has no idea I am capable of or desire any sort of a long-term relationship. I never told him about Janie. I just wanted to leave her back in Charlotte along with my humiliation. So basically, he thinks I will certainly, one hundred percent, without fail, break Lucy’s heart, and that’s a fair assumption since that’s the only side of me he’s ever seen.
All of this, coupled with the fact that Lucy is not the type of girl to have random, meaningless make-outs, made me realize she feels a connection between us too. Maybe she was just trying to continue the theme of the evening and live dangerously, but I don’t think so. I think she likes me.
So yeah, I cut off any chance of a kiss because I feel like if we’re going to do this, we need to do it right. I have to talk to Drew first and get his brotherly blessing before I start anything up with her, and I have to make sure she knows what she’s getting into with me. She’s special. Loving, and full of heart, and has a child. I don’t intend to make her life any more difficult than it already is, so I want to get this right from the get-go.
Although, I realize, as I open the door for Lucy and she won’t meet my eye, that I might have just sabotaged any chance of a good start. She thinks I’m not interested in her. Maybe even that I’m not attracted to her, which makes me want to groan because just looking in that woman’s eyes makes my pulse skitter. She’s breathtaking, even soaked to the bone and hair turning into wild, frizzy curls. It’s taking everything in me not to say forget it and wrap my arms around her.
But nope…nope, nope, nope. Can’t do that. Not to a best friend’s sister. The repercussions would be too great.
When I shut the door behind us, it’s quiet, and alone in the dark like this, I still feel the possibility of what could be with her. Which is why I flip on the bright overhead kitchen light. We both squint at the sudden dose of reality. The charged, magical pool moment is over, and Lucy looks like she’s torn between anger and mortification, arms tightly crossed and shoulders bunched up.
“The bathroom is this way,” I say, nodding my head and walking through the kitchen toward the main hall.
“I’m good here,” she says, and when I look back, she adds, “Don’t want to drip on your floor.”
Riiiiight. What she means is, How about you drop dead, Cooper?
I leave Lucy with her back superglued to the door and head to my master bathroom to change out of my wet clothes and grab her a towel. When I come back into the kitchen, I see Lucy curiously peeking her head around the corner to the living room. She hears me approach and springs back to her spot at the door.
I smile at the guilty expression on her face. “Here, I went ahead and brought you some of my clothes so you don’t have to be cold on the way home.” She looks down at the sweatpants and t-shirt like maybe they’re full of frogs and I’m trying to trick her into wearing them. “I know they’ll be a little big, but I figured it would be more comfortable than what you’ve got on.”
She swallows and gives me a tight smile. “Thanks.”
I step forward and wrap the towel around her shoulders. I’m conscious of every tiny moment, every breath, every blink of her eyes as I look down at her with my hands lingering on her shoulders. Her long lashes are cast down to the lump of clothing in her hands, and I feel the need to clarify what happened, even if she doesn’t want to hear it. “Lucy—”
“Your house is empty,” she says in a rush, cutting me off.
I frown and look around, momentarily jarred by her change of subject. “Oh. Yeah. I just moved in a month ago.”
She pulls away, forcing my hands to drop, and steps farther into the kitchen. It’s clear she’s not going to let me address why I turned her down. “Or maybe you’re really just a squatter.” She tosses a mischievous smirk over her shoulder, and the fact that she’s joking again makes me relax slightly.
“You caught me. Only a few more months before squatter’s rights kick in.” It actually does look like that, though.
I bought this place because I liked that it was modern and also homey. The kitchen has slate-gray cabinets and white marble countertops, and although it’s not huge, it’s open concept, making it feel spacious. The floors are a light hardwood throughout, and it has that new-build-house smell. But the rest is bare, minus a gray, midcentury couch in the living room and my bed in the master. I’ve tried looking for furniture online, but every time I get ready to click buy, I can’t commit.
Lucy delicately runs her fingers across the countertop and looks toward the empty breakfast nook. It’s surrounded by windows that overlook the pool. “It’s a really pretty house. It’ll look amazing when you get moved in.”
“I am moved in.”
Her eyes fly to me and then to the space around her with a new realization. “But there’s nothing in here.”
“Not true.” I point toward the sink. “There’s a bowl in the sink.”
She gives a short laugh and looks at me like she still can’t fully believe I’m telling the truth. “How long did you say you’ve lived here?”
“A month, give or take.”
Her eyes widen, and she spins on her heels, charging into the living room. She flips on the light and takes in the pathetic couch sitting in the middle of the room facing a large empty wall where a TV should be.
“Before you picture me sitting in here in the dark, staring at that wall like a psycho, just know I watch movies on my laptop.”
Now Lucy is making herself at home as she buzzes though the living room and down the hallway. There’s a new energy about her that I like, something determined and comfortable. After flipping on a switch in the guest bathroom, frowning at it, and then doing the same with two more rooms, she goes all the way down the hall to my bedroom.
There, she turns on the light but just hovers at the edge. Her eyes make one quick sweep over my king-sized bed and then move up to me, where I am looking over her shoulder. “You own two pieces of furniture, Cooper. TWO. What is this house, like, two thousand square feet? And you own two pieces of furniture?” She says this like maybe I hadn’t already realized it and this should be some great epiphany for me.
“Don’t forget about the bowl.”
“Why?”
“Because bowls are important too.”
She looks like she wants to laugh but holds back. “I mean…why do you not have any furniture?”
I shrug and lean against the doorframe. We’re both lingering outside my bedroom, like maybe if we accidentally stepped in there at the same time, the bed would suck us into its vortex. “I can’t decide on anything. It all feels so permanent. It’s a big decision, and I guess…” Oh, I regret tacking on that I guess immediately.
“You guess what?”
I narrow an eye and smile at her sudden eagerness to find out my dirty secret. Well, it’s the least I can do to be honest with her after all she’s told me tonight, right? “You can’t make fun of me. It’s pretty stupid. But…I guess some part of me knows I’ll have a wife in here with me one day because this is my settling-down house. Puts a little more pressure on picking something a woman would enjoy too.”
She looks up at me, and her lips part like there are words hovering in her mouth but she doesn’t want to let them out.
“What?” I ask, being the pushy one now. My eyes sweep over her face, and I can’t believe how striking she is even in soggy wet clothes and no makeup. I’ve never met another woman I thought looked truly beautiful in a state like this.
“I’m just surprised to hear that you have thoughts like that…about marriage and women sharing your house and all.”
“It’ll probably just be one woman.” She nudges my arm with a playful laugh, and I’m thankful she’s not hiding anymore. “But I get why you’re surprised. I do tend to put off serious short-term-relationship-only vibes, but I haven’t always been like that. I—uh—sort of went through a bad breakup back in Charlotte.”
“The ex-girlfriend you mentioned in the pool?”
I nod slowly, not excited to unpack all these memories. “Janie. She and I were together for a few years, and I was crazy about her—like, head over heels. She always said she loved me too, so I thought we were on the same page. Spoiler: we weren’t. I finally set up this whole big proposal with tons of string lights, and flowers, and a musician, and…gosh, it’s so embarrassing, thinking back on it. I looked like a complete idiot when I got down on my knee in front of all our friends and popped the question only for her to say no. We broke up right after that—about a year and a half ago.”
Lucy sucks in a sharp breath, and the pity I see on her face is almost as excruciating to see now as it was back then, painted on the faces of all our friends. “Cooper, I’m so sorry.”
I shake my head and shrug, eager to be done with this conversation. “It’s in the past. Janie’s married now, and they just announced they’re pregnant, so you know, it all worked out and all that.” Worked out for her, at least.
“But that’s why you needed to get away.” Lucy speaks with so much empathy, like she completely understands that need to start over away from the person who caused you so much pain. And that’s because she does know.
“Yeah. I’ve never even told Drew about…Janie. As far as he knows, I’m not capable of a commitment, because when I got here to Nashville, I just sort of threw myself headfirst into wiping her out of my memory and avoiding anything close to a relationship.” Until now. “Anyway, that’s what I meant earlier by feeling envious of you. I did want to be married—have kids, the whole nine yards.” I should feel more embarrassed after admitting all of this to Lucy, but I don’t. I feel lighter.
“Hmm,” she says softly, leaning her shoulder against the doorframe. “And you still do.”
I quirk a brow at her. “I do?”
“Yeah, you can’t fool me.” She gestures around her. “You bought this house, and you already admitted you want to furnish it with feminine things, remember?”
“Well, I don’t know about specifically feminine things.”
“You said things a woman would like—that means feminine. Get ready for pastel throw pillows, pal.”
“Pal?” I ask with a laugh.
She laughs too before her smile sobers. We both stand in a kind of awkward, heavy silence for a minute before she surprises me with a turn in conversation I’m not expecting. “Listen, it was a mistake that I tried to kiss you earlier. I was just caught up in the moment, and the stars, and the water… and well, anyway, I didn’t mean to do it. Can we please just forget about it?”
I feel like we should talk about it more, like I should tell her exactly why I turned away and make sure she knows her trying to kiss me did not feel like a mistake to me. But I know I can’t explain it without telling her the whole truth—that I like her and can see myself wanting more with her. I have to wait until I’ve talked to Drew. I need to do this the right way, as much for myself as for Lucy.
I inhale a deep breath and narrow my eyes down at the fragile expression painted on her face. Finally, I release my breath and nod. “If you say so. I won’t bring it up anymore.”
She looks considerably more relieved and holds out her hand for me to shake, like this is an official business deal we’ve just made. It’ll hold up in court as far as she’s concerned.
I reach out and take Lucy’s hand…and wiggle it because she’s already rubbing off on me.
Lucy doesn’t give me any time to say anything further on the subject before she smiles and turns, disappearing into the guest bathroom to change her clothes. I remain motionless in the hallway, wondering if Drew would be pissed if I woke him up right now to get his permission to date Lucy. Even better question: Was she being honest about only being caught up in the moment?
I hope not.
