I’m NOT in. So very not in. In fact, I’d say I’m pretty solidly out.
With every single step I climb up this cliffside, I question my mental stability more and more. Obviously, there are some cylinders not firing correctly in my head to have so easily succumbed to jealousy. One minute, I’m blissfully reading on the boat. The next, Cooper is beside me, sending electrical currents through my body with a single look, and then I’m jumping up like the underdog in a movie, challenging the mean girl for a guy who is WAY out of my league.
Now, I’m almost to the top of the cliff, and all I want to do is drop to the ground and spread my body out to grip the earth as much as possible. This is terrifying. And SO high up! Worst part of all, I’m up here alone, with everyone down below, floating in the water and chanting my name. Super. I love when people chant my name to get me to jump off fifty-foot cliffs.
Should have stayed home.
I reach the top, and my legs wobble when I look over the edge. Ohhhhh no. I can’t do this. Did I mention I’m deathly afraid of heights? So afraid that I even avoid the glass railings on the second floor of the mall. I’m an idiot for agreeing to this—for letting Cooper’s hypnotic aqua eyes coax me into adventure. I HATE adventure. If there were a shirt with that saying, I’d buy it and wear it every day with a matching hat.
“You okay up there, Luce?” Drew yells from the water. He knows my fear of heights and was skeptical when I said I’d jump. I was offended at his look of disbelief at the time. Now, I want to go back in time and jump into his arms like a little baby and tell him to take me home and protect me from bad boys.
“Super!” I yell from the edge with a double thumbs-up. “Just savoring the view!”
I hear Bailey and her friend snicker from the water, but Drew says, “You don’t have to jump. Just come back down.”
Come back down? That sounds great. I actually really like that option. Is there an elevator around here I’m not seeing?
“Don’t listen to him, Lucy.” That’s Cooper’s voice now. He sounds like the devil on my shoulder, and I want to tell him to shut his beautiful mouth. “You can do this! Jump.”
I take another peek over the edge, and my vision does that thing where it starts to tunnel, making it look like the water is growing farther away. My gaze shifts to Cooper, and I take in his encouraging smile and wet hair. It strikes me how odd it is that I’m even up here in the first place. I’ve never been this girl…the girl who feels the need to impress anyone—especially not a guy. But I don’t know. I feel something around Cooper that’s different. I want to impress him. Maybe I’m just emotionally unstable? Maybe this is a terrible rebound crush? Maybe I’m making a fool out of myself because there’s no way a guy like him would ever be interested in me? All of the above, I think, but no matter the reason, looking down at him makes me want to jump for the first time in my life. I can’t explain it.
Too bad I can’t because my legs are backing up, and I can’t stop them. My body is in autopilot preservation mode now, and all I can think about is that I have a son I really want to stay alive for. I shift myself all the way back until I’m flush with the rock wall behind me. Sharp ridges press into my shoulder blades, but I like it because it means I’m safely in contact with Mother Earth.
“I can’t do it!” I shut my eyes and yell, prepared to endure all the ridicule and roasting the group wants to throw at me. It’s fine; I’ll never see them again anyway, and Drew looked like he’d rather I didn’t jump in the first place. I should have listened. Drew is always right.
“Yes, you can.” Cooper’s soft voice close to my face makes me jump (but not off the cliff).
I open my eyes to find him standing right beside me, bare-chested with sparkling eyes. Do they ever stop doing that? His blond hair looks darker wet, water dripping off his waves and rolling down his muscular shoulders, pecs, smooth abs…and now I have to stop tracking that water droplet’s path before he catches me being a perv.
My heart is frantic as he steps a little closer. Has it ever raced like this before? I don’t think I was ever physically aware of my BPM with Tim. I felt cozy with him, like I could take a pleasant nap at any time and wake up fully rested.
Cooper looks like danger as his grin tilts, and he takes my hand. “You won’t regret it,” he says, and suddenly, even though I’m firmly planted on this cliff, my stomach feels like I’m in a free fall.
I swallow. “It’s a bigger drop than I thought.”
“Just means it’ll be more fun.”
I grunt. “You and I think differently.”
He squeezes my hand, and I try to tell my stupid palpitating heart to knock it off. Cooper is a flirt; he would probably hold my mom’s hand, too, if she were scared to jump. It’s what he does. He’s just that guy, you know? The one who’s confident enough to show affection to everyone he meets. Could charm the pants off an angry troll. This—holding my hand—means nothing to him.
Which is why it makes me so mad that it’s meaning something to me.
“Think more like me then, just this once. If you hate it, I’ll never make you do it again.”
My eyes tiptoe to the edge of the cliff, and my stomach does a barrel roll. “If I hate it, I’m going to take your cell phone and throw it in the water.”
He laughs. “Seems fair to me. Let’s go.” He hitches his head toward the edge, and I take a deep breath.
I barely get the word okay out before Cooper is tugging me with him, running full steam ahead toward the edge. My feet leave the warmth of the rocks, and my stomach jumps into my throat as we drop. I scream like a tiny little girl, and Cooper’s hand is locked on mine so tight, promising he’s with me the whole time. Butterflies soar through my body for only a split second before we crash into the water, and it swallows us up.
Darkness surrounds me for a heartbeat before I feel Cooper’s hand tug me up to the surface, and to my surprise, I come up laughing. I open my eyes and find him pushing his hair back from his face and smiling in a way that flips my stomach even more than jumping off that cliff did.
“I did it!” I squeal, feeling a surge of pride, and relief, and…yep, serotonin rushing through me.
Before I even realize it, I’m laughing and swimming to him, intending to wrap my arms around his neck to celebrate. When I get closer, though, Cooper’s eyes catch over my shoulder, and then his hand shoots up out of the water to give me a high five.
A high five.
Right.
Reality swallows me up much like the water did, and I remember that Cooper is the kind of guy who could have anyone he wanted. I’m just Drew’s sister. He doesn’t want me. All that flirting up on the cliff was just his way of getting me to feel more comfortable to jump. It was a friendly service he offered me.
“That was awesome, Lucy. Way to go. How do you feel?” he asks, but some of the twinkle seems to have left his eyes. I guess now that he got his adrenaline fix, he’s all good.
I muster up my best I’m-totally-fine-with-this-I-love-high-fives smile and slap his hand. “I think your cell phone will live to see another day.”
He grins and holds my gaze. Honestly, he’s so attractive I have to turn away, because looking at him and knowing I’ll never have a man like that is hurting more than breaking up with Tim ever did. It’s only after I make it back to the ladder that I let my smile slip.
It felt good to jump.
It felt good to be looked at the way Cooper looked at me up on that cliff.
I feel something inside me shift, new fault lines cracking their way through my heart, and I have a feeling they’re not going away.
After climbing up the ladder, I look down at the sopping wet shirt I’ve been wearing over my swimsuit all day and attempt to wring it out. This is ridiculous. Who cares if I’m wearing a dumb swimsuit? Who cares if I look a little frumpy? Who cares if my legs are hairy? Those two seconds of heart-in-my-throat free fall made me realize something: I don’t push myself enough. Somewhere along the line in my life, I stopped jumping. It’s time to start again.
I grab the hem of my shirt and whip it off over my head. World, meet my tie-dye one-piece! Isn’t she glorious?!
Reaching for a towel, my skin prickles with awareness. I glance over my shoulder and find Cooper, gaze searing into me with not a hint of a teasing smile on his mouth. His eyes are kindling, and though they never dip below my face, I know he’s already looked. He’s looked, and I somehow get the sense that maybe my swimsuit isn’t quite as frumpy as I thought. I feel my cheeks turn into candy apples, and ever so slowly, a grin spreads over Cooper’s mouth.
I press my lips together and try to hide an embarrassed smile of my own.
Then, Bailey jumps onto Cooper’s back and laughs as she tries to get him to wrestle her in the water.
Right. Happy bubble popped. Moment over.
I wrap a towel around me and head to the front of the boat to find my book, but unfortunately, it doesn’t hold my attention like it did before.
Drew and I have been quiet for most of the drive home. We’re both zapped from the sun, a little crispy, and dehydrated. He has one hand on the steering wheel and the other resting on the console between us. My feet are in the seat, and I’m hugging my knees, wearing his giant sweatshirt that I always steal when I’m with him, staring out the window.
He taps my knee with the back of his knuckles. “Glad you came out today. Sorry if it was a little much for you.”
I keep my eyes trained out the window, remembering what it felt like to have Cooper’s hand laced with mine. “It wasn’t too much.”
He’s quiet for a minute, and then I can tell from the corner of my eye that he glances at me again. “So you’re feeling better than you were this morning?”
“Yeah. Actually, I am. Thanks for inviting me. I feel like going out on the lake was exactly what I needed.”
“Good…great. That’s good.” Well, that’s a weird tone.
I meet his intense look with furrowed brows. “What is it?”
“Nothing.”
“Spit it out, or I’ll frog your leg.” I’m good at it too. Leaves a nice bruise.
His head tilts to the side a little, and then he looks down at the wheel and back to the road. “It’s nothing really. Just… I guess I’ve been wondering why you jumped off the cliff today?”
“Huh?” I’m a little confused by his odd question.
We pull up to a stoplight, and Drew turns the full weight of his gaze to me. “You hate heights, Luce. Why’d you do it?”
I shrug, suddenly feeling defensive. “Because I wanted to.”
“No,” he says, voice more clipped than I’ve ever heard from him before. “You did it because Cooper wanted you to.” I suck in a breath and hold it because I’m not at all sure how to respond to that. Drew looks so stern and protective right now, like I’m fifteen again and he’s showing up to my date, interrupting our make-out session. “Look, I get it. He’s a smooth dude and one of my best friends. But because he and I are so close, I’ve seen too much to be comfortable with the idea of you dating him. So…I guess…”
“You guess what?”
He sighs like it’s paining him to say this. “I want you to stay away from him.” After a beat, he adds, “Romantically, I mean.”
This is the second time I have felt like laughing in my brother’s face today. It’s hilarious that he thinks there would be a need for him to ask me to stay away from his friend. Did he see the women who were hanging all over Cooper? Ha! Yeah…he’s got nothing to worry about from me and my mom-ness.
“Drew,” I say with a chuckle, “you don’t have to worry. Nothing romantic will happen between Cooper and me.”
And that night, I’m still laughing about our conversation as I shower, pull on an old t-shirt, and slip into bed. I flip off the light and turn over to bury my head in my pillow when my phone lights up with a text.
I blink at the screen, registering the name Cooper James, and wonder if maybe I’ve already fallen asleep and this is going to turn into the best dream of my life. It has to be a dream because Cooper and I didn’t exchange numbers today. I would remember typing his name into my phone. Also, Cooper would have been spelled wrong because my hands would have been shaking terribly.
Okay, so I’ll just play along with this dream and read what “Cooper” texted me. When I do, I see a text from earlier in the day, sent from my phone to his.
Lucy: This is Cooper. I’m texting myself from your phone so I can have your number.
I jolt up in bed and stare down at the screen. He stole my phone and texted himself?! So he could have my number?! I instinctively look to my closed door like Drew might be receiving sibling vibes and will burst in at any moment. When he doesn’t, I scoot down, re-enacting my teen years by reading the text under my comforter.
Cooper: It was fun hanging out today. Thanks for jumping with me.
And then a video comes through that I had no idea he took. Apparently, he left his phone recording on the boat. I hit play and smile at the sight of Cooper and me, hand in hand, running and jumping off the cliff. My screams are more than a little embarrassing, but when I zoom in, I’m shocked to see how big my smile is—and I’m not looking at the water.
I’m looking at Cooper…and he’s looking at me.
