Cooper and I got married. Like married, married. Ring-on-my-finger, marriage-certificate, move-all-my-stuff-into-his-house-and-sleep-in-our-bed-every-single-night kind of married. Want to hear something even crazier? We tied the knot the weekend after he proposed in the pool. I’m still shaking my head at it because I know we’re completely loony to have done this. But who cares, right? We’re happy loons, and we knew what we wanted, so we went for it.
Tonight, we’re having a family movie night wearing our matching dino PJ pants (you better believe Cooper has some now), and if everyone wasn’t gagging enough at our whirlwind romance, they definitely will when they see this picture of us in our matching jammies on Instagram.
We’re here on the couch, snuggled up with Levi, because we are waiting to take our long, two-week honeymoon trip to the Caribbean next month. Turns out, the corporate world doesn’t give a crap about your sudden romantic elopement; they still want you to give them a month’s notice before you take a long vacation. Fine. This is better anyway. It’s giving us time to put down some new roots as a family. The strangest thing about all of this, though, is that it doesn’t feel strange to think of Cooper as a part of our family. His long arm is resting across the back of the couch so he can still run a finger across my collarbone while Levi lies between us, and it feels like this is how it was always supposed to be. Natural. Right.
Levi starts snoring with his head in my lap, and Cooper throws his head back with an exaggerated, “FINNNALLYYY.”
“Whoa,” I say, eyes wide as I watch him pop up from the couch and begin scooping Levi into his arms. “Where is this sudden angst coming from?”
“I love this kid to the moon and back, but he takes way too long to fall asleep.” Cooper is hightailing it down the hallway toward Levi’s room. (Cooper had dinosaur wallpaper put up before Levi moved in to surprise him, and I’ve never shed more tears in my life.)
I’m chuckling quietly as I follow behind Cooper and his speed-racer body, just narrowly managing to get Levi’s door open before Cooper rams right through it like the Kool-Aid man. He sets Levi on his bed and tucks him in, creating a little Levi-burrito with the covers, but I feel like I’m watching it all happen on 2x speed. I didn’t even realize Cooper was capable of moving this fast.
Finally, he whips around, grabs my hand, and tugs me out of the room, closing the door behind him then hauling me like a trailer hitched to his truck, bobbing in the wind, as he races us toward our room. I’m laughing so hard I can barely keep up.
“Move those short legs faster, woman!”
“I can’t! They’re not used to exercise. Why are we running?!”
Cooper pulls me into our room and shuts and locks the door behind him. He turns around, an animal who has just caught its prey. He points toward the closed door, stalking toward me in precise movements. “That child could wake up demanding water or comfort after a bad dream at any moment.” It’s adorable how quickly he’s caught on to the parenting life. “And I intend to make complete use of our alone time.”
Not wasting a second, Cooper grabs my hips and tosses me back onto the bed. I’m still laughing even though I know I shouldn’t. He tells me the same thing as he starts kissing my neck. “This is serious. You’re my wife, but that cute, bossy, little guy keeps me from touching you all day. I have to make up for lost time.” His warm calloused hands run up and down my sides, sending a familiar thrill up my spine. His mouth presses against mine, and no sooner am I able to taste his lips than my phone begins buzzing angrily on my bedside table. Cooper’s head sinks onto my shoulder in despair, and he groans. Poor Cooper.
“You’re going to want to answer that, aren’t you?” he says, dismay blanketing his voice.
“Could be an emergency.”
He sighs dramatically and scoots over to sit with his back against the headboard. “Go on. I’ll wait.”
I give him a quick peck on the lips and answer my phone. “Hey—”
“YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!” Jessie cuts me off, voice frantic like she’s just outrun a serial killer.
“Jessie, what’s wrong?! Is it the baby? Are you okay???”
Cooper sits forward, mimicking my concerned expression.
“NO! MY GRANDADDY IS COMING!” She says it so loud I have to hold my phone away from my ear to protect my eardrums.
Once Cooper and I both register her words, we relax. He rolls his eyes and stands, grumbling something inaudible that I imagine is not very kind-spirited toward Jessie. “I’m going to go lock up the house. Tell Jessie I hate her and she’s never allowed to call at night again.”
Jessie heard all of that. “Oh, he sounds grumpy. Did I interrupt sexy times in the James household?”
“Please, never call it that again. And yes, you did. It’s very likely he will hold this against you for the rest of your life.”
“What a pouty little man-baby.” Jessie has no sympathy for men. I wonder if she’s always been this way or if it’s just the residual effects of the man who impregnated her and then left. “But seriously, you’ve got to help me.”
“Because your grandaddy is coming in town? I don’t see the problem. I thought you guys were really close. He raised you, right?”
“Yes, and yes. But that’s exactly why I’m in so much trouble!”
“Why? Is he mad at you for getting pregnant or something?”
There’s a suspiciously long pause. “Not exactly.”
“Jessie…please tell me you haven’t been hiding your pregnancy from him.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Of course he knows I’m pregnant! How in the world would I be able to hide that? No. He just…thinks I’m engaged.”
“WHAT! And that is easy to hide??”
She groans loudly. “I know! It wasn’t a great plan, but I’ve been making up excuses all through the pregnancy of why my fiancé could never come with me to visit, and I thought maybe I could eventually say he got hit by a bus and died or something.”
“Breaking up would probably be an easier lie…”
“But then he surprised me and said he’ll be here in the morning and can’t wait to meet my fiancé! That little sneak is trying to pull a fast one on me! And WHO AM I GOING TO GET ENGAGED TO BEFORE TOMORROW?!”
The scary part is, I think she’s serious. I wouldn’t put it past her to be hunting the aisles of Target right now, looking for a clean-shaven man in the body wash section. He might actually say yes because, even pregnant, Jessie is drop-dead gorgeous.
“No one. You’re going to woman up, face your grandaddy, and tell him the truth!”
Complete silence settles heavy on the line for four beats before we both break out in laughter and she asks, “So what’s the real plan?”
“Well, obviously I have an idea, but you’re not going to like it.”
“Tell me. I’ll do anything.”
I skew my face up like she can see me through the phone and say the one name I know makes her skin crawl. “Drew.”
“No.” Apparently, she didn’t even need to think that over.
“He’s your only option, Jessie. And even though you think he’s a pigheaded jerk, he’s actually a sweetie and would help you if you asked.” She’s quiet…deep in thought. “Or you could just tell your grandaddy you broke up with your fiancé and then this whole problem is solved.”
“No!” Her no is even more forceful this time. “I just…I can’t do that. I want for him to think I’m engaged.”
“Why?”
“Because I do. Don’t worry about it.” That’s odd, but I don’t push it because if I’ve learned anything about Jessie, it’s that she doesn’t like to talk about personal problems until she’s ready.
“Okay. Then we’re back to Drew.”
She whimpers. “Do I have to marry him?”
“No. In fact, I think you shouldn’t since you generally hate him, but I think he could stand in as your fake fiancé for a few days until you decide to kill him off.” I pause briefly and then add, “Just so we’re clear, I mean pretend to kill him off.”
“Such a party pooper. Breaking up is probably better, though, so I don’t have to stage a fake funeral too. That might get expensive.” I’m worried money is her only reason for thinking a fake funeral would be a bad idea.
After one last long, dramatic groan fit for a war movie, Jessie concedes. “Okay. Fine. You’re right; he’s my only option. Can you call Drew and beg him to meet me at my place early tomorrow morning at eight? I can’t do it without showing my disgust.”
I roll my eyes. “You’re going to have to be nicer to him if you want him to really help you.”
“Gosh, I wish I could drink. It would make this all so much easier. But, okay, tell him I promise not to hurt his itty-bitty fragile feelings if he helps me.”
“Not gonna say that.”
“Whatever you think is best.”
The sound of the bedroom door shutting makes me jump. My gaze bounces up to Cooper, standing in front of the closed door, moonlight reflecting off his chest and abs and an I-mean-business look on his face. I hurry to get rid of Jessie. “Yep, I’ll work it all out, gotta go, BYE!”
I end the call and pretend to chuck my phone across the room with all my might (but really, I gently tuck it away in my bedside table drawer). I look back up, and Cooper’s eyes sparkle with anticipation.
“I’m done sharing you tonight.” He advances into the room until he’s close enough to plant his hands on either side of me. “You’re all mine now.”
Well, if he insists…
