Turns out, partying and lack of sleep over seven days catches up to you, and even a small nap on the plane won’t save you from that huge crash you knew was coming but hoped wouldn’t. Dad said I was talking in circles when he found me lying on my freshly made bed and wanted to let me rest. So, he went to dinner without me and let me sleep it off.
I slept all night and all day. He let me know he had an emergency coaches’ meeting at five, and he wasn’t sure when he would return. He told me he was sorry and to not wait up for him, promising we would do something together tomorrow before school on Monday. I shooed him away, told him his job is important and I still had some stuff I needed to unpack.
But now it’s after nine and I’m wired…too awake and nothing to do. I tried Netflix. There’s only so much I haven’t watched, and I’m not interested in restarting anything.
I pull out an old book I found in the closet, but it isn’t holding my interest. It isn’t the book—it’s me. More than anything, I want the last four years to have never existed. I want to go next door and hang out with Jace and play his Xbox with him. Like we used to.
I want to ride my bike down to the lake and use the rope swing, teasing Hunter that he’s chicken for not jumping in. I want to pick daisies with Roman, not that he would ever tell anyone. That had been our thing after his mom died. She’d loved daisies, and we would pick them and place them on her headstone in the cemetery.
I miss my old friends, my old life here. I want it back, and I have no idea where to start.
I hear the thumping of a bass outside. Peering out my bedroom window, I spot a few people I recognize from elementary school. There’s a party next door. We never used to have parties like that. And now Jace is throwing one, knowing I’m here and intentionally not inviting me.
It’s like Jace wrote me completely off. All the memories of us, how we used to be, are flooding back now I have returned. And I’ve been feeling more emotions in the last twenty-four hours than I had in the last four years.
Daddy is driving Jace, Grady, and me to school today. It’s the same as every other school day, but today, Hunter, our friend from last year, is waiting for us. I’m really excited to see him again after summer.
“I want to walk you both in,” Daddy tells us again.
Grady had already jumped out the car. He was a second grader now and tall like me. He said I was smart enough to be a second grader, and I got butterflies when he said that. Daddy calls me smart all the time, but he has to say nice things, he is my daddy. It was different when Grady said it, it felt…real.
“Daddy, no, stay in the car.” I huff and roll my eyes at him. Then I give him my best smile, begging him with my eyes to not come in. I want to do this by myself. “I’m a big girl now.”
“Okay…I will be back later, you two first graders. Have fun.” He winks at us as I jump up and wrap my arms around his neck and kiss his nose.
“Love you, Daddy.”
Daddy was the best. We’d told him we were big kids now and didn’t need him to walk us into school. We know what we have to do. We’re first graders now.
Jace and I laugh as we run onto the school grounds. As I turn to see his smiling face, I’m bumped hard by a big kid and almost fall over.
“Watch where you’re going, dweeb,” a tall, mean girl snarls at me.
Jace grabs my hand and pulls me to him, putting me behind his back and facing off with the tall girl. “You pushed my friend. Apologize to her,” he demands.
Tall, mean girl and her friends laugh at him. “The little baby wants me to apologize. Go change his diaper, dweeb. He’s just a little baby.” She starts to make crying baby sounds.
I’m angry—how dare she. No one laughs at my Jace and gets away with it.
He’s small for a first grader, but I am a whole head taller than Jace and closer in height to this girl than he is. I love that he wants to protect me, but I’ll protect him too.
“Don’t laugh at him. You’re rude. You pushed me and called me a dweeb. I’m not a dweeb, you are. And your hair looks bad.” I add that last part in hopes of hurting her feelings back.
She shoves me, and I stumble back.
I hear Hunter calling out to me, and I turn around to see his worried expression as he runs up to us. The tall, mean girl chooses that moment to shove into me from the back. My hands automatically come out in front to catch my fall, but they slide down in the dirt, and my whole body feels like it’s surfing the ground, until I come to a stop.
The pain in my hands causes a tear to form in my eye, but I won’t cry. I’m not a crier. I twist to see her friends have taken a step back and aren’t laughing anymore. They look concerned. But the tall, mean girl is pointing at me and laughing, not caring that my pretty dress is all dirty and torn.
I roll over and look at my knees. They’re bleeding like my hands and there is dirt and stones in the wounds. My throat gets tight, but I won’t cry. Not yet.
Jace is by my side and Hunter is calling out for a teacher to come help while he stands between me and the mean girl. Protecting me from her.
Tall, mean girl shoves Hunter next, and something snaps inside me, my knees and hands forgotten. I crouch low, just as Daddy showed me in the backyard. He loves football so much, and we watch it together all the time. I tell him when I grow up, I’m going to “tackle boys.” He always chuckles but teaches me every weekend in our yard how to play football.
Hunter must see the look in my eyes because he moves away as my feet press hard into the dirt. I keep my body low as I charge at her. Her expression remains the same, except the widening of her eyes right before I wrap my arms around her legs and take her down. Hard.
I sit back and watch her sprawled out on the ground beneath me. Her face is bright red, and I can’t help but grin. I did it—I took down a bully.
It’s then that the teacher finally turns up. “What’s going on here?”
Daddy does get to walk me today. From the principal’s office.
It’s the day I learn that I can’t tackle mean people. I need to use my words.
Daddy says, “Every situation has a different way to approach it. Just like football. Different plays end up with different results. You need to use your mind to work out the best move. You have to read the play, baby girl.”
Then he adds, “Good job taking her down, but no more tackles at school.”
Three days passed, and everyone all but forgot what happened on that first day. My hands are almost healed, and my knees scabbed over.
“Let’s play chase,” Hunter suggests while we hang out on the playground.
Jace nods, and I giggle as I say, “I will give you the count of five…run.”
Since I’m a fast runner, I always give them five seconds before starting to make it more of a challenge. I count down then jump up and run. Hunter is faster than Jace, but I want Jace to feel like the winner today, so I sprint as fast as I can after Hunter. He sees me coming, and with that glint in his eye, speeds up. He loves when I chase him.
I’m gaining on him, my chest burning and heart racing. I’m so close, I reach forward to grab him, my fingers still inches away.
Then, Hunter’s whole body stops suddenly as he slams into the chest of a big boy who’d stepped out in front of him. Hunter crumples to the ground, the sad look in his eyes telling me everything I need to know. This boy did it on purpose. He is a bully just like the tall, mean girl.
“Fuck off,” the boy says, and my mouth drops open. He said a bad word. Hunter tries to get up. The mean boy pushes him down again.
“Hey, get off him.” I storm up to the mean boy.
He’s a new boy, and I’ve seen him in my class but don’t know his name. Yesterday, he pushed around kids on the playground and didn’t talk to anyone in class. He’s taller than me and has dirty blond hair and blue eyes. They would be pretty if they weren’t on such a mean bully.
“Hey, what did you do to my friend?” Jace says beside me, out of breath.
The big boy shoves Jace’s shoulder, causing him to fall down in the dirt next to Hunter.
“What the hell was that for?” I demand, my hands in fists as I put them on my hips like my mom does when she is telling me off. I want to punch him, but I remember what Daddy said. I have to read the play. No more fighting. Use my words.
Hunter stands and brushes his hands down his dirty tee. I’m reaching out to pluck a leaf from his shoulder when a hand comes out and pushes Hunter back down again.
My whole body is trembling. We’re in a part of the school that doesn’t have many students or teachers around. It’s just the four of us, alone.
“Why did you do that again?” I ask, trying to calm down and not yell.
He shrugs.
Daddy said read the play…read the play.
The boy in front of me is skinny, tall, and he looks like he never brushes his long hair. That’s why it looks dirty all over the place. It’s long, down to his chin.
He puts his hands on his hips and glares at me. I narrow my eyes at him. Would he dare push a girl?
I rake my eyes over him again and see a bruise on his arm as he shifts his stance. It isn’t a normal looking one. It almost looks like the shape of a hand. I glance back at his face, and he pulls his arm closer to his body to hide the marks.
Cocking my head to the side, I arch a brow at him. Did someone hurt him? Is that why he hurt Hunter and Jace? Was he hurting my friends because he’s angry at someone?
A lot goes through my mind. Maybe he has a mean mommy like me. My mommy gets mad and hits me sometimes, and daddy gets angry at her. She’s made my skin go red but hasn’t left any bruises.
“Are you okay?” I whisper, low.
I didn’t want Hunter and Jace to hear me. I don’t think they would see the same things I did. The boy’s face turns down in a frown, and he clenches his fists.
I don’t even think, I move forward and wrap my arms around his torso. He stiffens at first, then tries to pry me off. I hold on tightly as Hunter asks in a strained voice, “What are you doing, Lala?” It’s the nickname he uses for me when he is scared or worried. I don’t want Hunter to be scared though.
I look up into the boy’s eyes and smile. He freezes, his eyes now pinned on me.
“I’m giving him a hug, silly. Can’t you see, Hunter?”
“But…but, why?” Jace asks from my left.
I don’t look away from the boy, feeling him relax a little under my arms. He never takes his eyes from me as I nod. I want him to know it’s okay. I’ll take care of him. I won’t let any mean people hurt him.
“Sometimes, people need a hug, and I like giving hugs.”
“But…but he hurt me, Lala.” Hunter sniffles.
“I know, but I think he’s okay now. He just needed a hug, is all.”
I slowly let go of the boy, and he stands there watching Hunter and Jace behind me. When his eyes hit mine, I can see I made the right play.
“What’s your name?” I ask.
“Roman,” he grumbles, kicking dirt with his shoe. It has a hole in the top with his toe peeking out.
“Do you have any friends, Roman?” I ask him.
He blinks a few times before he shakes his head just a little.
“Oh, well, you’re in luck. We’ve been looking for a new friend. Want to be ours?”
I hear Jace make a strangled sound as I smile at this sad boy who needs hugs and friends, nodding at him to say yes.
“No,” he says as he storms away.
“Why would you want him to be our friend, Mila? He was mean, he hurt Hunter’s arm.”
I turn to Hunter and see he’s holding his wrist.
“Because he needs one. And we are the three best friends ever. We are perfect friends for him.” I hug Hunter and walk him to the nurse.
Every day that week, Roman sought us out. He would push Hunter down. Would shove Jace every chance he got and stood there as I hugged him.
The next week, he did the same, but this time I told him I wouldn’t hug him anymore if he was mean to my friends. “I don’t hug mean people, Roman. I only hug the nice ones.”
For three days, Roman avoids us. I watch him out of the corner of my eye, hoping he will come over and be friends with us. He watches me too. No matter where I am, he’s there. In the halls or after school at the gate. But I don’t say anything to him. I know I can’t. It’s part of the play. He has to come to us.
On the fourth day, he walks up to me. Hunter and Jace freeze as Roman stands an inch from me and looks down into my eyes.
“Can I be your friend?” he mumbles.
My whole face smiles as I giggle. “You always were my friend, Roman. Can I be yours too?” I wrap my arms around him in a hug.
He hugs me back.
