The fact that some stranger had beaten up Kitten and stolen her camera drove me out of my fucking mind. It had been three weeks and her bruises had faded, but my anger hadn’t. I never told her, but I cruised up and down that street every day, sometimes before and after baseball practice, looking for the asshole that had touched her. He was lucky I hadn’t found him yet.
I also looked everywhere for her camera. I searched online, went to local pawnshops, but it didn’t show up. I wanted justice for her…vengeance, really. But more importantly, I wanted to be the one to deliver it. And every day that I was denied that, my anger toward my cowardly teammates grew. I hadn’t talked to any of the ones who were there that night, my temper flaring out of control whenever one of them was near.
I walked into the locker room and changed into my practice uniform in silence. “Carter!” Coach Davies shouted from his office. I glanced up and our eyes met. “Get in here,” he demanded before turning his back to me. Coach was a good baseball player, but he was an even better man. He was the reason I chose Fullton State over the other schools. I wanted to play ball for someone I respected, and I respected Coach Davies.
I slammed my locker door shut and hustled into Coach’s office. “Shut the door.” He motioned before leaning back in his swivel chair. “Come sit.”
I sat in the old wooden chair, my mind racing before he spoke. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on between you and your teammates. I heard something about your girlfriend getting beat up and I’m really sorry about that, but your team is your family and you need to work it out.”
“No disrespect, Coach, but my family wouldn’t let my girlfriend get the shit beat out of her while they ran away and hid.”
Coach frowned. “I’m sorry, Jack, what did you say?”
“Four of your guys left her there alone. Brett took care of Dean, but everyone else bailed on her.”
“Who does that?” His voice trailed off.
“I’ll tell you who. My teammates. My so-called family. My brothers. I can’t even look at them, let alone pretend like I respect them.” I threw my hands up in the air, my voice disgusted. “Coach, it takes all of my willpower every single day to not beat the shit out of them. I’m sorry.” I looked down.
“I didn’t know the details, Jack. I’ll take care of it on my end, but you have to promise me you’ll work it out on yours. I can’t have my team falling apart at the end of the season. And you need to keep your focus.” He leaned toward me, his concern genuine.
“I’m focused. I’ll be fine.” I attempted to reassure him, but I could see he wasn’t buying it.
“Don’t quit on me, Carter. Don’t quit on this team. Don’t quit on yourself.” His frown deepened.
“It’s not in my nature, Coach. I don’t quit.” And I meant it.
“Alright, get on out there then. Tell Coach Smith I want to talk to the boys before practice starts.”
“Yes, sir,” I answered before scooting the chair back.
The entire team sat in the dugout waiting for Coach. Since this wasn’t our standard protocol, the guys were nervously trying to figure out what was up. I remained on one end of the long bench, while Brett, Cole, Matt, and Ryan sat on the other.
“Alright, gentlemen, listen up.” Coach appeared on the field and was immediately greeted with silence. “I know there was an incident that happened off school property with a few of our players. I didn’t realize how bad the situation was. I didn’t know what happened. But I know now.” His stern gaze landed briefly on each player sitting on the bench as he continued. “And let me tell you, I’m not just molding you gentlemen into great baseball players here…I’m trying to mold you into great men. And great men don’t run away from a fight. Great men don’t leave a girl alone to fend for herself.”
He looked at Coach Smith before letting out a long huff of air. “There will come a time in your life when you lose something that matters to you. You’ll fight for it and you won’t win. But what really matters isn’t the war you’re waging, it’s that you don’t lose the person you are in the midst of the battle. You boys lost yourselves that night.
“And I know that some of you are real pissed off about what happened. Some of you are angry, hurt, embarrassed, shocked, and whatever other girly emotion your mommies tell you to get in touch with,” he mimicked with a slight snarl. “I want you to take those feelings and use them on the field. Put it all out there and then leave it there. Don’t take those emotions home with you at night where they can eat you up inside and rot your soul. This time we have together goes by in a blink of an eye. It’s a special thing. Don’t let anyone take it from you.”
Without another word, Coach turned around and walked out of the dugout and down the field toward the locker room entrance. The silence was deafening as no one moved a muscle or made a sound. I hated being mad at my teammates, but the events of that night twisted me up so fiercely inside, it was hard to ignore. Forgiving them for what happened to Kitten felt almost impossible, even though they asked for it on a daily basis. I didn’t know how to move past the anger. The truth was, I wasn’t sure how to forgive them.
“You heard the Coach. Work it out, gentlemen. Let’s finish off our season as not only teammates, but friends. Pitchers and catchers in the bullpen. Everyone else on the field.”
“Coach Smith?” I said loud enough that it stopped the rest of the team from leaving.
“What is it, Carter?”
“Can I have a minute with Brett, Cole, Matt, and Ryan?” I asked, meeting the gaze of each of them as I said their names.
“Five minutes, then get your asses on the field.” He turned. “Everyone else out. Now!” he shouted and the dugout cleared.
The guys sat there, unease written all across their faces. I could tell they weren’t sure what I was about to do or say. And I’ll admit I liked that they didn’t know what I was capable of. Matt had called me a loose cannon once before and I happily wore the nickname with honor, even though he insisted it wasn’t a compliment.
“Coach is right. We can’t end the season like this.” I shook my head. “I can’t leave here hating you guys. This anger I have, it eats me up inside,” I admitted. “I just need to know what happened.”
“I’m really sorry, Jack. Personally, I panicked,” Matt confessed, his eyebrows drawing together. “All I thought about was getting Jamie out of there. I didn’t even think about Cassie. I know it’s fucked up, but it’s the truth.”
I tried to fight the resentment that welled inside my gut. I clenched my fists before unclenching them. “I appreciate your honesty, Matt.” My teeth ground together as I forced my tone to stay even.
“I’m sorry too, man. He said he had a gun and I took off. All I could think about was how I couldn’t outrun a bullet. I left Cassie there and watched from a safe distance as she got the crap beat out of her,” Ryan said as he looked at the ground.
My heart raced with his words as heat began rising in my cheeks. Ryan noticed the anger spreading across my face and quickly continued. “But I’m the one who has to live with that, Jack. I have to live with the fact that when the shit hit the fan, I went running. I let a girl get beat up and I did nothing about it. You might know how it feels to be you, but you have no idea how it feels to be me right now. I let you down. I let Cassie down. I let myself down. And I think about it every single day.”
My breathing steadied as his words sank in. “I don’t know what to say.”
“There’s nothing to say. Just know that I’m sorry,” Ryan added.
I nodded before looking at Cole and Brett. “When Dean fell, you should have seen it. He was just lying there on the ground and my gut instinct was to get him out of there. Cassie was still standing and I figured that one of the other guys would get her. But Dean wasn’t even moving.” Brett shuddered with the memory.
“Thank you for taking care of him. I appreciate it.” I half smiled at Brett. “Can I ask you guys a favor?” It wasn’t really a question and they all answered yes in unison.
“If you see the guy who did it, you call me immediately.”
“I’ve looked for him every day,” Cole admitted. “I drive around looking for him ’cause I saw his face. I’d recognize him for sure.”
“I’d really like to find him.” My eyes narrowed as I imagined beating this animal to a bloody pulp.
“Maybe we can go after practice? See what we can find?” Matt offered with a shrug.
“I’m in.” Brett raised his hand.
“Me too,” Ryan noted with a grin.
“Sounds good to me.” I was relieved at their willingness to help, and felt some of the anger trickle away.
Coach Smith poked his head into the dugout. “If you ladies are done with the warm and fuzzies, I’d like you to get your asses on the field with your team.”
“Coming, Coach.” I spoke for the group and we filed out.
We all knew we’d probably never find the guy, but this was their way of trying to right a wrong. And I needed that from them to help work past my anger and disappointment.
*****
We walked the streets after practice looking for him, until my phone rang one evening during the middle of our nightly ritual. “Hold up, guys, it’s Dean,” I yelled toward my scattered teammates.
“What’s up?”
“They got him.” Dean’s voice sounded solid and relieved.
“The guy?” My chest immediately tightened.
“They caught him trying to pawn Cassie’s camera. He’s in jail. I have to head down there to identify him.”
My head spun as anger, relief, and fury all coursed through me at once. “Can I get her camera for her? Do you want me to come with you? I should probably come with you.” My voice changed as my emotions settled on anger and making the coward pay for ever putting his hands on my girl.
“I’ll find out about the camera when I get there, but I think it’s evidence now, so she still can’t have it back.” Dean sounded sympathetic before his tone turned stern. “I’m in the police parking lot now, so I’ll just head in and identify him. You should go tell Cassie they got him.”
I made eye contact with each one of my teammates, who now surrounded me, and attempted to rein in my temper. I ended the call before addressing the group. “They got him. He tried to pawn Cassie’s camera and they arrested him. Dean’s at the police station now.”
“I’ll head down there. I got a good look at the guy too, so I can help,” Brett added quickly, and took off running before waiting for a response.
“You alright?” Matt placed his arm on my shoulder.
“In all honesty, I kind of wanted to be the one to find him.” I shrugged. “I wanted to introduce his face to the pavement,” I added, and they all howled with laughter.
“I bet you did,” Cole said with a wince.
“It’s probably good you didn’t, Jack. Knowing you, you would have killed the guy. You can’t play professional baseball from jail,” Ryan offered, his tone grave.
“I could start a jail baseball league. I’m very resourceful,” I suggested.
Matt ignored my sick humor. “It’s good they got him. This is a good thing.”
“I know. Plus, Cass would never forgive me if I went to jail.”
“Or broke your hand,” Cole chipped in.
I frowned at Cole and snapped, “Who invited you?”
“I’m just saying!” he defended.
“Nah, you’re right. She’d be pissed if I broke my hand.” I sighed heavily, feeling the intensity of my anger dissipating. “I’d better go tell her the news. Thanks for coming out with me, guys.”
I shook hands with each of them as the damage between us slowly healed. We walked toward our cars as a group before dispersing. I’m sure it looked like a scene out of Swingers, that old movie where people drove around the corner because no one walked anywhere.
*****
I found Cassie sitting on her bed, so engrossed in whatever she was reading that she hadn’t noticed me standing in her doorway. It was moments like these where I could stare at her for hours. I watched as her eyes scanned the words on the page, her forehead creasing and her eyes narrowing with her emotions. I cleared my throat and she looked up.
“Jack! How long have you been standing there?”
“Not long.” I smiled and moved next to her bed.
“I didn’t know you were coming over. Is everything okay?”
“I just talked to Dean and they found the guy.”
Her eyes widened as she carefully marked her page, closed her book, and set it down beside her. “They caught him?”
I sat facing her. “He tried to sell your camera to a pawnshop. They have regulations to check if things are stolen goods or not. The shop called the police and they arrested him.”
“Oh my God. Well, that’s good. Do they have my camera? Can I get it back?” Her eyes lit up with hope.
I reached out my hand and felt her relax with my touch. “Sorry, Kitten. The police have it as evidence. It has to stay there until the sentencing is done.”
“How long does that take?”
“It can take months.”
“Months?” she repeated, her voice filled with disappointment.
“I’m sorry.” And I was. Seeing her disappointed, hurt, and sad practically killed me. I repositioned myself next to her before resting my arm on her leg.
“It’s not your fault.” Cassie tried to smile, but it looked pretty halfhearted.
“Dean positively identified him. So did Brett. He’ll most likely be charged with assault and battery and grand theft.”
“Wait,” she breathed out, interrupting my download from Dean. “Is there going to be a trial? Am I going to have to testify?”
“I was getting to that.” I leaned over, planting a kiss on her cheek. “He pleaded ‘no contest,’ so there won’t be a trial.”
She shook her head. “What does ‘no contest’ mean?”
“He’s basically saying he did it, without saying he did it. He waives his right to a trial because he doesn’t think he’ll get off if it goes to a jury. But the other thing about pleading no contest is he can’t be sued for any damages he caused and his sentence will most likely be less.”
“Less? How is that fair?”
“He’s a pussy. He took the easiest and best way out for him.”
I watched as the confusion cleared from her eyes before she leaned her head against my shoulder. “So, no trial. You’re sure?”
“I’m sure,” I answered.
“Good.”
“Aren’t you pissed off? Or angry?”
Her head lifted and she turned to eye me. “I can’t change what’s already done. I just want my camera back.”
“And I just want to kill him,” I said seriously and she chuckled.
“Let’s be happy they caught him. I didn’t think they ever would.” Cassie’s voice sounded more relaxed, and I sighed in relief.
“You’re right. I am happy they caught him. Now I know where to go to kill him.”
“Jack, stop it.” She playfully swatted at my hand.
I winked at her and she rolled her eyes. “I won’t ever let anyone touch you like that again, Kitten. It won’t happen.”
“I know. But we have to move forward, okay? Put it behind us.”
“Fine,” I begrudgingly agreed as she nuzzled into me and I realized that he didn’t matter anymore. I had everything that truly mattered right here in my arms.
