The next few days were hell as the local newspapers and websites focused on the “Upcoming Nuptials of Our Very Own Jack Carter!” and “Hometown Hero Marrying Southern Sweetie!” I couldn’t escape the news. No matter what I did or where I went, his one night of screwing up was always right there, screaming in my face.
I stopped checking e-mails the day an anonymous person sent me a link that led to a picture of myself underneath a caption that read, “The girl Jack left behind. Why he’s marrying someone else.”
And I closed my Facebook account the moment after I logged in to see over a hundred and fifty messages from my so-called “friends,” asking me if everything they were reading online was true or not.
If I didn’t rely on my cell phone to communicate with my job and my parents, I would have shut it off as well. The texts alone were a nightmare. Each time one beeped, my heart jumped. Part of me wanted the messages to be from Jack, wanting to know how much he hurt, how sorry he was, and how he wished it had never happened. But the other part of me could barely stomach it. His words were like knives in a heart already overflowing with stab wounds.
My phone rang and I looked down to see Dani–Trunk Mag flashing on the screen. I hadn’t been to the offices at Trunk since the semester began. I pressed the Answer button, resting the phone against my ear. “Hey, Dani. What’s up?”
“Hey, Cass.” Her voice sounded cordial. “I’m really sorry about you and Jack.”
“Thanks.” This had become my standard response. I simply accepted people’s condolences for my now-dead-and-buried relationship and tried to move on.
“Um, I really hate you ask you this, but BC is insisting the school wants to do a follow-up feature on Jack since the draft. He says everyone and their mother has their panties in a wad and can’t read enough about him.”
BC was the editor of the magazine. Half the time I thought he was an idiot, but his ideas usually won us awards, so I stopped questioning his ridiculous demands months ago.
“He freaked out when he looked at our collection of Jack photos.” She snickered.
We had a collection of Jack photos.
Who has a collection of photos of one person?
“We don’t have anything recent and he told me to ask you if you had anything from the summer when he was playing. I’m sorry, Cass, I tried to argue with him, but he was adamant that you’d be professional about this.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. Going through photos of Jack wasn’t something I was sure I could handle at this point. But BC was right. I needed to be professional.
“You don’t have to do this. I can tell him you didn’t have any.” Dani’s sympathy and regret sounded sincere, and I found myself feeling bad for the position she was in.
“No, it’s okay. I’m sure I have something you can use. How many do you need?”
“Just e-mail me a few of your best shots. I trust your judgment.” I could hear the relief in her tone.
“Okay. Deadline?”
“Tomorrow by noon. I know it’s tight but BC wants it to go out in the Welcome Back edition.”
“No problem.” I sucked in a lungful of air.
“Thanks, Cassie. You’re a lifesaver.”
I ended the call, reaching for my backpack and stuffing my textbooks inside. I slipped my sunglasses over my eyes, tossed a hat on my head, and headed out the door toward campus.
I strolled along the sidewalk before cutting to the left, entering the well-manicured campus. I marveled at how green the lawn was even though I couldn’t remember the last time it rained. I passed two girls in hand-painted sorority shirts and I swear I felt a few brain cells spontaneously combust in my head.
A larger crowd appeared up ahead and my chest tightened as I neared. The stares were less subtle now and the whispers sounded less like whispers and more like shouts. I hated the fact that everyone on campus felt the need to talk about me like I was some freak in a circus sideshow.
My phone vibrated in my pocket and I reached in and pulled it out. Text from Melissa. My fucking savior. I walked with my head down, my attention focused on my cell phone instead of the gossiping people I passed.
In the SU with Dean. It’s not crazy crowded.
With my heart in my throat, I turned in the direction of the student union and punched in a response.
On my way.
If I continued to hide, it would only make things worse. I’d be giving them more things to talk about, instead of less. I had to show them I wasn’t falling apart. That I could survive without Jack in my life. Whether or not I believed it wasn’t the point—I needed everyone else to.
I threw open the glass door before stepping into the familiar smells and sounds. I pretended not to notice as the girls watched my every move, their faces painted with fake sympathy.
I spotted Dean and rushed over, my pace not even slowing as someone called my name. By the time I reached the table, I was practically hyperventilating.
“You’re okay. It’s okay.” Melissa reached across the table, touching my hand with hers.
My eyes pooled as I squeezed them shut to force the tears to recede. Dean slid next to me, tossing his arm around my shoulder and pulling me against him as I struggled to even my breathing.
“I guess if Jack dumped me, I’d date his brother too.” A curvy blonde motioned toward us with a snide smile.
“Shut up, you stupid tramp,” Melissa shouted, her face reddening. “All of you just shut the hell up and leave her alone!”
I was silently thankful for her outburst. Thankful she had the guts to say what I wanted to, but was too terrified of actually doing. My actions were so scrutinized that any flare-up would most likely end up on YouTube. It was hard enough simply getting through the day without adding fuel to the wildfire that showed no sign of stopping its ravenous burn.
Cole and Brett grabbed their trays and headed toward our table. When random girls tried to follow, the guys shoved them away and announced loud enough for everyone to hear that they weren’t welcome.
Cole sat down on the other side of me, his eyes still holding the pain I recognized from the day of the beating. “We’re all really sorry about you and Jack, Cassie. And if there’s anything we can do, just let us know. You’re still our family.”
Brett dropped his tray on the table with a crash. “Girls are such bitches!” he shouted before plopping his muscular body across from me, causing the whole table to vibrate.
“Hey!” Melissa smacked his shoulder.
“Present company excluded of course,” he continued with a wink in her direction. “Good to see you, Cass.” He smiled, shoving a monster-sized sub sandwich into his mouth.
I laughed and my body welcomed the emotion, embracing it like an old friend it hadn’t seen in years.
“There’s the smile I love.” Dean nudged my arm with a grin.
“Are you still working at that magazine?” Cole asked, flicking an unopened bag of chips across the table.
“Yeah. They extended my internship another semester.” I smiled, feeling the excitement course through my veins as I talked about my passion.
“And they’re sending you on an assignment!” Melissa squealed.
“They’re what? You didn’t tell me that.” Dean cocked his head to the side as his face pinched a little.
“She just found out, Dean, don’t get all pouty about it.” Melissa pretended to whine and he threw a grape at her.
I nudged Dean with my arm. “I think it’s a test. They said they want to see what kind of emotions I can evoke in readers with my pictures.”
“What kind of what?” Brett’s mouth twisted in confusion.
“You’re such…an idiot.” Cole teased, shaking his head.
“They said they wanted to see how I viewed the world.” I shrugged my shoulders. “So they’re giving me a chance to show them.”
Cole leaned over the table toward me. “That’s so cool. Do you think they’ll hire you?”
“I don’t know. I guess if they like what they see, but I still have a lot to learn. The photographers they have on staff are mind-blowingly talented. I only hope I’ll be that good someday. Plus, their main offices are in New York. The only people they have in LA are the head of sales, a research and development exec, some freelancers, and me.”
“Would you move to New York?” Brett looked stunned, lettuce and meat falling out of his open mouth.
My eyes met Melissa’s as curiosity crept across her face. “Why not? You only live once, right?”
“Because it snows there, that’s why not!” Melissa shouted and jutted out her bottom lip.
“New York seems pretty cool.” Brett shrugged before finishing off a sports drink and tossing it toward the plastic can a few feet away. When it hit the edge and fell to the ground, everyone at the table broke into laughter and shouting about how much Brett sucked.
I almost felt normal.
And then the moment passed.
Jack was engaged to marry someone else. He had sex with a strange girl without using protection. Something he had never done before us.
Us.
“Hello?” Melissa waved both arms like she was signaling a rescue chopper.
“I’m sorry, what did I miss?” I asked and the table roared with amusement once more.
I glanced at my phone, noted the time, and started to gather my things. “I have to go. I have class in ten minutes and it’s on the other side of campus.”
“I’ll walk you.” Dean stood as I did, his actions causing the table to fall silent as we left.
“You don’t have to walk me to class, Dean. I’m fine.”
“I know, but I wanted to talk to you,” he said, each step perfectly timed with mine.
“What’s up?” I glanced sideways at him as he tugged at his brown hair the same way Jack used to do.
“I just wanted you to know that I’m going to the wedding.”
My legs started to tremble as his words surged through me with ferocity. I stopped walking and silently begged myself not to lose it. “Of course you are. You’re his brother.”
“I know, but I feel like I’m betraying you somehow. Standing up there with Jack, it’s like saying that I agree with what he’s doing. And I don’t. I don’t agree with it for one second, but he’s my brother and I love him.” He lowered his head as he kicked at the ground with his foot.
I threw my arms around him, squeezing hard until he returned the friendly gesture. “I love you for caring about me, but of course you should be there for Jack.”
“I just wish I could talk him out of it.” He tugged at the corners of his eyes, a yawn escaping.
“Are Gran and Gramps going?” The question alone forced my knees to resume trembling.
“They’re not. Gran can’t fly for that long and Gramps refuses to go without her.” He shrugged. “But honestly, I don’t think they have the heart to watch him go through with it.”
“Does Jack know they aren’t coming?” I suddenly found myself caring for Jack’s well-being.
“He knows. I think he’s relieved, actually. He feels like he let them down, you know? He’s dealing with a lot of guilt right now.”
I swallowed hard as my throat burned with repressed emotion. “I’m gonna be late to class. I have to go. Thanks for telling me.” I turned on my heel and walked away as fast as my quivering legs would move me.
*****
I paced in the living room, my body a bundle of nervous energy as I waited for Melissa to get home from night class. The door flung open as a gust of wind practically blew Melissa inside. She pushed her small body against the door, shutting it with a loud slam before turning to face me, her hair tangled across her face.
“I hate the wind.” She jutted out her bottom lip and blew a huff of air against the pieces covering her mouth.
I frowned. “Me too.” I plunked down on the couch and picked nervously at the edge of a cushion. “I need to talk to you.”
“So talk.” She flipped the kitchen light on, searching the cupboards for her bag of butter-flavored pretzels.
“I want to go out there.”
“Go out where?” She turned and squinted at me in confusion.
“Alabama. I need to see him, Melissa. Or maybe he needs to see me? I don’t know, but what if I can stop the wedding?”
“Why would you want to stop the wedding?” Her head cocked to one side as she crunched on a pretzel.
“Because.”
“Because why, Cassie? This guy cheated on you. And he lied.” Leave it to Melissa to press the issue, forcing me to examine my heart.
“I know. And I always believed that cheating was an unforgiveable act. That once you broke down that foundation of trust, it could never be rebuilt. But I was wrong. I don’t want him to marry someone else, Melissa. I don’t know that I can get past what he’s done, but I’m willing to try.”
She stared at me like she’d known this all along and was simply waiting for me to figure it out.
“So why are we still talking about it?”
“Because I don’t have the money for a ticket.” I sighed, plucking at the frayed edges of the throw pillow. “And I was wondering if I could borrow some? I’ll pay you back, I swear.”
“How will you pay me back? You don’t even have a real job.” Even though she was telling the truth, I still wanted to smack her.
“I didn’t say I’d pay you back next week, but I will pay you back.” Irritated at her reluctance, I squeezed the pillow to my stomach, trying to push back at my emotions.
“I’m just messing with you. Let’s go book you some flights!” She tossed the bag of pretzels into the air before heading into the bedroom. I laughed as they spilled out onto the floor.
“And a rental car. And a hotel,” I shouted.
“Yeah, yeah. I’ve got it covered. Get in here!”
*****
The lights at the baseball stadium flicked off as the last of the fans pulled out of the gravel lot. The opposing team piled onto their bus and the engine roared to life with a loud puff of smoke. I stood next to my rented Ford Mustang and watched as the home team players sporadically filed out of the locker room. My legs were shaking like crazy, my nerves completely frayed.
I noticed Jack immediately. He was freshly showered, his black hair still dripping wet. A smile crept across my face and I knew without a doubt that if my eyes could sparkle like stars, they would have. Seeing him almost brought me to my knees.
I watched as his eyes scanned the parking lot for his car, before they stopped on me. He looked away and then quickly jerked back, his hair spraying water from the force of the turn.
“Kitten?” He dropped his bag, running.
“I hate when you call me that,” I half shouted with a smile.
“What are you doing here?”
I leaned my back into the car as he kissed the side of my face and then stood far too close. I felt my stomach drop to my knees. And my knees drop to my feet. And my feet…well, they could barely stand. He wrapped his arms around me and I nuzzled into his neck, breathing him in. I stopped my fingers from running through his wet hair. I stopped my hands from gripping the back of his neck and pulling him to me. I stopped my mouth from attacking his.
God, I missed him. What was left of my broken heart belonged to him. Every jagged shard had his name written all over it in permanent black ink.
He gently pulled back from our embrace before asking me again, “What are you doing here, Cass?”
“I just…” I hadn’t thought about what I was going to say, which was really stupid. I’d just been so consumed in the process of getting to Alabama so I could see him, I hadn’t really thought through what I was going to say once I got there. “I just wanted to talk to you.”
“You could have called.” His teasing tone was so familiar, bringing memories crashing back that made my throat start to burn.
“I wanted to see you in person.”
He suddenly shifted his weight and his eyes widened. “Are you okay? Everything is okay with you, right?”
I smiled at his protectiveness. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
I watched as he regained his composure with a shaky breath. “That’s good. I don’t know what I’d do if something ever happened to you, Kitten.”
“Like if I was marrying a complete stranger tomorrow?”
His body stiffened. “Is that why you’re here?” I watched his shoulders and head drop as the realization hit.
“Jack. It’s a mistake. You shouldn’t do this. Please don’t do it…don’t marry this girl.” My left hand balled into a fist and rested between my breasts. “I’m begging you. I am literally begging you to not do this.”
I started crying. The ugly, uncontrollable kind of crying. His eyes glistened and I watched him blink back his own tears.
“It’s too late. Her whole family’s in town.” His face pinched with pained emotion.
“It’s not too late. Tomorrow at whatever time you’re supposed to marry her is too late. Tonight isn’t. Please.” I reached for his shirt and gripped, balling it tightly in my fist. “Please don’t do this to me.”
“I’m sorry you flew all this way.” His eyes looked away from mine.
“So that’s it? You won’t even consider not going through with it?”
“I already made my decision.”
“Do you love her?” I asked, my heart beating as if the next pulse depended on his answer.
His body suddenly pressed against mine as he cupped my face with both hands. “You’re so beautiful.”
I struggled to breathe. “Do you love her?” I choked out the words.
His dark eyes narrowed. “She’s not you.”
His breath was a mixture of warmth and cinnamon from his long-gone breath mint. “What does that even mean?” I asked, my tears spilling over his fingertips.
His hands fell from my face as he breathed in and out through his nose, his temper rising. “Fuck, Cassie. What do you want to hear? How much I hate myself for getting drunk that night and losing the only girl in my life I’ve ever trusted and truly loved? How I called Dean fifty times a day for weeks begging him to tell me how I could get you back? Do you want to hear how fucking weak and pathetic I think I am for not being able to tell her no that night, when I knew what was at stake?”
His eyebrows pinched together and his jaw tensed as his emotions spilled out into the night air. “Do you want to hear how I tried to talk her out of keeping this baby so that it wouldn’t fuck everything up? How I begged her not to keep it, told her I’d pay for everything, I’d drive her there and give her money after it was all over, just to please not do this to me. And then how much of an asshole I felt after that too? Who tells someone that?”
I watched as he paced back and forth before falling to his knees, his hands covering his tortured face. His hands fell as he glanced up at me, tears reflecting in his eyes. “I am so fucking in love with you I can’t see straight. I don’t love her. I’ll never love her. But I fucked up and now I have to pay for it. I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you,” he said. “Or losing you.”
I fell to the ground next to him, my teardrops staining the dry concrete below. I reached for his arms as he wrapped them tightly around my waist and pulled me in. There was no space between us, our bodies sharing the same air. Our foreheads touched and I closed my eyes. “Knowing you’re marrying someone who isn’t me,” I squeezed my eyes tighter to fight back the pain, “is literally killing me.”
“You don’t hate me?” he asked tentatively.
I opened my eyes to him, my pulse racing at his nearness. “I flew to Alabama to tell you not to get married, dummy. I’m pretty sure I don’t hate you.” I forced a small laugh.
“How about one last kiss then?” He grinned, his dimples illuminated by the moonlight.
“My heart’s already shattered beyond repair, what more damage could it do?”
My eyes closed as his lips pressed against mine. My broken heart sputtered to life as those pesky butterflies in my stomach flapped the dust off their wings. My mouth opened slightly and my tongue was immediately greeted by his. His lips softly opened and closed as our tongues danced with one another as if thrilled to have reconnected. Everything in the background faded away and nothing existed except that kiss. Nothing but the feel of his lips, the taste of his tongue, the smell of his sweet, cinnamon-scented breath. His lips closed gingerly as he pulled away.
“I don’t know how to recover from this…from you,” I admitted, embarrassed.
“How do you think I feel? Do you have any idea how hard of an act you are to follow, Cassie Andrews? I will never be the same.”
He stood up before reaching out a hand to pull me to my feet. I took a shaky breath, suddenly distracted by the sound of tires screeching and the flash of headlights bouncing in our direction.
“Shit.” Jack looked at me apologetically and then back toward the oncoming car.
“Who is that?” I asked, and then suddenly I knew. “It’s her, isn’t it?”
I swallowed hard as the car came to a sudden stop and the driver’s side door flew open. Without turning off the ignition or closing the door, a petite, pixie-like brunette sprinted toward Jack. “When you didn’t come home, I got worried. All the other players are home already.” She flung her arms around Jack’s shoulders and squeezed, the massive diamond on her finger flashing. I looked away as my stomach lurched.
“What are you doing?” she asked as her eyes looked past Jack and fell onto mine, her eyes widening as realization set in. I eyed her tiny five-foot-one-inch frame and wished I could tackle it to the ground.
She pulled back from Jack’s arms. “What’s she doing here?” Jealousy was written all over her pinched little face.
Jack glanced at me before turning to face his future bride. “She came to see me. She wanted to talk.”
“She’s trying to stop the wedding, isn’t she? She doesn’t want us to be together, Jack! She’s trying to take you away from me and the baby!” She clutched her stomach before throwing her head into Jack’s chest.
“She just wanted to talk, Chrystle. Calm down.” Jack glanced at me as he awkwardly tried to console her.
She pulled her head from against his body and glared at me. “Don’t even think about showing up at the church tomorrow. You will not ruin this day for me! He’s not yours anymore!”
“Chrystle. Stop it.” Jack scolded her like a child as I looked around the empty parking lot to make sure her threats were really meant for me.
“Excuse me?” I said with a defensive snarl.
She placed a hand on her hip, her thigh jutting out to one side. “You think I don’t know who you are?” she asked before jerking Jack’s hand possessively into hers.
Anger swept over me, effectively blocking all the other emotions swirling around inside me. “I don’t give a fuck if you know who I am or not. Just be thankful you’re pregnant.”
Her jaw dropped slightly. “Or what?”
“Or else I’d be beating your tiny little ass right now for being a disrespectful slut who sleeps with other people’s boyfriends. You’re the worst kind of girl.”
“And what kind of girl is that?” She tried to sound tough and I had to hold back a smirk.
“The kind other girls can’t trust. You’re a backstabber, a liar, and a manipulative skank. You have no respect for boundaries or other people’s relationships.” Damn, it felt good to finally say those words to her face!
“You don’t even know me! Jack, say something!”
Before he could speak, I lit into her once again. “You didn’t care that Jack had a girlfriend back home, did you? And no matter how many times he told you about me, you told him I wasn’t there and what I didn’t know wouldn’t hurt me. You manipulated him that night into sleeping with you.”
She eyeballed me, unsure of how to respond, so I continued. “So you tell me…what kind of girl does that?”
“Cassandra, that’s enough,” Jack said sympathetically.
I cringed inwardly at the sound of him using my real name. No one called me that. Ever. To hear it spill from his mouth, in his voice, it sounded all wrong.
“None of it matters now, does it? I’m pregnant and we’re getting married, so you’ll just have to find someone else.” She looked at Jack for approval, but he refused to tear his eyes from mine. “Have a nice life, Cassie. I know we will.” She smirked at me and then tugged at Jack’s arm.
Jack whispered, “Good-bye, Kitten,” loud enough for me to hear before she dragged him away. I stared down at the concrete, willing the pain to subside, when I heard footsteps bounding back in my direction. I glanced up to see Chrystle standing a few feet away, a smug look on her face.
“I’m the kind of girl who gets what she wants, and what I wanted was a professional baseball player for a husband. And that’s exactly what I’m getting. Maybe you’ll be a little more resourceful in your next relationship.” She patted her flat stomach again before running toward her car.
My jaw unclenched as it fell open.
*****
I drove the short distance to my hotel, tears blurring my vision the entire way. It’s amazing I didn’t have a freaking wreck. When I pulled into the hotel parking lot, I turned off the engine and dialed Melissa’s number.
“Tell me everything,” she screamed into the phone.
“Well, I didn’t stop the wedding,” I admitted, my voice cracking.
“Oh God, what happened? Did you see him? Did he see you? Did you talk to him?”
“I saw him. We talked. I told him not to marry her. He said he loved me, and then he left with her. He said he couldn’t call off the wedding, that this was something he had to do.” I choked back a sob as I stared out the windshield into the night, seeing nothing.
“I’m so sorry, Cassie. I honestly thought that if he saw you, it would change things.”
“Me too.”
“Hey, I’m proud of you. I’m really fucking proud of you. The old Cassie would have never done this. She would have never put aside being wronged to try to win him back.”
“Well, the old Cassie never had Jack Carter to lose.”
“No regrets, right?”
“No regrets,” I repeated.
