They part for me like clouds after a storm.
No one wants to come close. Even Warrose and Ruth keep their distance as I walk through the Demechnef halls with DaiSzek by my side. They lead me to the infirmary where Niles is being treated. I know I’m going in the right direction when I hear the screams of a grown man.
I turn into the room in a daze, briefly noticing the metal table and the soldier cutting off Niles’s clothes. As his pants come off, I wince at the bright-red burns and melted skin on his right leg. His right arm, ear, and some of his hair were hit too.
He howls again, and I have to put a hand on DaiSzek to keep him from growling.
They begin rubbing white cream all over his body, injecting him with something for the pain. But he keeps screaming.
Ruth rushes past me, grabbing his good hand while she cries with him.
I can only stare like a corpse. A living, breathing corpse.
I glance over my shoulder at Warrose. “Can you see where they put Dessin? I need to know where they’ll keep him.”
Detached. Cold. Alone.
He knits his brows together and nods. I remember the way he looked when he was young, sitting with Kane, reading him stories. Was any of that real? Or was I having a psychotic break? Hallucinations?
I watch Niles writhe on that metal table. Watch Ruth cry, squeezing his hand, speaking words of comfort in his ear.
And all I can do is stare.
Something taps on my shoulder. I crank my head to the side, not bothering to turn around. A Demechnef soldier clears his throat.
“There’s a man at the east entrance. He says he knows you. Says he can help your friend.” There’s uncertainty in his nasal voice. Like he’s expecting me not to respond at all.
I lift my chin. “Let him in.”
Even though I slept in Warrose’s arms after we left the beach, I’m still exhausted. My eyes struggle to stay open.
I don’t know how long I’ve been standing in the same spot, but Niles tires himself out, only releasing grumbling whimpers of pain.
“Skylenna.” A familiar voice. He enters the room and walks around me, eyes trailing up and down my stiff posture.
One glance, and I know it’s the man who set Niles free in the canal. It’s the forest boy named Rydran. He’s holding a large wool bag close to his chest, standing over six feet and five inches.
“What do you want?” I ask.
But his eyes dart between Niles, groaning next to Ruth and me.
He’s deciding who’s in more pain.
“It’s—It’s not my blood,” I say. The statement leaves a knot in my gut. It’s not my blood. The man I love is somewhere in the vicinity. And my chosen brother is in more pain than I can possibly imagine. And it’s my fault.
Rydran pulls out wet leaves. Stacks of them, presenting them to me in the palm of his hand. I take in an irritated breath.
“Please?” he asks. I think he’s wanting my permission to treat Niles. I give a quick nod, and he starts laying one wet leaf at a time over the oozing burns.
And it’s quick. The way Niles gasps at the sensation, then relaxes, melting into the table with an audible sigh of relief.
Ruth drops her head, wiping her eyes to look at Rydran. “Thank you.”
He spares her a glance but keeps going, draping one after another.
After a while, I sit on the stool next to Niles. DaiSzek lies down next to me. Ruth drifts off from pure exhaustion, the side of her face is flat against the metal table, and her hand is still curled around Niles’s fingers.
“Is he okay?” I jerk at the whisper coming from Niles. “Dessin. Is he going to be okay?”
A wave of debilitating devastation pours over me, like standing under the sky as it rains fire. I shake my head. No, he’s not going to be okay. I can still smell his blood drying over my clothes and hands.
His eyes shut, brow wrinkling in agony. “I didn’t let DaiSzek out fast enough.”
“You saved us all, Niles.” His guilt hangs on my heart like dried cement. “I’m the reason you were burned. I’m the reason Dessin was distracted. This—” My breath catches in my throat, and I swallow the lump away. “This is on me.”
“Don’t say that,” he utters, blinking quickly to get rid of his tears. “He wouldn’t want you to think like that.”
I let my eyes close. No one knows what Dessin truly wanted. I didn’t even know.
Rydran sits down on another stool by Niles’s feet, watching him closely. I’m tempted to thank him and then tell him to leave. But he’s planted himself in here like a tree. Dark skin covered in vines and moss, golden hair braided down his back.
Niles passes out with a few deep, uneven breaths. And I don’t know what to do now, where to go from here. I’m lost, like my reason for living has vanished into thin air. What am I without the man I love? How did he not see the attack coming? Is this all really happening?
A hand curls over my shoulder.
I don’t have to turn around to sense the calm, fatherly presence. Anguish flows through my core like lava, charring my insides, leaving me a husk of the woman I once was.
Chekiss lets out a breath, and it sounds like he’s crying.
I bite down, letting anger and guilt smother my soul. “I told him I didn’t forgive him.”
The memory of our last moments before the battle ring loudly in my head. The way he reached for my hands. The way Kane finally told me how he felt about our first kiss.
And I turned him away.
“He tried to ask for my forgiveness, and I told him I couldn’t. I needed more time.” My hands begin to shake, to summon heat, to lock up in frustration. “But there is no more time.”
I look back at Chekiss and watch the tears fall silently down his soft cheeks.
“We didn’t have enough time,” I whisper, choking on the sobs that are clawing up my throat, fighting to escape the walls I’m trying desperately to put up.
Chekiss wraps his arms around me, pulling me into his warm embrace as his entire upper body trembles from a silent cry. He’s devastated for me.
“I’ll never forgive myself!” I weep into his warm chest, grabbing onto him like a child to her father after she falls and scrapes her knee. And I can’t let go. Because I’ll fall away, drift out to sea without a beacon to find my way home.
