TOSS. Turn.
Toss. Turn.
With a groan, I rolled from my left side onto my back.
For years, I had trouble falling asleep. Instead of counting sheep—or whatever other people did to get to sleep—I would lay in bed late at night, tucked under the warmth of the covers while my thoughts spiraled deeper and deeper into a never-ending abyss. Eventually, I’d wear myself out from overthinking, allowing exhaustion to take over and carry me through the night.
Even with the business struggling the past few months, it had been weeks since I’d had an episode like that. Lately, my sleep schedule has been like clockwork. Ten o’clock wind down, eleven o’clock get ready for bed, and without fail, I would be sound asleep by midnight with my limbs spread out like a starfish across the bed.
Tonight, however, there was no chance for sleep in sight.
It had been hours since we’d all gotten home from my birthday party. Hours since I’d crawled into bed. Hours spent reminiscing on my interactions with October from earlier in the day. I’d spoken to him more in the last fifteen hours than I had since he dropped back into my life a couple months ago, and the day’s events left my brain in an endless tailspin as I tried to process our conversations.
You’re not going to walk around in unnecessary pain for the next who-knows-how-many-hours if you don’t need to.
Mae… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. If I had known, I never would have—
You can continue making me the villain in your story all you want, but you’re done being the villain in mine.
My mind was reeling and I couldn’t make sense of anything as I replayed it all on a continuous loop. Did we hate each other? How were we supposed to act after I was a complete fool who trauma dumped all over him? Granted, he begged me to, but still. Most of all, I wondered whether there was some truth behind my joke when I said that Scarlett might be right about that hate fuck?
Nope. I couldn’t do this any longer.
“I need to get out of here,” I grumbled, massaging my temples. The cool air kissed my skin as I pushed off the covers and slipped out of bed. I fumbled through the darkness, smashing my big toe against the footrest in the process, before finally making it to the tall dresser on the opposite side of the room.
I turned the switch to the miniature lamp that sat on top and the soft yellow-gold light illuminated the small corner of the room. Opening the top drawer, I pulled out a periwinkle blue two-piece bikini and set the top next to the lamp while I stripped out of my oversized sleep shirt.
Wasn’t one of my favorite swimsuits, but it wasn’t like anyone was going to see it, anyway.
One foot went in the leg hole of the bottoms, followed by the other, then I snagged the top off the dresser and tied it securely as I ambled down the steps—blatantly ignoring my throbbing toe pain—and worked my way through the living room toward the back door.
I peered over at the clock on the stove—2:28 a.m.—before quietly cracking the back door open and slipping outside. Quietly shutting the door behind me, I twisted around toward the pool, but the large figure immersed in the middle of the water with its back pressed against the opposite edge made me jump back, covering my mouth with my palm.
“Jesus!” I gasped. “What are you doing out here?”
“Couldn’t sleep. You?”
I paused for a second to calm myself before echoing him in an identical tone. “Couldn’t sleep.”
“Are you just going to stand there and look pretty?”
“Awww, you think I’m pretty,” I joked, placing both hands over my heart like I couldn’t bear the flattery.
“Never said you weren’t.”
It was a subtle jab to our earlier conversation back at the party. A part of me despised myself for being so vulnerable with him. Knowing that if he wanted to, he could use it against me at any time.
I bit my bottom lip to refrain from making a snide remark. My intention for coming out here was to relax, and that wasn’t going to change simply because he was here too.
In truth, I didn’t care if he thought Molly was prettier than me. Then or now.
He seemed remorseful once the truth finally came to light.
And I think, deep down, I always knew he would be whenever my truth finally came to light. He might not have been the one directly responsible for the words that hurt me, but he understood the role he played in what happened, which was something.
The worst part was that it made it much harder to hate him knowing that he wasn’t the monster that had been living inside my head all these years. That despite our animosity, he’d still dropped to his knees without a second thought to console me when I needed it.
For the first time he made me see that he was more human than monster. Would he ever see the same with me?
I’d had eighteen years to let go of the feelings that harbored in my heart for so long after overhearing Molly’s comment. I was willing to extend forgiveness, but I wasn’t ready to embrace him with arms wide open yet.
Squatting down, I took a seat on the edge of the pool opposite him, dipping my legs in the ice-cold water until they were submerged up to my knees. Leaning forward, I placed my palms on the stone coping and looked around the dark yard. The only source of light was the crystal blue haze illuminating from the pool.
“Sometimes I like to come out here late at night when the world is still and the only sounds are the bugs chirping and the pool circulating water.”
“It’s calming,” he offered in response.
“Exactly.”
“About tonight…”
“Save it,” I cut him off, though there wasn’t any malice in my tone like usual. “I’d rather not take another trip down memory lane.”
He nodded, loosening the tension in his shoulders as he ran his passions over the top of the water.
What I’d said back on the boat earlier about our little heart to heart not changing anything between us was true. One apology couldn’t erase the twenty years of damage we’d administered to each other.
Yet, there was an uncertainty between the two of us that landed somewhere between hatred, lust, and acquaintanceship. These few minutes, sitting outside in silence, were the longest we’d gone without snapping at each other for as long as I could remember.
Which didn’t help the fact that with each passing second the voice inside my head which was screaming ‘What if Scarlett was right?’ got louder. And louder. And louder.
You know what… fuck it. The worst he could say was no, and frankly, I could use a little excitement in my life right now. Something to take my mind off of the chaos around me.
I mean, it’s not like things were going to get better between us. So, the least we could do was relieve some of this tension by exchanging a few orgasms. Then, tomorrow, we could pretend like nothing happened and go back to regularly scheduled programming where we avoid each other at all costs.
“You know what? Why don’t we call a temporary truce?” I pushed off my elbows and submerged myself into the water until it waded around the middle of my rib cage.
“A truce…” He whipped his head toward me, tilting it to the side.
“You know, an agreement between enemies to stop fight—’
“I know what a truce is.”
“Oh really? Couldn’t tell.” I shot him a playful smile and he shook his head. “It would only be temporary. For a few weeks, until you moved out. Then we can go right back to loathing each other the second you’re gone.”
I couldn’t make out his face well in the darkness, but I could’ve sworn he was sporting knotted brows. “Before I answer that, I’ve been meaning to ask…”
I took a few steps until I was in the middle of the pool. “Yeah?”
“Was there any truth in what you said earlier? About Scarlett’s comment…”
“I wasn’t lying about what she said. She’s been saying we should fuck for months.”
Until now, I’d always brushed it off. Assuming it was just some sort of trivial joke made at my expense for the sake of a laugh. I didn’t mind it much, because we both knew how far off from reality I’d have to be to actually consider it.
Yet, here I was, arguably about to make one of the most unhinged decisions of my life. Weird thing was, I felt a sense of calm about it. If he sucked in bed, then I’d have more material to work with at our next battle. And if he was halfway decent, then at the very least, it would make for a fun night.
Truly, what was the worst that could happen? My lifelong enemy becoming an even bigger enemy? Please. I’d survive.
I looked over at October with an overly seductive expression and a fluttering sensation ignited in my stomach. Well, there was no turning back now.
He peered at me intently as I waded through the pool, moving close toward him. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?” My tone was smooth and sultry.
“Like you want to fuck me.”
“What? I’m not—”
Innocence. He always fell for it. I was certain this time would be no exception.
“The only thing you’re not… is a good liar.” He lifted his arms off of the water and placed his elbows on the edge. His arms looked huge. It was like some weird kind of bicep porn, and his tattoos made it unnecessarily hotter. “You’re not fooling anyone, Mae. I see how you look at me. It’s the same way you’ve looked at me for weeks. The heat in your eyes when we’re sparring together. The way you try to stop yourself from arguing with me, but end up giving in anyway. Just admit that you want me, Mae.”
I stared at him. In part because I hadn’t been looking at him in any kind of way prior to tonight, and I wasn’t sure whether or not I should laugh at his grave miscalculation. The only reason I didn’t call him on it was because once we started to argue, there wouldn’t be an end until one of us was crowned as winner.
“And what would you do if I said you were right?” My heart raced with every step as I moved closer to him. “That I was curious to see if Scarlett was right? You know… give into the heat of the moment.”
“Stop fucking around, Mae.”
“Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?” I blinked at him, slow and seductive.
He scoffed like he was pissed off, but I knew somewhere in his pea sized brain he was weighing his options. Considering whether or not he should give into the temptation right in front of him.
“I don’t know… I could contract an incurable STI from you. Or—’
“Or let loose and have the most earth-shattering sex you’ve ever had in your entire life?” I cut him off.
“Doubtful.”
“Won’t know until you find out.”
He swallowed.
“Twenty minutes.”
“Twenty minutes, what?” He analyzed me, rubbing along his jaw.
“If I wanted to, I could have your mouth between my legs in twenty minutes.”
Probably less, but I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt because I’m sure he’d try to talk himself out of going all the way because of his weird celibacy vow. What kind of twenty-six-year-old professional athlete willingly stopped having sex for seven months out of the year? It was weird, right?
A low laugh rambled from his chest. “I’d love to see you try.”
I lifted my hands out of the pool, and flicked the water off of them as I reached for the bathing suit strings that were tied in a bow in the middle of my back. October ran a hand through his hair, not noticing as I squinted past him to check the clock on the outside of the pool house.
Go time.
Pulling the long end of one of the strings, I felt my bathing suit loosen around my torso. I took another step closer to October, leaving two feet of space between us, if that. It was always so easy to notice when he was stuck in his head, because he would stare blankly into the distance for a minute before raising a brow as he tried to find reason for the questions in his head.
Lucky for me, that gave me the perfect amount of time to untie the things around my neck, leaving my bright blue bikini top floating in the water.
When he finally came out of his trance, his mouth dropped open.
“What? You said it’d work better if I was naked next time.” I batted my eyelashes at him.
“I said it might work better,” he mumbled, raking his eyes over me boldly as he lied through his teeth.
“And is it?”
“No,” his tone was firm, but the way he was holding his breath was enough to figure out his bluff.
“Lying is still a sin, even if the person you’re lying to is yourself.”
“What are you doing, Mae?”
I whispered against his lips, “Something I’ll probably regret tomorrow.”
With one step backward, I turned, gliding through the water toward the stairs. Once I reached the top step, I paused, slipping my thumbs underneath the sides of my bikini bottoms, tugging them down to the ground and stepping out of them.
With my mouth twitched in amusement, I looked at October over my shoulder. “You coming, or what?”
